Highways and Broken Hearts
by tanglingshadows
Summary: Always on his own Edward Masen makes his way to Seattle and encounters all the things he has spent his life avoiding. Can he overcome his insecurities and find love and friendship or will he sabotage his own happiness because he feels unworthy? AU/AH
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1: Arrivals

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Thanks to all the help from Project Team Beta for this chapter.

They worked their magic and made it pretty!

* * *

So, _this_ is Seattle. It would do for now.

I had just got off the bus from Portland and my legs ached. I was too damn tall to be crammed into those seats. I stretched my arms above my head and straightened my legs until my knees popped, and taking a deep breath of the morning air.

That first deep breath alerted me to something different surrounding me, different from every other city I'd been to. The difference wasn't as simple as fresh air versus the recycled air of the bus. It felt different going into my lungs, almost like it was thicker. This city felt like it had more substance in one breath than any other I had visited in years.

I shook it off and started to walk down the sidewalk away from the bus station. It was mid-morning, but there was no sun. The sky was full of grey clouds that looked like they were tumbling over each other the way they do before a huge, fucking storm, but from what I had heard it always looked like rain here. I honestly didn't think I would mind…that much.

The more I thought about it the luckier I felt. The atmosphere was cool and somber and since I wasn't a bright, shiny person and I didn't really like living it bright, shiny places, I guess I got lucky. I missed the first bus that was going to Phoenix and instead settled for the one that took me to Seattle. I knew this city was a much better choice already. The word Phoenix screamed 'heat' to me.

The only problem I ever encountered in a new place was direction. I had no clue where anything was, so, like always, I decided to just walk until I found a motel. I didn't really care for scenery, so where it was located didn't matter, and I didn't have any friends to be close to, so that didn't matter either. All I needed a place to stay.

I had made sure before I bought the bus ticket that I would have enough money for about a weeks rent at a cheap place. I sure as shit didn't want to sleep on a park bench for any length of time. Luckily, I had enough left over since my last job in Portland paid well.

Strategizing was next. After I found a room for myself I then needed to find a job. Seattle was supposed to have a big music scene, so I was sure I could find some bar or club that would take me. I wasn't interested in playing on the weekends so I should be able to find a gig fairly easy.

_I hoped._

I had been playing around the country since I was eighteen and could legally get into clubs and bars. For the first two years after I left home, I worked odd jobs and practically lived on the street. At one point, I had a job at a hotel, carrying bags and shit. The manager was pretty cool and let me stay in the basement. That was for six months, then I turned eighteen and moved on again.

The only things that I had kept with me over the years were my duffle bag full of clothes and my guitar. The clothes changed but the duffle bag stayed the same. My mom bought it for me the summer I went to guitar camp. I was twelve and she used all the extra money we had to send me there. I'm pretty sure that while I was away for that month, she went without the telephone and electricity. She was a good woman, and I couldn't help but think she would be disappointed in me now. I had no saving grace it seemed, and I really wasn't looking for redemption. I wasn't a good guy and I certainly wasn't a guy that any woman with self-preservation would go for.

I was snapped out of my self-deprecating thoughts when my guitar case ran into something or rather _someone_. I heard a small "Oh" and I looked around. Nothing was visible at eye level so I looked down and that was when I saw her.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't see you." Her voice was soft and I could see her blush, even though she was looking down, picking up her purse. She had long brown hair that curled slightly. Her skin was pale but it didn't look sickly: it was smooth and looked soft. She was dressed casually in a t-shirt and jeans.

"It's alright. I wasn't paying attention either." I could barely get my voice to cooperate.

She looked up once I spoke and I gave her a small smile. I looked into her eyes and saw they were the most interesting shade of brown. I continued to stare into them trying to figure them out. They looked like melted chocolate with little hints of caramel. Her eyes reminded me of the sweetest fucking desert I could imagine. She blushed deeper and gazed down at her bag. I realized then that I was probably being creepy just staring at her, but she was like nothing I'd ever seen before.

"Ok. Sorry again." She started to walk away when I noticed that there was a book lying in the gutter. The cover and pages were worn and creased. It must have been one she really liked. _Wuthering Heights_. I vaguely remembered hearing about this book in school. I smiled when I realized she must have been a romantic.

That was nice, but the poor girl was in for heartbreak one day. Soul stealing romances were only found between the well worn pages of books or weaved between the notes in a song. Real love tended to be stolen away or was just a figment of someone's imagination.

Still, she would need her book back. Who was I to deny her of her fantasy?

"Hey! Wait!" She stopped and turned around quickly, losing her balance a little and wobbling, but she then righted herself. She was wearing flats. Judging by everything that had happened since I met her she had no future as a ballerina.

"Um, yes?" Her blush spread along her neck as she twisted her fingers together. She looked as nervous as I felt.

"You forgot this. Although I'm not sure you want it. It doesn't even look like you like it." I thumbed through the weathered pages and smiled, trying my best to use my unpracticed flirting skills.

She looked down at the ground and then met my eyes. Biting her bottom lip she shrugged, "You're right. I have no interest, but thank you. One day I plan on reading it." She took the book from my hands and stuffed it back in her purse.

She was _really_ beautiful.

"Good luck with that, and good luck getting to where you're going. Remember, one foot in front of the other. Okay?" I joked, trying to flirt.

She smiled at me and turned to walk away. I watched her as she moved down the street and into a little bar. I really hoped that she didn't work there. Bless her and whoever gets her as a waitress if she did. I couldn't imagine her carrying drinks around in a crowded bar without a few accidents.

I started walking again and made my way to a little motel down the street. I don't know why I was stopping here as it was a pretty shitty place, but I had a strange feeling it was because of the girl. I wanted the chance to run into her again.

It was with that thought that I realized how fucked I really was. I hadn't even asked for her name and I was thinking about the _next time_ I would see her, if there was ever going to be a next time. She seemed so nice, and I really needed to keep my distance. She didn't need to get caught up with a guy like me. She would be constantly worrying if I was going to come take off without warning and never come back.

Fuck, who was I kidding? She wouldn't give me the time of day anyway and I didn't want to have any obligations.

I spent most of my time moving from place to place. I didn't like being in one city for too long at all. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't want to waste my time with anymore so called "friends". I hadn't thought about having a real friend in years. Just acquaintances. It was just how I was and I liked it best that way. _I_ couldn't leave me or betray me, but _others_ could and did.

I could already tell that the girl on the street would destroy my world if given the chance.

Besides, she probably had someone. Her guy wouldn't have abandonment issues and he certainly wouldn't sneak off like I might. I bet he was the perfect fucking All-American boy. Douche. I bet I could kick his ass. That set off my imagination and soon I was beating some blonde haired, blue eyed, surfer looking dude and picking up my sweet ballerina before we rode off into the fucking sunset.

I thought about her face again. The way the blush spread along her cheeks and down her neck. I wanted to know where it ended…

What was I thinking about? I didn't even know her name and I was already thinking of all the ways we could royally fuck each others lives up. This might be another reason why I never have relationships, of any kind, because I think too much. Nothing can ever be simple. No motives are ever pure. My outlook on life is really fucked and I couldn't see it changing soon. Self-destruction before introduction.

Huh, I need to write that down. I could make that work. I reached in my back pocket and pulled out my small note pad and jotted it down. I kept this with me at all times just in case I thought of something. Something told me that this encounter would bring lots of thoughts my way.

First, I needed to a place to stay. I walked into the seedy motel that was situated on the corner. The guy behind the counter was overweight and looked like he had just run a marathon. Slob.

"I need a room, please."

"How many hours?" I cocked an eyebrow at him. I hadn't expected that. Did he really think I was just using this place for a quick fuck? I mean I had a guitar in one hand and a bag in the other. Also, I was not being followed by a woman. I shook my head and settled for the simplest answer I could think of.

"I actually need to stay indefinitely. If that's alright? I can pay by the week." His face brightened at this. Obviously this man didn't have many long-term customers.

"Yeah, that's fine. It's $200 a week."

I filled out the quick form with all my generic information. I had no phone number, no credit card number, and I didn't have a billing address. The form was mostly blank when I handed it back to him.

"Here you go. I'll find you again next Tuesday." He handed me a set of keys and I made my way to room 117. I hadn't walked too far when he stopped me.

"Hey man. You any good at that thing?" He pointed at my guitar.

"It depends on who you ask. Why?"

"Well there's this little bar down the street that is holding auditions for weekly shows. It's a singing and playing type thing. I noticed you didn't have much cash left so you might need a job."

I didn't really like how observant he was about my money but it was nice to know there was someplace close that might have work. I hated walking a long way or pay for the bus or a cab. I nodded my head and told him thanks before finding my room.

When I was safely inside my current home, the first thing I did was tear the sheets off the bed. There was no way I would sleep on those, especially after the "how many hours" question. I brought my own sheets anyway. It was cleaner and I never had to worry about who slept on them before. They were queen sheets so I could use them even if I had a smaller bed. After settling in I took a nap. I might have had tons of practice sleeping on a bus but I never could.

* * *

I woke up and really looked around the room this time. My bed was pretty comfortable. It had been awhile since I slept in a bed this big. The room was actually a decent size which surprised me. There was a desk on the far wall next to window with a phone and a pad of paper. Directly in front of the bed against the wall was a dresser with a T.V. on top. I was surprised that it worked. It looked thirty years old and had rabbit ears on top, but fuck me if it didn't get a few channels.

There was a door close to the entrance that led to the bathroom which wasn't anything special. Just a bathroom.

All in all I liked the room. It was much more spacious than I was used to, which made me feel a little lonely, like it was meant to hold someone else too.

I quickly pushed that thought out of my mind and decided to go to that bar. I needed to start looking for a job and it was the closest. Hopefully, it would be the only place I had to look.

I grabbed my guitar and locked up my room. The sun was shining through the clouds just a little as I made my way down the street. It was four in the afternoon so the sidewalk held more people than before. I made sure to keep my guitar case close to me because I didn't want to hit another person on the street.

It seemed like my every thought led me back to that girl. She was unattainable and was so far away from me. I stopped and took out my little notebook from my back pocket and a pen to write that down. It would seem that I was right. She was my _muse_.

I opened the door to the bar. It was dimly lit and there were several neon signs all over the place advertising the different types of beer they sold. Along the right wall were a line of booths and the center of the room held about fifteen tables. On my left side was the bar. It was like any other bar. It looked worn and scuffed up but was still shiny. A wall of liquor was behind it. The stage was located furthest from the door and it was a raised platform almost the length of the wall. To the left it cut off early to make room for the hallway that had a "Restrooms" sign above it.

Something caught my eye at the corner of the bar, so I turned to focus on it. There was a big guy with curly black hair. He looked like a football player from where I was standing. He picked up a couple of boxes of beer and moved down the bar towards me. He finally noticed me standing there and nodded his head.

"I'll be right with ya." His voice was happy, not at all what I was expecting from his looks.

I told him to take his time and walked to take a seat at the bar. He put the beer in the mini refrigerators under the counter then turned to me clapping his hands together.

"What can I get for ya?"

"Well, I heard that you were holding auditions."

He smiled at me and slapped a hand on my shoulder.

I'm not a weak man but I will say that it hurt. _A lot_. I don't think he meant for it to be that hard because he kind of flinched after he did it. Possibly because it made a loud _smack_.

He shook his head and pointed behind him. "Jasper handles all that. He's in the back right now with Alice."

"Well I'll just wait around. I'm not in a hurry or anything."

He just nodded his head and asked, "In that case, you wanna beer?"

I shrugged, "Why not. You got Blue Moon?"

"Sure do."

He got himself one too and we sat in silence for a little while.

"Shit. I never introduced myself. I'm Emmett McCarty."

He extended a hand towards me. I took it and as we were shaking I said, "Don't worry about it. I'm Edward Masen."

These introductions led Emmett into a retelling of his entire life. He was a really happy guy and rather loud. The term "open book" fit Emmett to the T. I found out that he moved from Tennessee at the beginning of his sophomore year in high school to a small town north of Seattle, called Forks. That is where he met his "amazingly stunning" girlfriend the first day of classes. He said her name was Rosalie.

"Man, you'll meet her and see what I'm talking about. She's gorgeous but she can be a bitch. Watch out, alright?"

I didn't really think I would be spending too much time here to find out how complicated she was but I told him I would watch out for her claws. He continued with his life history after that.

"It was just the three of us for a year. Alice, Rose and I were great together. Then the beginning of junior year Jasper showed up. He came from Texas so he had that Southern charm thing going for him. I'll let Alice tell you that story because it's too sappy for me to tell without feeling like I have a vagina." I felt my eyes go wide and I couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up.

He kept going with his story.

"We were pretty complete and then after Christmas break Bella showed up. She fits in great with us. She doesn't date but I think she's holding out, you know? It's not like she couldn't get a guy. Eventually we stopped pushing." He face turned a shade of pink and he continued, "Wow, when you meet Bella please don't tell her I caught you up on her sex life because she would probably get Rose to do something painful. Alright?"

"I'm not saying anything." _Because I doubt I'll be here long enough to have any in depth conversation with her. Especially about sex. _I added mentally.

After that, I found out that Emmett played football in high school and was pretty good. He came to UW to play but blew out his knee, so instead of going to rehab and then going back to play, he just concentrated on school. Now he worked here bartending to pay for classes. Jasper and Alice worked on getting the talent into the bar and paying the bills, while Rose and Bella waitressed along with two other girls. I found myself wondering if the girl I ran into today was one of them. I knew it couldn't be Rose because Emmett described her as a "blonde bombshell". For some reason, I prayed to God she wasn't Alice and in the back with Jasper. That would be fucking awful.

"So what's your story, Masen?"

I didn't want to tell him about my life because after listening to his story I realized that mine was lacking so much. I had always been pretty content with my situation and thought I was doing what other people would love to do. Now I just felt that I had missed all the happiness that friends could bring.

"Emy! I've missed you!" The voice echoed through the empty bar and my head turned in the direction of the restrooms. There stood a girl no taller than five feet with short, spiky black hair and wearing almost the same thing as the girl this morning, but her jeans were strategically ripped and the bar t-shirt was altered too. It looked like she cut the sleeves off it and then cut the neck out so that it was wide on the shoulders and showed her collarbones, scooping down in the front. She also looked like she was bouncing. I could only wonder how much caffeine she'd had.

The guy behind her must have been Jasper. He had dirty blond hair that was kind of shaggy and fell into his face. He had a pearl snap shirt on with the sleeves rolled up and it looked like Alice might have dressed him in the man version of her jeans. They were baggy and ripped up. While Alice looked to be in perpetual motion he looked like the calm in a storm.

Just looking at him had me thinking about my imaginary "fight" this morning. I prayed this guy wasn't the douche that I had rescued Bella from in my mind. Emmett was right, even from here I could see the Southern charm thing.

"Aww Alice. Everyone misses me." He winked at her then pointed at me. "Jasper, this is Edward and he wants a job."

Alice caught my eye after he mentioned my name and walked up to me. It was all strange and almost in slow motion. She touched my cheek and her eyes had a blank look to them, she then smiled and her eyes lit up.

"It took you long enough to get here." She slapped my cheek softly then turned and kissed Jasper and said, "I gotta go. Big, big plans! Tomorrow night is going to be amazing!"

She flitted by me and out the door. I turned to look back at them with an eyebrow lifted. "I forgot to tell you that Alice thinks she can see the future. She dreams random shit. Sometimes she's pretty accurate, other times she couldn't be farther from the truth. Just go with it. Soon enough you won't even think about it when it happens," Emmett said and shrugged his shoulders. I seriously doubted that I would be here that long. It seemed like something that took years getting used to.

I looked over at Jasper who was sitting on a barstool and he shrugged his shoulders too. That was when I realized Alice had kissed Jasper. He wasn't with my ballerina. Thank God. Now I didn't have to kill him.

"Let's hear it then. What do you play?" Jasper brought me back to the present. Finally a question I could answer.

"I do covers mostly but I have a few of my own songs. I don't really do loud. I'm more acoustic."

"Sounds good to me. The last guy was trying to be a young Elvis and that shit just wasn't working."

"Yeah! _Thank ya very much!_ That guy was terrible. Seriously Edward, you have to be better than him." Emmett still had his lip cocked up in an Elvis grin.

"I hope so. Otherwise I've been making an ass out of myself for the last five years."

I leaned down and opened the guitar case. I made sure it was tuned then I started strumming the opening notes from "Shed Some Light" by Shinedown.

I'm falling apart again  
And I can't find a way to make amends  
And I'm looking in both directions  
But it's make believe, it's all pretend

So...  
Shed some light on me  
And hold me up in disbelief  
And shed some light on me  
And tell me something that I'll believe in

It's innocence within the maze  
But I have chosen the wrong way  
I'm still getting over who I was  
There's no sense of trust, there's no definition of love

So...  
Shed some light on me  
And hold me up in disbelief  
And shed some light on me  
And tell me something that I'll believe in

Tell me something that I'll...  
Tell me something that I'll believe

Jasper's head was down the entire time I played. I set my guitar on my lap and turned to look at both of them. Jasper looked up at me and said, "That was great, man. I'm really impressed. You can work weekends if you want? They pay so much more than weekdays."

"No thanks. I would rather work during the week. I'm not a weekend guy."

That was the truth. I didn't like working weekends because those people came to the bar for a reason: to have fun and get drunk. I wanted to play for the people that came in during the week. The people who really didn't have another place to go. The same sad fucks who would live their lives in places like this. People like me.

"Suit yourself. If you want why don't you play tonight and tomorrow? I have someone on Mondays and Thursdays are open mic and karaoke." Jasper then went into discussion about my pay. It would be $300 a week plus whatever tips I got. That was pretty fair. Playing music wasn't really work to me anyway.

"Hey man. I could use some help behind the bar on weekends. It's just me and it can get crazy in here. You'll get $10 an hour and we'll split the tips at the end of the night." Emmett had a desperate look in his eyes and Jasper laughed at him.

"Em, you are so full of shit. You just want to spend more time with Rose. You can handle the bar, but it's your tips." He turned to look at me. "I don't mind letting you work the bar. My uncle doesn't really give a shit who I hire anyway."

"Yeah. I'll think about it. I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Well looks like you need to get started. It's almost six. We don't get many people in during the week but we have regulars that will start filing in soon. Jessica and Lauren are working tonight so you'll have to meet Rose and Bella tomorrow." He stood up and stuck out his hand, "Nice to meet ya, Edward. I'll see ya'll later." With that he turned and went back towards the office. I looked over at Emmett who was reaching for another beer. "Want one?"

* * *

I got back to my hotel that night and lay in bed. I wasn't drunk. I never got drunk. I was just tired. It was almost one in the morning. After I played I just sat at the bar with Emmett and Jasper. They seemed really easy to get along with. For the first time in my life I thought I might have found some friends. I tossed around for a while. I couldn't fall asleep for some reason. Today had been weird. It felt like the friendships I had been avoiding all my life were trying to finally get to me.

Of course, I didn't tell them anything about me really. I explained I didn't have any family and that I had been on my own for awhile. Mostly, I listened to their stories about living in Forks. Emmett told some from when he was living in Tennessee but it really seemed like his life took off when he moved to Washington. Same thing with Jasper, his Texas stories didn't have the same flair that his Forks stories did.

Now I knew everything about them both, and Rose and Alice. They didn't say much about Bella. She was in a lot of their stories but it seemed liked she was the responsible one, the adult of the group. Their more adventurous stories didn't have her in them. She appeared later, after the mischief and then it was to talk her dad out of putting them in jail. Bella seemed like the glue that kept them all together. I could tell that neither of them liked her being alone but they never said it. The only slip was what Emmett said earlier in the afternoon.

Yes, today was weird. I thought about the beginning of my day in Seattle. I had met a girl and she was a girl that could make me stay. She was constantly popping into my mind. I felt like I had started to obsess over her. She was my ideal, my ballerina.

She was haunting my thoughts. I started wondering how stalkerish it would be to wait outside the bar all day just to see if she would come back. Probably really stalkerish.

I rolled over again and finally fell asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the smiling, which was something that hadn't happened in a long time. I had dreamt of a girl, we were smiling and laughing together—we seemed happy. As the dream ended she kissed my cheek and said "Edward, it'll be worth it." Then she turned and walked away.

I basked in my happiness for a little while before I let the words really sink in. I sat on the edge of the bed staring at the wall. I don't know how long I sat there just thinking. But I made a decision.

I might not know who she is yet. I might not ever know who she is but those words meant more to me than just her.

This place was worth it. The people I had met were worth it. I just needed to stop being so guarded. I didn't need to leave right away. Maybe I could stay longer than a month.

I would take Emmett up on the bartending. I knew it would keep me here longer.

For the first time in a long time, I would try.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading! Review if you feel so inclined!

Song this chapter was "Shed Some Light" by Shinedown.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2: The Wrecking Ball

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Thanks to Project Team Betas quothme and ilovenaley for cleaning-up

this chapter and giving me really good feedback on E.

* * *

I slept surprisingly well after my epiphany the previous night. I dreamt of chocolate eyes and rose-colored blushes. Needless to say, the shower I took when I woke up was a cold one.

My mission for the day was simple. I wanted to speak with Emmett as soon as I could, but I knew he wouldn't be at the bar until three, so I had some time to waste.

I explored.

Maybe six blocks away from the motel, I found a little music shop. It housed an impressive collection of old vinyl and scuffed guitars, and I spent a good two hours browsing around. It was a little piece of music heaven. I made a note of where it was so I could visit again when I got paid.

Finally, my afternoon of wandering ended, and I set out to stake my claim on my first real job in five years. I hoped the offer still stood because bartending was my way to stay. Two days ago I wouldn't have thought twice. I would have said no to the job, stayed a month here in Seattle and then moved on. Or at least I would have found work at a different bar.

By working there I would have someone who depended on me. Maybe I could stay longer. Fight my nature. I kept telling myself this was a good thing. I could feel it.

I knew that if I stayed around Emmett and Jasper, I could actually develop some comfort with friendships. Seeing them around Alice and Rosalie, I would become familiar with relationships. I could figure out what to do and how to act. Then when I met the girl again, I could give her something more than what I was.

I said, "_When_ I meet her again" because I was going to ask Emmett about the girl I saw yesterday. She was wearing the same bar shirt as Alice-- well, minus the creative allowances taken with it. I was sure that he would know who she was.

It was almost four in the afternoon by the time I got to the bar. I brought my guitar with me so I wouldn't have to go back to the motel. I was forcing myself to hang around and talk.

I wanted friends. Not the ones I used to have; ones who didn't really care about what I thought or said. I wanted people who would give me honest opinions. The guys here wouldn't try and ride my coattails if I got famous, and I know they wouldn't push me to try and get a record deal.

I was good but I didn't do this for the money, and my "friends" in the past always tried to make me send a demo somewhere. When they started pushing me, I left. After the first couple of times this happened, I then began keeping to myself It had been about three years since I had thought I had a friend.

I walked through the doors and was greeted by the same neon signs and dim lights. I didn't see Emmett or Jasper, so I walked up to the bar and waited.

Soon I heard movement in the back, and a woman walked out. I knew immediately that this was Rosalie. Emmett had told the truth. She was stunning. Long, blonde hair, blue eyes, very thin but toned. She looked like a supermodel.

She wasn't my type, though. Since yesterday morning it was very obvious that I preferred brunettes.

"Hi, can I get you something?"

She seemed nice enough, but I kept what Emmett had said in mind. I would watch for claws.

"I'm Edward. I'm going to be playing here on Tuesday and Wednesday nights."

She smiled at that and said, "Yeah! Emmett mentioned you last night. He said he was trying to get you to work behind the bar on the weekends with him. I'm Rosalie, but please call me Rose." She smiled wider at the mention of helping Emmett and stuck her hand out for me to shake. I took it and let her in on my decision.

"Well, Rose, I was actually coming in early because I wanted to take him up on the job."

She looked positively thrilled at that. I knew Jasper was right; Emmett wanted more time with her, and she definitely wanted more time with him.

"That's great!" She did a little clap that reminded me of Alice. "I'm so excited. It gets really busy, and I never get to hang around with Em on weekends. Thank you so much!"

If she wasn't behind the bar, I think she might have hugged me. She wasn't anything like Emmett had said. I didn't see the Rose from the stories. Emmett made it sound like she was mean and cold to new people. She seemed to like me. Maybe this friendship thing wasn't that hard. Rose began speaking again and pulled me out of my mental ramblings.

"So Edward, what's your story?"

"Um, I just got to Seattle yesterday. I don't have any living family, so I move around a lot. Just wherever the wind takes me, I guess. I've been traveling and playing since I was 18." That was all I told Emmett and Jasper. I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell any of them more yet.

"I'm sorry about your family. That must be hard." She looked genuinely sympathetic.

"Not any more. Time makes things easier." It was a simple truth in my life.

"Still, that's tough. So you travel alone?"

I didn't know if she was fishing for information, but the look in her eye said there was something more to the question.

"I keep to myself, mostly."

That was when the Rose that Emmett told me about came out to play, or so I thought. It was a stark contrast to the giggling, clapping girl of a few moments before.

"Do you sleep around a lot? I mean, all that travel…you must have had some company."

Emmett said she was blunt, but this was bordering on invasive. To top it off, her tone was so condescending that I recoiled. This was the second time in two days I had thought of my previous experiences as awful. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that in the time it took to recover from the question, I looked like a fish, my mouth opening and closing, with no words coming out.

"I just wanted to let you know that we don't really do well with one-night stands here. We know a lot of people who come in, and if you are looking for an easy screw, then please go to another bar after you've finished your shift." She paused and then waved her hand dramatically. "So are you going to answer the question?"

Her eyebrow was raised, and she looked like she was getting impatient with me. I finally gained the ability to talk again, but it came out more like a sneer than an easy explanation.

"Not that it's any of your business…" I cleared my throat and looked at her. "My lifestyle isn't good for relationships. I move a lot. I don't do flings, either. Like I said, I'm better by myself."

This was already much more than I had told Jasper and Emmett. I had a feeling that I didn't need to tell her this.

_Shut up! Use your filter Edward! _

I knew immediately that I shouldn't have said something in that explanation; I just didn't know what it was.

She looked at me intently, like she was trying to decide her next move or figure out what I was thinking. She slowly drew circles on the bar with her finger while she spoke.

"You're not staying here long. You'll leave." It wasn't a question, just an observation.

I shouldn't have said that I always left. _Son of a bitch._ My verbal filter continued to fail with my next answer.

"I might." I shrugged my shoulders. "I like it here, though. I would like to stay and, after yesterday, I think I might have a reason to." I really meant what I was saying.

"What happened yesterday?" She raised an eyebrow at me.

My thoughts were screaming again, _No, Edward! Don't tell her a damn thing! You'll regret it!_

Did I listen? Fuck no.

"I was going to ask Emmett but since he's not here, I guess I'll ask you. On my way to the motel yesterday, I ran into a girl. I think she might work here. She's got long brown hair and chocolate brown eyes, beautiful pale skin and she blushed more in two minutes than I think I have ever seen anyone do, ever."

I sounded like a love-sick teenager. I almost rolled my eyes at the description I had just given. I looked at Rose again and saw that her eyes were wide and shocked. She just stared at me.

"Stay away from Bella."

"What?" My eyes snapped up to meet hers. I didn't know what had happened but invasive, condescending Rose was replaced, yet again, with a newer Rose. In those few seconds her eyes clouded over and her lips were pulled into a tight line. I swear to God I saw her fingernails grow. This was "bitch" Rose. _This_ was the one I should guard myself against.

"Don't go near Bella. She's a good person, and based on everything you just said I seriously doubt that you are worth her time. If you fuck around with her, I will personally castrate you. Got it?"

I was dumbstruck. I just sat there doing my fish impersonation again. I didn't know what else to say and apparently she didn't have anything else to threaten me with, so she flicked her hair over her shoulder and walked off.

That didn't go as planned. At least I knew who the mystery girl was, and I also knew she was every bit as out of reach as I thought.

Just then the front door opened and in walked Alice. She looked at me and smiled.

"Hi, Edward! How are you?"

"I've been better. Could ask you something?" I wanted to make sure that Rose was right about Bella.

"She's the girl," She winked at me.

"What? I hadn't even said anything yet."

"Bella. She's the girl. Don't believe Rose, either. She can be abrasive, but she means well. Besides, I've seen what happens and you will keep your balls." She pointed to the front of my pants.

I just nodded as she started to walk towards the back. I couldn't help but think that Rosalie was right. I wasn't the kind of guy for Bella. I would fuck this up, and I couldn't do that to my ballerina. My mind flicked through different scenarios before I settled on one.

I should just leave and forget this stupid attempt at being happy and normal.

I didn't see that Alice had stopped in the middle of the room until she turned towards me. She walked quickly back to me and snapped her fingers in my face.

"Don't you dare, Edward! I know what you're thinking and stop. You'll ruin it all if you leave now. I'll deal with Rose."

With that she took off, yelling Rose's name and saying words that I never thought she would know. This was the second time that Alice had mentioned something about me being here. I wasn't quite sure what she meant, but she seemed adamant about me staying exactly where I was.

If I was being honest with myself, I really wanted to stay, too.

* * *

I ended up in the bar for thirty minutes by myself. I don't even know how many times I made it halfway to the door before I would turn around and sit back down. Finally, I pulled out my notepad and started putting together the lyrics I had written down the previous day.

Every once in awhile I could hear shouts or yells but nothing I could understand.

Just as I was about to leave and come back later, the front door opened. I turned towards the noise, and saw how the sunlight filtered through the door and shone around the outline of her body. She had ear buds in and was looking down into an oversized bag. Automatically, I stood from the stool and propped up my guitar case.

She was a few feet from me and still hadn't looked up, but I could see the smile form on her face. Clutching something in her hand, she pumped her fist in the air like she was celebrating. It was obvious that she wasn't watching her surroundings because she was dangerously close to one of the chairs. Her foot caught the edge, and I moved quickly beside her and caught her around the waist.

My breath caught in my throat as I allowed myself to feel her softness under my hands.

Her scent filled my head. I was surprised I didn't notice this yesterday. Strawberries, and something else, maybe sugar cookies? I stood her back up slowly.

"Thanks. I'm really clum…" She stopped suddenly when she looked into my eyes.

"It's nice to see you again, too. I thought I told you to be careful." I gave her the crooked grin that my mom said was "charming."

She blushed, and bit her bottom lip. My eyes narrowed at the gesture and I licked my bottom lip. Beautiful. Perfect. I couldn't help it when my crooked smile turned into a full grin.

"Well, I was having a moment." She held up her cell phone. "Besides, there's really no hope for me at this point. You should be warning everyone else around me. As I recall I had a run in with a guitar case yesterday. Perhaps we should be cautious of the objects that can't move out of my way."

"You're right. I don't think it will be the same after that collision. Flashbacks and all that." I nodded my head towards my guitar, then turned back to face her. We continued to stare at each other until finally I found some words again.

"I'm Edward, by the way."

She smiled at me. "I'm Isabella, but everyone calls me Bella. Please, don't call me 'Hells Bells'." She shook her head like she was trying to get rid of an annoying thought.

"No 'Hells Bells'. Got it. Please don't call me Eddie. I hate it."

She laughed lightly while shrugging her shoulders. "I like Eddie. It's playful."

Shit. I would let her call me whatever she wanted if she laughed like that or smiled at me daily.

"If you insist but let's just keep it between us, alright? It can be your personal nickname if you must use it."

I had a feeling she really liked that idea of having her own personal name for me. Suddenly, Emmett walked in and effectively ruined the moment.

"Eddie boy! You're early!"

Bella smirked over at me and I just shook my head. I whispered so only she could hear, "It will only be special when you say it." We locked eyes and this time she didn't blush. Electricity flowed between us, and I almost felt like I did when I heard my favorite song. The music would flow through my veins and my heart would beat faster, except now it was Bella presence running through me.

Our moment was interrupted again by my new friend.

"Hey, Alice called and said you are gonna bartend on the weekends with me. That's just fucking fantastic man. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it."

"I'm glad you're happy about it. I can certainly use the work."

"You're working here now? Since when, and what are you doing?" Bella looked at me expectantly.

"I'm going to be playing on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. I've also taken up Emmett's offer of working weekends behind the bar."

"That's great, Edward. Where are you staying? Are you from around here?" Too many questions, and I really didn't want to answer them. Especially with Emmett standing there waiting for me to talk.

"I'm staying at the motel down the street. It's an alright place. And no, I'm not from around here. I'm from Chicago, actually, but I haven't been there for some time."

"Why not?" She cocked her head a little and waited.

The truth certainly wouldn't work. I must have taken too long forming a response because she interrupted my thoughts.

"You don't have to answer. Sometimes I talk too much." She waved her hand like she was dismissing the question altogether.

"No, it's alright. It's just a long story that's hard to tell."

"Maybe one day? I'm a great listener."

"Yeah." It was all I could say. I would make no guarantees there.

The spotlight was off of me when Bella and Emmett started talking. I just watched her. It might have been a little creepy since I had just met her, but I knew she was amazing. Her smile was brilliant when she really laughed, and she talked with her hands a lot. I was completely content in observing her. Lost in fantasies of Bella and me together in the not-so-distant future, I failed to notice that Emmett had stopped talking and went to the corner of the bar.

Bella stood in front of me, pulling her hair up. She must have caught me staring because she gave me a small, unsure smile.

"Edward, what do you play?" Then she quickly added, "Like what type of music? I know you play guitar. I hit it yesterday." She pointed at my guitar and rolled her eyes.

"I play different stuff. I'm mellow so nothing too loud."

"Do you take requests? I mean, if I asked could you…"

I smiled at her ramblings.

"I can sing whatever you would like. If I don't know it, I promise to learn it for you, Bella."

"You don't have to learn it if you don't know it, but I would love to hear some Shinedown. Anything really."

I couldn't help but smile; they were one of my favorites.

She really was perfect for me.

* * *

I had been on stage for about an hour and a half, and it was time for me to take a break. I could only stop for a few minutes before I had to finish my shift.

I had spent most of the time thinking about what song I should play for Bella and watching her as she walked around the bar.

It wasn't busy here, but she was so attentive. There was one man in the corner booth who looked to be homeless. He had been there the previous night, too. All he had in front of him was a glass of water, probably because he couldn't pay for anything else. Normal people would have left him alone and not paid much attention to his glass.

Yet, it was never empty. Bella would smile at him and make conversation. He looked like a different man when she was over there, almost like she made him feel like a real person.

I guess she had that effect on the usually invisible.

During my break I went to the bar and drunk some water before turning and making my way to the old man. I sat in the seat across from him and said hi.

"Is it alright if I sit here on my break?" I didn't want to force my company on him, but, shit, I could be him in twenty years. It might be good insight into the future.

He looked at me like I had lost my mind. He was wearing a flannel button-up shirt that looked dirty and a pair of jeans that were worse for the wear; his hair was greasy and blond. He looked almost blotted of color-- until I reached his eyes. They were bright blue and so alive. It was a direct contrast with everything else about him.

"Do you need something?" he asked in a low voice. It wasn't gruff but had a smooth cadence to it. It was comforting in a way.

"No sir. Just thought I would visit during my break. You looked like you could use some company."

"That's nice of you, but I'm fine, really." He looked down at the table.

I nodded my head.

"Alright."

"I'm Edward, by the way. I just got here yesterday."

He looked up from the table and smiled.

"My name's Carlisle, and I've been here my whole life."

We fell into a comfortable silence as Bella made her way to the table and refilled Carlisle's glass and turned to me.

"You play really well. I love your voice."

Her eyes went wide, like she hadn't actually meant to say that much to me, and with her free hand she covered her mouth. I knew I would be smiling like an idiot for the rest of the night because of that slip.

"Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've still got a few more songs to play."

"I can't wait. Do you need anything else?" She was still flustered.

"No. Thank you, though."

She turned to walk to another table. I glanced up to see Rose talking with Emmett. She took the time to throw me a nasty before turning back to him.

Yep, she had claws, claws that were close to ripping me apart. It didn't matter though; there was no way I was _not_ talking to Bella.

"She's something, huh?" The old man pointed at Bella.

"Yeah, she really is. Do you know her well?"

"Not really. I come in a lot because they don't throw me out. Bella just makes sure I have my glass of water so it looks like I'm here for something. Sometimes she gets me some chips or something from the bar."

"That's very considerate of her."

"She's a great girl with a bright future. If you want to be with her, kid, you better be good to her. She's the type of girl you bring home to meet your mother."

He smiled at me knowingly. There was a tone to his observation and a look in his eyes that made me think he had experience in this area of life. Shame I didn't have a mother to bring Bella home to.

Eventually, I excused myself from the table and made my way back to the stage.

It was almost time for my set to end, and I looked up and saw Bella sitting at a table. I gave her a small smile and glanced around. There were a few people here now. The booths were all occupied, as well as a few of the tables.

Emmett and Rose were still behind the bar. Alice and Jasper sat in stools in front of them. I noticed that each of their eyes were focused on me and Bella. They must have picked up on our little exchange.

I had no control of what I did next. It just happened.

"This is some Shinedown for my ballerina." I had no idea why I called her that out loud, but her face flushed and she looked down. I started the opening cords of the song, and she looked back up at me and smiled.

I think Emmett was holding back Rose behind the bar. Alice was bouncing slightly and whispering something in Jasper's ear. They both looked at me and then to Rose. She looked upset but also…resigned?

I gave Bella one last smile before I closed my eyes and started to sing.

_I lie here alone and wonder why  
That I come alive, just before I have to hide._

_Because I believe I'm losing my nerve  
But could I ever do better than this_

_Because all I ever wanted was a place to call my home  
To shelter me when I am there and to miss me when I'm gone  
All I ever wanted was a place to call my own  
Where stars will dance and sun still shines and the storms feel free to roam_…

* * *

I finally looked back up and saw that Bella wasn't at her table. I shook my head and got up from the stool. Maybe she had to get some drinks or something.

I packed up my guitar and made my way off the stage. That was when I saw Bella standing directly to my right by the stairs. She was smiling at me.

I looked over at Emmett and Jasper and notice that Rose and Alice were suspiciously absent, and the guys were staring at me like I had grown an extra head or something. Bella snatched my attention back when she started talking.

"Thank you. That's one of my favorite songs. I listened to it all the time when I moved to Forks." She was twisting her hands together in a nervous gesture and then looked back up at me. "I'm far from a ballerina, though. Maybe I can be a wrecking ball or something equally destructive?"

Good Lord, if she only knew the truth of that statement. I had known her one day and she had torn apart my world.

"Yeah, well. I like ballerina. It suits you better than wrecking ball. If I called you that then I would have visions of a linebacker, and a linebacker you are not." I played with a strand of hair that was on her shoulder. She stared at me for a minute before she spoke again.

"Are you saying you think of me, Edward?"

I blanched at first but decided to go with our little flirty banter.

"Of course. How could I not? You plague my thoughts, ballerina." With that, I tucked the strand of hair behind her ear.

"And Eddie, you are so full of shit." She just laughed and grabbed my hand. "We're getting you a beer because you deserve it after singing and using that horrible line."

She gripped my hand as she led me to the bar. Once we were there she let go and excused herself to check on her tables. When we were alone Emmett started in.

"My ballerina? _Seriously_, Edward."

Jasper smirked then and said, "I think for a minute Alice saw you losing your balls, man."

There were obviously no secrets with this group. I'm sure even Bella knew about Rose's threats.

"Where'd they go?" I couldn't wait any longer.

They looked at each other for a few seconds and then Jasper spoke up.

"Alice needed to talk to Rose. They'll be back later. I know you have good intentions, but Rose is very protective, and she just needs some time to get used to the idea of you trying to date Bella."

"I'm not trying to date Bella." Even I was unconvinced when I said those words. Both guys looked at me with cocked eyebrows. "Okay, fine. I want to date Bella. I mean, it's not like I just want to fuck her. I could understand Rose getting pissed about that." _She can save me_. I thought to myself.

"Good luck, Eddie boy. Jasper and I are rooting for you."

I sat and drank my beer in silence. I wanted to date Bella, I wanted to know Bella, but more than anything, I hoped that Bella wanted to know me, too.

* * *

A/N:

Tell me what you think about E.

Song is by Shinedown again.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3: A Past, A Present, and Maybe a Future

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Thanks to Confettirainfall and ilovenaley who beta'd this chapter!

A/N: This chapter is a little background for you, and who better to tell that story than the person who knew it all would happen before it actually did.

_Italics_ are her visions.

Please give your attention to Alice.

* * *

APOV

As a child, I was…different.

I liked to draw and sometimes, I would get so caught up in what I was doing I would zone out completely. I wouldn't hear people talking to me or even teachers calling my name. The other children didn't really like to be around me, and their parents thought something was wrong with me. It was an incredibly lonely childhood.

I sat by myself most of the time and wondered what it would be like to have friends, ones that wouldn't make fun of me or try and leave me out of their games.

The day I had my first vision I had been hiding behind a tree in the playground to avoid the taunts of my classmates.

_I was older, but I could still tell it was me. Surrounding me were five other people. We were laughing and talking. I didn't feel alone._

My vision gave me hope for the future, and for awhile I thought of them as my imaginary friends.

Then Rosalie Hale moved to Forks my freshman year of high school and set the wheels in motion.

They would all accept me and love me, and I would try my best to be a good friend for them.

Everything was going as planned until one day, the summer before our junior year, I was rocked with a vision that changed our course entirely.

_Sirens were wailing in the background and the remains of a crushed Toyota Camry was lying upside down in a ditch._

"_She's gone." The paramedics where using portable paddles trying to revive a woman in her late thirties. She was cut up, and swollen from the crash. Her hair was an unusual shade of reddish-brown. _

The vision then switched to the boy I had seen before.

_He was walking down the street with a small duffel bag and a guitar case. I already knew his name was Edward. He had the same hair as the women in the wreck, and he was going into a shelter. _

Rose's scared voiced startled me out of my trance. "Alice? Alice!" My head snapped up, and I looked at Rose and Emmett.

"They'll still come here. Jasper will be first, and Bella will come next. Edward was supposed to be here before Bella arrived." I shook my head. "He was supposed to be hers. I don't know what to do. Their future is gone."

Rose and Em looked at me like I was crazy. I knew they didn't understand the accuracy of my visions, and they didn't fully believe that we were going to be adding new friends to our group in a few months. It was June, and Jasper would be here by August. We would start our junior year together. Edward should have arrived in October, and Bella would arrive in January.

Jasper and Bella would be here, but something awful had happened. Edward was gone along with his and Bella's future.

I had seen them together as clear as I had seen the visions of me with Jasper, or Rose and Em.

The hardest part of the situation was I couldn't change anything. My visions were sporadic at best, and they only pertained to the six of us. I had never had a vision of anyone else.

I had lost him for now. I wouldn't be seeing Edward again unless he chose the correct path back to Bella. I could only pray it would happen. They wouldn't be complete without each other.

* * *

Present Day, Seattle

"Oh. My. God."

_Suddenly I saw a bus station with a list of departure times and destinations. There was a call for the bus to Seattle, and I saw a mess of bronze hair stand up and throw a worn, small duffel bag over his shoulder. He looked so much older, and his eyes looked so sad. He walked toward the bus and whispered to himself, "It'll do for now." _

I finally realized what was going to happen.

Edward was coming here.

"What is it, Alice? You do realize we're in the middle of class," Jasper whispered.

I looked up to see my professor giving me an extremely perturbed look. I couldn't contain my excitement, I just found out my best friend might meet her soul mate very soon.

I got up from my chair and walked out the door with Jasper right behind me. Everyone looked up at us, but I just smiled and grabbed Jasper's arm and pulled.

"Sorry Dr. Davis, but my friend just texted me and she's gone into labor. We have to go."

She nodded and said, "You have a reading for Wednesday. Don't forget your journal either."

We made it outside before I squealed and grabbed Jasper in a hug.

"He's here, Jazz! Or he will be soon. I don't know when exactly, but I did see him getting on a bus for Seattle."

"Alice, I have no idea who you're talking about."

"Edward. His path has been corrected."

Jasper's mouth hung open, and he looked shocked.

We needed to have a meeting, minus Bella, right away.

I called Rose when we got to the car and explained that we would meet her and Emmett at the bar in thirty minutes. She didn't ask questions; she just agreed and hung up.

My decision before I had met Bella was that she would never know about Edward unless he came back into the picture. I didn't want her to feel like she had lost anything. Some nights she would get sad and ask if I saw a guy in her future yet. I would tell her that there was someone for her, and she would find him one day.

In the car I had another vision.

_Edward was walking down the street carrying a guitar and his usual duffel bag. He seemed lost in his thoughts as he ran into a girl. It was Bella. They locked eyes and smiled. He handed her a book, and she turned to leave. He watched her until she disappeared into the bar. His hand was placed subconsciously over his heart, and he was smiling. _

When we got to the bar Rose and Em were already there.

"What's going on Ali?" Em was cleaning glasses as he talked.

"He's going to be here soon. His path has changed, and I can see him again."

They knew exactly who I was talking about. They had been there when everything changed, and I had lost his future. Rose closed her eyes and sighed.

"Alice, how long? Do you see him with her yet or do you only see him coming here? Will he hurt her? I don't think Bella could take it." She was already shaking her head.

"Slow down, Rosie. This is a good thing. Bella won't be the odd one out anymore. She'll be happy, right Ali?" Emmett was searching my eyes.

"I see him running into her, literally. She isn't paying attention and runs right into his guitar case. They talk, but he doesn't find out her name or anything. He does see where she goes though. And, Rose, I don't know if he'll hurt her. All I know is that they are supposed to be together, and if you do anything to mess that up I will cut off all your hair while you sleep, got it?"

"Whatever, Alice. If I think he's no good I won't let him near her. Who knows what he's been up to, but I will promise to be nice until he gives me a reason otherwise. Is that fair?"

"Fine, but don't mess this up for Bella."

Jasper and Emmett were talking about what kind of guy they thought Edward would be and wondered how he would win over Bella. I just sat and tried to find another vision. Rose was silent, staring at the bar. I could tell she was thinking of different ways to interrogate him if given the opportunity.

That's when it hit me.

_He was in a motel. The calendar on the counter read May 26. The man behind the desk was asking about his guitar. He told Edward about a bar down the street that was looking for someone to play._

_Edward__ walked into the bar and was talking to Emmett. Then I saw him talking with me._

_He played for Em and Jasper._

"He'll be in Seattle tomorrow afternoon, but I'm not sure if he'll come to the bar tomorrow." I was tugging on my short hair willing my vision to clear just a little more.

"It's about time. I'm tired of waiting around. We need another guy around here," Emmett said as he slapped the bar. I knew he was excited because now our numbers would be even.

My only thought was that I hoped Edward didn't try and push Bella away. Just by that one phrase I heard him utter, "_It'll do for now"_ I knew we were in for a ride.

I hadn't had a vision since yesterday afternoon. I knew that Edward was in Seattle and that Bella had met him. She called as soon as she got to the bar this morning.

"Alice? You won't believe what just happened! I think I'm losing my mind."

"What are you talking about, Bella?"

"I ran into a guy today. I mean I_ really_ ran into him. I don't know Alice, but I have this feeling that I need to go find him. He's special." She sighed and I swear I could hear her blush. "Alice…have you seen anything?"

There was the million dollar question. Should I tell her all I knew or just what I'd seen over the last couple of days? I decided to go with the latter. I didn't know if I would ever tell them about their lost years. It seemed too painful to tell.

"I've seen him. He's very attractive. Are his eyes as striking in person?"

She groaned before responding. "Yes. They remind me of the forests back in Forks, of home. That sounds completely pathetic, doesn't it?"

"Not at all. Maybe he will be your home. You never know." _But I do_, I added mentally.

"I will tell you this Bella, if you want my advice. Please don't push."

I heard her snort a little before responding, "How vague of you. I hope I see him soon. I'm almost tempted to walk up and down the sidewalk tomorrow until I find him."

"That won't be necessary. Be patient. Oh, and I probably won't see anymore. The rest is up to you and him."

She was quiet for a moment then sighed.

"Alice, do you know his name?'

"Yes, and I'm not telling"

She huffed at that.

"I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Bella."

I meant what I told her. I only saw important changes. It had been years since I'd had a vision before yesterday.

All I knew was that our little group was supposed to be together. Beyond that everything was a mystery. I was just so happy that Bella would have a chance to have a relationship with someone she was meant for.

Later that day I was in the bar's office with Jasper. I spent the afternoon telling him every detail of my visions and discussing what we should do when Edward finally showed up.

I told Jasper that he would be a really good singer and would wanted a job. Jasper told me that he would do whatever he could to help, but if I was wrong and he sucked then he would just have to work behind the bar with Emmett.

"Just wait and see Jazz. You'll be impressed. I sure was!"

"Should I be worried Ali?" He cocked his head a little and smirked.

"Never, sweetie." I ran my hand through his disheveled hair.

We stayed a little longer discussing Rose and how to handle her. Finally, we decided that we just needed to prepare Edward and pray to God he didn't scare easily.

I wanted to talk to Emmett some more about our current situation, so we left the back room and headed for the bar. I didn't even look to see if anyone was around when I yelled, "Emy! I've missed you!" He answered with a wink, and I finally caught the eye of a man who was standing at the bar.

He was here! I started bouncing in place, and gripped Jasper's arm. I whispered, "That's him, Jazz," and started walking towards them.

I reached out and touched his cheek just as a vision hit me. I was completely surprised by its suddenness.

_Bella was walking into the bar and she tripped. He caught her. _

_Next, Edward was on stage and said something I couldn't understand and as he looked at Bella. He started singing. _

Then the vision stopped. I remember my hand was on his face so I smiled at him and tapped his cheek softly.

"It took you long enough to get here." I turned and kissed Jasper quickly. "I gotta go. Big, big plans!"

I would leave them to tell Edward about my little quirk. He probably wouldn't believe them, but that didn't matter.

Bella didn't call that night, and I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her head.

* * *

BPOV

_I was at work, and had walked out of the back to start cleaning up the tables. I felt arms wrap around my waist, and someone leaned down and kissed the crook of my neck. I couldn't help but sigh and melt into his embrace._

_I turned in his arms and was greeted by brilliant green eyes. It was the guy I had bumped into yesterday. _

" _Hello, beautiful. I've been looking for you." His voice was soft and low. _

"_I think I was looking for you, too."_

_He leaned down and captured my lips with his own. It was a slow meaningful kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine._

"_Give me a reason to stay, please. Make me stay," he whispered urgently. _

I heard a loud beep and instantly the dream vanished.

* * *

APOV

The next day flew by, and soon I was walking down the street towards the bar. I was looking through my bag and wasn't paying attention to my thoughts so I didn't notice the blurring that accompanied my visions.

_Rose and Edward were talking. It seemed like she was trying to be nice as he started talking about his past. He told her about moving a lot and the people he'd met. The he mentioned Bella._

It was beautiful.

_Rose turned on him instantly._

I needed to get to the bar_ quick_.

I pushed open the door to the bar and greeted Edward. I made sure he knew that the girl in question was Bella and that things would work out. I also let him know that he would indeed be keeping the boys.

As I walked towards the back room, I couldn't stop thinking of all the things that I was going to say Rose. I was surprised by another visions as I moved across the bar.

_He walked out of the bar back to his motel. Packed up his clothes and went to the bus station. He was getting on a bus. First one out. It was an hour from now._

I immediately turned around, and had to fight the urge to sprint back towards him. I reeled in the need to slap him and opted for snapping my fingers in his face.

"Don't you dare, Edward! I know what you're thinking and stop. You'll ruin it all if you leave now. I'll deal with Rose." I didn't stay to hear what he had to say and almost ran to the back room.

I burst through the door and yelled, "Rosalie Hale! I told you to shut your fucking mouth. You almost made him leave!" I was gesturing wildly at the door. "Do you want Bella to be miserable for the rest of her life and settle for some generic asshole like Mike Newton?"

"Alice, stop being dramatic." She sat back in the office chair and waved me off. "He's no good for her." She pointed at her chest. "I'm looking out for her well-being!"

I'm sure my face was blood red by now. "I'm telling you right now, Rose, they are going to work out. I've seen it; I've been waiting for it!" I slapped my hands down on the desk effectively knocking the jar of pens to the floor.

"Why are you making this about you, Alice? _You've_ been waiting for it? What if Bella doesn't want it? What if Bella hates him?"

"She won't! They will love each other more than you can understand! Why are you pushing him away?"

Her voice rose higher and she screamed. "He will fucking leave her! He will fuck around with her and leave, and she will be broken! We won't be able to put her back together, Alice!"

I saw fear in Rose's eyes. I was scared, too, but I knew that this was going to work. It had to.

In reality I had only seen that it would work when we were sixteen. I didn't know how it would play out now that he was older. Rose could very well be right, it might be too late for them. I wasn't about to admit this to Rosalie though. She would only use it as more ammunition against Edward.

"Rose, please give him a chance. They need each other. I talked to Bella yesterday, and she was so happy about running into him. I had to talk her out of waiting on the street to see if she would run into him again." I dropped into one of the chairs in front of the desk. "I don't know what will happen for sure, but I do know that he deserves a chance and so does Bella. They're big kids so let them decide for themselves."

She sighed and shook her head.

"I will give him a chance, Ali. I want Bella happy, I'm just not too sure of him yet.

She took a deep breath and stood up. "Let's go. I know Emmett's here by now."

Rose's eyes never left Edward the entire night. Emmett tried to keep her calm, but nothing really worked.

I was leaning on Jasper's shoulder as Edward got back up on stage. I really did like his voice. It was so smooth, and there was so much emotion in it.

When he reached his final song, Bella had taken a break and was sitting at one of the tables in the middle of the room watching Edward.

He looked directly at her and said, "This is some Shinedown for my ballerina."

"Son of a bitch," Rose continued cussing under her breath.

I guess Edward broke the 'no pet names' rule.

Rose was _way _too dramatic.

I left Jasper's side and pulled her outside with me. I wouldn't let her break up this moment.

I finally got her on the sidewalk; thankfully neither Bella nor Edward paid any attention to the scuffle.

Rose turned and paced up and down the street.

"I don't like it. I can see in his eyes that he wants to try with her, but Alice, I'm so scared." Rose stopped pacing and closed her eyes.

"I'm scared too, but I want this for Bella. I'm not interfering and neither should you."

She took a deep breath. "Fine, I take back my rules. He can help her or break her, but that's what love is like, right? I have to give them that opportunity."

I didn't say anything. Rose had said everything that I was feeling. Even if I hadn't seen it working for them right now, it didn't mean it wouldn't. It also didn't mean it would. Their love could make them unstoppable or shatter them completely.

I just hoped they were brave enough to chance it.

* * *

A/N:

I hope you liked APOV.

I loved to hear what you thought, if you want please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4: Why Are You My Friends?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

A/N: Here's a little BPOV for you.

* * *

BPOV

I walked into my apartment and realized how quiet it was. For the past six years, I had always been around my friends. They kept me company, they made me laugh, but tonight, I felt lonely. Tonight was the first time that I felt that something was missing.

Then I remembered that _he_ sang to _me_. I felt all the emotion he conveyed in that short time I listened to him. He was like me; lonely and tired of searching.

I remembered the look in his eyes when I first met him. They were clouded, had purplish circles underneath them, and there didn't seem to be any light in them at all. But then something changed. When we finally locked eyes, something shifted. He still looked tired, but something stood out in them. It was like the clouds parted a little.

I couldn't help but think that all of this was ridiculous.

I had just met this man yesterday and I only found out his name today! I didn't even know what his favorite color was and I here I was wishing I could take away all his past traumas. I must have some complex that makes me want to try and help damaged people. That's what I did with Jake…

Now I have an ex-best friend who I can't even look in the face anymore.

Oh my God. What if I'm Jake this time? What if Edward is going to try and make _me_ better?

I would put myself out there with my feelings, and then be crushed. He wouldn't mean to hurt me, but I would misinterpret his friendship, and then it would all go to hell. I don't think I could handle that. After Jake realized I only saw him as a friend, he just stopped talking to me. God, I still remember that day vividly.

It was right before we all moved to Seattle to go to school. He asked me out to dinner, just the two of us, as a farewell gesture. Of course, I said yes. I mean, who leaves their best friend high and dry?

"_Bella, I wanted to ask you something. I mean I want to tell you something and see what you think." _

"_Sure, Jake. What's up? Did you finally ask Leah out?"_

"_No, Bells. I didn't ask Leah out. Umm, I wanted to see if…" He cleared his throat and stopped speaking. _

"_Hey. You can tell me anything, alright?" I reached over and grabbed his hand like I had done countless times before and gave it a gentle squeeze._

"_I love you, Bella."_

_My mind went blank and I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. My best friend and would-be brother had just confessed his love for me. I had no idea what to do._

"_Jake, I don't know what you want me to say. I mean, I love you, but not…like that."_

"_One day you could, Bells. I'm good for you. I know you feel that." He looked at me, entreating me to want him, to return his feelings. I just couldn't. Even if I did see him that way, want him romantically, I wouldn't follow through with it. I didn't want to lose my friend if things didn't work out between us. _

"_I'm sorry, Jake. I just don't think of you like that. I'm so sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. It was unintentional."_

_He looked like I had slapped him. He pulled his hand from my grasp, and looked at the table. He didn't say another word. _

_When he pulled in my driveway after dinner, he let out a sigh, and turned to face me._

"_I'll see you when you come back to visit. Good luck with school."_

"_Jake, please. I don't want to lose our friendship over this."_

"_We'll still be friends, Bella. Be careful."_

_He leaned over and opened the door for me, and casually nodded his head toward the house. "You better get going, I don't want the Chief to come out here."_

"_Bye, Jake. I'll talk to you soon, alright?"_

"_Sure, sure, Bells. Bye."_

I tried calling, but he was never home. Billy, his dad, said that he was out with friends or in the shower. At first, I just thought I had bad timing, but then I realized that Jake took more showers in one day than many people did in a week. I tried to go see him when we visited during our first break, but Billy was adamant that Jake was on a camping trip with friends.

As I drove away from La Push I saw him walking out of his friend, Quil's, house. He looked up and saw my truck then immediately went inside.

I had Quil's number in my cell phone so I called him, but no one answered. That was the last time I tried to contact Jacob. It had been two years.

That took some getting over. I swear Rose, Alice and I went through about 10 pints of Ben and Jerry's one night. It was awful.

Yeah. I really didn't want to be on the receiving end of unrequited love. In my experience, it was awkward, painful and confusing. I did none of those things well.

Well, maybe I did awkward well.

My final thoughts before I laid down that night were of Edward. Even though all the problems with Jacob were running around inside my head, I couldn't help but want to give Edward a chance. That is the stupidest thing a person can do.

I wanted someone to have the chance to tear me apart. I was delusional.

* * *

_I felt his warm arms around my waist pulling me back to his chest. We were lying in my bed under the covers. His breath was tickling my neck as he leaned in to whisper in my ear. _

"_Bella, I know you're awake."_

"_Am not. I'm sleep-talking" I smiled into my pillow._

_He leaned into my neck and placed small kisses down my shoulder slowly, becoming more passionate. I felt his teeth nip at the skin at the crook of my neck. I gasped and I felt him smile against my ear._

"_I have ways of waking you up, Bella. Would you like me to wake you up?"_

_His hand moved under the covers to my waist and he pulled my lower body towards his hips. He resumed his nibbling on my neck and shoulder as his hand skimmed the waist band of my pajama pants. _

"_Answer me, Bella. Would you like me to wake you up?"_

_I could only nod my head and moan softly as his tongue traced the shell of my ear before sucking on the lobe. _

_His hand slipped just under my pajama bottoms and was teasing at the top of my panties. _

"_You'll stay with me, right?"_

"_Always, Edward."_

"_I'm sorry it took me so long to find you."_

_I hummed in response as his fingers finally slipped down low enough to feel just how much I wanted him to "wake me up" and he gave a low moan of his own._

"_Jesus, Bella."_

_I started breathing harder as his fingers worked their way over my center, teasing, but never really staying where I needed them to. _

"_Please, Edward." I shifted my hips into his hand. _

_At that moment I heard another voice, it sounded feminine, and very distant. _

"Oh. My. God. She's having a sex dream!"

"Rose, we should leave_."_

_I tilted my head up, but didn't see anyone in my room._

_I was snapped out of those thoughts by Edward's fingers finally settling and moving in small tight circles around my clit, while his other hand gently brushed over my breasts. His breathing was ragged in my ear, and I could feel his hardened length pressed against my lower back as he rocked into me getting himself the friction he needed. _

"_Come for me, only ever for me."_

_I couldn't stop the climax that started taking hold. I moaned loudly and pressed myself against his cock._

"_Only you. Oh God, Edward!"_

_I felt him duck his face into my shoulder._

"_That's it, Bella. Let go."_

_We rested in that position until he removed his hand from my pajamas, and leaned up to my ear. _

"_I'm so happy you'll stay."_

_

* * *

_

At that moment there was a loud crash. I jolted up, and then felt like I was falling_._

I woke up as my back hit the floor, and I heard laughing from the foot of the bed.

I was dreaming. _Super. _

"Feeling relaxed, Bella? Is dream Edward really _that_ good?"

Fuck my life. At least I knew where those voices were coming from in my dream.

Bitches.

I stayed on my back, but looked up and tried my best to give them a death glare. Slowly everything came into focus. I had a sex dream about Edward, I had an orgasm from said dream, and my two best friends were in the room while it happened. It doesn't get much worse than that.

"Yeah, Bella, we love you, but could you please remove your hand from your pants?" Alice had the decency to look away, but Rose was smirking and staring at me. She was going to tell Emmett, who would tell Jasper, and maybe tell Edward.

Fuck my life.

"Could you guys just give me a minute? And why are you even in my apartment? Why the hell didn't you leave?"

Rose spoke for them this time.

"That was some entertaining shit. I didn't think you even knew the word 'cock', Bella. Is dream Edward really big?" She winked after she finished talking.

I flushed scarlet, and jumped up to go the bathroom leaving a laughing Rose and a smirking Alice in my wake.

Today was going to be just freaking great.

I had immediately gotten into the shower after I ran from the room. I hoped that the water might wash away my embarrassment.

Rose and Alice were waiting for me in the living room after I showered and dressed. I couldn't look at them without blushing. _So much for the shower theory._

Alice spoke up first. "Bella, we're going to meet the guys at the bar then get some lunch. We were supposed to have met them fifteen minutes ago."

I had no obligations today. The semester had ended a couple of weeks ago, and this would be the first summer that I didn't take any classes. Alice and Jasper were taking a mini-mester that would end next week, but the rest of us were free.

I didn't speak, just grabbed my things and followed them out. I locked the door behind me, and started for the elevator.

The apartment complex that we all lived in was only a couple of blocks from the bar. They were nice, spacious apartments that weren't terribly expensive. I liked living near my friends, but having my own, space.

I had stayed with each of them before I decided to get my own apartment. Rose and Emmett were too loud and active at night, and during the day. Alice and Jasper weren't loud, but staying with them made me feel like I was intruding on personal moments. They could be adventurous though. I will never look at their kitchen counter, or Jasper, the same way again.

I had always wondered what it would be like to live with someone, to have someone to wake up to. How would I feel sharing a space with Edward?

I had officially moved into obsessed, stalker territory. Next thing I know, I'll just walk up and propose.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by a deranged pixie squealing.

"What the fuck is your problem, Alice? Jesus, you're going to give someone a heart attack." Rose got the question out before me, so I just looked and waited for a response.

"Nothing at all. I just thought about that little bistro down from the bar. I want to eat lunch there."

She was lying, but if she didn't want to say, then fine. I had other stuff on my mind. Like why I would have a sex dream about Edward when I had only just met him. Or thoughts of living together when I didn't even know if he was single.

I was lost in thoughts of possible futures until we got to the bar. Once inside, I saw that Emmett and Jasper were there, and so was Edward. I immediately looked away and tried not to blush. I couldn't stop thinking about dream Edward's hands and how my name sounded when he told me to come for him. Leave it to Emmett to point out my obvious discomfort of course.

"Bella, heard you got some last night…or this morning, whatever. How was it?"

Edward's eyes snapped up to meet mine.

Fuck my life.

* * *

EPOV

What the fuck did he just say? She "got some"? I turned towards Bella, and watched her face flush crimson, and her eyes go wide.

No fucking way.

She was with someone? A thousand questions ran through my mind, and the only two that were on repeat were, "Who the fuck is he and where can I find him?"

I was brought out of my possessive rage by her sweet voice.

"Emmett, I didn't get any. Rose needs to keep her mouth shut."

So, she didn't have sex with someone? That was great news. I felt the weight lift, only to feel it be pushed back on me by Rose's next statement.

"Bella, I heard you moaning, there's no reason to be ashamed." She fucking winked at me after she said it. Rose was punishing me for last night!

I felt my jaw clench and I turned away. I started scratching the bar with my thumbnail and began contemplating ways to kill whoever touched Bella. Unfortunately, Emmett wouldn't shut the fuck up and leave me in peace.

"Bella finally settled on a guy and gave it up. Can we meet him? Did you have to brush the dust off your V-card before you gave it to him?"

I had reached my limit.

It was settled.

I would find this fucker and kill him, then try and convince Bella to love me. A loud slap snapped me back to the present as I saw Bella fuming beside me and Emmett rubbing his shoulder.

"Fuck you all! It was a dream, alright. Everyone happy? Bella had a sex dream, and those two pervs," she pointed between Alice and Rose, "didn't wake me up, and laughed at me _after_ I woke up. And I would be very happy if you didn't announce my sexual status in public. That shit is private! And to answer your questions, Rose, yes, he was big, and his fingers were fucking magical."

Rose and Alice started laughing and Emmett looked completely shocked.

"Who's the lucky guy, Bella?"

Bella started to stutter out a response about some fucking movie star or some shit when Rose stopped laughing and looked over at me. Her next words fucking floored me.

"Don't lie, Bella. I'm pretty sure I heard a 'Please, Edward' in there, and I definitely heard you moan 'Oh God, Edward' at the end."

My mouth dropped open along with Bella's, and I just stared at her. I had to shift position because my dick was hard as a fucking rock. Needless to say, every one of them noticed and Bella glanced down at my crotch. She flushed from embarrassment and so did I.

"I can't believe you just told them that, Rose." Everyone around us was laughing but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. "Don't fucking laugh!" She was _so _pink. It was adorable.

Then I remembered that she said I had magical fingers. I couldn't help the cocky smirk that appeared, even if it was just a dream version of me.

Bella was flailing her arms around, and shrieking.

"I'm fucking mortified here! He's going to think I'm a fucking psycho!" She looked at me. "Edward I'm so sorry they're acting this way. I'm sorry about the dream. This is not how I normally act. Hell, I rarely curse, but that seems to be changing lately too."

I still couldn't speak because I was lost in a fantasy land where I had my fingers on Bella, and she was writhing against me and moaning my name. Yeah, the steel cock situation wasn't going anywhere until I had some alone time. I wonder if maybe Bella would like…

"Oh, I don't think Edward minds, Bella." That brought me back. "I know that face. That is the face of a man who is trying to put together your dream last night, and is saddened by the fact dream Edward got some and real Edward's stuck with a hard on."

Alice finally stopped laughing, and shook her head. "Let's go. We need to eat, and this will be less embarrassing for everyone when we leave here."

She turned to the door and we all followed her out. I was last out the door for obvious reasons. Bella looked back at me and smiled. It was a small, confused smile. Probably because I hadn't said anything the entire time this had happened. I wanted to put her at ease about everything so I walked up behind her and pulled her to me.

I hoped to God that she didn't think I was a perv because my cock was pressed against her back.

I bent down to her ear and told her the truth.

"I dreamt of you too, ballerina."

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5: Lunches, Decisions, and an Introduction

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Thanks to my betas ilovenaley and Browns for making this chapter so much better!

* * *

EPOV

Bella didn't say anything after I told her I dreamed about her. She looked kind of shocked, but then she smiled at me. A real smile. I knew then that we would be okay. I knew then that I had a huge fucking shot at starting a relationship with Bella.

I didn't want to fuck her. This wasn't about sex, although my dick was currently staging a revolt in my jeans. This was about her. She was funny and sweet and clumsy as hell. She was real and I needed real. I was desperately fucking pining for real.

I hadn't lied to Emmett or Jasper. I didn't do one night stands or flings. It had been three years since I had any type of physical contact with a woman. I didn't want a relationship and I didn't trust those fucking bar groupies as far as I could throw them. They just used me because they thought I might be famous one day.

The first time I had sex I was eighteen. Her name was Tanya and she was beautiful and fake and she fucked me over. She was the only relationship I ever tried to have. It was great for about three months. We traveled together, she was a groupie and I thought she wanted to be with me. Unfortunately, I found out the hard way that she just wanted a dick to ride on that was going to the top. I left San Diego shortly after finding her riding said dick. In my fucking room no less. I left those sheets behind and was forced to buy new ones when I reached L.A.

The only other person I had been with, occurred when I turned twenty and was too drunk to know what I was doing. _That's why I don't drink anymore among other reasons._ I fucked some random girl in the bathroom of a bar. Not my proudest moment, but at least I was responsible enough to remember the condom, or so she told me. I stayed around Miami for a while after that; I needed to make sure nothing happened to that girl. I didn't want her to get pregnant and be alone because I took off. It would be terrible if she was pregnant but I would be there if that happened. Lucky for me, the coast was still clear three weeks later and I took off.

So, needless to say, I had zero fucking experience with relationships. I had only been with two women ever, and that included oral. I was inexperienced and fucking lost.

Bella didn't have any experience either. I knew that she would want to know about my past and I hoped she wouldn't be upset when I finally told her. I should have listened to my mom. She told me to wait for _the one._ I just didn't believe there was a _'one'_ for me. Now I had to explain this shit to Bella one day, along with why I had no family. On top of all that she probably thought I had a mental problem already. I still hadn't really spoken to her since the bar and I knew I was staring.

Things got easier as we sat down for lunch. We stopped at a bistro around the corner from the bar. The food looked good and must have tasted good too because the prices were a little on the up side. I would have to budget carefully and drink water if I wanted to take Bella on a date here.

Emmett, Jasper and I sat across the table from Rose, Alice and Bella. They talked while we waited for our food and not once did I look at anyone other than Bella.

I was scheming ways to ask Bella out in my head because I was useless when it came to conversation. So far I had planned on doing it after lunch. However, that plan was shot to hell when the blonde hair surfer guy from my imagination walked in and sat down by my ballerina.

It was the second time today I saw red, only this time I actually had someone to fuck up. The first time I needed to beat the shit out of someone today it was just _dream_ me. That thought made me calm down until I saw the All-American douche boy put his arm around Bella.

The sight of him so close to Bella finally snapped me out of my thoughts and I listened to what they were saying.

"Bella, I haven't seen you since classes let out. How have you been?"

"I'm good, Mike. We've just been relaxing and enjoying the break. We are showing our new friend Edward around town. He just moved here."

He shot me a look. I knew what that look meant because I was currently using it on him. That fucker was sizing me up. I smirked at him from my spot across the table.

"Nice to meet you, man." He stuck out his hand. I took it of course trying to squeeze extra tight. He flinched a little. Not near enough for my liking though. I needed to work out with Emmett if I was going to intimidate the male hordes that probably congregated around Bella. I couldn't believe I was being so possessive, but I just couldn't fucking help it.

"You too." I let go of his hand and resumed listening to their conversation. Everyone was watching us. I think Emmett was trying to make a bet with Jasper about whether I would snap or not. They were whispering across the table at each other and glancing at me.

"So I was wondering if you were going to finally take me up on that date, Bells. Its summer now and you just said you weren't doing anything."

"Umm…well, I just…" She was trying to lie. I gave a small smile. She didn't want this guy.

"C'mon, Bella. One date. That's all I'm asking."

"She's already got plans." I said it before I realized I was doing it. Everyone looked at me and Bella caught my gaze with wide eyes. "Ballerina and I are going to dinner tomorrow night." I smiled at Bella and then turned to smirk at Mike, "I would say sorry but I'm not."

I wanted to ask her on a date, instead I ended up telling her we were going. _Fuck._ She looked back up at Mike.

"I'll say it then. I'm sorry, Mike, but I'm already going out with Edward. Thank you for the offer."

He stared at me and everyone else looked between us like they were watching a damn tennis match. He narrowed his eyes at me before turning back to Bella.

"Is he serious? You said you two were just friends. Surely one dinner wouldn't hurt. Then you can see that you have options, Bella. I promise we'll have fun." He leaned towards her as if he was going to kiss her and I finally fucking lost it. The possessive prick inside of me won, and he said fuck the consequences. I stood up, reached across the table and pulled him back before his lips made contact.

I ground out through clenched teeth, "I am really fucking serious, Mike. You're about to see just how serious I can be if you put your fucking lips on Bella. She isn't fucking interested and if you try and kiss her again we'll have bigger problems than you can imagine. She's my girl, my Bella. Got it?"

Everyone was staring now. I mean everyone, like the whole fucking bistro. Bella was blushing redder than she had been this morning and Mike looked like he was about to hit me. So what did I do? I fucking goaded him on.

"Taking a fucking swing, I dare you. You'll end up on the floor faster than you can blink motherfucker."

Bella stood up and walked around the table towards me. She grabbed my arm and I instantly relaxed. I looked down into her eyes and smiled.

"Edward, we need to leave. C'mon."

She linked her fingers with mine and proceeded to drag me from the table and Mike. As we got to the door Mike started coming after us and stopped in the middle of the restaurant. He looked right at me and said, "Bella, you have my number. Call me when you get tired of that asshole. He doesn't even look like he can afford to buy you dinner and he certainly doesn't look like he can please you. I'll be happy to take his seconds when you realize that he's a loser." Then he fucking turned and winked at her.

Bella flushed red again and looked at him with wide eyes while the rest of our table was staring in shock. I locked eyes and smiled at him before I cleared the distance between us in two steps. before he could move I landed a punch on his jaw. He fell to his side, _hard_. I wasn't paying attention to Bella who was behind me, or anyone else around me.

I kneeled down next to his ear and said, "Mike, I told you what would fucking happen. Insult Bella again, and I won't stop when you hit the floor, alright? Now fucking apologize."

He lifted his head up and looked towards Bella.

She had her hand over her mouth and looked kind of pissed too. I really hope she wasn't mad at me. I really wanted that date.

"Sorry, Bella. Won't happen again."

"Fucking right it won't happen again." I turned to Bella. I felt like I was walking to an execution. This could go two ways and only one ended with me having a date with Bella. The other ended with Rose clawing the shit out of me for upsetting Bella.

"C'mon, Edward. We need to talk."

I turned to look at the others who were watching us leave. Alice was smiling and Jasper seemed stunned. Emmett was laughing at Mike who was trying to get up and Rose was just staring at me. Her expression was neutral so I just hoped she wasn't too pissed. I felt Bella's hand on me and slowly turned for the door. I just prayed that this conversation ended with a date and nothing painful.

* * *

BPOV

Edward punched Mike Newton.

In a way it was really hot. He was protective and defended me against a guy who really couldn't take "no" for an answer. However, at the same time it seemed so drastic for someone to act like that over a person they had just met.

Then there was Mike, who was more like a Chihuahua than a Pit Bull. That was the first time he had ever really taken things that far. He was never cruel, just really persistent. Mike had kissed me at a party last semester and never stopped trying to ask me out. I blamed stupid Alice, Rose, and tequila.

Needless to say, I was really confused by both Edward and Mike.

I knew that if Edward asked me out I would go with him anywhere, and that scared me. I was giving power to someone whose last name I didn't even know.

It was a few blocks back to the apartment and I wanted to use this time to think. Edward looked like he could use some quiet time too.

Was this what Alice had been going on about all those times? That when "the one" came along that I would just know. I wouldn't need tons of time, but I would feel an instant connection. I would feel drawn to him. I would want to take his hand, talk to him, and be near him. I would want him like no other. And oh my God, did I _want _Edward.

It wasn't just physical though. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to know his likes and dislikes. I wanted to know what made him seem so sad and tired. I wanted to know and take away that sadness. I wanted to make Edward happy.

I decided in that moment that no matter how fast things went, I would put my all into this relationship. I didn't think that my feelings would not be reciprocated. Edward made it perfectly clear that he wanted me, it didn't matter how violent that statement actually came out. I would give Edward my heart and pray to God that he wouldn't destroy it.

With that cleared up, I started walking faster back to my apartment with Edward in tow. He looked worried and anxious, but I decided to let him stew. Even if his jealously was kind of a turn on, he needed to know that punching someone wasn't the best way to handle the situation.

Finally, we reached the front door of my building. I turned back to Edward who hadn't realized I'd stopped and kept walking past the door.

"Edward, you need to come in so we can talk."

He stopped and glanced around then blushed. Edward whatever his last name was blushed. It was adorable.

"Shit sorry, Bella. I wasn't paying any attention. I would love to come up."

I just nodded and held the door opened while he followed me in. The elevator ride was silent and filled with an almost electric buzz. So many things needed to be said when we got inside my home. We reached my floor and Edward followed me down the hall like a scolded child, his head down, and his hands in his front pockets. It was such a vast difference from the badass who punched Mike earlier on. I unlocked the front door and we made our way into the living room. I sat down in my big, comfy chair and began.

"What's your last name?"

He looked up at me and his eyebrows were furrowed. He looked confused. I figured I might as well clarify the purpose of our talk.

"Edward, I like you. I like you a lot for only knowing you for two days, but I don't know anything about you. However, I don't even know your last name. And as weird as it sounds and as fast as we seem to be moving, I want to know everything about you. I think we could really have something together and I'm willing to just let us go with it. I want to know what might happen between us. I'm going to follow Alice's advice and try."

He looked like I had hit him with a sledgehammer. He mouth was hanging open and his eyes wide. Finally, he ran his hand through his hair and gripped it tight. He let out a long breath. When he looked back up at me, I saw nothing but relief and hope. The dark sadness in his eyes had also lightened.

"Thank God, Bella. Because I was thinking of ways to win you back. I was stuck at holding a stereo outside your window, but that just didn't seem like it would work."

I smiled at him. "That always works, Edward. I couldn't resist you if you were adorably geeky. I can't resist you now anyways." The last part was whispered as an afterthought.

The next question came out of his mouth and I barely heard it. It was a pained whisper almost.

"What are we doing, Bella?"

"I want to know all about you, Edward. We're playing twenty questions, but we'll be playing a lot more than twenty. Hell, we'll probably just sit around and talk. I know Emmett already told you my life story. He's practically Forest Gump, just with a barstool instead of a bench."

He looked scared at this concept of talking. So I just let him sit there until he finally started.

"Bella, I like you a lot. I want to talk to you about my life, but some things are just too painful. I can't talk about them right now, but I'll try to get there. You're the only person I want to share my past with. Just give me time."

"I can do that. So, what's your last name Edward?"

He looked at me and stuck out his hand.

"My name is Edward Anthony Masen, and you are?"

I took it in my grasp and felt the same charge as before. Shaking his hand I answered, "I'm Isabella Marie Swan, but everyone calls me Bella."

* * *

A/N:

The chapters are going to start focusing solely on Edward. This story is about his journey, and we all know once Bella sets her mind to something she won't change it so her decision is solid when it comes to Edward. The problems in the story deal with Edward becoming the person he wants to be.

As always let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6: Getting to Know You and Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Twlight

Thanks to ilovenaley and Browns for beta'ing this.

* * *

EPOV

Her favorite color was blue. Her favorite song at that moment, was "Mannequin" by Katy Perry because it made her smile. I knew that when she was seven her mom enrolled her in ballet classes, but she was awful. The teacher suggested to Bella and her mom that she might want to consider a non-active pass time, like painting. They tried that too, but her dreams went down the drain when she tripped coming out of her room, and spilt paint down the stairs.

That's when she started reading. It was safe and fun. She said that it allowed her to go to other places without even walking. I decided then that I needed to start reading more. I needed to read the books that Bella loved, so I could understand her better. I knew her favorite authors were Austin, the Bronte sisters and the completely random addition of F. Scott Fitzgerald. I also knew that her favorite poet was Pablo Neruda.

I knew her life story, in depth. I knew that her mom remarried when she was seventeen, and essentially shipped her off to live with her dad in Forks, Washington. I know there's more to tell there but we haven't gotten that far yet.

I knew she adored her father. He is the original "papa bear" she said. I was also made aware that he had a gun that he carried it on his person everyday. I'm was terrified of him, and I hadn't even spoken to him yet.

I knew all of this about Bella, and she knew lots about me too. She knew the basic outline my life had taken. She knew that my dad left when I was ten, and that my mom died when I was sixteen. I told her funny stories about my mom and growing up with her. Bella knew that my mom, and I would plant tulips and lilies in the small patch of grass that we had for a backyard, and that I was devastated when none came up. She knew how happy I was when my mom sent me to guitar camp, and for how grateful I was for my hand me down guitar.

She didn't know how abusive my dad was, or that he was an alcoholic. She didn't know that my mom worked two jobs to keep us in a house, or that she would probably be disappointed in how I turned out. I kept those things to myself.

If I was terrified of Charlie, then I was absolutely petrified that Bella would find out what a loser I was, and toss me to the curb. That just couldn't happen.

We continued with our game every time we saw each other for the next week. I never asked her on a date. I would see her at the bar and ask her questions. She would answer and then ask questions of her own. I would walk her home at the end of her shifts, and then go back to that cold motel room to write songs or update my list of Bella's information.

Yes, I kept a list. I didn't want to forget a single story or addition to the Bella's Favorite Things list. I knew it was crazy, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Today was the day though. It had been a little over a week since the Mike incident and I was planning on asking her a very important question today in our little game.

I got to the bar a little early because I knew that Emmett had some boxes that needed to be brought up and stored in the bar area. I was walking towards the office to go downstairs when I heard Bella's voice.

"Alice, it's been a week. We're getting to know each other. Maybe he isn't as attracted to me as he thought, ya know? I mean maybe he thinks we're just really good friends or maybe that's all he wants. I'm not about to ask him out and have him reject me or just offer to go out as friends."

What the fuck? Was she talking about me? Didn't she realize that I'm completely dazzled by her?

_Apparently not, spaz._

"Bella, you're just worried that things are going to turn out like they did with Jake. Am I right?"

Who the fuck was Jake? Bella had never mentioned him before. Now I was really curious.

"You're right. Jake won't even speak with me anymore. I don't think I could handle Edward not wanting to talk with me, and I know I couldn't handle the humiliation of being rejected by him."

I stood completely still and stared at the door. Did she really think that I would reject her? She was everything I wanted. I guess I should have asked her yesterday if she wanted to go out with me, but I didn't get paid until today and funds were too short last night. If I had been thinking, I just could have asked and made plans for tonight, but I was mentally impaired sometimes and that just didn't register with my pea size brain.

"You and Edward are meant for each other. Trust me, I know these things."

"Right. Maybe I should have let you dress me, Alice. You could have made me super sexy, and then I would have been irresistible to him." There was a dramatic sigh from Bella after she said it. I could just see her pretend enthusiasm for Alice's clothes.

"Yeah, and then you would have fallen or tripped and everyone the bar would have had an eye full of Bella boobs or ass. It will work better this way."

I chuckled at that and immediately the door opened. I stood staring into Bella's eyes.

"Were you listening this whole time, Edward?" She looked really embarrassed for some reason.

"Umm. I was just walking to get boxes and I heard you and stopped. I didn't mean anything. Are you mad?" It all rushed together and I was sure she hadn't understood any of it.

My subconscious was banging his head against a wall, while congratulating me on being a complete fuck up in my attempts to ask Bella on a date. Now she's going to think I pity her if I ask her now. _Son of a bitch_. Now I would have to wait another fucking week.

"No, I'm not mad. Are you ok? You look sick or something."

I was just going to lay it out there and be honest. _Might as well_. I wasn't the beat around the bush type normally.

"I'm good. Just a little pissed at myself. I was planning on asking you to dinner tonight, but now I can't ask you because you'll think it's because of what I heard instead of a true offer. And I won't take you anywhere if you think that I feel sorry for you. So, my fuck up. I'm sorry. I should have just kept walking."

She cocked her head to the side and said, "That's probably for the best. Don't ask me yet."

I felt utterly defeated and turned to walk down the stairs to the storage room. I really wanted to hit something. I hadn't gotten two steps away when I heard Bella say my name. I turned to look at her and she asked me, "We're both getting off early tonight so do want to come over? I'm making spicy garlic chicken pizza. It's really great." She was biting her lip and looking at me expectantly. I threw her my best smile and said, "It's a date, Bella. I wouldn't want be anywhere else."

* * *

I was fucking nervous. I was fidgeting and running my hands through my hair. I probably looked insane as I stood outside the bar waiting on Bella. We would talk tonight again. I would have to ask her about some other fucking guy too. In all the time Bella and I had been asking questions, nothing about relationships, or our past sexual histories came up. I didn't have a clue who Jake was.

Did she sleep with him? Did she love him?

My mind was going in all different directions, and I knew I was probably making things worse by obsessing. My biggest fear was to put my foot in my mouth and say something really fucking stupid. Of course those fears became reality as soon as Bella comes outside and we start walking to her apartment.

She was complaining about some old guy that spent the evening saying his order was wrong when out of the fucking blue, in no way was the conversation even in this fucking ball park, I interrupted her and say, "Wow, that's fucked up. So who's Jake?"

Bella looked like her eyes are about to bug out of her head and her mouth is hanging open, but still I didn't say anything. In my mind, I was legitimately waiting for an answer to this horribly timed question, but at the same time I was also trying to form an apology, which was definitely called for. Needless to say, it was counterproductive and all I really did was stare right back at her.

Finally, she shook her head and began walking again. I followed after her, and patiently waited for an answer. Not really, I'm not patient at all, I really wanted ask the fucking question again but figured she was just thinking of how to answer or waiting until we get to her apartment.

Or maybe, my inner emo says, "She's just trying to avoid telling you about her freaky sexual past or maybe they were really serious and something bad happened, like he died."

Neither of those were good options. Bella didn't speak the rest of the way, but I did remember Emmett getting slapped for mentioning Bella's virgin status. Maybe I wouldn't be privileged to descriptions of another guy touching my girl tonight. Someone might have to commit me to a fucking asylum if that happened.

I knew it wasn't remotely fair to wish Bella had never been touched even though I had, but I fucking knew I had made mistakes. If I could have, I would reverse time and stop myself from putting my dick into both of those girls, but I couldn't and I hoped she would understand that.

I didn't even realize that we were in Bella's living room until I sat down on the couch. That jolted me out of the imaginary world I was lost in, where I was running through a bar, trying to keep my past self out of Tanya's clutches. If only it were that fucking easy.

Bella cleared her throat and started talking. _Fucking finally_.

"Jacob was my best friend. I had known him my whole life basically. When I went to live with my dad we started hanging out again. It's important going in that you understand he is like a brother to me, like family. I never loved him the way he wanted. I never loved him the way he loved me."

I nodded my head, encouraging her to continue. She went into a long story about hanging out on some fucking reservation with this Quiluete kid. He was younger and just from the fucking stories I knew that he was in love with her. Then she showed me pictures. I had seen the tan kid before on her wall, but now, looking closer, I realized how fucking close he came to having her. If she had just wanted to give it a try with him, I wouldn't even be sitting her now.

She would have loved him. She would have been comfortable with him. They could have had a life together, but he would have never have loved her like I do. They wouldn't have shared half of the fire we could have.

Still, it scared the shit out of me. This was the guy Bella deserved; good, stable, dependable. I was none of those things. I moved too much, I didn't really have a home, I would let her down.

She was oblivious to my inner struggle as she told me about how he stopped talking to her. How if he couldn't have her as his, he didn't want her at all.

Then I remembered the conversation with Alice. Bella was afraid if she told me how she felt then I would push her away. That I wouldn't feel that way for her. She was afraid of being the Jacob fucking Black of this relationship. She was afraid of being on the giving end of unrequited love, as she so named it.

Whoa. _Did she admit to loving me? Did I love Bella?_ I tried desperately to hang onto her words, but I kept getting pulled in my own thoughts. I felt something for her, but was it love. I really liked talking to her. I wanted to love her, but did I love her now?

I didn't know. I really didn't think I even had the fucking ability to love. I would never be able to provide her with anything. I didn't have a fucking high school diploma. How the fuck would I be able to support her and a family? I'm not even the stay around type. I would hurt her. I possibly held her fucking heart in my hands and could throw it away. I could fuck her up forever.

"Edward? Hey, Edward? Are you all right?" She looked so concerned then.

I wouldn't hurt her. I would be whatever she needed me to be. I would change for Bella. I had to.

"Yeah. It's just a lot to think about; heavy fucking stuff. I'm going to say something you might not like though. I certainly fucking hate saying it."

"Okay, go ahead." She looked concerned.

"I look at these pictures, Bella, and I see his love. He would have been good to you."

I knew I should be honest with myself and Bella. She didn't say anything, but just sat and looked at the photo in her hand. She was on a beach with her arm wrapped around Jake's waist smiling at the camera. Jacob was looking down at her, smiling the same way I smiled at her. That's when I realized what was going on.

I might not have been able to admit it out loud, but I loved Bella. I was still in denial about it, but the feelings were there. The only difference between Jacob and me was Bella looked right back at me with the same emotions in her eyes.

I thought about the first day I met her. I thought how she could destroy my world if given the chance. Now I knew that if this thing we had failed, if either of us fucked up, the result would be devastating. I wasn't sure how we would handle the loss.

I didn't know how we would handle losing each other, but I knew without a doubt by pursuing Bella I was trying to get something I didn't deserve.

She was too good for me, but I was selfish and I would stay in her life as long as it didn't cause her problems.

* * *

We made pizza together that night, and continued our question game. It was comfortable, and fun, full of little pieces of information that I kept locked away in the 'things about Bella' drawer in my head.

"What's your favorite movie, Edward?" We had just finished watching 'Shaun of the Dead' and were sitting on the couch, just inches apart.

"Well, you can't beat the zed word, but I think my all time favorite movie is 'Encino Man'.

She started laughing and said, "Sweet Lord, don't mention that around Emmett or we will all be dealing with a Pauley Shore marathon. And that is a month I don't want to relive, ever."

She was still giggling slightly so I took the opportunity to ask her the same thing. She composed herself and looked deadly serious before speaking.

"Well, if this is just between friends I will say that my favorite movie is 'Beer League'. It's freaking hilarious and I laugh every time I watch it. If I was talking to someone that I knew expected a more refined answer I would say 'Good Night, and Good Luck'. She shrugged before adding, "I'm a girl with many layers, Edward. Sticking with movie questions, what is your favorite Cohen brothers' film?"

I was confused for a minute before just deciding to tell the truth. Even if I did sound like someone who'd lived under a rock for the past seven years.

"Bella, I don't really watch a lot of movies. My favorites are usually from the time I lived at home. So I don't know who the Cohen brothers are."

I knew that I was getting upset over a stupid topic. It was just something so small that set me apart from her. Again.

"Well, it's still early and you need to learn who 'the dude' is, so get ready for another great comedy. We're watching 'The Big Lebowski.'"

She reached over and patted my leg before heading to the movie shelf to grab our next movie. She treated my little admission as if it didn't matter, like I was just some normal person who didn't watch movies because he didn't like them. Not because he didn't have the money to see them. Bella made me feel like an equal instead of an outcast, and I didn't know if I deserved that type of compassion.

Before I could really understand what I was doing, I was moving to stand behind her. Bella turned around and nearly ran into me. I heard her gasp as I put one hand on her elbow and the other one cupping her cheek. I could see the confusion in her eyes and I stared intently at her. I let everything out in a rush, not able to conceal my insecurities.

"I don't know about a lot of things, Bella. I won't get your references sometimes, and I'm sorry that I'm like that. Damn, I don't like to be less than what you need. I don't get to watch a lot of movies because I don't make enough money to go out regularly. The fucking motels I stay in usually don't have a working TV. I have never attempted to make friends like this in a new place. I'm fucking terrified that you will see how little I deserve to be around you."

"This isn't about the movie is it, Edward?" She bit her lip and her eyes looked sadder.

She reached up and held the hand I had on her cheek, casually rubbing her thumb along the top of my hand.

"Edward, think about this, please. You've never stayed in one city long enough to set yourself up in a nice place. By the time you made enough money to get an apartment, you'd use that to buy a ticket to take you to another city. All this is going to take a little time. That's all. Edward, you are everything I need. You're becoming my best friend. I think that we were meant to find each other like Alice has been telling me. There was never any doubt in my mind I would find you. I just had to wait a little while. If you want to wait a little longer until you think that you have everything that you need to actually 'deserve' dating me then go for it." She squeezed my hand.

"I'll still be here waiting, but know that none of that is necessary. I love you for you. You're smart and witty. You are so talented and kind. I know you still talk to Carlisle even though you think I don't pay attention. He thinks very highly of you, by the way. You should know that I don't care if you live in that motel or in this apartment complex. I think you just need to realize what a good man you are. You're perfect for me, Edward."

I didn't say anything. There was nothing else I could say. So I did the thing that I had wanted to do since I saw her my first day in Seattle. I leaned down and closed the distance between us, and softly touched her lips to mine.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading! Review if you'd like :)


	7. Chapter 7

Ch. 7: Why do I Even Allow Myself to Speak?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. A girl can dream though.

Thanks to ilovenaley & Browns for beta'ing :)

* * *

EPOV

My brain was numb, but at the same time running a hundred miles per hour.

She had just said she loved me. She might not have realized she said it, but she sure as fuck did. She'd also said the most amazing things about me.

If she hadn't said my name a few times, I wouldn't have known she was talking about me. Bella made me sound _good_; she thought I was a good man. Hearing my Ballerina say those words made my heart soar.

I couldn't form words, but I wanted her to know that I felt the same, so I leaned down and finally gave my girl a kiss.

It was better than I could have ever imagined.

Her lips were soft and sweet against mine. The movie fell to the floor as she moved her hands up my arms to wind her fingers in the hair at the base of my neck. That set off a chain reaction in my jeans.

When I moaned against her lips, she slipped her tongue tentatively in my mouth. When our tongues finally touched, we both gasped, and she pulled at my hair a little harder. My hand on her waist moved around to her lower back and I pulled her against my growing erection. I walked her back to the wall, and I put my forearm against the it to support myself, while my other hand pushed her a little harder into me.

The kiss turned from sweet and tentative to something much more passionate. Bella moaned against my lips and swiped her tongue along my bottom lip before gently tugging on it with her teeth.

I was pretty sure I was seconds away from coming in my pants when the front door burst open, and I heard Emmett yell, "Holy shit, who knew Bells had it in her!"

I pressed my forehead to Bella's and opened my eyes. Her face was flushed beautifully, and her lips were swollen from our kissing. My cock was still hard and pressed against her, and I noticed for the first time that the hand that had been on her back now gripped her leg that she had hiked around my hip.

There was another chorus of "ooohhhs" before Bella pulled back from me.

Based on the Bella I had seen before, I figured she would jump away and act embarrassed, but instead, she grabbed my hand in hers and turned to face the stunned faces of Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper.

"You guys need to learn to knock, and I'm going to need my key back from you, Alice, because you don't know how to call before you come over. We were just going to watch 'The Big Lebowski', you can stay if you want."

With that she bent over in front of me to pick up the movie, which really didn't help my hard on, and then led me back to the couch. As if they were all suddenly knocked out of their stupor, the others followed in and took their respective spots around Bella's living room. When Bella finished putting the DVD in, she came and sat down next to me. I moved my arm around her and brought her closer.

_She smelled delicious._

I really wanted everyone to leave, so we could continue from where we had left off. I wasn't planning on having sex with her tonight, but I was hoping to at least make out on the couch, maybe a little playful grinding. I knew that plan was shot to hell though.

Alice finally spoke up as the credits started.

"So, are you guys an item now, or are you going to play hard to get a little longer? I've never seen Bella in a position like that before…so I'm hoping it was a step in the right direction?"

Bella looked up at me and smiled.

"Moving in the right direction, Alice. No peaking either! This needs to work out on its own." She pointed her finger for added emphasis.

After that, the conversation about Bella and me was over. We watched the movie, and I had to admit it was fucking funny. I was pretty sure that Emmett was going to be throwing in "I am the walrus" at random moments for the next few days, and Jasper kept talking about getting a new rug for his and Alice's living room.

I was aware then why I would never mention 'Encino Man' to Emmett. That would just be too much.

Half an hour later, everyone started to head out, and I stood up to leave with them. I got a few steps away when Bella gripped my arm and mouthed, "Stay".

The others looked back, but didn't say anything as I walked back to stand by Bella. When I heard the door click shut, I turned to face her and was immediately met with Bella's sweet lips on mine. I walked us back to the couch till the back of my knees hit the seat, and Bella broke away long enough to whisper out a breathy, "Sit down."

I sat down quickly, and she moved to straddle me. Her knees were on either side of my hips, and the kiss became more intense as she moved her fingers to my hair and pushed her sex down on my lap to move against my cock. I started running my hands up her sides, so that I could push her shirt up. She broke away from the kiss, and I moved my mouth to her neck as my fingers came in contact with the lacey material of her bra.

I really fucking wanted this; I wanted to feel her, but I knew we were moving too fast. Those thoughts didn't stop me though; I pushed up the cup of her bra down and let my fingers easily pass over her hard nipple. She gasped at the contact, and pushed down harder onto my lap. That movement seemed to snap me out of my haze for a few brief seconds.

"God, Bella. We need to stop." There was no way I was going to have sex with her tonight. We hadn't even declared what we were, and I certainly wasn't going to take her virginity without a title. Not to mention, we hadn't even gone on a date yet.

She stopped moving and leaned her head back to look at me. She looked genuinely hurt.

"Okay. I just thought…I'm not sure what I thought." It was just a whisper.

"I want you, Bella, but not like this. I don't want to fuck this up, and if we don't stop that's what's going to happen. You deserve better than this, and I can give it to you, but not tonight."

She looked at me and nodded her head, but I could tell she was still upset. Finally, she spoke again.

"Well at least stay here tonight? It's already really late. We don't have to do anything, but I would like for you to stay with me. Is that okay?" She was wringing her hands together like she always did when she was nervous.

Of course I said the first thing that came to mind.

"That's out-fucking-standing. I can't wait to curl up with you, love."

She looked like she wanted to say something else, but didn't. She just got up and led the way to her room. I watched as she took some clothes out of the drawer and made her way to the bathroom. She didn't speak at all or even look in my direction after entering the room.

Bella came out dressed to sleep a few minutes later, and she looked even more beautiful than before. She was wearing red and blue plaid sleeping shorts and a dark blue tank top. Her hair was piled into a messy bun on her head, and her face was slightly flushed from washing it.

"You can use the bathroom now. I don't have an extra toothbrush, but you can use mine if you want. I think we're past the cootie stage."

I nodded and walked into the bathroom. I took a brief look around before doing anything.

It was bright and clean. The sink had a fake marble overlay that, I guessed, came with the apartment, but everything else was Bella. The shower curtain was brown with dark blue flowers scattered over it. The rugs on the floor were the same dark blue as the flowers. I noticed the way her bags were haphazardly laying on the counter in one corner before I took the toothbrush out of the holder. I looked at the small piece of plastic and was hit with the weight of what this meant. I had never shared a toothbrush with anyone. I had also never spent the night with a woman.

I had been with Tanya, but afterward she would leave. She always said her room was better, which is why I was completely thrown by finding her fucking some guy in _my_ room.

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts then turned on the water. As I brushed my teeth, I thought about what was about to happen.

I was very nervous about tonight. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, but I really wanted to cuddle. Yeah, I, Edward Masen wanted to fucking cuddle. I finished brushing my teeth and gave myself a little pep talk before walking back into the bedroom.

Bella was already in bed facing away from the door, so I pulled back the covers and lay down behind her. I noticed pretty quickly that she was almost asleep. Still, I wrapped one arm around her waist and gently pulled her to me, but before I got her close enough she rolled over and burrowed her head into my chest.

"Goodnight, Edward. Thanks for staying."

"Night, Bella. I'll stay as long as you want me."

She leaned her head up and then kissed my jaw. I lay there for awhile trying to find sleep, but I couldn't. Finally, Bella rolled away from me onto her stomach. I stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before I leaned up on my elbow and watched her sleep.

I had only been in Seattle for a little over a week, and I had found things I never thought I would have. I had a job, a place to stay, friends, and quite possibly a girlfriend. I had never been more pleased with the decision to move someplace.

Those thoughts passed through my mind as I reclined on my pillow and finally found sleep. My dreams were of Bella. She was in this same apartment with a little boy running after her. He had wild reddish brown hair like mine and deep chocolate eyes. Bella looked up at me and smiled right as the dream disappeared, and a loud screeching filled my ears.

* * *

BPOV

I didn't mean to wake him up. Hell, I didn't mean for the smoke detector to go off, but it did. I must have the most sensitive fire alarms in the whole city because steam could make those things go off.

_I really should fix them. _

A minute later, Edward stumbled into the kitchen holding his ears.

"I'm really sorry. It happens a lot. I know they're a pain in the ass." I said as I was stepping down from the chair that I had used to reach the fire alarm. When my feet touched the ground, I looked up at Edward. "Would you like some eggs?"

By the time he sat down at the bar, I had the smoke detector on the counter with the battery out. "That's a hell of a wake up call," he said, pointing to the dismembered device. "Next time just kiss me or grope me, alright? And I would love some eggs."

I was instantly transported back to my sex dream of Edward asking if I wanted him to "wake me up", and my face flushed a little.

"Next time I will definitely plan on waking you up differently. Here you go. Want juice or coffee?"

He had already started eating when he said coffee. I made myself some and stopped to ask how he took his.

"I like mine plain black, love; none of that sugary shit for me."

That wasn't first time he had called me "love", and I wondered if he meant it, or was I just looking too deep into his words? After all, last night I pretty much professed my love after his mini meltdown.

Edward really didn't see himself clearly. He only saw his shortcomings, and that was really sad. He had so much potential, and he sold himself short. I mean, I had only known him a short time, but I knew where this was heading. I was falling in love with this sweet, kind, artistic, cocky man. I could only hope that he was falling, too.

"Well, I like my coffee to give me sugar shock, so we're different there. I don't mind though; it just means more for me."

I winked as I placed the coffee beside him on the counter and sat at the bar stool beside him. We didn't speak much during breakfast, and after we were done, neither of us seemed to know what to do. I didn't want awkward, and that was where we were. We started talking at the same time…

"What are…"

"Well, I…"

We both laughed a little, and Edward motioned for me to continue.

"I have to go to the library on campus and return some books. I…"

He cut me off and started to stand. "Shit, Bella, I didn't mean to keep you. I'll head out. I don't want to be in the way."

He was already washing his plate off before I could speak.

"No, Edward. I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me. I mean, I don't know what your plans are, but if you're not busy I would like for you to hang out with me."

He smiled and said, "Bella, I don't have shit to do today, and I would be happy to follow you around wherever you go."

He had dressed before he came out of the bedroom, but I still had on my pajamas so I told him to wait for just a minute, and I changed quickly into jeans and a t-shirt. I let my hair fall down around my shoulders and put on some lip gloss. I was back in the living room in ten minutes.

During my absence, Edward had taken up residence on the couch and was currently flipping channels.

I thought that Edward probably wanted to change into clean clothes and decided we should probably stop by his place first.

_This would give me a chance to see where he lived. _

"So, before we head over to the campus, I was thinking we could swing by your place and let you change. Maybe you could get some clothes for tonight. I mean you could stay over again. We're both off tonight, so I could continue to educate you in film."

I had no idea where that last part came from, but it really wasn't a bad idea so I didn't take it back. Edward, however, looked shocked and kind of tense. He quickly turned off the television, but remained seated on the couch.

I had really thought he liked staying last night, but now I was convinced he only done it to be nice. How in the world could I mistake pity for love? I tried to keep my emotions in check as I realized I had this whole situation completely wrong. I started talking again. This time it was all jumbled.

"I mean you don't have to. It was just a thought, a random, inappropriate thought. I'm sorry. I don't do this, and I guess I'm just coming on a little strong…"

I was twisting my hands together and looking everywhere but the couch that Edward sat on.

"I want to stay, Bella. I just think that maybe this is moving fast. I don't want to put us in a position that would fuck this up. So let's just skip the motel and head to campus. My clothes are fine. I'll just stop by later and get something."

I had never felt more rejected than at that moment. Of course, that thought was barely gone when he basically pulled out the shot gun and "Old Yeller"-ed my self-esteem.

"Second thought, Bella, I just remembered I have to take my guitar in this morning. There's a little music store I found, and they are going to fix one of my pegs that's too loose. So I'll let you take care of your errands and see you later?"

He was off the couch, and moving for the door.

I didn't say anything because I knew what this was; it was the brush off. I opened the door for him and managed a quick, "Bye, Edward," before he was out the door, down the hall and gone. I shut and locked the front door then slid down to the floor.

I took inventory of everything I had done in the last twenty-four hours.

I had just spent last night making out and dry humping the man. I asked him to spend the night with me. He did all of these things without complaint. This was the awkward morning after without the sex. _Thank God he stopped me_.

The man of my dreams didn't find me the least bit attractive, and I had practically thrown myself at him.

I didn't cry, and that surprised me. Instead, I took some deep breaths and stood up. I got my books together and put them in my messenger bag before I made sure I had my keys, ID, and phone then I left my apartment.

The walk to campus took about fifteen minutes, and I liked the time to think. I really hoped that Edward would still say hello when we worked together. He was a really good friend, I hadn't lied about that. More than wishing for communication, I really hoped he stayed, and that I hadn't scared him off for good.

I walked up the steps to the library and decided that I would lock all this confusing Edward business away.

Maybe he wasn't the one for me after all.

* * *

EPOV

I hid in my room. I don't mean just behind a locked door either. I mean, I had the door locked, blinds drawn and was currently sitting on the floor, with my back against the wall between the bed and wall.

I was a fucking douche. She offered me her bed, and I went off the fucking deep end.

_Who the fuck does that? _

_No, Bella I will not sleep with you. Second thought, I've got important made up shit to do because I'm a fucking loser."_

I couldn't even look at her face when I left her apartment. I practically sprinted down the fucking hall.

All because I didn't want her to see where I lived? _Fucking really?_ I just spent the night with the woman, shared her fucking toothbrush, and I didn't want her to come into my shitty motel room.

_Wow. _

I started banging my head against the wall with each word I said, "I'm" thud "fucking" thud "stupid" thud.

I should just pack up my shit and hit the road because I'm obviously too socially retarded to carry any kind of relationship.

I closed my eyes and thought of life without Bella. I didn't want that. I wanted to stay here.

It was Saturday, and I wasn't due to work again until Tuesday night. I resolved that when I went into that bar, I would sweep her off her feet. I was going to prove to Bella that I would never run away again.

I would spend the rest of my days trying to be the man that Isabella Swan deserved.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

So what do you think? How do you think E will make this up to her? Review and let me know.


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8: A Reconciliation of the Caveman Variety

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Thanks to ilovenaley for beta'ing :)

* * *

BPOV

My day had sucked. _Hard._

After the library, I decided that I really needed some coffee. Java tends to make me happy, so I started to walk over to _The Coffee Shop_ near campus. Yes, that's its name.

I waited in line for fifteen minutes just to order then another ten to get my coffee. When I finally got my order, it was completely wrong. I wanted large, and I got medium. I wanted caramel, and they somehow got that confused with hazelnut. I wanted whip, and I got foam.

I decided to just take it anyway and leave. I was in dire need of my "bad day" playlist, but when I reached in my bag I realized that I didn't have my iPod. I remembered that it was on the dock charging, and I had been in too big of a hurry to run away from my humiliation this morning to grab it.

_Ahhh. There it is_.

The cherry topping on the stellar day I had. Edward ran away from me. Literally. I thought that we got along great, and that last night was fun. We laughed, talked, groped.

I might have admitted a teensy bit that I loved him, but it's not like I said it directly and expected a response. Hell, I even overlooked it and turned on a movie. Then I practically raped him.

I had never been forward in my entire life, but last night I jumped on Edward, and he rejected me with the excuse of wanting to wait. I'm not naïve. I know that someone like Edward has been with women before. He's probably good at what he does, but c'mon, I'm not exactly unfortunate looking.

If he can resist me, especially when I'm grinding on his junk, then there really isn't that much of a temptation. The man slept with me all night in the same bed and there hadn't been one wrong touch. I couldn't believe this, but I wanted Edward Masen to grope me.

I had severe problems.

Without really knowing where I was heading, I found myself in front of Edward's motel. _Stalker_. I decided it couldn't hurt to step inside. After all, he was "getting his guitar fixed", right?

There was a chubby man working behind the desk, who looked to be one donut away from a heart attack, when I entered the office area.

He glanced up at me and smiled. Not a nice smile, a creepy smile.

"What can I do for you? I sell rooms by the hour, but I ask for a share in the profits." He winked then.

"Excuse me?" I felt my mouth drop open and my eyes go wide. I quickly did an inventory of what I was wearing.

I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I was carrying coffee and messenger bag. What kind of prostitutes did this place see?

The man turned bright red after I spoke, and he quickly tried to cover his own ass.

"No ma'am. I'm really sorry. Don't get many decent customers is all."

"Whatever." I shook my head and kept talking, "I was wondering if this is where my friend is staying here. His name is Edward Masen."

He nodded his head. "Yeah, Edward stays here. Quiet guy, keeps to himself a lot. Came flying in here this morning like a bat out of hell. He hasn't left his room since. I'm really not supposed to, but I can tell you which room is his."

So Edward lied about his damn guitar. I must be a lot worse than I thought. I tried to hide my angry tears before speaking, "That's fine. He told me he had stuff to do today. Good to see that's getting done."

I turned and left. I didn't stop until I was inside my apartment, and lying in my bed.

I would make things easy for him. I didn't want him to feel obligated to me, so I would pretend that Edward Masen was just like any other friend. Not the man that I thought I loved.

* * *

EPOV

I hadn't talked to Bella since Saturday. I didn't have to go to work on Sunday or Monday, so I hid. I couldn't figure out how to fix things so I just avoided it all.

Saturday morning, before my freak out, she had invited me to stay the night again, so tonight I brought my bag. It was a Tuesday, and I was performing tonight. I planned on dedicating my last song to Bella again. It was probably really presumptuous, but I was hoping I could make amends and stay with her tonight.

I wouldn't bring it up though. _Only if she asked me to stay_, I repeated to myself. I would just be prepared this time, and we would avoid the motel all together.

I figured for the song I could go with more Shinedown, but that wouldn't show that I was paying attention to her.

I imagined that Bella was upset because I acted so ridiculously on Saturday, so I needed to make her laugh and smile. Tonight the last song was going to be sung karaoke style. Mostly because I didn't have enough time to learn a new song, and the one I chose sounded better with the backing track.

When I got to work everything happened like I expected. Bella avoided me like the fucking plague. She would look up and smile occasionally but there was no conversation. I sat with Carlisle again, but she wouldn't come near him when I was there. I heard him muttering something about "stupid kid" and "end up alone" before I left the table.

Once when I walked to the bar in between songs, I tried to pick up our question game, but she was able to get out of it when Emmett proceeded to argue with me about why Scooby-Doo was the best cartoon ever.

I said, "Tiny Toons."

Bella said, "Pinky and the Brain."

She was able to slip off without asking me a return question. Maybe if Emmett hadn't interrupted she could have asked me why I freaked out Saturday, but Bella seemed to want to just forget about it all together.

So I let her go and tried to make Emmett understand that these are question games, and I didn't need him to defend his point of view and try and sway mine. I still thought "Tiny Toons" was the shit and if at all possible I would have loved to find a copy of "How I Spent my Summer Vacation." He looked at me like I had lost my mind, and I noticed Bella laugh behind me. I turned around to see her giggling and saying, "We have a skydiving appointment at four!"

She didn't realize I was watching her until she raised her eyes from the table. She stopped smiling when she saw me looking at her and said, "Edward, if you had spent the day with me on Saturday I would have loved to let you watch my DVD of "Tiny Toons", but you had other things to do."

With that she turned and walked back to the office. That was the first time I heard Bella say anything that sounded rude, and I was still in shock when Emmett slapped my back.

"You turned down spending time with her? What else do _you_ have to do, Edward?"

"Not a fucking thing. I'm a damn coward," I spit out angrily.

I turned back to the stage before he had a chance to say anything else. I still had an hour or so left of my shift.

There weren't many people here, so I wasn't really worried about approval of song choice. I was like a live iPod. I was the background guy who played background music.

Bella finally came back out and went around to the four tables that were occupied. She was so fucking gorgeous and obviously pissed at me.

I was still gunning for another shot with Bella and the "Tiny Toons" movie. I mean that just proved to me how we were meant to be together. I was determined to make everything right.

As my time was winding down, I started to set up the karaoke machine when I heard a deep voice yell, "Hells Bells!"

I looked around only to have my heart completely stop when I saw the owner of the booming voice.

_Jacob fucking Black._

I felt like I was going to throw up.

Before I realized what I was doing, I had moved across the bar to stand right behind Bella.

_Good to see the creepy stalker tendencies are still working. _

"Oh my God! What are you doing here?" My ballerina sounded so fucking confused, but maybe happy, too?

"Well, my friends wanted a drink, so I figured I would tag along. Listen Bella, I'm going to get this out of the way, alright? I was a dick, and I'm so sorry for how I treated you. It was never your fault, Bella." He reached out and grabbed her hand. _Where the fuck was Rose and her claws when I needed them?_

"You know it's going to take a lot more than that for us to be friends again, right?" She pulled her hand back from his.

"I know. I'm moving up here to help at this garage that just opened, and I had planned on looking you up later this week, but we came in here, and here you are. It's fate, Bells. What do you say?"

"We'll try, Jake. What can I get you drink?"

"I'll just have a coke, Bells. Still underage and all."

The other guys with Jacob said something, but I didn't even hear. I was glued to Jacob Black.

"I'll be right back. Have a seat anywhere."

She nodded her head in the direction of the tables and turned around. She ran right into me and almost fell over.

I wasn't quick enough to catch her because I was too busy plotting ways to kill this asshole in front of me. So Jacob reached out a grabbed her before she fell. Apparently I had become one of the inanimate objects that were in danger of Bella now.

"Whoa, still clumsy. Good to see some things don't change." He winked at her, and she blushed a little.

_That was my blush_.

What the fuck was happening? My head started to spin again.

"Although, you didn't have a statue following you around the last time I saw you." He pointed up at me and smirked. I finally found my voice then.

"Edward Masen." I stuck my hand out and gripped his harder than I ever did with Mike. This guy here could actually take my girl away.

"Jake, this is my good friend Edward. He just moved to Seattle, so we've been showing him around."

She smiled at me then. She still looked a little wary though, probably thinking back to the altercation with Mike. I wasn't going to hit Jacob. _Yet_.

He squeezed my hand back just as hard. "Well, hello Bella's good _friend_. I was Bells' best friend for a long time so I hope you don't mind sharing while we work some things out."

He knew exactly what he was doing, and I think Bella did too. She narrowed her eyes at him then said, "Well, you might have to fight Edward for that spot now because I'm pretty sure that he knows a lot about me." Then she threw me a fucking bone, a huge fucking bone.

"What are we going to do tonight, Edward?"

"Same thing we do every night, Bella." My voice may have been a bit lower and rougher than intended.

Her eyelids drooped a little and let me know my voice had the desired affect, and we said together, "Try and take over the world."

The bubble was broken by Jacob's voice again.

"You still watch that shit, Bella? Wow. I never thought you'd find someone that had shitty taste cartoons, too."

"What can I say? I guess I just like what Bella likes." Then I went in for the kill. I turned to Bella and said, "We can watch "Tiny Toons" tonight, right Ballerina. I brought a toothbrush of my very own this time and pajamas."

I knew it was a dick move, but fuck, I needed this guy to understand the difference between him and me. I don't know if that was a good idea though when I saw Bella's brow furrow. She didn't blush either, which was something she normally did in an embarrassing or tense situation.

Finally, she said, "That's fine Edward. We need to talk anyway."

Jacob looked awe struck that I would be spending the night with Bella, and then he looked fucking pissed. Bella caught my attention again and said, "You've got a few minutes left then we'll head out, okay?"

I nodded and went back to the stage. My subconscious had given up on me completely and was giving me the 'you're fucked' look.

Bella was going to tell me to fuck off tonight. I just knew it. Now I was going to make a fool of myself singing fucking karaoke in front of her and Jacob Black.

Bella walked to the bar and was waiting on the drinks from Emmett, as I found the song number in the playbook. I typed it in and had everything ready to go by the time Bella sat everything down on Jacob's table.

I took a deep breath and whispered to myself, "If you love her, you'll fucking make her smile, even if you look like you need to wear a fucking helmet."

I looked back out at the crowd, and Bella was talking with Jacob and his friends. Now or never.

"This is the last song. I'm doing things a little different tonight. It's karaoke because I have no fucking clue how to play this, and it sounds better with the band."

Bella's eyes were focused on me now, and she was waiting for me to start. She had no idea I would do something like this. It was completely _not me_. I didn't even attempt karaoke on Thursdays with everyone else.

"This is for you, Bella. I know I've been a total shit the past couple of days, and I honestly just want to make you laugh and be happy. So this is for you, Ballerina. I hope you still want me when it's over. I'm going to be God awful." I started running my hand through my hair. I'm sure I looked ridiculous. "I don't even know all the fucking words, but fuck, I know you'll love it."

I pushed play, and as the first notes registered, Bella started laughing. Jacob looked like he was going to hit something, and the rest of the gang was at the bar looking confused as shit.

I thought back to last week when Bella was dancing around to this song, and told me that not only did she listen to Katy Perry to make her happy, but Bowling for Soup was on her iPod under "bad day" music.

Bella had just had a bad fucking few days. I know I had. So like I said, I was a live iPod.

So here I was in the middle of a bar, on a Tuesday night, trying to sing along with "Girl All the Bad Guys Want", and botching it completely. I was rocking out though, bouncing around while trying to read the words. The only part I really knew was:

"_It's like a bad movie_

_She's looking through me_

_If you were me then you'd be _

_Screaming someone shoot me._

_As I fail miserably_

_Trying to get the girl all the bad guys want."_

That and the _"All I wanted was to see her naked"_ line.

That line caused Bella to blush and laugh even harder. Probably because I threw my head back and belted it like I was Whitney fucking Houston. As I sung about getting shot again, Emmett yelled that he would be happy to do it after the song.

I finally finished, and everyone in the bar was laughing at me. I bowed deeply as I began to speak, "I humbly sit myself at your feet, Bella. I will gladly sing to you happy "bad day" songs anytime. Regardless of how awful I sound."

I put the mike back up, and when I turned Bella was right beside me on stage.

"I don't think so Edward. You got to have your fun. Now we're singing together. Put on "1985"."

I smiled and typed in the number, and for the next three and half minutes Bella and I "geeked" out onstage. She was so beautiful. She had a big smile on her lips, and her cheeks were flushed from dancing around. She was perfect.

When the song was over, she looked up and smiled at me. I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me as her arms went around my neck.

Right before my lips touched hers, I let out a variation of what I wanted to tell her. I just wasn't ready to go all in yet.

"I adore you, Bella."

I brought my lips to hers and kissed her with as much passion as I could. I wanted her to feel the way I felt in that kiss: the love, the longing, the being sorry for today, how she was the only one for me.

We broke apart when we heard the shouts and whistles of everyone in the bar. When I tried to pull away totally Bella tightened her grip around my neck and brought me closer. I leaned down until my forehead was touching hers.

"Thank you for the song. It really works, doesn't it? We still need to talk though. C'mon, let's go home."

God, I loved that. _Home._ I was home.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading!

Tell me...what do you think about Edward's reaction to Jacob? Is Bella going to let him have it?


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9: One Step Forward

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

EPOV

We left the stage, and I noticed that Jacob Black was no longer sitting at a table. That didn't bother me one bit, now he knew that he didn't have a chance with Bella. I just hoped that he meant what he said about talking to her again; that would mean the world to Bella.

The first person to speak to me when we reached the bar was Rose. She grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face her completely.

"I wasn't too sure what to think of you before, Edward, but right now, I think that one day I might consider liking you."

"Thank you. I have been wondering how to get in your good graces, Rose. My life feels like there's a huge fucking void where your friendship should be. I might not make it."

Everyone laughed at my sarcasm. Well, everyone except Rose.

_Probably not the best idea to piss her off, but too late now._

"Well, I will say this. I would never dance around like that." Jasper said as he looked over at Alice. She glared at him, and he started to stumble out a response, "I mean I would dance around and look stupid for you, Alice, but in the privacy of our apartment. My Ali would like a little strip tease, right?" He reached over and tickled her side.

That settled that, I would never go over to their apartment without Lysol or bleach wipes.

I shook those thoughts away and focused on the girl beside me. I really wanted to talk with Bella, but as I started to say her name, we were cut off by Jacob.

I really thought he had left so I was shocked when he spoke.

"Hey guys, long time no see." He looked at his old acquaintances. "It's weird that the first night I'm in town I end up at the bar you all work at." He stuck out his hand towards the guys. Jasper and Emmett looked a little unsure of what to do, but ending up shaking his hand.

"Yeah, man. It's been years." Emmett nodded his head.

"Going on three years to be exact. All of which involve you being an asshole and ignoring Bella, so forgive me if I don't even want to look at you." Rose got up and walked off.

I felt the urge to buy her a present. Maybe send her flowers.

Alice didn't say anything but just tore at the label on her beer bottle. Finally, Bella broke the silence.

"Edward and I are going to get home. We'll see you all later." She turned to Jacob. "Just come around again sometime. It was nice seeing you."

She reached for my hand and started leading me out of the bar.

No one said anything else to us, and I saw Jacob walk back to his table.

_I was going home with Bella. _

* * *

I tried to be calm. I tried to not panic. It wasn't working.

Bella and I walked to her apartment in silence. She let go of my hand once we were outside the bar, and I immediately felt a loss.

This was oddly familiar.

We had walked much like this to her apartment the other day, after I had beat up Mike Newton. Our talk after that hadn't turned out bad at all, however, this one might.

I was going over ways in my head to speak with her and let her know that I wouldn't fuck up again. I wanted to be with her, but I didn't want her to see the kind of places I stayed. I didn't want her to get a glance of my motel room and see that I only owned a few items of clothing and a fucking guitar. Itwould cause her to leave my ass.

It was self-preservation again, but I had a feeling that if I wanted any relationship with Bella, I was going to have to forget about that instinct or it was going to fuck me over.

I knew I wanted to be with her, but all the extra pressure my mind put on me was making me heavy with worry. I didn't want her to see where I lived, and I didn't want her to think that I needed to mooch of her to survive either.

When we got inside, Bella walked to the kitchen and poured us each a glass of water. I could have gone for a shot right now, but she obviously wanted to keep us sober.

"Here ya go. So how have you been? You obviously got your guitar fixed, right?"

She said that with a little edge in her voice. My guitar had been fine; I just needed a reason to run away that morning. _Should I go along with the lie?_ I didn't have time to decide before Bella cut back in.

"Why did you lie to me? I can understand Saturday got a little awkward, but you didn't have to run away. Then I had to find out from the motel guy that you hadn't left your room all day?"

She came to see me? _Fucking hell_. I guess she saw the motel anyway. I started to speak, but she stopped me again.

"I need to get this all out so don't speak until I'm finished, and then you can talk. If you don't want a relationship other than friendship, alright, I can do that. The only time you seem to want me is when there is another guy around that shows interest anyway. So, Edward, I'm telling you this once and once only. Do not try and stop me from dating someone or try to stop a guy from talking to me again. You obviously don't want me that way unless there's a chance that someone else could take me out of play. I'm not a toy."

She took a deep breath and finished, "You're a really good guy, and thank you for tonight, but I think maybe we should give each other some space. I want you to really think about everything, Edward. Do you really 'adore' me because you want to be with me, or did you just say that because Jacob suddenly appeared?" She paused for a moment. "You have a hold on me, that much is certain, I just don't want that declaration to be some kind of attempt to keep me with you without an actually promise of a relationship."

_Fuck me._

She thought I said that to her because I was threatened by Jacob. While that is a little true, it wasn't the only reason for it. I said it because she looked so happy and beautiful. We were having fun, and in that moment I saw myself being with Bella for the rest of my life. I couldn't tell her I loved her yet because it was so quick, so I just said the next best thing.

Then I realized that she never said anything back.

After that flittered through my mind I was stuck on one word. _Space_.

Bella didn't want to hang out like we had been doing. She didn't want to continue our question game. She sure as fuck didn't want me spending the night. I felt so stupid, as I looked beside the coffee table to see my duffle bag lying there. Then I felt like I wanted to cry because everything I fucking owned was in Bella's apartment right now. All my fucking clothes, my guitar, I even packed my sheets because I didn't want housekeeping to come and take them.

I felt my breathing pick up as I was pushed into the realizations that not only were all my possessions here, but the only person I had ever felt anything for was telling me that we needed to take a time out. Saturday was fucking perfect, and then I spazzed out.

I felt Bella's hands on my shoulders, but I didn't hear anything she said. All I heard was the blood pounding in my ears and my erratic breaths.

I was going to fucking lose Bella, and I didn't even have her yet.

I was in the middle of a full blown panic attack when I was overtaken with a memory of my mom. I was fourteen, and my first girlfriend had broken up with me. I was devastated.

_"Edward, son, it's not the end of the world. There is someone out there for you that is so much better. One day, you will look into some lucky girls' eyes and know in that moment that she was meant for you."_

_I was shaking my head and wiping tears. "No, Mom. There is no one for me. I just know it. I'm going to live with you until I die."_

_My mom laughed at little and gestured wildly as she spoke, "You make that sound horrible, Edward. I cook and clean. You would live a life of luxury." _

_I didn't say anything, and we were both quiet. After a few minutes she spoke almost in a whisper, "Edward, don't ever give up. You might not find her soon, but there's someone for you and Edward, you will make her happy. You will love her completely. You are capable of so much so don't sell yourself short." Then she sighed and pulled me in for a hug. "I can't wait to meet her."_

My mom would have adored Bella. She was right, I did make Bella happy, but Mom never told me that I would always make Bella doubt herself or make her feel like a possession.

I felt her hands shake me gently, and I finally heard her voice.

"…be okay. Everything's fine. Look at me, Edward. Breathe. Slow, deep breaths."

I started doing what she said. I made my breathing even out and was finally calm enough to speak.

"I never meant to make you feel like that. You are not a toy to me, Bella. You are so much more, and I don't know how to act. I've never done this before, and I'm failing, epically. Just give me another chance, please. Tell me what to do."

Her brow furrowed a little.

"I just want you to be honest with me. Don't lie. If things get awkward then we need to figure out why that happened. It's not all your fault. I'm insecure in everything. I mean you're so handsome and talented, and I'm just me. Everything about you is so dynamic, Edward. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Now, tell me why you freaked out just now."

She wanted me to be honest that meant having to explain my panic attack. _Fucking stellar_. If she thinks she's insecure then I don't know what the fuck my title should be. This woman had on such rose-colored glasses when it came to me. She didn't see herself clearly at all.

"Bella, you're gorgeous. You are so sincere and sweet. Fuck, you don't even notice it. Everyone you meet loves you. That's because they can tell so quickly that you are a good person. You deserve so much better than what I can give you, than what I am."

"That's for me to decide, isn't it?" She bit her lip and looked up at me.

"Let me finish this, okay?"

Bella nodded, and I continued, "When I said that to you tonight, that I adored you, it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly who you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Bella.

"Please, just give me another chance. I will prove myself to you, I promise. I will be what you need."

I looked up from my lap and saw that Bella was looking at me with eyes wide and her mouth parted. She looked like she was trying to say something, but no words came.

"I'll let you think about it. I'm sorry for how I acted before."

I got up and grabbed my bag. My guitar was propped by the door. I was halfway down the hallway when I heard footsteps. I turned to see Bella walking fast, and before I had time to think, her arms were wrapped around my neck and her fingers were gripping my hair. I dropped the bag on the floor and pulled her to me.

Her lips were so close to mine.

"Don't go."

I answered with a deep kiss. I moved my hands to the back of her thighs and picked her up, Bella's wrapped her legs around my waist as I walked us toward her bedroom. She pulled back a little and said, "We need to finish talking, Edward."

I grunted an affirmation and continued walking until I could sit her down on the bed. My hands trailed up her thighs to the hem of her shirt.

"Do you want to stop? Tell me to stop and I will."

"Touch me." It was almost a whisper when she said it, but it shot straight through body.

I pulled the shirt up and over her head. I was met by the beautiful sight of an almost naked Bella. She was wearing a pale pink, lacy bra. It looked so innocent against her skin. That thought put me in check quickly. Bella was pure.

I moved my kisses from her lips to her neck. I kissed languidly over her shoulder and collar bone alternating between kisses, licks, and the occasional nip. When I kissed a particular spot she liked she would pull on my hair slightly. My left hand had moved from its position on her waist up her ribs to settle right below her breast. Her breathing picked up, but she never stiffened.

I felt the soft material under my fingers then the fullness of her breast in my hand. I squeezed gently and brushed my thumb over her excited nipple. That earned a gasp and tug on my hair.

_No one has ever touched my hair the way she does. _

My mouth finally made it to her lace covered breasts, and I gently licked along the edged before sliding my tongue under the material to graze her peak.

"Edward!" Bella gasped out right beside my ear, and I felt her arch into me.

My pants where becoming extremely uncomfortable now, and that sound almost sent me over the edge.

I stopped my kisses and looked up at her.

"You are absolutely breathtaking, Bella. I could do this all night."

I switched over to her other breast and did the same thing before reaching behind her, feeling for the clasp. I keep feeling for it, never moving my mouth from her breasts. I heard her giggle after a few seconds.

I stopped and looked up. Surely I wasn't doing anything worth laughing at.

She reached behind her and grabbed my hand. I didn't know what she was doing. She smirked at me and said, "Front clasp, Edward."

I felt my cheeks heat in an uncharacteristic blush, and she giggled again.

"Like I would fucking know how a bra works. I'm not a fucking expert at this, ballerina," I muttered.

I took my hand back and went to the front of her bra, but stopped at her words.

"Aren't you?"

I was confused as shit and looked up at her.

"Aren't I what?"

"An expert. I mean, I find it hard to believe that this is new for you. Not that I'm saying I like that you have experience. If you do that's alright. Oh my God…"

She clapped her hand over her mouth. She was blushing and jumbled.

"I swear I didn't mean it like that. Please, make me shut up."

I kissed her then and the next sound she made was a whimper as I pulled back.

"We should probably stop anyway, love; gotta finish talking and all that. Besides I don't want you to do anything with me without you knowing everything you want to know."

* * *

BPOV

I was my own biggest cock blocker. _Why couldn't I just shut up and let him take off the bra?_ I was so close to getting everything I ever wanted, and I had to call him a manwhore.

_Now I'm stuck laying in bed in my pajamas waiting on Edward to get done in the bathroom so he can tell me all about his past exploits and the reasons for his panic attack. _

_The man looks like a model. He can sing and play guitar. He travels all over the country. He has a killer smile. I'm sure there are many women all over that have fallen for his charms and into his bed. _

I tried to talk myself down. I repeated the mantra in my head. _I will not be jealous. He's here with me._

I was going to see how well this worked after I got the full Edward sexual scoop.

I was too lost in thought to even notice that Edward had opened the door again.

"You alright, love? You look a little pale?" He looked worried as he walked over to the bed.

"No, fine. Just thinking. My mind is going a mile a minute." I took a big breath. "So I guess we should start this talk about the ghosts of bedrooms past."

I snorted at my own joke. There were no ghosts haunting me. This would be a short convo on my end.

"What would you like to know, Bella?"

I could feel my face heat up, and my heart started beating really fast.

"How many women have you been with?" I looked down. I didn't want him to see the jealously in my eyes, because as much as I said I wouldn't be I sure as hell was jealous.

"My number stands at two. Only one of those was more than once though. I was with Tanya around three months. The second girl was just once and that whole situation is one of the reasons why I don't get drunk anymore. I haven't been with a woman, in any way, in three years. So I'm safe, if you were worried about that." He was looking and the comforter tracing patterns with his finger.

"I'm not proud of these things, Bella. I know I can't change them, but I wish I could. I didn't care for either of them and that makes me feel fucking awful because my mom taught me better than that, but I was stupid."

Wow. Just two. That was a hell of a lot better than I was thinking. He could probably get whoever he wanted.

I didn't realize I said that who thing out loud until he answered.

"I could, probably. I just knew that it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want meaningless sex, and I sure a fuck didn't want one night stands in every city. If I had done that and then found you, I don't think I could have pursued you at all."

"So what happened to them? The girls, I mean?"

He took a deep breath and started.

"I ended up finding Tanya in bed with another guy. I was shocked, but it didn't really shake me. I didn't care for her deeply, so I just packed my shit and left. I found out later that she set it up. Some people told me she said that she wanted to see me fight for her. I guess she didn't realize how _not_ dedicated I was to that mission."

He shook his head and chuckled slightly.

"I'm sorry. That really is awful no matter how you took it." I couldn't stop myself. The man's longest relationship ended because she cheated on him. That was sad to me.

"Trust me, I was fine. I just went to L.A. and started over. I didn't mess with girls though. I had decided that it was just too messy. So after Tanya it was two years before I did anything and that was a major fail on my part. I was lonely and wasted and there was a girl." He shook his head and closed his eyes.

Edward stopped there and didn't continue. I wanted to know about this girl. The way he was avoiding details made me think that something bad had happened.

"And. What happened?"

"I don't really want to go into details, Bella. It's not my proudest moment, and I sure as fuck don't want you thinking any worse of me."

"The more you avoid the worse I think it is. Just tell me."

He got up from the bed and started pacing. He was running his hand through his hair and tugging on it.

"I met her at a bar, and by the time I actually started talking to her I was so far gone. She was nice enough and kept touching me. I liked the attention. I hadn't been with anyone in so long, and I didn't have friends. I felt sorry for myself, and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom of this shitty bar trying to put my pants back on.

"I felt sick about what had happened. I couldn't really remember whether or not I used a condom because I sure as hell didn't carry any on me. So I came back the next night and found her. Her name was Bree. She thought I was back for more, but I just wanted to make sure that we were protected. She said that we were, but I didn't want anything to happen. I mean what if I got her pregnant and then just left? I stuck around. I didn't speak with her again until the day she told me that everything was fine, and she was definitely not expecting. Then, she called me the clingiest one night stand ever."

He looked so frustrated. He was gripping his hair in one hand and had his other balled into a fist at his side. He took a deep breath and continued with his explanation.

"That's it. That's everything about me and sex. This all contributed to my little break down earlier. So just to recap everything, so you can get a full picture of what a huge fucking loser I am. I have no real job, or education. I fucked girls that I cared nothing about. Also, everything I own is currently, right here, in this apartment. I don't think I missed anything. Is that everything you wanted to now? Are you going to tell me to leave now since you can finally see that I don't have shit to offer you? I can't even offer you myself because I let other women touch me. I would be taking too much from you and giving nothing in return."

I didn't want him to leave. I didn't see him that way at all. He was so insecure in his own life that he thought everyone else saw him a certain way. I could care less about his job. I knew he didn't graduate high school, he ran away before he finished. I knew he didn't have a lot of possessions either. I mean it would be kind of hard traveling all over the United States with boxes once a month. His sexual history was a lot less devastating than I thought it would be so that didn't sway my decision on him.

None of this mattered before, and it didn't matter now. I loved him, even though I hadn't come directly out and said it; that wouldn't change because of this. I mean I hated the fact that those girls had been with him like that, but the situation with Bree just proved that Edward was a good guy. Not many men would hang around to make sure there wasn't a baby.

He confused me so much.

"Why would I tell you to leave? Edward, you know that I don't think badly of you. In fact, I'm impressed that you would even go back to make sure that you were responsible with Bree. I also find it pretty hilarious that she called you clingy. Usually, people would say that was backwards when dealing with that type of situation."

He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Edward was openly staring with his mouth hanging wide open.

"I'm not going to tell you that I'm not jealous because I am. If it was me telling you stuff like that you would be too. It's the past though, and you weren't promiscuous, Edward. I seriously think that I have met guys who go through that many girls in a weekend. Not five years. As for everything else, I love your job, if you want to get your GED we'll work on it for you, and I have plenty of material things for the both of us."

He was looking down now, and when he caught my eyes again, I saw that he had a couple of tears running down his cheeks, and his eyes were watery. It really broke my heart.

"You mean that? All of it?"

"Of course. Edward, I wouldn't lie to you. And besides, they didn't touch you like I do. It's different isn't it? I mean, when I touch you."

He crossed the room and hugged me tightly.

"You have no fucking idea. You touch sets my skin on fire," Edward whispered quietly.

We embraced quietly for a few seconds before Edward pulled away.

"Now I believe that it's your turn, Bella. Tell me all your dark secrets."

* * *

EPOV

She laughed at that and scooted away from me.

I couldn't believe how understanding and compassionate she was. She took everything I said in stride and even offered solutions for the problems I thought I was burdening her with. This just proved, once again, that Bella was way too good for me. I felt like a pussy, as I shed a few tears because of her selflessness.

Bella brought me back to the present when she started talking.

We were now facing each other on the bed.

"I don't have anything to tell really. So far tonight has been the farthest I have ever gone with anyone."

"There's not a fucking thing wrong with that." I sure as hell meant it. I still wish that I didn't have to tell her all that earlier. "Was I your first kiss then?" I couldn't help the smugness in my voice because it was a pretty good bet that I was the first guy to taste those lips.

"Alright. You're going to hate this, but no you weren't."

_Well, fuck._

My smug demeanor deflated immediately. Then I knew who it was, before she even said the fucking name.

"It was Jacob, right? How did _that_ happen?" I couldn't disguise the disgust in my tone.

She looked at me funny and laughed.

"Actually it wasn't Jake at all. It was Mike." My mouth must have dropped open because she laughed again before she explained. "I went to a party with Alice and Rose, and he was there. I had a little to drink, and when I turned around he was right in front of me. He gave me some generic line then leaned in and kissed me. I went with it for a second then realized what was happening and stopped. He hasn't stopped following me around since. It didn't help that I had a class with him last semester. He thinks we're meant to be." She said that lost part in a sarcastic sing song voice.

I was trying so hard to keep my anger in check. That fucker had kissed her and it was just a few months ago, too. No wonder he thought he had a chance. Well too fucking bad because I was the one in her bed and I had just been kissing her soft, full breasts.

"Well, I feel really fucking bad for him. You two aren't meant to be shit. I think he figured that out the hard way though. So that's it, just Newton? Surely you have guys that follow you around?"

"Not really. You have to remember that I came to Forks around the same time I could start dating. I saw what Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett have, and I didn't want to settle. If I didn't feel something at the beginning then I just didn't try to force anything."

"I think that if I would have met you at seventeen then we would be married by now."

I didn't even think about it before I said it. I was trying to think of something to say that would break the tension but Bella spoke first.

"I think you're probably right." She sighed, "It's late; we need to go to sleep. Alice is dragging us shopping tomorrow."

I just nodded, and we curled together under the blankets. I had my arms wrapped around Bella with my chest pressed against her back. I started to drift off to sleep when Bella spoke again. This time is was quiet, and she didn't sound too sure of herself.

"Edward, if all your things are here anyway then why don't you just stay with me?"

In that moment, I reverted back to being an insecure coward. I pretended to be asleep. She didn't speak again, and soon I felt her breathing even out.

I felt a tension in my chest thinking about her offer. I wanted to be with her, but at the same time, it all felt so permanent, and I wasn't used to that. I liked the freedom. It all felt like this whole situation was moving way too fast again, and I was getting jumpy. If I could put this off for a little while then the idea of sharing space with Bella might not sound so bad.

I just needed to figure out how to do that.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10: Why am I Running Away?

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

The next two weeks passed in a blur. I had to work every night at the bar because Emmett was sick. On the nights I played, Jasper worked the bar, and if it was really busy then Alice would help.

I hadn't spent the night at Bella's again.

I made up excuses the first couple of nights that she offered, but on the third night, a Friday, when I turned her down, all hell broke loose.

_I was putting away my guitar after my set and trying to avoid Bella. She found me and said, "Since you can't stay tonight then maybe I could stay with you?"_

_ I looked at her like she was crazy and said, "Hell no, you're not staying with me."_

_I didn't actually think about how it sounded until she turned around and stomped away. I chased after her across the bar only to be met with Rose. I didn't know what the fuck she was doing here since she was supposed to be nursing Em's ass back to health._

_She cocked an eyebrow at me. "What the hell do you think you're doing, Edward? You can't say shit like that to her then ask for forgiveness right away. You've been stringing her along for the last three days about this spending the night crap. Just leave her the fuck alone, and go hide in your cheap ass room because you have some fucking martyr complex and won't allow yourself to be happy. This whole situation is grinding down my patience, and you really don't want to see me without it. Between you and Emmett I think I could kill one of you. I love Emmett so don't fuck with me Masen."_

_That officially stopped me in my tracks. I turned and went to the stage to get my guitar. _

_That night was awful, but the weekend that followed was horrific. _

_I didn't see Bella for the next three days. Turned out, she went home to Forks. Said she needed to clear her mind and that meant being away from me._

_When she finally came back she didn't speak to me. _

_It was a Friday, exactly one week since I had spoken to Bella, and I was downstairs moving boxes for Emmett because he was _still_ sick. My ass, he was just lazy. The flu only lasts for so fucking long. Still, the work took my mind off my never-ending list of fuck-ups._

_I heard someone on the steps, but didn't look up. Alice had been up and down getting stuff for behind the bar, so I figured it was just her again. _

_"Edward? Are you down here?"_

_The voice of an angel. My Bella. God how I missed having her voice directed at me._

_"I'm here. I'll be right there." I put the box down quickly and moved from behind the stack of stuff to the right._

_"That's okay. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for avoiding you. It wasn't right of me, and I should have just told you that you were being a prick. It doesn't matter though. I'm over it. I hope our friendship won't suffer because of this last week. We both did somethings wrong, but like I said I want to be your friend."_

_I didn't have to be a fucking genius to understand that the chance of a relationship was off the table. Fucking shit. _

_"I'm sorry, too. I should have just told you that I was scared and that we were moving too fast. I want to do this right, but then you asked me to move in, and I froze."_

_I stopped talking when I realized my mistake. She thought I had been asleep, she had never even mentioned it the next morning. I closed my eyes as she drew in a quick breath._

_"You heard me, and you didn't say anything? Fuck, Edward!" I looked up wide eyed. Bella rarely said fuck. "You could have said that you thought it was too soon. I would have understood, but you just leave me hanging like that. Start avoiding me?" It sounded liked she growled a little. "You know what, just forget it. I want to pretend like it never happened. This hot and cold shit is really wearing on me."_

_Then she turned and left._

_That weekend I saw Bella everyday, and she was nice. She spoke to me in passing but never sought me out. _

_I talked with Em and Jasper a lot, and they told me that I needed to fix it. _

_Like I didn't know that already._

_Alice told me I was giving her a headache and Rose said that I had already been given my warning._

_They didn't let Bella off either. I heard Rose telling her to stop being so self-righteous and realize that this was really new to both of us and mistakes would happen._

_Bella's only response was "He isn't honest with me. I've been nothing but open with him."_

_She was right._

So there I sat, on stage, Tuesday night, exactly two weeks from the last day I spent with Bella. I was wracking my brain to try and figure out how to win her back.

All of a sudden the perfect idea struck me. I had decided on my game plan.

The shift went effortlessly. I sang covers that I liked, some that Emmett requested, some Texas country that Jasper fucking loved. I sang a favorite of Bella's.

When it was time to pack it in for the night, I looked around for Bella. She was stacking glasses at the bar. Slowly, I made my way over to her.

"Hey, Bella."

She turned to me and smiled. "Hey, Edward. You played great tonight. I think Jasper nearly peed his pants when you played 'Kiss me in the Dark.'"

"Well, I aim to please. I was actually in Austin four years ago, so I know a good bit of the stuff he likes. They have some good artists down there."

She nodded her head and put the glasses under the counter.

"You need to play more. I'm sure that if Alice had been here Jasper would have been two-steppin' or something."

This was nice. We were talking without the tension. Then I blurted out my plan to Bella.

"So do you want to go on a date with me? I mean like dinner, Friday night. I know we're both off work so I figured…"

Bella looked over at me then. A confused expression colored her features.

"Edward, what brought this on? I don't want to say yes then tomorrow you decide a date is too much."

"It's not too much, Bella. If I have learned anything these last two weeks it's that I miss you. I mean I miss you so fucking much. I'm sorry I was an ass. Pretty please, Ballerina."

I pulled out all the stops then. I was sporting her favorite smile and calling her pet names.

"Fine. We'll go out. What time? Do you want me to meet you there or we can meet at my apartment and drive. What is best for you?"

"Umm, I can come over to your place at 7. Our reservations at Milano's are for 7:30, so we'll be good. Alice said that it wasn't far from your apartment so we can walk."

She looked me in the eye and said, "Was this your idea or Alice's? I don't want this to be forced on you, Edward."

"No! It was all me. I mean, I wanted to do this and just asked Alice where would be good to take you. She said this place was your favorite and that I should make reservations because they get really busy. She said her and Jasper would have a date night if you said no."

I was looking into her eyes and begging her to believe me.

"Sounds like Alice. Always planning ahead. She failed to mention that it's her favorite restaurant too."

"She'll need to get a reservation then because I'm happy to say that her and Jasper won't be spending a night out there." She rolled her eyes. "Can I walk you home, Bella?"

_Please say yes, please say yes._

She bit her lip then nodded. "Sure. You have to tell me all about your time in Austin."

I spent the next fifteen minutes talking about the "weirdness" of Austin. I told her about the songs that I liked and how the lyrics were great, but some people didn't give them a chance because the genre of "country" was tacked onto them. I promised her I'd play some songs for her tomorrow night.

We reached her door, I grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for the past couple of weeks. I'll do better. Thank you for agreeing to the date." I kissed her cheek and whispered, "Goodnight."

I backed away, and Bella smiled at me.

"We can figure this out, Edward. I know it." She opened the door and looked back, "See you tomorrow. Goodnight."

I walked away with the biggest grin on my face. We were finally going on a date.

* * *

BPOV

I missed Edward. The last two weeks had been torture. I didn't know how he really felt and I just felt like a failure. I offer my bed to a man, and he repeatedly says no. I should have just dropped it and moved on, but no, I try to push myself into his space and he freaks out little.

After that, I went to Forks. I hung out at the house all weekend and cooked for Charlie. My dad is a simple guy so he didn't ask questions. He was happy to see me and really happy to eat something that wasn't heated up in a microwave.

I cleared my head and came back home.

I had a plan now. I was going to apologize. We could be friends.

Then the only time I really attempted to talk to Edward, I realized he had heard my offer to move in.

_Well no wonder he freaked out. Normal guys freak out when they get asked to move in with their girlfriends._

I knew I shouldn't, but I just felt more rejected.

Finally, after a few days of polite conversation Edward asked me out and walked me home. I was so happy to have him back in my life. More so this time because _he_ put himself there.

I never asked him to come over, I never asked him to talk; I sure as hell didn't ask him on a date. I needed Edward to come to me when he was ready. This was my new plan. I knew the only way we would work would be on Edward's time frame. I knew I couldn't rush him.

It was new for both of us, that was true, but I had always thought I would have this. Edward didn't.

I was at work the next night waiting for Edward to take the stage and sing his preplanned Texas country songbook. I told Jasper earlier this afternoon, and he literally ran out of the bar and came back twenty minutes later in a pearl-snap shirt, Wranglers, and cowboy boots. I told him he looked like he was ready to boot scoot.

He looked at me and smiled, "Bella, I don't boot scoot, but I sure as shit know good music when I hear it, and you have not heard good music like Texas music."

I looked at him and laughed.

"I'm serious Bella. Texas people are proud, I'll tell you that much. Don't get me started on it, because I won't stop."

I believed him too. He had a southern charm and swagger that couldn't be beaten, and I'm sure he learned all that before he moved to Washington State.

Edward took to the stage.

Tonight the bar was a little busier than normal, which was odd for a Wednesday. Most of the tables were full, so I had Jessica helping me tonight since Rose went home early.

I heard Edward's voice as I made my way to place my drink order.

"I made a promise to a couple of people that I would play them some Texas country tonight. So Jasper and Bella here you go."

He played the same song as the night before that Jasper got so excited about.

I listened to Edward intently throughout the evening. I paid attention to orders and customers, but I was really focused on him.

Close to the end of the first hour, which was dubbed "The Austin Hour", Edward spoke into the mike.

"This will be last song I play tonight from the great state of Texas and it goes out solely to Bella."

That was all he said, and without hesitation, I sat down on a barstool and paid attention to the song.

_The phone call in the middle of the night, it never came  
She's been walkin' on pins and needles waitin' for the phone to ring  
To put her mind at ease  
The suns' comin' up and I'm comin' in  
With another I'm sorry, It won't happen again;  
I can't understand why she never ran  
When anybody in their right mind would_

_Yeah I'm a hard man to love  
But thank God she does  
Keep holdin' on, bein' strong  
When I'm sorry just ain't enough  
Soft as silk she stands  
By her barbed wire man  
She's never given up  
I'm A hard man to love…_

The song was really great. I knew that Edward was talking about us, and that made me sad. He wasn't hard to love at all. In fact, he was incredibly easy to love. That's why I waited for him to come to me.

I don't think he got that part of the song though. I also wouldn't be volunteering that information either. He was like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Except in his case all the rocking chairs were parts of commitment, and he was the stereotypical twenty-something male.

Finally, he came to the bar. He had a hesitant smile on his face as he started talking, "So did you like the dreaded country music?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"I did. I loved all the songs. You'll have to play me more. I know this next hour will be other stuff, but don't hesitate to play whatever else you know one day."

"Will do. I better get back, I just needed some water. I'm glad you liked the music, Bella."

He kissed my cheek and went back to his post on stage. I didn't get to talk to him the rest of the night because I was running around taking orders, but when it came time to close, Edward was there to walk me home again.

Just like last night he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said goodnight.

As I shut the door, I couldn't help but whisper to my empty apartment, "I hope that you're really ready this time."

* * *

A/N:

Beta'd by ilovenaley

I hope you liked that chapter! The next one is the date!

Leave a review if you like :)


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11: Out of Breath

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

I was nervous.

After looking through my closet, I realized I had nothing to wear on my first official date with Bella. The problem was solved when I asked Alice to buy me a nice button down shirt during work the next day. Thank God for Alice.

Now, my outfit problem was the least of my worries as I stood in front of the shitty bathroom mirror trying to make my hair more presentable. This was an important night, and I didn't want to look like I had just rolled out of bed for my date.

Right now, though, I figured I should have just left it alone. My hair was darker and looked wet. Some parts were cooperating and smoothed down, while others were trying to fight against the gel, and one piece was poking straight up from the middle of my head.

_Fucking hopeless._

I quickly looked at the clock in my bedroom and saw there were only thirty minutes left until I needed to be at Bella's.

I knew I'd be cutting it close, but I needed to start over. My hair was too messed up, and that was something I never thought would be possible.

_Just be quick about it!_

I stripped out of my clothes as fast as possible and hopped in the shower. It was freezing cold, but I couldn't wait for it to heat up. I had to lather, rinse and repeat at least four times before my hair didn't feel sticky anymore. By the time I dried off, put all my clothes back on and straightened up it was time for me to be knocking on Bella's door.

_Shit!_

I was running really fucking late, and I didn't have a fucking cell phone or anything to call her with so she wouldn't know. I was really glad that I picked up flowers earlier because if I tried now I wouldn't have had time.

I rushed outside, gave the flowers one last look and prayed for their safety before took off for Bella's. I would have taken a cab, but I was going to save that for the ride to the restaurant now, since we were going to be late for the reservations.

I made it to her door about fifteen minutes late.

I tried to catch my breath as I knocked on the door. I laid the flowers on the ground, and I bent over putting my hands on my knees.

I couldn't help but think I was really out of shape. I needed to work out with Emmett or something because I felt like I was dying.

Finally, the door opened.

I glanced up and saw Bella. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing a dark green strapless dress and a pair of black heels; peep toe as Alice called them. The only reason I remembered what they were called is because "peep toe" sounded funny to me.

When my eyes met her face, I lost what little breath I had managed to gain back. Her hair was hanging loosely around her shoulders, and her lips were shiny which drew me in even more than usual, but what stopped me the most were her eyes.

The beautiful brown color that I was used to was watery and red tinged.

I was still breathing hard but tried to speak.

"Sorry. Hair…disaster. Had to run…flowers…for you."

I held out my wind blown tulips.

She looked worried then.

"Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

I shook my head. I had caught my breath by now and was standing straight again.

"We're going to be late. Just put them in water real quick."

She nodded and turned.

I followed her inside and watched her put the flowers in a small clear vase and sit it on the counter. I didn't want to rush her, but we really need to leave soon.

"These are really beautiful, Edward, thank you."

I smiled. If it was one thing I knew about it was fucking tulips. My mother had been obsessed with them.

"These are called variegated tulips. You can tell because it's yellow but it has that orange tinge on the petals. They are supposed to mean the recipient has beautiful eyes."

Bella looked up and smiled at me. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, and then it hit me. I was really late. I hadn't called or talked to Bella since last night.

"You didn't think I was coming did you? That's why you look so upset."

Her eyes snapped up to mine, and she opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off opting to ramble instead of hearing her try to dismiss my obviously right guess.

"I'm sorry I was late. Alice told me to use gel on my hair so I did. I think I used half the bottle and it still wouldn't sit right. I looked like fucking Alfalfa from the 'Little Rascals'. So I decided to just start over. That's why I was late. I couldn't call." I took a deep breath before looking her in the eyes. "I wouldn't stand you up, Bella."

She gave me a small smile and waved her hand dismissively.

"I know. I was just letting my mind run away with me. I guess we should leave now, right?"

She _was_ right. We had reservations in five minutes. We left her apartment quickly and raced to the lobby. Once we were outside, I got us a cab, and we rode to the restaurant in silence as I held her hand.

I helped Bella out of the cab, and we walked through the door. It was really fucking busy and really fucking fancy.

_Good fucking move letting Alice dress me. _

I made my way over to the hostess and gave her my name.

"Here you are. Right this way please."

She led us to a little table against the wall. There was only room for two people so it was intimate and close. I really needed to thank Alice for all the trouble she went through to make this night so great. It would be added to my list; right after buying Rose flowers for verbally bitch-slapping Jacob Black.

The feel of a menu being placed in my hand brought me out of my thoughts, and I saw the hostess return to her post at the door.

"Wow, this place looks fucking great, Bella. I can see why you like it. What kind of food do they have here?"

I started to open my menu when Bella started talking again.

"You mean you didn't ask Alice what kind of place this was? What if it was something you didn't like?"

I scoffed at that. "Bella, I will eat anything. I'm not a picky guy and apparently this place is Italian," I noticed lasagna on the menu, "so I'm set."

She rolled her eyes at that. "Alright. You sounded like Emmett about the food."

"I mean I don't eat Italian a lot, but I sure as hell love spaghetti." I winked after I said it. Bella just shook her head at me.

We were quiet for a minute before Bella started talking again.

"Alice dressed you tonight." It wasn't a question; just an observation as she pointed at my black button down shirt and dark green tie.

I laughed and pointed out the obvious connection. I still hadn't seen her point yet.

"My tie matches your dress."

She looked at me funny and said, "That's why I said Alice dressed you."

"Oh. Yeah, she did. I didn't know what to wear, so I gave her some money and told her to find me a shirt. When she came back, I got this, and then she gave me that horrible advice about the gel."

I started feeling self-conscious. Should I have dressed myself? Did she think I wasn't trying hard because Alice dressed me? Her laugh startled me from my self-inflicted angst.

"Oh my God, I did the same thing. I told her that I had nothing, and she needed to find me something presentable and bring it to me. She didn't give me hair advice though." She was still giggling. "We're a pair, huh? We can't even dress ourselves for our own date!"

I laughed along with her, feeling the nervous tension begin to dissipate quickly.

We were a lot alike and conversation flowed effortlessly for the rest of dinner. We talked more about her friends, _our friends_, she corrected me. I learned more about her dad and the time she spent in Forks last weekend.

"The man has a freezer full of fish, Edward. I can't begin to explain the passion he has for it. I told him we need to have a catch and release program because he was going to decimate the population!"

She laughed and reached across the table for my arm. I loved the warmth that spread through me and couldn't help but laugh back.

"Then he says, 'Bells, I'm a cop. We aren't trained to catch and release. That's not how we work.' I think that you'd like him, Edward. Maybe one day you'll meet him when he visits, if you want." She took a quick sip of her water. "So, tell me about your favorite cities. I want to know everything."

Just like that, she pulled us effortlessly in another direction. There was no pressure of meeting her dad; a passing mention that one day he might be here, and I would get to meet the funny, protective dad that she loved so much.

I told her about some of the cities I had been to and where I still would like to visit.

She got quiet as I talked about the cities I still wanted to go to or go back to.

_Contemplative. She looked contemplative. _

She told me about school and how she was so excited to be going into her last year. She wanted to be done with homework. I asked her about her plans for the future and she said she wanted to get her Masters in English eventually and teach at a community college.

"I don't think I could handle high school for too long, and I don't want anything too big either. I think Junior College is a good option. Also, I don't want to go straight into my Doctorate. Too much time in school," she explained to me when I asked her why she chose that level of teaching. She talked about getting a Doctorate to teach at a university, but she said that was a far off dream. She needed a break first.

After I paid the check, we left the restaurant and started walking down the sidewalk. The neighborhood was full of people coming in and out of different restaurants and shops. For a moment, I felt like we were a normal couple on a first date. I smiled at the thought of me being normal. Bella pointed out a little ice cream place across the street, so we walked over to have desert.

After picking out our flavors and paying, we found a bench outside. The time passed in silence at first as we tried to savor the treat, but still eat it fast enough so it didn't melt.

I couldn't help but think how great this date had been, and I was hoping Bella felt the same. I planned on asking her out again on our next night off. I was trying to figure out where to take her when she started talking.

"So how long are you going to stay here in Seattle?" Bella asked as she licked some raspberry ice cream from her finger.

"What?" I shook my head to clear the image.

"Earlier you were talking about other places you wanted to go, so I was wondering how much longer you were going to stay here."

I took a lick of my ice cream and attempted to use the distraction to think of a good answer, but the truth was I didn't know. I knew one day I might want to venture out again, but I didn't know when that would happen.

"Right now, I have no plans to leave Seattle. I know I might want to travel again, but it won't be for an extended period of time. I mean I'll always come home, you know?"

"Are you saying that this is your home now?" She blushed a little.

I didn't realize I had said it like that, but yeah, it was my home. It had been since the night Bella had told everyone that we were going home together. I could make a life here. I could be better here.

I looked over at Bella and smiled before taking another lick of vanilla and nodded.

"I like having a home. It feels nice."

I wrapped my free arm around her shoulders and pulled her to me.

"Even if I did leave it would just be for a trip. I would never leave here permanently."

Her arms circled me and brought me into a hug. Her ice cream was forgotten in its bowl on the seat beside her.

"That's all I needed to hear. Thank you."

I squeezed her to me and said, "You're welcome. Let's go and watch a movie now. I still need to be schooled in the art of film."

We got up and headed back to Bella's apartment. We walked this time, hand in hand.

When we made it to Bella's, she went into her room and changed out of her dress. I would just have to suffer because I didn't bring anything with me. I still took my tie off though and unbuttoned a little of my shirt. I was rolling up my sleeves as Bella came in the room.

She was wearing her cute little pajama shorts and tank top again. I would have to concentrate tonight because I had very little self-control, and it had been over two weeks since I had kissed her.

She pulled out some movie and popped it in the DVD player.

"Since you liked 'Shaun of the Dead' so much I got you 'Hot Fuzz.' The same guys are in it."

I nodded my head and turned to the T.V.

We watched the movie and slowly I felt the tension grow between us. We weren't more than thirty minutes in, when I started noticing small movements that Bella would make, or I would get distracted and stare at her bare leg, or she would lean against me, and I would smell her hair.

I was losing all control. I tried so hard to pay attention to the movie, but her breath was on my neck, and I could feel her warmth against my side.

I was resolved though. Sex wouldn't happen tonight. NO SEX. NO SEX.

Then her lips met my neck and all hope was lost. Only thirty-five fucking minutes in, and I admitted defeat!

I couldn't help the low moan that escaped me as her lips made their way up the side of my neck to my ear. Bella moved then to straddle my waist, and my hands went to her thighs, squeezing gently.

Her skin was silky and smooth, and I had such a hard time concentrating on the feel of it because her tongue flicked against my ear lobe. I gripped her legs and she moved her mouth to mine.

I could do this. Everything would be fine. I would give her pleasure. I would make her writhe and moan. It couldn't be that fucking hard, right?

I flipped us so that Bella was lying on the couch and I was above her.

"Let me do this for you, let me touch you. Please, let me."

Bella nodded her head. I kissed her hard then and moved one hand from her waist to slide under her tank top.

I felt the warmth and fullness of her breast in my hand and moaned into her mouth. I couldn't stop myself from pressing my hips down to hers. I was already rock hard and anything helped the tension.

I broke away from the kiss and started to pull the shirt over her head. I finally had Bella semi-naked again. My subconscious was jumping up and down then noticed that this time there was no bra to mess with and promptly passed out.

"If you just went like this, I would never have to worry about clasps."

She started to laugh, but it soon turned into a moan as my tongue met the curve of her breast.

I moved to the other side and repeated the process. I lapped at the skin around her nipple and finally drew it into my mouth. Her hands went to my hair and she arched into me.

I moved the hand that was at her waist slowly to the top of her shorts and played with the elastic band there. She didn't protest, so I moved my fingers a little lower and looked up from my position at her chest.

"Please, touch me, Edward."

I smiled up at her and went back to work at her nipple, Gently pulling it with my teeth and swirling my tongue. I moved to the other side as my hand slipped under her shorts and the lacy material of her panties.

I wanted this so much. I wanted to make this good.

I was almost as nervous as before the date, when I slowly moved one finger over her slick skin. She was so _warm_. I spread her lips apart and moved my finger all the way up her crease until I reached her clit. I lightly brushed over it before moving back down, feeling how excited she was.

She moaned again into my hair as I moved lower.

"Tell me what you want, love." I couldn't resist talking to her as I moved my finger back up to her little nub.

I pressed a little harder as I circled her clit, and she arched into me.

"Keep doing that. God, Edward!"

I smiled and stopped the circles and moved back down to her opening. I gently pressed my finger inside her warmth and felt her clench lightly around me.

"Ahhh." It was a gasp as it came out of her mouth.

"Ummm. So wet, Bella. So tight." I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel all of her.

I couldn't take just _feeling_ anymore, I really wanted to _see_ what I was doing to her.

I pumped my finger slowly a couple of times then ran it back up her slit and out of her panties and shorts.

She whimpered at the loss, but when I started to pull on her shorts to bring them down, she moaned again and lifted her hips so I could pull them all the way off.

"Is this okay, Bella? Tell me if this is something you don't want to do."

"I want this. I really want this." She was already flushed, but her face turned at little darker at her omission.

"Well I really want this, too."

I kissed my way down her stomach and across to each hip bone. I moved the hand that was on her thigh back up to her sex.

I watched, fascinated as my fingers parted her soft, glistening skin.

"God, Bella. You're beautiful." The statement was verified as I glanced up and saw her whole body laid out for me. I lost my breath for a moment.

"Fucking stunning," I whispered.

I looked back down and moved my fingers, collecting her wetness before I pressed one back into her. I started out slowly, moving it inside her while my thumb brushed her clit. I used my free hand to move up her chest and caress her breasts.

Bella started moving her hips against my hand.

"Edward. More, please…"

She was moving against me faster now, so I gently added another finger and felt her stretch around my hand.

I could feel her muscles flutter around me whenever I brushed her clit with my thumb. I wanted to give her more. Without thinking, I leaned my head down and darted my tongue out and circled her clit.

Her hips pushed up, and she called out my name.

"Edward! Oh God!"

I smiled against her and kept pumping my fingers in and out and running my tongue over her. I moved the hand from her breasts down to her thigh to keep her legs open for me. This was the first time I had put my mouth on a woman, so I wasn't too sure of how to go about it but I was giving it my best.

I sucked her clit into my mouth like I had done with her nipple and her hands gripped my hair. She was tugging hard and started gasping and moaning.

"I'm going….to…" She stopped and arched right off the couch.

"That's it, Bella. Let go, baby." I moved my mouth back to her clit and sucked harder.

"Edward!" My name had never sounded so fucking sexy. I glanced up and saw her come apart. She was flushed and her mouth had dropped open. Her neck and back were arched.

_She was mine._

I felt her clench tightly as her juices coated my fingers. I started slowing down my thrusts as I lapped at her sweetness.

Finally, after the tremors had stopped, I removed my fingers and kissed up her stomach and rested my chin in the middle of her chest.

Her breathing was becoming normal again.

"That was amazing. I have never…felt anything like that."

I smiled at her.

"You're beautiful, Bella, but you are absolutely breathtaking when you come."

I couldn't believe I said that out loud.

She just closed her eyes and took a deep breath that turned into a yawn.

"You're tired. Let me get you into bed."

I got off the couch and went to pick her up.

She sat up on the quickly and her hands went to the waist of my pants. She looked up at me and bit her lip. I felt myself twitch a little, and I'm sure she felt it because she looked down.

"Can I?"

I knew what she was asking but I also wanted tonight to be about her. So I took her hands and kissed them.

"Tonight was for you. Another time for me."

I picked her up and started walking to her bedroom. She was naked in my arms. I would have never thought tonight would have been this good.

I laid her down under the covers, and she was almost asleep already.

"Stay tonight, Edward."

"Abso-fucking-lutely." She shook her head against the pillow and giggled lowly.

I pulled off my clothes and got into bed, wrapping my arms around Bella. I pulled her back against my chest and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

I was having a great dream. Bella was lying beside me running her hand up and down my chest. We were in my motel room. She was smiling and laughing. Soon though, it was just a blur of skin and hands. Kisses and warmth.

I could have sworn I heard her say, "Nice of you to wake up."

I gasped as I felt her hand stroke my shaft.

I refused to open my eyes and have this entire dream disappear. I groaned as I felt her mouth close around the head of my cock. Her tongue swirled around it before she lowered her mouth down and moaned around me.

"Best fucking dream ever," I muttered as Bella sucked and licked me.

She stopped, and I opened my eyes for the first time, wondering what the fuck had happened, and propped myself up. It wasn't a fucking dream at all. This was Bella's room and she was propped between my legs. My boxers were gone and she my dick in her hand.

She squeezed me and I moaned again. _Fucking hell._

"No dream."

I agreed quickly. "Not a fucking dream." I dropped back to the pillow and groaned.

She went back to me then. She moved me in and out of her mouth. I couldn't even fucking think at that point. All I knew was she was licking and sucking _my_ cock. She moved a hand and gently cupped my balls.

"Holy shit! My God, Bella…"

My hands went to her hair and I tried so hard not to thrust into her mouth.

She hummed around me as my hands caressed her hair.

I started moving my hips a little, and Bella moved faster. She moaned around me again and slid her tongue roughly along the underside of my cock.

I was starting to have trouble breathing. It was too good.

I looked my back down and the visual was something even my best dreams fell short of.

Bella's lips wrapped around me, bobbing up and down, sucking hard. This was picture I wanted to keep with me forever.

"Bella…Bella…" I was chanting her name like a prayer, mostly because words were failing me completely by this point.

I was making mindless gasps and moans. She dragged her teeth lightly along my cock, and I actually grunted and bucked my hips up harder than before.

She started sucking harder and swirling her tongue when I did that. I think she liked it when I pushed into her mouth.

I was trying to keep it together, but she moved her teeth against me again and moaned, at the same fucking time. The vibrations went straight down my cock, and I couldn't stop myself.

I was gasping.

"Coming…Coming, Bella. Move…" I tried to pull her from me, but she just sucked down harder.

I had my hands tangled in her hair. I looked down at her and saw that she was looking straight at me.

Our eyes locked and she continued moving and hummed around my cock again.

I felt myself hit the back of her throat, and I let go.

"FUCK….Oh God! Bella!"

She didn't look away from me as I felt myself twitch in her mouth. She fucking _moaned_ again.

I tensed and arched off the bed. My mind was completely blank.

My head hit the pillow as I started coming down for my orgasm.

My breathing was as labored as it had been when I ran here earlier.

"My God. That was un-fucking-believable." I had one arm thrown over my eyes.

I could feel Bella beside me and I moved my arm to look at her. She had a small smile on her lips.

"What are you smiling about?"

"You thought I was a dream."

"Only because I never would have thought you would be doing that. You're my shy girl, and I wake up to a blow job? Not that I'm complaining. Do that anytime you want. That was fucking perfection."

"I'm not shy around you, Edward. In fact, I remember telling you how much I wanted you to lick me earlier."

I raised my head to look at her. _What the fuck has gotten into Bella?_

"Nothing yet. But you're getting closer."

I didn't understand what she said until I realized I asked that last part out loud.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled Bella to my chest and kissed her. I leaned back slightly to look into her eyes.

"I've created a monster, huh?"

"Only when I'm with you. I'll go back to being regular Bella around everyone else." She winked at me.

We didn't talk anymore and soon Bella fell back asleep.

I wouldn't admit it to her, but I loved the fact that I knew a part of her that no one else did. I could know everything about Bella.

And I sure as hell wanted to.

* * *

A/N:

Beta'd by ilovenaley

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think about the lemon. It was my first one *blushes*


	12. Chapter 12

Ch. 12: Letting You In

Disclaimer: I don't Own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

I woke up that morning and reached across the bed to find Bella gone. I shot up and looked around the room, a little nervous that she might have gone someplace else. I don't know why I was nervous; this was her fucking apartment. It's not like she would leave me here if she regretted anything, right? Finally, my senses came back to me, and I smelled something in the air.

_Bacon._

She made me breakfast! In that moment two thoughts hit me, Bella was the first person to make me breakfast since my mom, and I was truly starving.

I hopped out of bed and looked around the floor until I found my boxers. As I pulled them up, I tried not to think about what Bella did to me last night.

_Sweet Jesus._

She was amazing.

If I didn't know she was inexperienced, I sure as hell would have thought otherwise. The way her tongue had swirled…

I felt myself beginning to respond to those thoughts and quickly pushed them away before I went into the kitchen. It didn't help because as soon as I got there, I saw Bella standing in front of the stove wearing nothing but my dress shirt from last night. I could see her long, creamy legs and couldn't help but imagine them wrapped around me as I…

This shit was not helping my dick. I figured she might as well know how gorgeous I thought she was, so I said the first thing that popped in my head.

"You're the sexiest thing I have ever seen."

"I was wondering how long you were going to stare." She turned around. "I thought you had gone comatose." She smirked at me and bit her bottom lip.

_Fuck me_.

She was going to kill me. I stalked towards her taking in every inch of skin.

"Pretty fucking much." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. "You have no idea of the power you hold over me."

She laughed, effectively removing the tension for a moment, and moved to get plates for us.

"I could say the same thing about you. I don't know what came over me last night. I only feel that around you. It's like I can't think straight." She shook her head a little.

Couldn't think straight? Did she not like what happened last night? I think my heart would be shattered if she meant that.

"You regret last night?" I was only whispering now and looking at the counter.

"What? Not at all. Last night was probably the best night of my life."

I looked up and saw nothing but sincerity in her eyes. I let out a relived sigh.

"Good. I know for sure that last night was the best of mine. You're everything to me, Bella."

Bella smiled as she sat a plate in front of me and we both started eating.

We didn't talk throughout breakfast, and I think that both of us were concentrating on not making this morning a repeat of the last night I stayed. It was kind of tense, and I was trying to come up with something funny to say when Bella finally broke the ice.

"Want to come shopping with me? There's an antique shop I want to go to and Alice's birthday is coming up. She doesn't just settle for normal, you know?"

She rushed the question out while playing with the remnants of her eggs.

"I can't imagine that. I guess I should get her something, too. I mean she did help me with last night. Who knows, maybe we can get her a joint present."

Bella smiled up at me. "That sounds great! She would love it too. She'd probably spend most of her party talking about how she was the cause of our couple gift."

"Are we a couple? Is that what you want?" I blurted out, hoping for the right answer back.

"It's what I want. I know I don't want anyone else, and I certainly won't be dating anyone else. Is that alright? I mean do you have someone else that you want to see?" She raised an eyebrow at me as she walked to the sink.

"That's exactly what I want. I don't want to share you with anyone and you know that you have nothing to worry about there. You are the only woman I see." I followed behind her and picked up her hand to kiss it.

"So we're a couple. You're my boyfriend."

I smirked and kissed her cheek. I brought my mouth even with her ear and whispered.

"And lover."

She shuddered against me.

"You're horrible, Edward." She pushed me away and I laughed.

"What? I'd kill for you to say that to Jacob fucking Black or Mike Newton. I can see their faces now if you introduced me like that." I leaned back against the counter.

She shook her head at me.

"That would go over so well. Maybe I should introduce you to everyone like that." She started pretending to talk to someone in front of her. "This is my lover, Edward. Edward this is my dad, Charlie."

I think my dick literally shriveled up, and the boys headed north when she said that.

"Whoa. That's not how you need to introduce me to your dad." I put my hands out in a surrender move. "You dad doesn't even need to be reminded that I have a dick, ok? In fact, I grew up in a fucking monastery. I don't even know what my dick is for when it comes to you talking to your dad."

She was doubled over laughing. I still didn't see what was funny so I kept going.

"Seriously, Bella. The man has guns and a badge. I don't even want to make Chief Swan angry by saying I don't like the Mariners, much less that I'm doing naughty things to his baby girl."

She straightened up at that and stopped laughing. "You promise?" I was fucking confused now.

"Promise what, Bella?"

She walked over and looked up at me through her lashes and licked her lips. At the first sign of her tongue my cock came back out to play, forgetting all about guns and violent fathers.

"To do naughty things to me." Her eyes were wide and innocent as she slid her hand down my chest and gripped me through my boxers.

I swear I almost came in my pants. "Fuck."

She grinned then. She was a fucking vixen when she wanted to be. I wasn't sure how this could get sexier until she stood up on her tip toes and licked from my jaw to my ear. She then sucked my lobe into her mouth and stroked my cock at the same time.

I moaned and pushed myself into her hand harder.

She gave my ear a teasing lick then whispered, "Patience, lover."

Then she was gone. I opened my eyes, stunned, but she was already walking down the hall. I chased after without a second thought.

When I made it into her room she had already gathered up her clothes and was moving to the bathroom.

"Where do you think you're going, my little tease?"

I stood in front of her blocking the door. She looked thoughtful as she held her clothes and then said, "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. I guess you should probably head back to your place and get a change of clothes. Then we can meet back here in about forty-five minutes and leave."

She was giving me a way out so she didn't need to come with me. I hated that I made her feel unwelcome, but at the same time loved that she thought about this so I wouldn't feel bad for saying no to her.

I needed to get over this though. It didn't matter where I stayed. She would want me anyway.

"If you want I'll wait and you can walk with me. I mean my room is closer to some antique stores, right?"

Her eyes went wide, and she smiled at me.

"Definitely. Just give me a minute, okay?"

I nodded my head and let her pass. I really wanted to join her, but I needed this time to calm down.

Ten minutes later Bella was ready and we were leaving her apartment.

I held her hand as we walked down the sidewalk. We passed little stores and food places that Bella loved. She would tighten her grip when she pointed out something she really liked.

I was lost in all this. I couldn't help but bask in the overwhelming happiness I was feeling at this moment. The sun was shining, I was with the girl I loved, not that I would say that out loud yet, and she was humming the theme song to a fucking "Tiny Toons". Life couldn't get better.

I let my emotions get the best of me and let his out to Bella, secretly hoping that she never mentioned any of this to Emmett. It was too girly.

"This is really nice. I never thought that I would be this happy. Fuck, I'm glad I was late for the bus to Phoenix, Bella." I stopped us and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I'm glad you were late, too." She kissed me again. Finally we pulled back.

"Isn't it weird how you would have ended up somewhere I had lived if you went there? Then you would have come to Seattle afterward. You were just looking for me, Edward, and someone gave you a push in the right direction."

She started walking again and attempted to lean up and kiss my cheek causing her to stumble.

"One thing at a time, love. We'll practice kissing and walking later."

She hit my arm as we walked into the lobby of the motel.

We avoided the front desk all together and soon we were right in front of my door. I took a deep breath and unlocked it.

"Welcome to my room." I held the door open as she walked in. She did a quick circle and turned back to me.

"That wasn't so terrible was it? If you think that this room is awful you should have seen the place that I had to stay at one time with my mom. I've told you that she doesn't plan ahead very well. This one time, we ended up in this dingy motel room with bugs in the bathtub! And then when we went to turn down the sheets, there was a used, I repeat _used_, condom in the bed! I flipped out and went and slept in the car." She waved her hands around. "This place is awesome compared to that."

I smiled at her as she sat on the bed.

"Plus, these sheets rock. I would have never thought they would have such great sheets in here."

I had never really told Bella about my sheet addiction. She knew I liked my own, but didn't know the extent of it. I always bought really great sheets.

"They're mine."

"Huh?"

"The sheets. They're mine. I don't like to use the motels, so I invest and buy my own. I've had these for six months or so." I shrugged and mumbled, "I like the softness."

I could feel myself blush as I ducked my head down.

"That's cute. I didn't think it was possible, but you have made OCD adorable, Edward!"

She walked over and hugged me. I pulled back and kissed her forehead.

"Wait here. I'm going to shower and change, and I'll be right back."

I grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom. I hurried through my shower and got dressed as quickly as possible. When I got back in the room Bella was lying down on the bed watching some "Iron Man" competition on T.V.

Without even looking in my direction she started talking, "Who does this stuff?" She turned to me and pointed to the television. "I mean do they just wake up one day and say, 'I'd like to be able to run a marathon after I swim and ride a bike for miles?' I mean it's cool, but I don't have anywhere near that amount of motivation. I can't even do yoga with Rose anymore. It's boring!"

I laughed at her and said, "Well I was actually thinking of taking Emmett up on working out. I almost had a heart attack trying to run to your apartment last night. I'm twenty-four years old for Christ's sake I should be able to last a mile."

She hopped off the bed and turned the show off.

"I thought you were 23. When's your birthday Edward?" Her eyes narrowed, and she looked upset.

I felt a little apprehensive as I said, "My birthday is June 20."

She looked like she was about to cry. Her eyes glassed over and she gasped.

"I missed your birthday. You turned twenty-four and no one noticed. I'm so sorry! I should have asked sooner. Oh my God, were you alone on your birthday?"

I shook my head quickly. "No, it was actually the weekend we started talking again. I was with you at the bar. I don't really celebrate my birthday anyway. Please, don't be upset."

She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I've got to go find you a late birthday gift now. What's your favorite kind of desert?"

I just smiled at her. "I love blackberry cheesecake."

If she wanted to give me a birthday gift then I would let her. Now I needed to know when her birthday was.

"So when's your birthday, Bella?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I hate birthday parties but Alice insists we have them. So you would find out anyway, but my birthday is September 13 and this year it's on a Sunday so we will be having a party all weekend. This same is going on for Alice's birthday. It's on a Sunday, too, so we will be celebrating Friday through Sunday."

I shook my head and led her out of the room and into the hallway.

"That seems like something Alice would do. She seems unstoppable."

"Oh, she is. She also knows when to let things go. Unfortunately, my birthday isn't one of those things." Bella drew her lips into a small pout. I really wanted to kiss it away, but I also wanted to get out of this place too. So I settled for grabbing her hand and leading her towards the exit.

We left as quietly as we came in to avoid the help desk and made our way to a few shops that were down the street from my motel.

The first couple of hours we drifted to several obscure little antique shops.

Bella was set on getting Alice this hair comb thing she found.

It was like a clip for hair Bella said.

I didn't get it, and I told her so. The thing didn't even have a clasp. I mean it was pretty enough, but not Alice. Her hair was short anyway. When I made that point Bella huffed and walked out of the store.

"I'm sorry if that made you upset. I just think we can do better."

"Its fine, Edward. You're right. She couldn't use them, but I really liked them."

"Let's get them for you then. We'll find Alice something else."

She stopped walking and looked up at me.

"I don't need them either. I just think old things are cool." She shrugged and we walked into a record store. I had always loved vinyl.

Bella turned back towards me as I walked through the door.

"My dad gave me his old record player and vinyl last year. I haven't bought any yet or even set it up. Like I said, I like old things. Record players and hair combs are so _vintage_. Don't you think?"

I laughed at that and shook my head. _Fucking adorable._

"You are a strange creature. I thought we were looking for something for Alice."

"Oh, we are. They sell books too, but they're in the back."

I followed Bella into the back and into the rows full of books. We spent a least an hour browsing together, but somehow we got separated, and I found myself in a dusty corner between two tall selves of books. Some of the books that I was looking at could have been considered collectors items and most were in fairly good condition.

I had picked a copy of _1984_ off the shelf. I vaguely remember having to read this book in school, too. Mostly I remember getting paranoid about security cameras because I thought "big brother" was watching me. I let out a short laugh when I felt someone touch my arm.

I turned around and saw a woman, probably my age, with blonde hair looking up at me.

"Find something you like?"

I moved away from her towards the back wall.

"I'm fine. Just looking." I held up the book. "I'm trying to find a birthday gift for a friend."

She walked closer to me.

"I'm Kate. So you're looking for a friend. Not a girlfriend?" She smirked at me and touched my forearm. Her touch was not like Bella's. Bella's hands made me feel warm and my heart beat faster. This woman made my heart beat faster, but in a "should I cry fire?" way.

I gently moved my arm away from her touch before introducing myself.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Edward. I'm actually with my girlfriend. We're looking for the same person's gift. Thank you for your help though." _Or lack thereof._ I added mentally.

I walked around her and started for the end of the aisle to find Bella. The saleswoman kept a close walk behind me, and when I started to turn right at the end of the row, she started talking again.

"I get off at six if you want to hang out. I'm great company, Edward." She winked and walked toward the front of the store.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"I sure as hell don't want your kind of company." I whispered, but she was too far away to hear.

I heard a giggle from my left.

"You attract attention don't you?"

Bella walked over to me.

I was afraid of what she saw. Would she think I wanted that girl? Would she think I had done something with her in those aisles?

She sauntered over to me and put her hand on my forearm like the other woman did. She bit her lip and looked up at me through her eyelashes just like this morning. She was either trying to kill me or embarrass me in public. I didn't know which.

"I get off at six. Wanna hang out, Edward?" Then she started laughing again.

I didn't know what to do, but I knew she was making fun of that girl. So I laughed too before wrapping my arms around her.

"I would love to hang out with you. Let's go. I know a dark corner back down that aisle."

I pulled her arm and she followed me. I got to the end where I was before and pushed her up against the shelves. We were still giggling as I grabbed her waist.

"You're being naughty, Edward," she mock chastised.

"I did promise, after all."

I kissed her then. Both of my hands were gripping her waist and her hands were twisted in my hair. She groaned into the kiss as I pushed my erection against her stomach. Soon my hand slipped from her waist to hitch her leg around my hip.

We were broken out of our little bubble by a shocked gasp. We moved apart quickly and looked down the aisle to find an old lady looking at us with wide eyes.

Bella whispered, "We should probably go, Edward. I found Alice something a few rows over."

She grabbed my hand and started pulling.

I smiled at the back of her head and said, "Led and I'll follow, lover."

Bella whined, "Edward…"

We quickly walked past the lady, who had a smirk on her face, to go the fashion section of the books.

Bella pulled out a long sketch book. She opened it up and inside were drawings of dresses and clothes circa the 1960s. I knew immediately Alice would love it. She seemed to be going through a hippie phase right now, anyway. We quickly agreed on the book and went up front to pay.

Kate was working the register as we approached. She looked at me and smiled then turned to Bella and cocked one eyebrow up.

_What the fuck was that for?_

"Hi again, Edward. Is this all for you today?" She was trying to act like she knew me or something.

"Yep. This is everything, right, Bella?"

She snuggled into my chest. "That's it. Mission accomplished for today."

Kate smiled. "Your total is 85.68."

It looked like she wanted to say more but stopped. I pulled out a fifty and put it on the table.

"That's more than half Edward." Bella scolded.

"I don't have anything smaller so humor me. You can buy us something to eat if it makes you feel better." I knew how to work around Bella's money issues fairly well.

"That sounds like a plan." She put the rest of the total on the counter.

Kate was putting everything in the register and then bagged the book we bought.

"Remember, I get off at six Edward. I know a great place to go, too."

I felt my eyes get wide. Then a soft voice filled the silence.

"Oh missy you don't stand a chance. You should have seen what I walked up on a minute ago. That young man is too far gone to try and reel back in. He's got his lady."

Mine and Bella's heads snapped to the left and there was the same old lady standing in line that had witnessed our very public display of affection. I felt myself blush and I'm sure Bella was too.

Kate just looked at us.

"Nothing to be ashamed of kids. Passion is good in relationships." She nodded her head intently.

Before this got too out of hand, and we started getting sex advice from a senior citizen, Bella stuttered out a thank you and pulled me to the door.

I think we got half a block before I started laughing uncontrollably.

"Is this really that funny, Edward? That was like my Grandma Swan walking in on us!"

Pretty soon Bella was laughing along with me.

"Nothing is ever dull around you, love. Ever." She slapped my shoulder and huffed.

"C'mon. I'm starving and I need to buy you dinner. Then if you're lucky I'll take advantage of you when we get home. I'm feeling extra passionate…"

I smiled and followed behind her.

I had a feeling I would follow Bella anywhere.

* * *

A/N:

Beta'd by ilovenaley

Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Ch. 13: Diner Debacles and Key Offerings

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

After our present buying fiasco, our lives seem to hit a nice, smooth lull. I got to see Bella everyday, and I spent most nights with her.

I loved those nights. They were filled with warmth and cuddling.

Yeah, I liked to cuddle. Her body fit perfectly next to mine and the knowledge that I was near her was enough to make my dreams full of rainbows and fucking puppies.

I had become completely and totally dependent on that small, delicate, stubborn as hell woman.

The only thing that bothered me now was she never offered for me to stay the night; I only stayed when I had asked beforehand. When I did ask I made sure to bring my bag with me, so I wouldn't need the extra time to walk to my place and get clothes.

I felt so insecure about things that I ended up going to Jasper for advice on the subject. I thought it would help how I felt, but only instituted the fact further that I was the cause. I desperately wanted to know why Bella never asked me out, or asked me anything relationship wise for that matter.

"Edward, Bella loves you. She is all in, man. Don't stress so much."

I felt the obvious need to point out to him that I have no fucking clue if that was even correct.

"She hasn't said that. I just want to know why she is always waiting for me to do things. I would feel a lot better if she would just ask me to spend the night or fucking move in, but I get nothing."

He shook his head then looked me in the eye.

"She doesn't have to say it. I can see it, and you want to live with Bella?"

I scratched my head. "I don't know, but, shit, the offering wouldn't be bad. I just want to know it's something she still wants."

Jasper took a deep breath, "Edward. What happened last time Bella asked you those things? What did you do when she mentioned you living with her? What did you do after she asked you to hang out, not even date, what did you do all those times?"

I thought about it. After every time Bella initiated any type of activity or the one time she said anything about living with her, I freaked out. Like, major freaked out. Fuck, we didn't talk for two weeks.

"I ran away. I avoided."

"Exactly. Now ,why would she ask you something like that again? Maybe she's letting you move at your own pace or something. I mean Bella's ready when you are. She offered everything first now she's just waiting for you to come to terms with it."

He shrugged and jumped off the bar stool.

"It'll work out, Ed. Don't think so damn much."

I sat on the stool and thought about what Jasper had said.

Bella was really fucking intuitive, so she probably had this all figured out. She didn't want to make me uncomfortable; she wanted me to lead the way. However, I was pretty fucking certain I would never broach the subject of possibly living with her and I knew she wouldn't ask again.

Everything we did seemed to be based on me; it was always when I wanted to do something, how I wanted to do it, where I wanted to go.

I hated it, but I knew that it was probably nessacary.

Bella would voice opinions, but she wouldn't initiate dates or ask me to spend the night. I never took things farther sexually than we did the night of our date; no matter how tempting Bella was, and, my God, was she tempting. She had no clue how every fucking move she made dripped with seduction to me. Shit, even her clumsiness was endearing, and when she would blush after she tripped or dropped something, I would think of orgasms and how she would always tug softly on my hair when she came. That was the most beautiful sight in the whole world. I didn't care what room we were in or position; I would always open my eyes and watch that face she makes.

For the love of God, that would always happen. I would start thinking about Bella and moving forward and how she doesn't really initiate anything, and then I would get sidetrack by sex. Not that it wasn't a valid thought process, but I seriously needed to get my head in the game if I wanted this to work out.

I forced myself away from those thoughts and realized that we needed to be partners. Bella needed to help make decisions in our relationship, but it order to do that, I didn't need to jump like a fucking scared puppy when she mentioned next level relationship things.

Fuck me, Jasper was probably right. How do I change this now? She won't talk about it, and I'm scared shitless.

I glanced at the calendar behind the bar and saw my sign in the form of a brightly colored row of days. Alice's birthday weekend.

Maybe I could ask Bella if I could spend that whole weekend at her place? I could say that it would be easier since they all lived in the same building, and I wouldn't have to go back and forth. Then I could slowly ease the idea of moving in with her into conversation over the next couple of days.

I realized that most people knew each other longer than two months before they moved in together but I loved spending time with Bella.

I just needed to make it work out all right.

* * *

BPOV

Life was going great. I had never felt more at ease than the last month.

Things with Edward were amazing. We went out on more dates. I would show him around the city and point out places I liked. On our days at work we would pass time with our question game or some other random topic of conversation. Like today, we were arguing the difference between Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb.

"One of them has a better education, Bella, and that it why it's more well-known. The other is just some regular guy."

I scoffed at his logic and rolled my eyes. He was so adorable sometimes.

"That makes absolutely no sense. Edward, these aren't even real people. Hell, they are beverages they can't hold educational degrees!"

I knew I looked crazy because my hands were gesturing wildly, but he just laughed at me and brought his arms around my waist.

"You're getting feisty. You said a bad word."

Edward said the last part in a sing-song voice that he punctuated with pokes into my side causing me to tense up and giggle. He was getting into the habit of calling me out whenever I swore.

I turned my head to see him before saying, "You are entirely to blame; you know that, right? You cuss like a fucking sailor."

He smirked down at me before he moved his lips next my ear, "Talk dirty to me, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and let out an exaggerated breath as Edward started laughing into my neck.

I loved when he was playful with me. This Edward was so much easier to interact with. Emo Edward was impulsive and jumpy. I tended to walk on eggshells if he came out to play. Lucky for me, _that_ Edward was seeing less and less playing time.

Days like this were so fun; it was a little after three in the afternoon the bar was closed to regular customers and it was just us here. We could laugh and be silly together while attempting to clean up around the bar. I used to hate this part of the week, but since Edward came into my life, straightening up the floor wasn't that bad.

Some days we would listen to fun music and dance around, other times Edward would play some of his own songs for me. He was so talented, but when I asked him why he didn't pursue music he shrugged and said, "I want to play for the people who don't have anywhere else to go."

I had wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he held his guitar.

"Then I'm glad you can sing for them, just promise to sing for me, too. I love your voice."

Edward singing with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, eyes closed, slight stubble on his chin, was very close to a sexual experience, of course, I didn't tell him all this, but I had noticed that sometimes when he sang for me his voice would change slightly to his sex voice.

Yes, there was a difference, and it made me want to jump him before he could finish the song.

Edward turned me around quickly, making me come back to the present. He picked me up and sat me on the stool behind us. He moved to stand between my legs.

We were quiet for a few moments.

Edward was playing with my hair and looking at my shoulders. Alice had cut up my shirt the other day so now I had a scoop neck top that displayed my collar bones and neck better. He said it was distracting; obviously it was distracting him now.

"I wanted to ask you something, Bella, uh, about this weekend."

He sound so unsure of himself, and to be honest, that made me a little worried. Unsure Edward equaled Emo Edward. I decided to take a teasing approach to the subject, hoping it would lighten the tension of the conversation.

"What's on your mind, Eddie?" I ran my fingers through his hair as he groaned.

He really didn't like nicknames, but he never told me to stop. Mostly, I called him that because it aggravated Emmett. I could totally get away with it, while Em would either get a slap on the head or shot the finger.

"I was wondering if it would be alright to stay the whole weekend with you. I think it would be easier for us if I stayed close with everyone, you know?"

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. That wasn't what I had expected at all, but I would take it. Slowly, but surely, we were moving forward.

"I think that's a great idea. Also, it helps that I love having you there. I hate the nights that I'm by myself." I kissed his nose and moved to get up.

I heard him whisper as I moved beside him, "I miss being with you, too."

That was it. Conversation closed. I knew he wasn't ready to settle down, and I didn't want to force him. I wanted Edward to _want_ to be with me.

We got through with cleaning and started to leave. It was the middle of July now, and Edward and I had known each other around two months.

I knew I loved him, I shared a bed with him, I was intimate with him.

I really wanted him with me all the time, but I was prepared to wait. This weekend would be great starting ground for that.

When we got out on the sidewalk, we decided to head to the little dinner down the street and get something to eat.

It didn't matter of many times we had eaten there Edward was weird and insisted on looking at the menu. He always got the same thing, and the couple of times I tried to order right away when the waitress came up he looked as if I grown an extra head.

"What if I see something else I want to try?" He would always ask me.

So to stop any food related incidents, I asked for extra time when the waitress came to take our order.

"Aren't you sweet? Giving me more time and not making fun. I might have to reward you later." He looked up and winked at me.

Edward and I had yet to have sex. This was the only topic I ever initiated because Edward seemed to want to move slowly. I didn't mind slow, but there is a natural progression to these things and I might have sounded like a whore, but I wanted to progress!

The diner was basically empty, so I figured no time like the present to initiate a sex related discussion.

"I know a way you can reward me. I think we would both enjoy it." I slipped my flip-flop off and brushed up his leg.

He eyes immediately flashed up to mine and went dark. His lips pulled up into my favorite crooked grin, and he grabbed my foot and began to rub circles on my heel.

"Oh, love, you are bad, but I think that will have to wait."

He gently set my foot down beside his leg on the seat. He knew I was talking about sex. It had been getting harder and harder to stop with just touching and kissing, and he seemed immune to desire.

"Why, Edward? I love what we do now, but sweet Jesus, I want more. Don't you want to?"

* * *

EPOV

There was no way to handle this situation without upsetting Bella. If I said that I wanted her she would want to know why I had stopped us from having sex, and if I said I didn't want to have sex right now she would think I didn't want her.

And I sure as fuck wanted Bella.

I figured I would just be as honest as possible. I would tell her how I felt and hoped she understood.

"I want you, Bella. Don't doubt that." I started in only to be cut off by a slightly irate Bella.

"Then what is it? Is it because I'm not that experienced? Are you worried about it being awkward?" She whispered angrily across the table.

"That's not it at all! You know that's not true. Have I ever treated you like you were fucking inferior because of that?"

I tried to keep my voice down, but if things kept escalating between us the whole diner would know our business. I think that one incident in a restaurant was enough to last me awhile.

Just as Bella was getting ready to say something, the waitress come back up and asked for our orders. We must have looked upset because she wrote down what we wanted and left very quickly.

"We'll talk about this at home. Our problems don't need to be discussed in a booth at some diner with people around. You need time to calm down, too. Just think about what you said Bella…"

I closed my eyes as I said the last two sentences. I had just fucked up. According to Emmett, you must never tell your woman to "calm down". Those two words will lead to an unhappy pecker. His words, not mine.

"Calm down? Really? Just don't talk to me, Edward. I'm hungry, and I think if this conversation continues then I will be walking home before I get my cheese steak."

I nodded my head and didn't speak. She was right. This would have to wait until we got home. I mean, until we got to Bella's.

We sat in silence for a few minutes then our food arrived. It wasn't nearly as awkward with food there. Then we had something to occupy us instead sitting there tense and avoiding eye contact like before.

After we had both finished and paid, we started for the door. Once we were on the sidewalk and walking in the direction of Bella's apartment I decided to start talking. I needed to make this right. I reached out and grabbed her hand. I didn't want to stop, so I kept walking as I began my explanation.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I want you, believe me. I just…God…I want to make sure we're on the same page here. I don't do casual, and I know you don't either. Sex has been something, for me, that always ended up being a regret. I fucked up before. I shouldn't have been with those other girls. I have made myself stay away from intimacy because I knew that I shouldn't put myself in that position unless I was certain of the relationship. I'm certain of you, Bella, but I'm so worried you are going to realize what a fuck up I am and leave."

She started to talk but I cut her off, "Bella if you left me right now I would be devastated. If I made love to you and you left me I would be destroyed. It has nothing to do with wanting you. It has everything to do with me being really fucking scared."

She stopped and stared at me.

"I understand. I feel the same way though." She leaned into me before adding quietly, "I just don't have it in me to resist anymore." She squeezed my hand and we continued walking. "Let's just let things go naturally. I'll stop pushing you."

I smiled at her and we continued on to her apartment.

Crisis averted for another day.

"Are you staying tonight?"

Bella was in the kitchen getting us some water before we had to leave for work. After the diner things had been pretty calm. We came back here and Bella changed into another pair of jeans, but she kept on the Alice altered t-shirt while I sat on the couch.

"I don't have my bag with me tonight. I just brought my guitar this morning."

"You don't need your bag, Edward. You sleep in your boxers anyway. Just stay."

She was walking back into the living room as she finished her sentence. Her collar bones on display and begging to be licked.

"If you promise to go to bed topless, I'll stay."

The sentence was out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Lucky for me Bella just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Okay." She shrugged and handed me the bottle of water before sitting next to me. "I probably would have ended up without that anyway."

"You really don't mind me staying here all the time? I don't want to intrude."

That was part of my problem. I never wanted to overstay my welcome with Bella. That's why I wanted her to bring up moving in again. If I did it and she said yes then I would make myself believe she said yes out of obligation.

Nothing was ever fucking easy when it came to me.

"I want you here. We've discussed it before and the answer is still the same. You can stay here as often as you like. I would offer you a key, but I think _that_ is something that you might need time to adjust to first."

I felt my eyes go wide and she must have thought I looked scared because she tacked on quickly, "I'm not asking you to move in. I'm just saying if you would like I can get you a key and you can come and go as you please. I wouldn't mind."

I sincerely hated the fact that I made her doubt me. She would put a thought out there but then add that little clause with it every time.

_You might need time to adjust. _

_Only if you want to._

I also hated that I needed her to do it. It made me feel insanely better when I realized Bella wasn't looking for an immediate answer, but she was merely suggesting.

This weekend was supposed to be the trial move in period for me without Bella knowing. Maybe it would be easier to accept the key then slowly start bringing my stuff over. Then there wouldn't be a formal asking on either of our parts and when the time came it would be more of a casual progression than a huge step.

This would work better. I was sure of it, even if my logic was backwards and shitty.

"I think that's a great idea. That way when you start back to school I can come and wait for you here. You know surprise you with dinner or something."

Bella smiled widely at me, "I'll get you one tomorrow."

She leaned in to kiss me quickly. We enjoyed the soft feeling of each other lips for several minutes before Bella pulled away.

"We need to leave. We're going to be late and I do not want to listen to Emmett do the 'You're fired' thing tonight."

I hopped up quickly, and we started for the door.

I couldn't take my eyes off of Bella as she moved in front of me. This was the woman that I was fairly certain I wanted to spend forever with. I wanted to make Seattle my permanent home. I knew I would still get the itch to move sometimes, but I would always keep those trips short. I had a lot to decide, and I knew that this weekend was going to be our test run.

I also knew without a shadow of a doubt that this weekend I was going to make love to Bella. For the first time in my life, I would be handing someone my entire heart. I was willing and ready to do this and I knew Bella was too.

We were ready to progress.

Bella was going to give me a key.

If only I felt as secure as my heart told me I should. I was desperately hoping my mind wouldn't fuck me in the end.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Ch. 14 So It Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

Things get steamy this chapter! Lemon alert!

* * *

EPOV

It seemed to stare at me. Well, not really. Keys can't stare.

Bella didn't make a big show of the key and for that I was thankful. I was even more thankful that she walked out of the room to get dressed while I stared at it and attempted to pick it up.

It wasn't that I didn't want to have a key; it was just that it was another level of a relationship that I really didn't want to fuck up. I felt pressure when these extra things got put on our couple status.

We weren't just Edward and Bella casually dating, we were Edward and Bella that could share a space when I used her key.

I took a deep breath and picked up the shiny piece of silver.

I didn't feel as much pressure as I had just staring at it. I gingerly put it on my keychain and tried to stop thinking about it.

The key made me uneasy, but I felt utter relief at the fact that I was welcome here whenever. Bella wanted me here. It was contradictory, but I still felt it.

I'm sure I looked like a complete spaz when Bella emerged from her bedroom.

"What's with the smile? That's your after orgasm smile. Have you been naughty in the living room, Edward?"

She smirked at me as I choked out a laugh.

"Why would I be doing that when I have you?" I walked towards her and noticed the way the dress exposed her collarbones and neck. I was in love with this woman's shoulders. I leaned down to kiss her and said, "You look delectable, Bella."

She checks turned red, and she pushed me away.

"Well, speaking of delectable, I have a present for you. Be good and close your eyes, and I'll be right back."

I was thinking a million things in those couple of minutes she was gone. The less gentlemanly side of my brain was hoping she would put her hand down my pants, while the love sick fool was hoping for matching sweaters or something equally ridiculous.

Finally, I heard her walk back into the room.

"Keep them closed." She gave a little sigh and sat something on the table. "Okay, open them!"

I looked at Bella and saw her looking at me expectantly, and then I looked at the table.

Sitting on a beautiful and expensive looking crystal pedestal was a blackberry cheesecake. It looked fucking delicious.

"Since we are celebrating a birthday this weekend, I wanted to make up for yours. So here's your non-traditional birthday cake. I don't have candles though, but…" She dipped her finger into the topping and got sauce and blackberry on the tip of her finger, "you can have this. Make a wish, Edward."

She bit her lip and smiled at me. I reached for her hand and brought the finger to my mouth.

As I sucked of the blackberry sauce I made my wish.

_Let her be mine forever._

I swirled my tongue around the tip of her finger before releasing it from my mouth. I dropped her hand and tried to discreetly adjust myself, since my pants had become very constricting in those few seconds.

"We need to head out of here, Bella or we won't make dinner. Shit, we'll miss this whole weekend if we don't leave soon."

Bella's face flushed.

"Just one piece, I promise to keep my fingers to myself." She linked her hands together behind her back.

We managed a single piece of cheesecake before I forced her to put it up.

She was too seductive for her own good, and she had no idea.

We were meeting everyone in the lobby downstairs and taking a cab to the restaurant that Alice had made reservations at. It was a really expensive Thai place, but I had been anticipating spending a lot of money this weekend, so I had managed my expenses pretty well. I wanted to have a good time with my friends.

God, I loved that. I had friends. I had a girlfriend. I'm sure I had a goofy smile on my face as I thought this.

When we got to the restaurant, I noticed immediately that I would need someone to order for me. It was decorated in black and red and felt really small. The lights were dimmed to almost non-existent and the candles on the table provided little light. I wouldn't be able to see my own menu at this rate.

I made a show of looking over my menu feeling stupid that I couldn't read in the shadows.

_This must have been something you got used to after eating at fancy places a lot._

I was a bit embarrassed until I felt an elbow in my side. I looked over at Bella.

Her nose was scrunched up and she whispered, "Can you see at all? I think something's wrong with my eyes."

I laughed softly and leaned into her.

"I can't see shit, Bella. I was just going to order whatever you got."

We were both giggling softly and making plans to copy someone's order when Emmett's voice boomed across the table.

"Fuck, I can't read any of this. How the hell am I supposed to order when it's fucking dark. Shit, I need light."

Alice huffed before answering, "It's called ambiance, Em. You can see. I can. Stop acting like a child." Alice went back to her menu.

I noticed her eyes were suspiciously narrowed as she got closer to the fine print. Then she tilted it towards the light.

"Ambiance my ass." Emmett grumbled.

Bella and I continued to laugh at everything that was happening while our friends resumed looking at the menu.

When the waiter came back over to take orders everyone looked at Alice.

She ordered something, but all I could catch was "chicken" so when the guy looked at me I just pointed at Alice and said, "Same thing."

Soon there was a chorus of "same thing" from the remaining people at the table. The waiter looked a little weirded out that we were all getting the same entree, but shit, none of us could read the menu. He didn't say anything though, and just walked away.

"You all suck. I just wanted to go someplace nice, and I can't take any of you anywhere." Alice crossed her arms across her chest.

I took this as the opportunity to test my newfound friendships and poke fun at Alice.

"So, is what we ordered something you actually saw on the menu or did you just say something you've had from somewhere else? I saw you pushing your menu near that candle. So which is it Ali?" It was the first time I used her nickname and she beamed at me. Then she flipped me off.

"I have it every time I get lunch at that place by campus. You suck most, Edward. It's not nice to call a girl out on her birthday."

Everyone laughed and Bella grabbed my hand under the table. I looked down and saw that a gorgeous smile had lit up her face. I would do anything to see that smile.

After the dinner debacle, we were all hesitant at what was next on our first night of birthday partying. Alice insisted that we didn't have far to walk to the club, so we dutifully followed the almost-birthday girl.

The club was just as dark as the restaurant only this place had strobe lights that made you think you were going to have either a seizure or migraine. Bella and I found a little couch that was situated in a corner while everyone else went and got drinks.

"I'm going to have to close my eyes the entire time we're in here." She laughed. "I feel like I'm in a bad rave. They have the lights but no techno."

She turned towards me with her eyes closed and a smile on her lips. Before I could stop myself, I leaned down and kissed her. She tasted spicy and warm. Soon she pulled back, "I guess I need to keep my eyes open that way a stranger doesn't come up and do that."

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into my side. I closed my eyes as well to fight off the lightening effect the lights were putting off.

"I'll make sure no one else tastes those lips."

When the others arrived with drinks, we all started getting a little more outgoing when it came to the music. By the time everyone was on their third drink and third shot, it started to turn a little scandalous. Rose and Emmett had moved to the dance floor and looked to be performing some type of mating ritual that scientists needed to document.

Alice and Jasper were swaying slightly. His arms were around her and he was whispering something into her ear. It was the first time ever that I saw Alice blush. Of course I could have been seeing things because by this time Bella had moved to my lap and would move her hips in time with the music.

I was painfully hard and each little dip or press would elicit a groan from me. She knew what she was doing, too. I had my hands on her hips keeping her in place and sometimes guiding her movements to the songs.

I was a little buzzed, but I hadn't participated in the shots. Total, I had about five beers. Bella was a little bit farther along than I was. She was tiny and those shots went to her head quick.

She started giggling, and I looked up at her face. She was smiling at me and leaned down to whisper in my ear but missed and knocked our foreheads together.

After she got her laughter under control she moved over to my ear and attempted to whisper but it really come out as an almost yell over the music.

"I'm want cheesecake! Take me home? I promise to lick blackberry sauce off your…"

"Fuck." I picked up her up quickly and turned to look at Alice. "We've got to go. Bella's tired."

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. We start around six tomorrow night so be sober by then."

I just nodded my head and tried to concentrate as Bella's hands started playing with the button on my jeans. I briefly waved at Emmett who looked to have Rose bent into some position from the _Kama Sutra_. I made a mental note to silence Bella's phone when we got outside. I wouldn't be going and bailing them out for public indecency later.

By the time we got inside a cab, Bella had successfully undone the button on my jeans and was nibbling on my earlobe. I must have look like I was in pain because the cabbie started laughing at me as I tried to keep Bella's hand outside of my pants and off my cock.

Who knew a little alcohol would turn shy Bella into sex-crazed Bella? Now I did and I planned on keeping a supple of tequila in one of her cabinets.

It took ten minutes of fighting off Bella's roaming hands and neck kisses before we arrived at her apartment. The driver was still laughing at me when I got out and tried to lift Bella. I passed him some money and shrugged him off.

Once I had Bella standing outside the cab and on the sidewalk, she smiled up at me. Her checks were rosy from the alcohol and her eyes were shiny. I grabbed Bella's hand and went inside.

The elevator ride was slow with Bella's hand gripped in mine, her head against my chest. As we reached the floor she leaned up and said, "I love the way you smell. It's always the same. So sweet. I could just lick you all over." She bit her lip and pulled me out of the lift.

I took my keys out while Bella was looking in her little purse for hers. I opened the door for the first time to her apartment.

"Yay! I'm so glad that you took your key. I think I left mine in the apartment anyway. You're my life saver, Eddie." She gripped my shirt.

I ignored the nickname and walked through the door. She followed me and pushed it shut with a little too much force. It slammed and she jumped and started giggling.

I turned to look at her and stopped suddenly as she started to walk towards me.

Her voice turned from innocent victory at the key incident to experienced seduction in seconds. Even her eyes changed and became hooded and dark.

My cock, which was still hard from the dancing and cab groping, got even harder.

"I bet I can make you taste sweeter."

Then she kissed me. It was passionate and full of lust. Her lips covered mine and her hands wrapped around my neck and into my hair.

My hands found purchase on her waist before moving one hand into her thick curls that fell down her back. She pushed her hips into my erection and gasp.

I was too out of it to realize that she had successfully unbuttoned my pants until she pushed them down my legs. She continued her kisses and moved one hand from my hair to my hard shaft.

She pulled back a little to look into my eyes as she gave me one, long stroke.

I let out a breathless moan, "Fuck, Bella." My head it the wall behind me.

She smiled and kissed me quickly before dropping to her knees in front of me. Bella looked up from underneath her lashes, and I couldn't help it when my cock twitched as I looked into her big, doe eyes. She pushed my boxers down my legs then and took me into her hand.

The position wasn't the best in the world. I couldn't move at all because I would fall if I tried. Pants around the ankles will do that every time, but Christ she was on her knees in front of me. She had pushed me against the wall and was going to blow me. I wasn't going to last at all.

Without warning, I was enveloped in warmth and my eyes rolled shut.

"AHHH. Damn, Bella." My hands went to her hair and I tried not to thrust into her mouth.

I finally gained enough control to look down, and what I saw was fucking magnificent.

Bella's pink, full lips sliding up and down my cock. Her eyes were on my face and as we caught each other's stare she moaned around me. I couldn't help it that my hips arched forward into her mouth and she moaned again when I did it.

"So good. So fucking good." I mumbled.

I kept my hand in her hair and continued to watch and she sucked me harder. Her hand moved to gently cup my balls and she tugged slightly as she moaned around me.

It was sudden and electric. My hips moved forward of their own accord I felt myself hit the back of her throat and felt her moan some more.

"Coming…I'm…OHHH. Bella!" I groaned my orgasm swept through me, blinding me.

I came down and slowly let myself slide down the wall. When I reached the ground,, I kicked my boots off along with me pants and boxers.

"That was fucking incredible. Now it's my turn."

I pulled her too me and kissed her hard like she had been doing to me when we entered the apartment.

She giggled softly and got up.

"Race ya."

With that she took off for the bedroom. I quickly discarded my shirt and socks and followed her.

When I opened the door I was assaulted by the sight of Bella in midnight blue lace.

Well, I was treated to Bella in nothing but blue lace panties. Her arms were the only thing covering her breasts from me and as I stalked forward I saw her biting her lip and her eyes inviting me further.

"Happy Birthday. I'm sorry I already opened your present." She pointed to the dress that lay in a pool of black on the floor.

"I hate opening shit anyway. Come here." I grabbed her arms and pulled them away from her chest.

I leaned down and pulled her into a sweet, gentle kiss and walked her back toward the bed. When her knees touched she sat before I laid her completely down.

"Move to the middle." I couldn't even recognize my own voice. It was low and gruff. She did as I asked and soon I was positioned between her legs.

"You're gorgeous, Bella." I kissed across her chest directly over her breasts. Her hands found their normal place in my hair and she tried to pull me down toward her nipples.

"I'll get there." I mumbled into her skin.

I moved down and circled her nipple with my tongue twice before I gently sucked it into my mouth. This earned me a moan and her hips arching into me.

I moved from side to side teasing each pebbled nipple as Bella's breathing became more and more labored.

Finally, I started kissing down and her stomach and stopped at the edge of the lace.

"Don't tease me. More, Edward."

I smirked up at her and brought both hands to the front of the panties. Her eyes were closed and when she heard the rip of material her eyes shot open and she propped herself up.

"You tore them?" I nodded my head and she bit her lip. "That's beyond sexy." Her head fell back to the pillows.

I threw the panties to the side, hoping to find them and keep them afterwards.

I smiled and kissed her stomach and moved lower. I made one, long lick up her pussy before stopping and tracing circles around her clit. She was already close; I knew it. I could tell by her breathing and by the sounds she made. They were always low and breathless right before she came.

I kept caressing her clit and moved my fingers up her thigh to her opening.

"Please, please. Edward, please."

I pushed in one finger and was met with a loud moan.

"Yes! Ummm, more."

I started moving at a steady pace, my finger and tongue moving together to get her to fall apart.

Her moans and gasps were causing my cock to harden again, and I pressed it into the mattress trying to lessen the pressure.

Soon, I had added another finger and sucked harder on her clit. Her hand tightened in my hair, and I felt her walls start fluttering around me. It drove me faster. I needed to give her this.

"Oh my God, Edward! Yes…so good…coming…"

I bit down gently on her clit and curled my fingers inside of her. That did it.

The flush ran down her neck and covered her breasts, she arched off the bed, tugged my hair, and the most erotic part was she cursed and screamed my name as she came.

"Fuck Edward!"

I slowed down my fingers and placed small kisses on her hips as she came down.

I felt her hands grab my shoulders as she pulled me up.

Her lips met mine, and I was lost again. I felt my cock press against her wetness and she moaned, arching her hips into me.

"I want you, Edward. Now."

I wanted to resist, saying that she had had too much to drink, but I knew that she was very aware of what was happening. I was too. It was like the buzz was gone, and I was completely lucid in this moment.

"Are you sure? We can wait."

She kissed my jaw. "I want this. I want you. I'm ready."

I dropped my lips to hers and used one hand to grab my dick. I moved myself up and down her slit before moving to her opening. I hesitated for a moment and asked "Bella, do you have a condom? I don't have any."

"I'm on the pill, but I have some. We can use them if you want to."

It might have been irresponsible, but I wanted her with nothing between us.

"No. I want you like this."

I started kissing her collarbone as I pressed myself into her slowly.

She was warm and tight. Her soft gasps and salty skinned, combined with her sex squeezing the head of cock, was almost too much. I continued easing into her, but stopped when I felt some resistance. I took her lips with mine then and pushed in completely.

Bella let out a sharp breath.

"Are you okay?" I was shaking above her. This felt different. I didn't remember ever feeling like this.

"It wasn't so bad. Move, now." She was breathless as I started moving. My thrusts were slow and controlled until she pushed her hips to meet mine.

I moaned and she gasped at the sensation that it caused both of us.

"Faster." She breathed against my lips. I hooked her legs around my hips and began to drive into her harder. She met me thrust for thrust and soon I was hovering on the edge.

She let out small, sweet moans below me.

"I can't wait much longer. It's too good, Bella."

Her hand tugged my hair and she pulled my face closer. Her lips were by my ear. Her other hand scrapped down my back as she started bringing her hips harder to meet me.

She whispered, "Come for me, Edward. Let go." Then she sucked my ear lobe into her mouth.

I slammed my hips to meet hers and lost all thought for the second time that night. All I could feel was her breath on my neck and me coming deep inside her.

I collapsed on top of her shaking and panting, when I tried to move she just held me tighter and stroked my hair.

"That was amazing. Everything I ever imagined." She said this so low it was almost a whisper.

I pulled out slowly and raised myself off of her. I kissed her lips quickly and moved to the bathroom. I returned to bed with a warm washcloth.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked. I had taken the cloth and cleaned off her inner thighs and then brushed gently over her sex.

"Taking care of you." It was a simple answer, but it was all I ever wanted to do for Bella.

When I was finished, I threw the cloth in the hamper and returned to bed. I pulled us both under the covers and Bella to my chest.

She was almost asleep, but I still needed to tell her. I would finally utter the words that had been playing on my tongue for the last two months. I didn't feel any hesitation as they finally came from my mouth.

"That was the best experience of my life. I love you so much, Bella."

She snuggled into me more, but didn't acknowledge my confession. I closed my eyes. She would tell me when she was ready.

We drifted off to sleep together. Both of us warm and complete.

* * *

Thanks again for reading! Leave me a review and let me know what you think ;)


	15. Chapter 15

Ch. 15: Different Stages of Love

Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

I was vaguely aware that light had started to spill in through Bella's windows. I didn't want to move at all. I was completely content with my life in this moment.

I had a beautiful girl, awesome and possibly arrested friends, and a job I loved. I knew I needed to wake up though. I could feel Bella's warmth all around me and before she woke up I had to see this picture. I knew it would stay with me forever.

I finally opened my eyes and took in my surroundings; savoring every detail.

The room looked like before, but Bella's clothes were scattered on the carpet. I could only imagine the mess we had made in the hallway. I smiled to myself at that thought.

Finally, I looked at Bella. She was lying halfway on my chest with one arm tossed over my stomach and a leg hooked over my hip.

I loved that her hair was splayed over me. I loved that she was covering me and anchoring me. It was everything I could ever want.

I moved my hand and gently pushed some hair from her face. She had a small smile playing on her lips, but was otherwise asleep. I leaned back again and closed my eyes.

Last night was amazing, wonderful, life-altering, and whole bunch of other adjectives that I couldn't think of right now.

She had given herself to me totally, and I had given her everything within me. It might not have been the first time I had had sex, but it was definitely the first time I had experienced that type of connection with anyone.

It was an all consuming fire that lit up my veins when I was inside her. Every moan, gasp and whimper was ingrained in my mind. I was aware that she didn't have an orgasm, but I hadn't expected her to last night. It would just mean I would have to try again and that was something I was looking forward to.

I felt Bella start to stir and glanced down at her. I was met with a breathtaking smile and warm brown eyes.

_I could really get used to this view._

"Morning, ballerina. How'd you sleep?" I ran my hand up and down her back.

She hummed before rolling over on to her back. She stretched her arms above head and arched her back. I felt my eyes go wide as I took in her naked form.

"Shit, Bella. I asked how you slept not for a peep show."

She stopped stretching and blushed when she realized how it looked from my perspective.

"Please, like you would turn down a free show. I know your game Edward, and you love my breasts."

I smiled widely at her. She was playful, and I loved that side of her. I could be playful too, but right now I was trying to be serious.

"You have beautiful breasts, there's no fucking doubt about it, but really how'd you sleep?"

Bella looked at me with an understanding in her eye as I whispered out my question again. I wanted to make sure she was feeling alright without really saying it. I didn't want to ask her if she was sore or if she enjoyed it, but if she volunteered the information then I would be free of awkward ramblings.

"I actually feel great." She shrugged slightly, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, so that's a plus. After that everything's kind of a blur of emotions and touches. Just like I said last night, everything was exactly how I pictured it. I wouldn't change a thing."

She leaned up and placed a small kiss on my lips. I pulled her close to me again.

"I love you. You are the best thing in my world, Bella."

We hugged for a little while, but Bella never said the words back. I was disappointed, but honestly, I wouldn't expect her to admit it. I had been so indecisive in the past that it seemed like too big an admission for her to make until she was sure of me.

Finally, she spoke again.

"It's already eleven. We need to shower and eat. I'm pretty sure Alice will be by sometime today to be nosey, and we have to go back out again tonight."

I laughed at that because it was so true. Alice still had a key too and probably would bust into the bedroom if we took too long. Bella sounded exasperated with the whole concept of leaving again.

"Don't sound too excited. I mean Alice's pre-birthday celebration led us to the most passionate night of our lives so far. Think about what tonight could bring!"

I was putting up a front of mock enthusiasm. I hated the idea of leaving this room for anything length of time today.

Bella rolled her eyes and moved to get out of bed. She sat back quickly and I helped steady her.

"What did I drink last night? My head is pounding and my mouth feels fuzzy."

I laughed and stood beside the bed pulling her with me. Her naked body was pressed flush against mine and I couldn't stop the reaction that had already begun to occur.

She giggled softly and rotated her hips towards me. I let out a breathy moan and moved my hands to her hips.

"You had fruity drinks and shots." She hummed in acknowledgement and continued her assault on my cock. "Let's shower, Bella."

She took a step back then and smiled at me.

"That sounds fun." I could hear the smoothness in her voice and I had a distinct feeling that I might be treated to some shower activities in a few minutes.

She grabbed my hand then and led me to the bathroom.

I watched as she moved around quietly turning on the water for the shower and getting towels together. When she reached the sink, she held out my toothbrush and we worked side by side ridding our mouths of the "fuzzies" as she'd dubbed them.

After we were finished, I couldn't help staring at her in the mirror.

"You're so beautiful. Every part of you is gorgeous." I ran my hand lightly over her back and gripped her hip.

"So are you." She turned her head and leaned up for a kiss.

The kiss didn't stop there and soon I was walking us towards the shower.

There was never a more breathtaking sight than Bella wet. The water droplets would run down her breasts and tumble over her nipples. They would slide down the curve of her neck and lips. It was a truly erotic vision.

Soon the only noises in the bathroom were running water and our grasps and groans.

I stood with her legs wrapped around me leaning my head into the curve of her neck and shoulder kissing her occasionally. I knew I hadn't done things right this time either. I was like a teenager who was fucking for the first time. I couldn't even wait for my girlfriend to get off.

As I tried to get my breathing under control, Bella was running her fingers through my wet hair and lightly kissing my jaw.

"I love you, too, you know. I've loved you for a very long time." She whispered it directly beside my ear and my whole body shivered.

I felt like crying. She loved me even though I was incompetent. She loved me because of the man she had been with the last two months. She loved _me._ I let out a shaky breath.

"Thank God. I was trying not to worry."

I gently set her feet on the shower floor and tilted her head up towards me. The kiss was tender and passionate. It was a kiss shared between two people that loved each other, plain and simple.

"We need to get out of here. We're turning pruney." Bella pouted her bottom lip out after she said it.

I kissed her pout before turning off the water.

We dried off quickly and were in the middle of dressing again when Bella began to talk.

"Edward, I really do love you. I didn't say it first because I didn't want you to feel obligated to say it back to me. I know that you don't like to be stationary for too long, so all I ask is that when you feel the itch to go someplace, even for a week, tell me. I will either go with you or if you want to be alone then you can make the trip yourself. Just don't leave me without a word and while you're gone let me know you're okay."

I stared into her beautiful brown eyes and watched as they got a glassy look to them. I knew that I might want to travel again, but right now it was the furthest thing from my mind; however, if this was something that Bella worried about then I would need to tell her this. I could agree wholeheartedly with everything that she asked, hell, I didn't think I could go a day without talking to her.

"I know that moving around was a big part of my past Bella, but I don't think I could stay away from you for long at all. I promise that if I want to go somewhere we'll talk about it first and we'll work something out. I'll never leave unannounced or without an idea of where I'm going. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that works for me." She leaned in and hugged me tightly. "Well, we don't have much time left before Alice's impending visit. The shower took longer than I thought."

I let me hands move down over her backside and squeezed before lifting her up. Her legs automatically went around my waist and I started walking towards the kitchen.

"I never heard you complain while we were in the shower." I knew I sounded smug.

She drew her head back to look at me, "I never said I was upset that it took so long. I was just stating the obvious."

This is what everyday should be like.

* * *

BPOV

I woke up surrounded by warmth and the smell of Edward.

_That is the way to start a day. _

The previous night had been perfect. We had fun with our friends, we danced a little, we made love, and Edward said he loved me.

I remember every detail of it, and I probably will for the rest of my life. The way we kissed and moved together was better than any of my fantasies. I knew it would be uncomfortable for me, but in all honesty I was expecting worse; with my luck and ability to attract injuries, I expected it to be painful. Like everything else for us, sex seemed almost effortless.

Edward was passionate and lustful, but managed to stay gentle, reverential with his movements. I knew that the smile on my face would be glued there all day.

Our shower was long, and, thankfully, uninterrupted. Edward in the shower is a sight to see. His normally wild hair manages to stay any way my fingers moved it. The slickness of his body moved so easily against mine.

He had me pressed to the shower wall holding up my weight with both hands gripping my bottom as he sank into me. The felt myself stretch around him and the tingling sensation as he started to move in me. It was better than last night, and I never thought that would be a possibility.

His mouth moved over my shoulder and across the upper portion of my chest and throat. My hands would move between tugging on his hair and grabbing his shoulders.

We didn't say words during our lovemaking; only breathes escaped our lips.

I leaned down and kissed the shoulder I had been holding onto when I noticed that I been digging my nails into his skin. I moved my tongue across the little crescent shaped marks and up his neck, finally reaching his ear where I sucked the lobe into my mouth. He loved that.

The whole time Edward was picking up his pace and the tingling had become a steady ache that was getting bigger with each press of his hips into mine. Soon we were moving harder than ever and I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist as I felt his thrusts become erratic.

I was so close to exploding when Edward stilled his movements and groaned directly by my ear. All I heard then was our panting breathes, as the ache throbbed and slowly lessened in my center.

I felt something in my chest expand as he started kissing my shoulder lightly, almost in apology for how our time had ended. He was always trying to make me feel good and do things for me. He never wanted me to see him as different or less and I knew that the outcome of our recent encounter would leave him feeling badly.

These were the things that made me love Edward. He was considerate and selfless and understanding. He wanted to change and be a better man. There didn't seem like a better time than now, so I let the words for from my lips that had be hanging there for so long.

"I love you, too, you know. I've loved you for a very long time." I said gently into his ear.

Almost immediately after my confession we retreated from the shower and proceeded to dress for the day.

I finally let Edward in on my insecurities of him leaving, and I got the reassurance that I needed so we could move forward without the worry. After all, my biggest fear was to wake up one morning and Edward would be gone.

Every little thing that he did the rest of the afternoon showed me the depth of his feelings for me. The way he cuddled with me on the couch and played with my hair. The secret glances and smiles he gave me when he thought I wasn't looking. Edward was in just as deep as I was.

Surprisingly, Alice never showed up. I guess she was too busy with Jasper or nursing her hangover because we didn't see her until we met in the lobby at six again.

"Tonight, we're going to eat at this new place. It serves American food and has very bright lights for those of you who might be worried about you vision." She said sarcastically. "Then we'll be going to a movie, my choice, followed by dancing. Any questions?"

No one said anything. We would do whatever Alice wanted, just like when it was Emmett's birthday we went and played paintball, or when we went to classic car show for Rose's, and the time we all participated in a really awkward version of a Civil War reenactment for Jasper. My birthday would be held to that same standard. Whatever the birthday girl or boy wants, they get.

The night lasted way too long for my tastes. I loved dancing with Edward, but I would have rather been at my apartment in the dark, quiet bedroom.

Alice and Rose gave me a look early in the night that clearly said, "We'll be discussing this later." I could definitely wait to have that conversation.

By the time we got home, Edward had to carry be to bed because I had fallen asleep in the cab. I heard him muttering something about cabbies always laughing at him, but didn't understand what he meant.

My final thoughts before I drifted off again were about the warmth I felt as Edward situated himself in bed and wrapped me in his arms.

* * *

EPOV

I was kissing her neck and she started snoring. Not cute, tiny snores like normal, but loud, chainsaw snores.

Needless to say, the cab driver was in hysterics by the time we got home. I shrugged him off like I did the last cab driver and threw some money in the front seat before carrying Bella to her apartment.

The next morning, I was up long before Bella. She had a lot to drink last night, and I was pretty sure that she was going to feel like a truck had run her down when she woke up.

I walked into the kitchen and started some coffee. As I waited for it to finish I found myself drawn to the living room wall when I caught a glimpse of a new photo Bella had placed there. I can't believe I didn't see it yesterday.

It was of Bella and me at the bar. She was sitting on a stool, and I stood between her legs with my hands on her hips. It was clearly a candid shot because we were staring at each other smiling. Bella's cheeks were flushed and her eyes were shining as she looked at me. You couldn't mistake the adoration that was pouring through me in that picture.

I had a place on Bella's wall. That alone made my day.

Soon, I was drinking coffee and flipping channels. Today was Alice's official birthday and that meant and official party with birthday cake and presents.

This would take place at the Soest Garden in UW's Botanic Gardens. Alice had been able to get a reduced price for renting it out because she knew someone in the Horticulture Department. She said it was normally used for wedding services, but since it wasn't booked she took it. Bella said it was really beautiful. I didn't hesitate to believe either of them.

I only hoped that everyone was brave enough to battle the sunlight when they woke up from their alcohol stupors and didn't have an aversion to the brightness like those fucked up things from 'I am Legend_._'

I smiled at that thought. Bella had been educating me on horror films most recently, and I found it fucking amazing that I could throw in a movie reference more recent than 2000.

Right then I heard a groan from the bedroom and chuckled to myself before I went to check on Bella.

I had already placed Aleve and bottle of water on the bed side table for when she woke up.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped when I walked into the bedroom. Bella was lying on her back with a pillow stretched across her head. I stopped laughing when I looked lower and remembered she was just in panties. I had removed the dress last night and she wasn't wearing a bra so we fell asleep in nothing but underwear.

"Why do you let me drink so much? You don't drink at all! You suck!" It was supposed to sound angry I'm sure but really just sounded like a muffled moan.

I moved my eyes from her breasts and walked towards the bed.

"You need to take these Bella and then drink some coffee. It's eleven and we have to be at the gardens at three." She groaned after I said that. "I'm sorry you're sick, Ballerina. Do you want me to start a shower or something? Maybe that will help."

She groaned and moved the pillow, "I don't think shower sex will help me right now. I think all that movement will make me throw up."

I think my eyes almost popped out of my head. Then I started rambling like a sixteen year old.

"For you. I mean just for you, Bella. Not that shower sex isn't great. I mean I would make you lunch or something."

"Oh, okay. You go do that then." She waved me off with her hand.

She was the strangest woman I had ever met.

Once she was showered and coherent, Bella re-wrapped Alice's birthday present. Apparently, I didn't do it right.

I didn't wrap presents often, so I really didn't take offence, although I did remind her that I didn't like my gifts wrapped anyway. At that, she blushed.

We met everyone in the lobby around two-thirty and since we weren't getting "shit faced" we could take Emmett's jeep.

"That's got to be a safety hazard." I said as I stared into the back glass of the jeep. I couldn't see shit. It was all balloons and presents.

"That ain't shit, Eddie. You should have seen the last time we had a birthday party for Jasper. There was a miniature canon back there and hoop skirts."

I looked at Jasper and he just shrugged, "I like history."

I took that answer and proceeded to climb into the Jeep. There wasn't enough room for all of us so Bella sat on my lap. I was very happy about the arrangement until we got halfway there and I realized that Bella could be seriously hurt if we wrecked. I resolved to catch a cab back from the gardens to prevent any sort of accident later. The rest of the ride there I held her tightly to me.

"It's such a pretty day. I think you picked a great location, Ali." Rose was being very sweet and quiet for once. "I think this would make a very pretty place for a wedding."Alice and Bella both nodded. "I think it would be beautiful with all the flowers blooming."

All the girls looked out the windows as we entered the gardens. It really was pretty.

A few minutes later we arrived at our destination. The girls took the balloons to the picnic tables and started decorating while the guys gathered gifts and food.

When the girls were far enough away Emmett broke the silence.

"Are you the proud owner of Bella's V—"

I knew how he was going to say, I knew he was playing around, but I was pissed. I cut him off before he could finish.

"If you even think of saying the rest of that sentence I will fuck you up, Emmett. I swear to God."

He laughed at me then. I mean a big, boisterous laugh that made the girls look. My hands were clenched into fists at my side and Jasper was staring wide eyed at both of us.

When he'd composed himself enough to speak he said, "You are my hero, Eddie. I don't think I've ever seen anyone look so mad at me, except maybe the Chief when we stole his car. Seriously though, good answer. We don't kiss and tell on our girls. It's nice to have you in with us." He said as he reached for the cooler, "By that manly display of anger though, I can assume you are keeping the card tucked away in your wallet, right?"

I punched him hard in the shoulder, "Don't mention that shit around Bella. She embarrasses easily. Have some fucking respect." My rant was punctuated by a slap across Em's head by Jasper.

"What the fuck, Jazz?"

"I was just doing Rose's job for her. That's how she would have handled the situation." It was my turn to laugh then. Jasper looked over at me and began, "Edward, I'm happy for you and Bella. I've never seen her act so carefree or excited about things. I'm glad you have each other." Jasper slapped my shoulder as he moved to grab a gift bag.

We were all walking to the picnic tables that had been covered in purple and brown balloons. The table the presents were on had a brown table cloth and the one with food was purple.

Jasper set up his iPod on a portable dock and let the music begin playing.

We ate and started opening gifts right after we sat down.

Alice loved the book we got her and Bella was right, when Alice realized it was a couple's gift she squealed a little.

Rose got her a trip to the spa and a purse.

"It's a vintage rhinestone clutch, Edward. Not a purse."

For some reason, I felt like I was been admonished for not knowing what the hell it was called when she pulled it out of the bag.

I flipped off Em and Jazz who were giving me a "you didn't know that" look.

Emmett got her pair of shoes that she'd been gushing over for the past couple of months along with a scarf.

She loved all her gifts so far and Jasper was still left.

She opened the square box he had given her and was met with a scrap book.

"Look through it, Ali." He prompted her.

Alice turned her body away from the table so her legs were not under it anymore and we gathered around her as she opened the book.

Over the next fifteen pages I was privileged to view the four of them as they grew up together. Pictures of Alice, Rose, and Bella together, pictures of the whole group, lots of pictures of Alice and Jasper, finally the page before last was a recent picture of us from Friday night. Alice had someone take it as we were leaving the restaurant. Rose and Emmett were side by side with their arms wrapped around each other, Jasper's arm was around Alice's shoulders and he had pulled her close to his side, and Bella was standing in front of me with my arms tangled around her waist. It was a great picture, and as I was about to say I wanted a copy, I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.

Jasper had moved to stand in front of Alice and was on one knee. I was shocked and Bella gasped and gripped my forearm.

Alice turned the page, oblivious to Jasper, and the last page was titled, "Our Wedding."

At this Alice's head snapped up and she saw Jasper finally. Her hand went over her mouth as he started to speak.

"Alice, I have loved you all my life, even before I knew you. I know without a doubt that I was brought into this world to love you and care for you. Just like I know that you were made for me. You drive me to a better person everyday, and I can't imagine a world in which I didn't have your guidance and advice. You said the other day that everything had worked out and we were finally where we were all supposed to be, but I don't think that's right because even though we're all together now, you're still not my wife. So Alice, marry me. Make our story complete."

Bella was crying quietly and snuggled further into my shoulder.

I glanced up and saw that both Rose and Emmett shedding tears. Emmett was actually swiping his cheeks to remove them.

Alice started giggling, and I saw an absolute look of happiness in her eyes as she let a couple of tears fall.

"Yes. Without a doubt, yes!"

She then launched herself at Jasper dropping her gift to the ground.

* * *

So what do you think about the proposal? Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

Ch. 16: This is all of me

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

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EPOV

Bella and I were lying together on the couch after we got back from the gardens. I was twirling a piece of her hair around my finger when she began talking.

"It was beautiful. I don't think Jazz could have picked a better place, you know?"

Bella nuzzled my shoulder and tried to scoot closer to me.

"It was. I think that they should get married there."

The gardens were the best place for the wedding, in my opinion, because they were so bright and full of life, just like Alice, but also evoked a sense of calm and tranquility that was completely Jasper. Of course, I didn't say this out loud. I didn't want anyone to know how amazing I thought the whole event had been.

Alice and Jasper gave me so much hope that one day I could ask Bella the same question. We just needed time. I mean they had been together six years. It might not take me that long, but I knew I was going to need a least a couple before I started feeling comfortable with the idea of rings.

It didn't mean I didn't like the sound of Bella Masen, though. I certainly liked that.

"Alice wants a small wedding. So it will just be us and their family. I think that the garden would be perfect, but who knows, they might just decide to go to Vegas. I don't think they want a long engagement anyway."

"Why not, don't they want to wait until after college?" I didn't understand the rush. I thought girls liked to take time and plan these sorts of things.

"I don't think it really matters. I mean they live together, they pay their own bills, and they're responsible. They would just be doing all of that except Alice's last name would be Whitlock."

She shrugged like it wasn't a big step. _Oh, they're just getting married, no big deal_.

"Whatever's best for them, I guess. I just think that I would wait. Get college over with so that it wouldn't be a worry anymore then find a job then get married. That way it's all together before they go through with it."

It was my turn to shrug. I was running my hands through Bella's hair, waiting for her answer when she pulled away from me. She had a confused look in her eyes.

"Do you doubt their ability to make it? I mean its Alice and Jasper. A few months doesn't make that much of a difference. It's inevitable. They're meant to be together."

"Yeah. A few months doesn't make a difference so why not just wait. Plan something that they have always imagined and get the other stuff out of the way."

I sensed that my point wasn't getting across because Bella let out a deep breath and sat up. She held my hand and squeezed gently.

"I understand you're opinions, Edward, but Alice and Jasper are different. What you would do and what they have decided are two very different things. You have given good reasons as why they should wait, but Alice has known she was going to marry Jasper for a long time."

She turned a light shade of pink before continuing.

"It would be different if it was us. I mean people that have known each other almost three months probably should have a long engagement, but together six years, if this is what they want then, hell, I say go for it. Neither way is wrong. It's all a matter of perspective. They'll be fine. Alice wants a small wedding and a really extravagant reception, so you will not be disappointed when it comes to the massiveness of their wedding."

Bella was right. It was a matter of perspective and just because I was tip toeing the line between commitment and my comfort didn't mean that everyone else did that. I was happy for Jazz and Alice, and I would be a good friend and show it. I tugged on Bella's hair softly to get her to turn to me.

"I love you. You are so smart, you know that? I can't tell you how much I admire your faith." She blushed and started to duck her head. "I can't wait to see the reception. Will you be my date, Bella?"

I ran my hand through her hair. She turned to fully face me. I was terrified that she would know my real reasons for questioning Alice and Jasper's wedding. See my lack of confidence in commitment. I loved her, and I wanted to be with her, but I just don't think I would be ready for that for awhile. I still wished I could claim her though.

"I don't know. I was thinking of looking around first. Keep my options open. A girl needs to have options, don't you agree Edward."

She stood quickly and winked at me. Bella continued her little rant as she made her way to the bedroom effectively taking away all the awkwardness left over from the previous conversation.

"I might need to take applications. Have my potential date's lists all their positive qualities. What should I ask Edward?"

As she opened the door to the bedroom I was halfway down the hall pulling my shirt over my head. I let it fall to the floor as I walked through the door. She was still talking, and I had yet to answer. I don't think she realized I had followed her.

"Maybe I'll ask Jacob? We need to get together and talk again anyway."

I reached for her arm and spun her around then proceeded to back her into the wall next to her bed. Bella's eyes went wide when she took in my shirtless form. She started to run a hand down my chest and I grabbed it to stop her.

"You don't need a fucking questionnaire for a date, Bella, and you sure as shit don't need to talk to Jacob fucking Black."

She bit her lip and looked up at me.

"Well, I was just thinking that weddings might not be your thing. You wouldn't want to leave me without an escort, right?"

She ran the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip.

That's when it hit me. She wanted to see me want her, commit to her, the only way I was really good at. Like always, Bella anticipated my insecurities and was cutting them off before I could let my mind go crazy with possibilities.

"I'll take you wherever you want to go, Ballerina." I ground my erection into her hip and kissed her roughly.

I knew in that moment this wouldn't be soft and gentle. It would needy, hungry.

I took both of her wrists in one hand and broke the kiss to pin them to the wall above her head. Bella moaned and her head lulled to the side giving me more room to move my kisses.

My mouth moved over her shoulder sucking at the curve of neck. She would have a mark and for the life of me, I didn't care. I wanted my mark on her.

"Bed." The word was nothing more than a gasp as I nipped at her shoulder and pushed harder against her hip.

I let go of her hands and let them fall momentarily before they were pulled back up with the force of her shirt as I tugged it over her head. She met me then in another fierce kiss. I worked the front clasp of her bra and pushed it from her shoulders.

"I learn quick, don't I?" I smirk down at her and picked her up. She wrapped both legs around my waist as I pushed her back into the wall.

My lips went to her chest as I proceeded to lick and tease her until she reached and pulled my hair causing me to lean back and look at her.

"Bed, Edward. Now. Stop teasing."

The look in her face was stunning. She was flushed and her eyes were wide and full of lust.

I moved away from the wall and walked towards the bed. When I got close enough, I dropped her down on the edge. Before she could react, I backed away and started unbuttoning my pants.

"Take your jeans off, Bella." I watched as she stood and lowered the material down her long legs. When she was through she looked up at me with a raised eyebrow, her fingers playing with the edge of her panties. I was trying to control myself and not run over there, so I pushed off my boxers and took my cock in my hand, stroking myself as I watched her.

"Panties, too." I smiled at her and continued running my hand up my shaft. Bella's eyes were glued to my motions as she slipped down the purple lace material and kicked it to the side.

"Lay back on the bed." Apparently my possessive side was a bit dominating.

Bella did just as I asked and I moved to the front of the bed to see her fully. When I stood directly in front of the footboard Bella spread her legs open and gave me a great view of her entire body.

I found that I was moving my hand faster on my cock and before I could even say it Bella moved her hand and slipped a finger slowly up her pussy. I could see, _fucking see_, how wet she was, and I gripped myself tighter before letting go. I quickly crawled up the bed and situated myself between her legs.

Once I was there I gripped my cock again and trailed my other hand to follow hers.

Her breathing quickened, and she moaned as I applied extra pressure to her clit.

"Fuck, Bella. You are so fucking beautiful." I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her sex and snaked my tongue out and circled her clit roughly before pulling back.

She sat up and grabbed my shoulders before saying, "I need you now. Nothing else, just you."

It was the most she had said since we got into the room. I pushed her back down to the mattress and covered her with my body.

We started kissing again as I used one hand to guide myself to her opening. I couldn't be slow today so my thrust was quick and hard. I knew I should have been softer, but all I could feel was her tighten instinctively around me.

Bella's hips met my thrust and she moaned deeply into our kiss.

Everything after passed in a blur that rivaled my dreams. Skin, kisses, gasps, moans, and curses.

I had moved her legs from my waist to my shoulders and titled her hips up a little before driving faster into her. Her hands were gripping my forearms and I felt her nails scrap down them. I let one hand slid over to her center and play with her clit as I kept up my pace. Soon my world was coming apart, and I heard the most earth shattering sound ever.

"Fuck! Ahhh…Edward!" Her hips slammed up to meet mine and I felt her clench all around me.

I was so deep and her muscles were fluttering around me. I don't think I formed any words as I dropped her legs and pushed into her forcefully twice more before burrowing my face into her neck and shuddering in my own release.

It might have been minutes, fuck it might have been hours, before I rolled away from Bella and brought her into my side.

I don't think I had a bone left in my body. I was breathing evenly and glanced at Bella. Her eyes were closed but she had a small smile playing on her lips.

"You look happy." I wanted to say something profound but my brain wasn't working properly yet.

"Umm. I am." She rolled towards me then and propped herself up on one arm. "I love you."

With that she laid on my chest, tracing patterns on my stomach.

"I love you."

We were quiet and completely content in our current state. It was dark outside and the only light in the room was from the streetlamp outside. I could still see her, but in this light she looked almost otherworldly. God, she was gorgeous.

I was playing with her hair again when she started talking.

"I need to go home, back to Forks, next weekend. Do you think you might want to come?"

Bella didn't look up at me and continued to lightly twirl her fingers around my belly button.

I would meet Bella's dad. She didn't come right out and say that, but it was a give in that by going to Forks I would meet the Chief. I didn't feel terror at the fact Bella wanted me to meet her dad; just terror that he had guns.

"I'd love to, Bella. I think it would be really nice to meet your dad, too. I hope he doesn't think you're hiding me or something."

She laughed lightly. Bella talked to her dad every Sunday night. I heard her mention me a couple of times, but would always tell him that we couldn't come that week. Tonight, Bella would tell her father that she was bringing a boy home to meet him.

I would be providing the man a week to pick out the appropriate gun and place to dispose of my body by announcing our visit this early, but I knew it would mean everything to Bella. Besides, he probably already had all that ready anyway for when Bella brought home a boyfriend.

"He just wants to meet the guy that I'm so gaga over." I laughed at that. "Those are his words, not mine, Masen!"

I knew that Bella was really close to her dad, she didn't talk about her mom often or Phoenix so I took the opportunity to hedge the topic while we were still in a state of bliss.

"Tell me about you mom. I know all about your dad. What's she like?"

Bella tensed a little, but relaxed as I resumed running my hand through her hair.

"My mom is a great person. She's just not a mom person. Does that make sense?"

"Explain it to me."

Bella began again, and this time I listened as her story played out.

"My mom had me when she was really young. Her and Charlie got married right after high school graduation and they had me seven months later. She never liked Forks, so it wasn't a huge surprise when she asked for a divorce and took me away. I was one when we moved to California, and we stayed there until I was seven. Then we moved to Las Vegas." She shook her head. "Renee had an urge to be a showgirl. I inherited my clumsiness from her, so I'm sure you can assume how that one turned out."

I could imagine Bella as a showgirl, but the situation required I rein in a part of my anatomy that she was currently very close to.

"When I was nine, we moved to Phoenix. Renee always loved the sun and sand so it was a good fit for us. I would go spend summers with Charlie and the rest of the time was spent with Renee. Around the time I was eleven, she started really getting into partying. She was a twenty-nine year old going through a mid-life crisis I guess. Soon it was like a new guy every week."

"Before you ask, I never saw her do anything with them, and it was all very quiet. I never really thought anything of it. She left with them and came home after I was asleep. The guys never came back or if they did they never picked her up at the door. That was when I started taking care of cooking and stuff. By the time I was thirteen, I was paying the bills because Renee would forget."

I was shaking my head. What the fuck was her mom thinking? Bella must have felt me move and responded, "I don't want you to think badly of her. She's a good person; she just wasn't a great mom. When I was sixteen she met Phil. He's a minor league baseball player so he travels a lot. He was the first guy my mom actually brought home to meet me. They got married in July right before my seventeenth birthday. It was the off season so Phil stayed with us and everything was great."

"Then he got his schedule and my mom saw he was going to be gone a lot. She wanted to go with him. So one day in December she came to me and told me I was going to be moving in with my dad. She needed time with Phil and she said that I should get to know my dad better. So I went two weeks later."

She got quiet suddenly and seemed to struggle getting the last part out.

"The last time I talked to my mom she was living in Jacksonville, Florida. That was two years ago. I called the number I was given one day and it said that it was no longer in use. She hasn't tried to contact me, but I know she's alright. I've looked up Phil on the internet and I've seen pictures of them together on the team site."

"That's my mom though. She'll remember me one day and come looking. I guess I just try not to let it bother me. I have my dad and he loves me. He actually let me be a kid for a little while before moving to college. It was nice not having to worry."

I wrapped my arms around Bella and moved to sit up. Soon she was in my lap and I tilted her head up and gave her a quick kiss.

"I'm sorry."

She moved her head against my chest, and I looked towards the wall in front of the bed.

"I know what it's like to be left behind, too."

* * *

BPOV

I moved my head to see him again, but he asked quietly, "Can we move how we were?"

I nodded and we slowly moved down the bed not losing contact. This time I pulled the covers over us before I snuggled back into his chest and moved my fingers along his stomach.

"My dad was never a good guy. I remember the first time I saw him hit my mom. I was five and just came home from school; my mom was laying in the kitchen covering her stomach while he stood over her yelling. I was in complete shock, I'd heard my dad yell, but never seen it."

He shuddered a little and I moved my arm to hug his torso and pressed a kiss to his chest.

"He moved away from her, and I thought he was going to stop, but he took his boot and kick her hard in the stomach. My mom held her belly and started sobbing harder. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there crying. My dad turned when he heard my sobs, and he told me to get to my room unless I wanted to be next."

I felt something wet hit my shoulder. I attempted to turn back to him, but he stopped me again.

"Please, stay there. Not yet."

He took another deep breath.

"I ran away. I didn't help her. I could still hear her crying when I was in my room. Later that night, after my dad left, my mom came to me and told me that we needed to go to the hospital. I followed her. I could tell she was in pain, but I didn't know what was wrong."

He started shaking a little and sniffed loudly. I knew he was trying to stop crying.

"She lost my little sister that night. She told them that she had fallen down the stairs in our home. I can still remember the look the doctor gave her as he took in the bruise on her stomach. It was shaped like a fucking boot for Christ's sake. He didn't do shit though. No cops were called or anything."

"We didn't see my dad for at least a month after that. My mom was seven months along when she miscarried, so she planned a small funeral. My dad wasn't there so it was just me and mom. I remember the God awful black suit she had be wear. I remember them lowering the tiny casket into the ground."

"Fuck, Bella. My mom said, 'At least she will be safe and at peace now.' I didn't understand. My little sister was gone, and I knew how it happened, and I just ran away from it. I could have done something instead of stand there. Shit, I could have ran up and got in between them. Up until then he had never laid a hand on me, I don't think he would have started that day."

I closed my eyes and the tears I was trying to hold in spilled out. I could see him there. A beautiful little boy, confused and frightened, curled up in his room.

"Don't cry, love." This time I managed out of his grip and he sat up. I straddled him and buried my face in his neck. This wasn't sexual, even though we were still naked; it was simply an act of comfort.

I played with the short strands of hair at his neck as he continued speaking. His hands were caressing my back.

"When he came back things were better. My dad always drank, but after we lost Amelia, he didn't drink so much. I actually thought that he was sorry for what happened. I never saw him hit my mom again, but it didn't mean that I didn't see the bruises."

"When I was eight, I walked into the living room one morning to find my dad sitting in his chair. He had a belt in his hand and a package of cookies in the other. He moved towards me, and I could fucking smell it on him. He reeked of liquor."

"He held out the cookies and asked, 'Did you touch these?' I had never seen them before. Mom never really kept sweets in the house. She liked to bake, by this time my dad had been wasting a lot of our money on alcohol and I think he gambled, so grocery money was for real food not snacks. I told him I didn't touch the cookies. He called me a liar and grabbed by arm. That was the first time he beat me, and it was over some fucking cookies that the sorry son of a bitch ate himself."

His hands stilled over my back and I tried to comfort him by placing light kisses under his ear. When he started talking again, it was cold and detached.

"He left when I was ten. I had endured two years of drunken beatings, but that was nothing compared to what happened the night he left. He came home completely wasted with a woman, he brought fucking woman in my mother's home. My mom and I were in the kitchen and she had made roast that night. It was the bastard's birthday. We were sitting at the table when they stumbled in. Once the girl realized that my dad had brought her to a house he shared with his family, she left. He blamed us for being there and ruining his night. When he started yelling again and swinging at my mom, I got up and ran to my moms' room."

"I had been playing in there earlier in the week and found a small pistol under the mattress. I had never known it was there before; I didn't think my dad knew either. I grabbed it and ran downstairs. God, I still remember the look on his face."

Edward was breathing harder and tensed up.

"I got to the kitchen right as he had my mom on the floor. I yelled at him to turn around, and when he didn't I shot up into the ceiling. He turned and looked at me with his mouth hanging open. I looked him in the eye and told him to get out or I would kill him, and I meant every word of it, Bella. He laughed in my face and told me that I nothing, just like my mom. Then he left. We moved a couple of months later, and we never saw him again."

I needed to see his face again so I leaned back; his eyes were red and watery and his skin was flushed.

"I'm so sorry. You're so strong, Edward. I'm so proud of you."

He lost it then and let out a strangled sob before pulling me back to him.

After a few minutes, I asked about the only thing I could think of, "Tell me about your mom."

* * *

EPOV

I had just given her my life story. I had told her everything that I had kept bottled up for years. My mom and I never spoke of my dad. It was almost like we tried to forget he even existed. Now that it was all out, I was raw.

Then Bella asked about my mom. I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, you already know that she loved tulips." We were still in the same position as before. I couldn't imagine telling her any of those things without touching her. Bella reminded me, just by feeling her skin, that things were better for me now.

"I think my mom would have loved you. You both are very trusting people. You put up with my shit, so I know she'd love you."

I felt her kiss my cheek and lay her head on my shoulder.

I told her stories about after my dad left. I shared with her the day she gave me my guitar and the camp I went to when I was twelve. Finally, I told her about my mom's death.

"When she died, I was at home asleep. I didn't go to school that day because I had a stomach virus. I remember opening the door and seeing that cop there. I have no fucking clue what he said; I blocked it out. All I really remember is it was caused by a drunk driver. Ironic, right? I managed to get my asshole father away, and she's killed by some other drunken asshole. Anyway, three days later there was a small funeral that I managed to put together with the rest of our money. She was laid to rest next to Amelia. Afterward, I went home and packed my things. I left before foster care arrived. You know the rest."

The room was quiet for a moment then Bella whispered against my chest, "Tell me something happy."

I breathed in her scent and laid a kiss on her hair. I spoke reverently as I told my final story.

"This one time I was fourteen and my first girlfriend broke up with me. My mom sat beside me and listened as I told her my life was over. Looking back now, I realize that she was trying to hide her laughter. I was a melodramatic little shit, I guess I still am. She told me I would find you one day; that I would know when I met you. My mom didn't know your name or what you looked like, she's not like Alice. She just said I would meet the one."

I felt her smile into my neck and was brought to tears by the emotions that were inside me. I loved this woman. She was with me. We were tangled together on her bed and I was telling her about my mom and my past.

Feeling her smile against my skin made me realize that the difference of a few months never truly mattered. I might not have been ready now, but one day I would ask Bella to marry me.

I would be everything that my father wasn't. She would always feel loved and cherished.

It was that moment, as the tears spilled over that I knew my mom would be proud of me.


	17. Chapter 17

Ch. 17: Another Step

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

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EPOV

I was happy but at the same time hesitant.

Today, I would make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

It began at six this morning, when I was woken up by a loud banging on the bedroom door. My arm instinctively tightened around Bella and she burrowed her head into my shoulder. After another round of banging a shrill voice called out, "I don't give a shit if you two are mid thrust I'm about to come in there."

Both of us groaned and pulled the covers over our heads.

Bella was right. Alice wanted to get married soon, as in, August fifteenth. For everyone keeping up with the calendar at home, that was exactly three weeks to plan a wedding. Now we were down to almost two, and since Bella and I were heading to Forks this weekend, Alice was taking Bella to look for dresses. _All day._

Not Alice's dress. Alice already had her dress apparently. Not like hanging in her closet collecting dust, but she knew which one she wanted and where to go to get it. The day after Jasper popped the question she took Rose and Bella to see it and then started the alteration process. Her dress would be ready two days before her wedding.

I was inwardly cringing.

There was a tux somewhere with my fucking name on it, too. Jasper had asked me to be a groomsman. Honestly, I was shocked. I had known the guy a couple of months and I was going to be in his wedding. It seemed odd but he just said, "You were always meant to be standing there, Ed."

I almost asked him if he was a fucking psychic too, but opted to smile and say that it would be my honor to stand there with him and Emmett.

The banging got louder, and I heard the door knob start to turn and laughed lowly.

"She doesn't know about the lock yet, does she?"

"Nope, but I'm sure she had a bobby pin or something. Alice was quite the juvenile delinquent." She moved up to my neck and breathed in deeply, "I love how you smell in the mornings. Is that weird?"

Bella was still partially asleep and when she was like this it was cute; she said things she normally wouldn't.

"You're not weird. I love the way you smell all the time."

I brought her lips to mine and started a slow, gentle kiss. Normally, she'd run away when I tried to kiss her in the mornings, but, like I said, a sleepy Bella is an unguarded Bella.

Suddenly, we were greeted with cold air as the comforter was thrown back. Bella squealed a little, and her hand shot down reaching for the blankets, but missed completely and hit me right in the balls.

My head fell to her shoulder as I groaned and cupped the boys.

Now, Bella was awake.

"Holy shit! Edward! Are you alright?" Her hand was on my cheek and she was kissing my face trying to get me to talk, but at this moment I couldn't even form words. She fucking hit me _hard_.

"What the fuck, Alice! You made me hit him! Think about our future children for Christ's sake!"

I take back my previously statement, obviously Bella was still not completely awake. At the moment, I couldn't even begin to think about the kid comment because I was too busy trying to breath and coax my balls out of my stomach.

"You should have opened the door. You were supposed to be at my place thirty minutes ago so stop bitching. Get up and get dressed." Alice turned and walked to the living room.

I was starting to regain my composure a bit and sat up. I was leaning against the headboard when I felt Bella move against my side.

"I'm really sorry. You know I was asleep, I can't be held responsible for the things I say and do when I haven't had coffee."

I cleared my throat before speaking, "It's alright, Ballerina. I should have just opened the damn door. By the way, today, take that fucking key back, okay?"

She laughed a little before saying, "I already took it back. I have no idea how she got in here."

"Dead bolts, baby, we need dead bolts. I'll go get some today and make Emmett put them in."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in for a hug.

"You need to go I guess. I'll see you tonight, ok? If you need me at all I'm sure I'll be at the bar or with Em or Jazz, call them."

She sighed, "I think we should get you a cell phone. It only costs like ten dollars to add a line to my account then we could always keep in touch. Think about it today, alright?"

I hated the idea of her paying for a cell phone, but I would think about it. Shit, I could help pay the bill if I moved in with her. Fucking rent at that motel was eating my pay check up.

"I'll think about it, but I would like to pay for my share. That might not be possible with me paying rent weekly."

Bella had hopped out of bed while I was speaking and moved to the closet. She was digging around and speaking at the same time.

"You should just stay here." Bella found her jeans and was pulling them up her legs as she added, "It's not like you don't do that already."

I just sat and watched her as she yanked a shirt off of a hanger and put it on. I hadn't said anything yet. I wanted this; I just didn't want to say it. I didn't have time over the weekend to talk about moving in with her since Jasper proposed and the rest of the week was a flurry of work and wedding stuff.

I was still lying on the bed when Bella turned around and looked at me.

"I love you." She walked to me and hugged me quickly. "I'll see you later. Wish me luck!"

She was out the door and gone.

I hadn't even spoken.

When I heard the front door shut, I realized my big mistake and made a run for the hall. I opened the front door and looked down the hall to see Bella, Rose and Alice waiting for the elevator. I practically sprinted to where Bella was standing.

"I love you, too." I said as I picked her up. Her legs wrapped around my waist, and I leaned her back against the wall as I kissed her passionately.

"I'm sorry I didn't say it when you left. You know I can't be held responsible for how I act before coffee." I said mimicking her words.

She smiled against my lips and kissed me again. This time we were brought out of the moment by the ding of the elevator.

I gently placed Bella back on the floor and kissed her quickly once more before turning and seeing the awestruck faces of her two best friends.

That's when it hit me, I was sporting a hard on in nothing but my boxers. I thanked God that it hadn't slipped out and covered myself with my hands.

"Ladies, have a nice day. Bella, love, we'll look for phones tomorrow."

She bit her lip in an attempt to hide the true depth of her smile.

"I look forward to it. We'll go before we head out to Forks."

I nodded my head and turned back to the apartment. I was a few feet away when I heard Rose begin speaking.

"Hot damn. It's way too early for me to be feeling _this_ worked up. Who knew that Eddie was hot underneath all that emo?"

I snorted and slowed down a little to hear the rest.

"We've been so busy with wedding stuff we didn't ask. So, when did you sleep with him and was it as good as you dreamed?"

Fuck me. I was so glad that I wasn't Bella. For some reason, I don't think that the girls had the same no talk rule that Emmett and Jasper told me about.

In fact, I was pretty fucking certain that they wanted details.

For the first time in my life, I was worried about the size of my dick.

* * *

BPOV

"I'm not telling you whores anything."

This was getting really old. For the past two hours they had been asking me the same questions, and I had been giving them the same answers.

"This is ridiculous, Bella. All we want to know is if he got you off first, that shows he considerate, if he came quick, that shows that he was truthful when he said he didn't fuck around, and how big is dick is, that shows me that what I saw tented in his boxers this morning wasn't a trick of my imagination."

Alice laughed in the passenger seat. _Traitor_.

"Yes, yes, and yes."

I was tired of putting up a fight, and I really didn't give them anything explicit so it couldn't came back to bite me in the ass when Rose told Emmett.

"And stop looking at Edward's crotch. That's mine. I don't go around looking at Emmett's dick."

That earned a laugh from both of them before Rose so graciously reminded me that I had already seen his penis on more than one occasion.

"That's why I stopped living with you. I got tired of seeing you both in states of undress all over the apartment. I prayed you two would get stuck in the hall closet at least once."

We all laughed at that. Finally, Alice broke the funny atmosphere with a serious question.

"So he was with you this morning, and you weren't naked. It's not all about sex, I can see that. Where's this going?"

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the head rest.

"Wherever he wants it to go. I kind of said he could move in this morning, but he probably won't bring it up. I'm letting things go at his pace. It's easier for him. He likes to be in control of his life because for a long time he wasn't."

"He loves you." It wasn't a question. Alice was smiling at me in the rearview mirror as she said it.

"He does, and I love him."

"And I love doughnuts. Seriously, I'm starving." Rose broke the heavy conversation.

Just like that we were off the topic of Edward and moving down the highway in search of mine and Rose's bridesmaid dress.

* * *

EPOV

I made my way back into Bella's apartment and locked the door behind me. Not that it would matter if Alice wanted to get in. I was going to get Emmett to help fix that shit later.

It was six-thirty in the morning, and we were usually still asleep, so I crawled back into bed. It was so empty without Bella, so I grabbed her pillow and curled against. It was a shitty replacement, but it smelled like her.

I nuzzled into the soft material and in no time I had fallen back to sleep.

All my dreams were of Bella.

When I woke back up around ten, I knew there were a few things I needed to take care of today.

Number one: get a dead bolt for the front door.

Number two: get Emmett to install the dead bolt because I would just fuck up the door if I tried.

Number three: end my stay at the motel.

Honestly, that last one made me almost hyperventilate, but fuck, I wanted to live with Bella.

I wanted to live with my ballerina in our newly Alice-proofed apartment with a joint cell phone contract and shared closet. I wanted my toothbrush to be by hers on the bathroom counter.

Not all of my desires were honorable; I also wanted to christen every room of _our_ apartment.

I wanted everything to be ours because I had never had the fucking opportunity for anything of mine to be shared with someone else.

I took a quick shower before I got dressed for the day and made my way to Em's apartment. He lived a floor up so I pushed the elevator button and leaned against the wall waiting for it to make an appearance. I loved Bella's apartment building, but the elevators were so fucking slow. Finally, I heard the ding and made my way inside.

I knocked on the door for ten minutes before Emmett opened it. I had obviously woken him up because he looked so confused standing by the door looking at me.

"What you want?"

The caveman talk didn't lead me to think differently either.

"Sorry if I woke you, but I needed your help with something. I can come back." I pointed towards the elevators.

"Okay, see you later." Then he shut the door. I thought he might have been joking, but I heard the click of a lock and realized that Emmett had not only been sleeping, but he might not even remember our encounter.

"Well, fuck me." I let my head hit the wall before walking back to the elevator.

I couldn't ask Jasper because he was doing some history thing all this week at the University. By the time I reached the lobby, I had decided to find the dead bolts myself, ask Em to install them later, and while I waited I would go to the motel and pack the rest of my shit.

I felt pretty good about my plan as I walked down the sidewalk. It was mid-morning, almost the exact time of day it was when I first arrived in Seattle. This time though, the sun was shining.

I was walking past the bar when I saw someone sitting against the side of the building in the alley. I normally would have just passed right by, but I saw those bright blue eyes looking at me as I passed.

I hadn't seen Carlisle in over a week. Bella said he came and went, but lately I had missed our conversations. This man had been all over the place and seen incredible shit.

He was kind, compassionate, and fucking smart too. I was so confused at why the man lived on the street, but I had feeling that his story wasn't something that he shared with everyone. Hell, he might not tell anyone. Sometimes, shit is too hard to hear over and over and you just want to forget.

I smiled at him as I told him hi.

"Edward, it's good to see you. I was going to stop in today to see Miss Bella, and hopefully, have another visit with you."

His smile reached his eyes and made them impossibly brighter.

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Bella won't be here today. Shit, she won't be back until Monday. You've been gone a week, old man, and shit got crazy! Walk with me, and I'll tell you all about it."

He laughed and got up. I started directing us down the sidewalk.

"I need food first because Bella left this morning too fucking early to help me make breakfast."

I opened the door to a small coffee shop and Carlisle hesitated at the door.

"I can't go in there, Edward. I don't have the money, and we both know that I look dirty."

He wasn't ashamed at all; he said everything just as someone would if there were stating that the sky was blue. For Carlisle, this was all fact.

"Man, fuck them. I'm buying coffee and blueberry muffins for both of us. If you eat with me I can explain where the hell Bella went at six a fucking clock this morning."

I pulled his arm and he followed me inside.

No one said anything to him as I told him to get whatever he wanted.

"Black coffee and a banana nut muffin, please." He asked quietly to the cashier.

"You and Jasper and your fucking banana nut muffins. I swear I'm the only one who appreciates berries." Then before I even realized it came out of my mouth, "Bella tastes like blackberries."

I felt my face flush as I stuttered out, "I mean, fuck, she _made_ me a blackberry cheesecake. For my birthday. It was great."

Carlisle was laughing now as I picked up my muffin and coffee. He reached for his and started walking for the door.

"Please, don't ever mention that to anyone. I'm the only person that is supposed to know that. My brain and mouth don't meet in the mornings. Bella tells me that we need coffee to function or we act stupid and say private shit." I closed my eyes and stopped walking. Then added in almost a whisper, "Fuck, I wanted to be only person who knew that shit."

Carlisle placed his muffin filled hand on my shoulder in an act of reassurance.

"I might know it, but I'll never experience it. That's all yours, Edward. It makes me happy to know that you cherish her so completely. It isn't often that you find that sort of companionship."

He smiled slightly before taking a bit of muffin, then with his mouth full said, "Begin your story."

"Bella's in Portland with Alice and Rose looking for bridesmaid's dresses."

I swear he chocked on his muffin because he started coughing loudly. Finally when he stopped he looked up at me with wide, watery eyes, "You asked Bella to marry you?"

"No. Not me." I shook my head quickly.

"Bella's marrying someone else? Is it the Native American kid? Oh my God, you were with her this morning, is she cheating on him with you?"

I had never seen someone's face turn so white or eyes get so wide than in that moment.

I finally put up my hands to stop him.

"Fuck no, Carlisle. Alice and Jasper are getting married." Then I registered the other stuff he said. "And Jacob fucking Black doesn't stand and fucking chance with Bella. Good God, let me finish my story before you choke to death and I have a fucking panic attack thinking about Bella marrying that asshole."

I pointed to a bench and we sat down.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions, Edward. It's only been a week, and everything has changed apparently." He shrugged his shoulders a little. "Continue please; I promise to be good and hold all my questions until the end." He smirked at me and a sweeping motion with his hand.

I told him all about Alice and Jasper's engagement, the date of the wedding, the non-stop planning that seemed to be taking place in Alice's living room, and I ended it with me and Bella.

"I'm moving in with her. Today."

He closed his eyes and nodded.

"That's the best decision you will ever make. I'm so happy for you."

He reached over and hugged me tightly. At first, I was too surprised to hug back, but managed to put my arms around him before he pulled away.

"I'm meeting her dad this weekend. I have to tell you, I'm fucking nervous."

He smiled and said, "Everyone's nervous when meeting the parents; it's natural. Bella's father will act as her protector and you need to be courteous and show that you are a nice, responsible young man. That shouldn't be a problem. I would assume you won't mention that you live together?"

"Negative. I want to come back to Seattle unharmed."

"You will. Bella won't let anything happen to you. Let her protect you, Edward. She's more than capable of keeping you safe and on the right track." Carlisle sighed and moved the conversation in a different direction.

"What are you out doing today?"

This led into the story of Alice and my need for a dead bolt, followed by Emmett's rejection and probable sleep walking.

"I can help you do that. My dad liked to fix stuff around the house, and he made sure I knew what to do."

He had a wistful look in his eyes when he finished, but it was quickly replaced with a look of determination.

"I'll teach you what I know, Edward."

That one sentence made me happy and sad all at once. He wanted to show me how to be a man for Bella. Not the cocky kid that I tried to be, but the responsible guy that needed to meet the Chief tomorrow.

"Let's go then. We need all the time we can get because I don't know shit about home improvement."

We spent a majority of the afternoon trying to get the fucking dead bolt in the door. Carlisle had to cut out a space in the door and the frame to situate the lock.

I was kind of scared that Bella would be pissed about the mess we made. After he had finished, and I had come to terms with the fact that I would never be able to do that shit right, I thought about Bella getting in trouble for fucking with door to begin with.

"All done." Carlisle had picked up the rest of the tools we had bought and put them in the hall closet.

"Great. I'm fucking starving. Let's go eat, old man."

"Edward, you've already fed me once today. I won't accept any more." He shook his head and moved for the door.

"What the fuck ever. Let's go. Watch me eat then. First, I need to run by the motel."

I didn't have anything over there really. I think maybe I had a couple of shirts lying on a chair, but otherwise everything was at Bella's already. Carlisle walked slightly behind me as I made my way down the street.

He was quiet man, so I didn't push for conversation. When we reached my room, I immediately went in and picked up the shirts that were lying in the chair and did a quick sweep of the room. There was nothing here.

I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of finally having a place to call home that wasn't a fucking motel.

"What are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"Saying goodbye."

He nodded absently, but didn't speak. I took a deep breath and started for the door.

Carlisle went to the sidewalk and waited for me as I talked to Jim. I had lived here for two months and finally found out the guy's name. He was Jim.

"You don't owe rent until Tuesday." He didn't even look up from the T.V.

"I won't be staying here any longer. I came to pay up and give you back your key."

That got his attention and his head shot up.

"Why? You leaving town?"

"Um, no, I'm actually moving in with my girl." I smiled as I said it. I was fucking happy to let everyone know this.

"Oh, well…good, I guess."

He reached his hand out and took the key as well as the two-hundred I laid on the counter.

Jim nodded his head and said, "Good luck, man. If you need a place to stay you can always come back here."

I didn't say anything and turned to leave.

Out on the street, in the bright afternoon sun, I realized how big a change had just occurred in my life.

I was living with my girlfriend.

"This is a big step, Edward. Are you ready?" Carlisle asked softly.

"Absolutely."

There wasn't a hint of regret in my voice.

I parted ways with Carlisle when we reached the bar. He wouldn't even consider getting food with me, so he was going inside to sit and I was going home.

When I got there, I let myself in and immediately went to the bedroom. I straightened up my clothes in an empty drawer Bella had cleared out recently.

I made the bed next and then moved to the kitchen.

I looked through all the cabinets, but didn't find anything that I would be capable of cooking so I ordered out.

It was already about six in the evening, and I was hoping Bella would be home soon. I was grateful that tomorrow I would have a phone and be able to speak with her whenever I needed. Shortly after the food arrived, I heard the door open.

"Did you cook?" Her voice sounded concerned.

"Shit, no. I thought about it, but then went the safer route and ordered take-out."

She came around the corner smiling, and just like earlier I felt nothing but peace in my decision.

"Look at you! You look like you're proud of something. What did you do today while I was being tortured with dresses?"

"I did several things today, actually. First, I ate breakfast with Carlisle and then watched him install the dead bolt in your door." She turned and went back to the door quickly.

"Impressive! I'll need to thank him later."

"Then I went to my motel and checked out." I said the last part quietly while I stared at the counter.

Bella didn't say anything, and I didn't even know she was near me until I felt her arms snake around my neck. She hugged me tightly and let out a high pitch squeal.

"You live here with me, now?"

I nodded my head and met her eyes. They were shining with tears, but she was smiling so big.

"I can't tell you how happy I am. It makes dress torture leave completely alright."

I didn't want this to be a big deal, so I hugged her to me and said, "Let's eat and celebrate. You can tell me all about your trip."

* * *

That night I couldn't fall asleep. I watched Bella as she mumbled into her pillow and her small smiles.

The question that Carlisle asked me came back again.

"_Are you ready?"_

Tomorrow I would meet her father, and be the dependable guy that Bella and Carlisle had made me believe I could be.

For once in my life I was ready.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Get ready to meet Charlie!


	18. Chapter 18

Ch. 18: It All Falls Down

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

The house was unassuming, small, and worn.

The man on the front steps was anything but those things.

He stood there with one hand on his holster, and one hand holding a coffee cup. This man looked tough, not worn. He looked strong and protective. He was a different form of shelter, and his eyes were locked on me.

I had been trying to calm myself on the trip by playing with my new phone. It was a simple flip phone. Bella had tried to talk me into getting something nicer, but I didn't really need anything like what she had. My phone just needed to be able to call Bella.

While we were driving, I had entered everyone's numbers into the phonebook and selected ringtones for different friends. Bella didn't try and make conversation, for which I was glad, because I think it would have made me much more anxious.

A little while outside of Forks Bella spoke, "Are you okay? You don't have to do this. You can drive back to Seattle or something and pick me up Sunday. I don't want you uncomfortable, Edward."

She looked so distressed as she said this. I must have been worse than I thought.

"I'm fine. I just need to meet him and get over that initial 'hello' and I'll be normal. It's just scary is all. He could hate me."

Bella laughed lightly and said, "My dad will love you. He'll play tough cop for a little while, but he'll ease up when he sees how serious I am about you. My dad only wants me to be happy, and you make me happy."

She reached over and squeezed my hand before placing it back on the wheel.

Fifteen minutes later, we were parked in front of her house, and she had run out of the truck to meet her dad. I sat paralyzed in the front seat.

That's when I heard Carlisle's voice in my head, _"you need to be courteous and show that you are a nice, responsible young man."_

With that, I hopped out of the truck, and went to back for our bags. As I walked up the driveway, Bella turned from her father towards me. She placed her arm around my waist and leaned into my side.

"Dad, this is Edward. Edward meet my dad, Charlie."

I dropped the duffle bag I was holding in my right hand, and reached out to shake his extended one.

"It's really great to meet you, Chief Swan. I've heard a lot about you."

He gripped my hand a little too tight, but I tried not to let Bella notice my flinch.

"I've heard about you, too. In fact, I remember spending a whole weekend trying to make my daughter feel better after you did something to her."

He didn't blink at all; just stared me straight down. I couldn't speak. My voice had left my body with all the breath that I had in my lungs. I felt my heart drop as I remembered what drove Bella away from me.

I couldn't even stutter out of defense before he dropped my hand and walked into the house.

"C'mon in. I ordered pizza."

Apparently Bella had been shocked as well because she was looking from where her dad had been standing to me in a little loop.

"I'm sorry. He told me he would be good. I didn't know. Are you okay?"

I nodded my head.

"Fine. Just a little nervous again. I was feeling really good about things for about ten seconds." I turned and kissed her quickly before picking up the bags. I was determined to show the Chief that I was good for Bella. "Let's get in there. I'm starving."

Bella followed behind me, probably wondering if I had lost my mind. I was in this. I wanted his approval, and I wanted him to know I wouldn't hurt Bella again. I knew I was a fuck up, but I loved her, and I would do anything to prove that to him.

Charlie was standing between the kitchen and the living room when I entered the house.

"You can put your bag in the living room, Edward. I put blankets on the couch for you. Bella can take her bag up to her room." He tone left no room for debate.

"Yes, sir. That sounds great." I nodded my head and moved to the living room. I heard Bella muttering something to Charlie as I walked away. Then I heard him chuckle softly. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

"So, Edward, tell me about yourself." The question was too open ended, and I had no idea what to say. I must have been quiet for too long because the Chief clarified his question.

"What is it you do, Ed?"

"Um, I play at the bar on Tuesday and Wednesday nights, and I bartend whenever Emmett tells me. Mostly weekends." I punctuated my statement with a nod. I_ knew_ he knew this. Bella told him this much. I didn't know why he was asking me though. I sensed a set-up coming and didn't have enough time to prepare for the avalanche of protective dad that was about to rain down on me.

"Are you planning on attending school next fall? Bella hasn't mentioned you taking classes at UW. What are your plans for the future?"

I took a deep breath, but before I could begin Bella spoke, "Dad. Stop with the third degree, we're having dinner. This isn't an interrogation."

She was flushing a deep red.

"I just want to know what he plans on doing with his life. It's not that difficult of a question." He looked back at me, and I began to ramble like a scared teenager.

"I don't have plans for going to classes this fall. I…I didn't graduate high school, sir. I need to get my GED first. Bella said she'll help me. Then I plan on classes. I don't know what I want to be. I never thought about it…I'm mean before I met Bella, I had never planned on it. I want to be better for her. I know what I need to do, but I can't do that yet. I just need a little more time."

By the end of my rant, I'm pretty sure I sounded like I was begging for his acceptance. Fuck, I didn't want to sound whiny, but this man made me want to beg on my knees for his blessing to be with his daughter.

"Good. Shows initiative. As long as you know that you need to make more of yourself for her, I can get past this whole drop-out thing." He picked his pizza back up and took a big bite.

Obviously, Bella hadn't told him about my reasons for dropping out, and I sure as hell didn't plan on bringing it up. My Ballerina was the only person I would ever share all of those details with, and I didn't care what he said about that. She was the only person in my life that I trusted that much.

"Dad, please stop. Let's talk about fishing."

He snorted a little.

"Billy is coming over tomorrow to drop off my reel that he borrowed. He might stay for dinner is that alright with you two? Did you want to go out tomorrow, Bells?"

He looked at his daughter with so much adoration, and I knew then, that if I was in the same position, I would be a dick, too.

"That's fine, Dad. I was going to show Edward around tomorrow and go get stuff for lasagna."

Charlie smiled even bigger, "That's sounds delicious. I haven't had your lasagna in a long time." He looked at me, "There's not too much to see here, Edward. It's just a small place. You're from Chicago, right?"

I think I turned a little pink before answering.

"Yes, sir. I lived there until I was eighteen."

The next ten minutes were filled with Charlie quizzing me on my life.

"You have family?"

"No, sir. My mom passed away when I was sixteen and my dad left when I was little."

"Will you be staying permanently in Seattle?"

"I want to make Seattle my home, sir."

"Where do you live?"

I was stumped on how to answer. Bella flushed a light shade of pink. I know she didn't want Charlie to know, so I lied but tried to make it as close to the truth as possible.

"I actually just moved into the same building as Bella and everyone else."

He looked at me closely before continuing with his questions. By the time we were done with dinner, I was pretty sure that I never wanted to be on the Chief's bad side.

He wasn't a bad guy, but he was weary of me.

Bella excused herself to her bedroom to change, and Charlie finally had me alone.

"I'm just going to say this once, alright? You seem nice enough, and I know Bella is head of heels for you, but if you hurt her again, they won't ever find your body. She's the only thing I have left, and I won't stand for her to be hurt because she loves some gypsy boy."

I swallowed thickly and nodded my head.

"I love her, sir. I know I made mistakes, but I don't plan on fucking…" I turned beet red and covered my mouth. Charlie laughed at me and then motioned for me to continue. "I mean I don't plan on messing up again. I don't want to hurt her. She's the only thing that makes me want to be something other than what I was before."

He smiled at me, and his face was filled with wistfulness.

"It's hard to tame wanderers. Make sure you don't run off without her. You never know if she would want to tag along." He smiled sadly and went to the living room.

I heard the television cut on and went to sit on the couch.

"Do you like sports?"

"Yes, sir. I really like baseball. I used to play when I was little."

He nodded his head in approval.

"You can stop with the 'sir' stuff. Call me Charlie. I know Bella does; you should use it, too."

I laughed and smiled. Bella thought she was so slick, but her dad knew more than he let on. Her dad was experienced with my type of behavior too.

I got the sense that his wanderer was Renee, and I couldn't help but think what would have happened if she took him along with them.

I might not know Bella.

As we sat watching the baseball game and waiting for Bella to come back downstairs, I realized that I was glad that Renee didn't ask him to go with her. I closed my eyes to hide my thoughts, as if Charlie could see them on my face.

If it meant that I wouldn't know her. I would sacrifice Charlie's happiness.

Just as I started feeling really shitty, Bella walked into the room, and sat beside me on the couch. She didn't care that her dad was sitting in his recliner next to us. She cuddled into my side, and laid her head on my shoulder.

I could have sworn Charlie shook his head, but I could care less in this moment.

She was mine, and I loved her so deeply.

I wrapped my arm around her and placed a quick kiss on her hair.

This wasn't so bad after all.

* * *

That couch fucked up my back.

I'm pretty sure that Charlie messed with the springs or something because I had the worst ache in my lower back than I had ever had in my life, and I had slept on some pretty fucking horrible surfaces before, too.

I didn't feel this ache when I first woke up though.

I woke up to kisses on my jaw and a hand playing with the waist band of my boxers.

It registered that Bella was putting her hand down my pants, and I sat up quickly and moved her away from me all the while looking for her father.

"He's not here. Honestly Edward, do you think I would do something like that if Charlie was in the house?"

She shook her had at me and laughed.

"I just think it would be better if we cut off contact with my cock until we get home tomorrow, alright?"

Bella stood up and walked out of the room. I heard her banging around in the kitchen and went to check on her.

"What are making, love?"

"Breakfast, Eddie." She smirked at me. "Then we can explore Forks!"

She cooked and I went upstairs for a shower.

I'm not going to lie. I had to take care of some business while I was in there. It wasn't fair for her to get my hard like that, but shit, she did that to me all the time. She was just arousing.

After breakfast, Bella took me on the grand tour of her hometown. My first impression of Forks while driving around was kind of nice. It was small, but all I had ever lived in were big cities, so I could assume that there were towns smaller than this somewhere.

Bella showed me all the places that she and the gang hung out at. I saw the high school and where he dad worked. She drove us down to First Beach and explained that this is where Jacob had lived with his dad.

_Fucker. _

Another thing I learned about Forks was that everyone knew Bella.

In the grocery store, we got stopped no less that fifteen times before finally checking out. The people that she introduced me to were nice and said what a good looking guy I was. Nearly every one of them told me I was a lucky guy to have little Bella Swan.

I knew I was lucky.

Bella took us back to the house, and started the lasagna while I watched. I could imagine one day that she would do this for us in our kitchen.

That made me smile.

As I sat gazing at Bella, her father came in the door.

Not the front door. No, he came in the side door to the kitchen. It was almost like he was trying to catch me doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing, and he kind of did. I'm pretty sure my eyes were glued to Bella's ass when he walked in.

I couldn't fucking help it though. She was swaying to the radio, and, fuck, I'm a guy.

"So have a good day?"

He kissed Bella's cheek and looked at me pointedly.

"I like Forks. Pretty trees." I sounded mentally deficient, I'm sure.

He cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Are you alright, Edward?"

Fuck this shit, I was just going to be honest.

"Truthfully, Charlie?"

He nodded his head, and Bella turned to look at me with wide eyes.

"You scare the shit out of me. I can't even form a decent response to your questions because I think you want to kill me. I'm nervous."

Bella had her hand over her mouth trying to keep in the laughter while Charlie had pretty much double over.

I didn't see what was funny at all.

"Edward, I'm just messing with you. I like to see you squirm, and it makes me feel like an effective father when you're scared of me. I think it's what dad's are born to do, one day you'll know what I mean."

I nodded my head and blushed a little. I had a dream when I first met Bella of a little red headed boy with her eyes. Even if that wasn't going to happen for awhile, I still like knowing that _my_ kids would be _Bella's_ kids, and I would scare the shit out of any boy that came around my daughter.

"Ten minutes until dinner's ready. When will Billy be here, dad?"

Just then we heard a truck door slam, followed by another door shutting.

"Never mind," she called.

There was a knock on the door as Bella finished placing the salad bowl on the table, and I moved from my spot at the counter.

We both walked into the hallway to greet Billy Black.

My jaw was set, and my mouth formed a thin line as I took in the person at the door.

If I wasn't nervous before, I was terrified now. Bella squeezed my arm a little, and I looked down at her. She shook her head slightly, telling me not to say a fucking word.

"Well, if it isn't Edward Masen." He stuck his hand out, and I shook it quickly.

"Jacob."

I looked up at Charlie, and he seemed to be taking in the situation. I think he knew that something was going on between us, but he didn't point it out.

"How do you two know each other?" Jacob's father asked breaking the tension.

Jacob smiled at Bella, "He's trying to take my old spot as Bella's best friend."

"I already took it, Jacob." My voice was low.

Bella pulled on my arm and I followed her through the dining room into the kitchen.

"Food's ready. Come and have a seat." Bella called back to the men in the front hallway. Once we were behind the door of the kitchen, she spoke again, "Please, Edward, don't start anything. It's not worth it." Her hands were moving through my hair as I leaned down to kiss her.

"I promise, but what the fuck is he doing here. This is not a good way to have this weekend play out." I tried to laugh, but it came out like a choking noise.

"I don't know. We'll get through it."

I went into the dining room as Bella pulled out the lasagna. I made sure that Bella would be sitting by me at the table then took my seat.

"So Masen, how's the playing? Singing anymore karaoke?"

Charlie looked confused, "I thought you said you played guitar?"

Before I could speak Jacob cut me off again, "Oh he does that, too. He pissed Bella off or something the first day I met him and got up and sang a really stupid song for her."

Jacob nodded his head as he dug into his salad. I willed Bella to come out of the kitchen.

"You upset her again?"

I shook my head frantically. "No, sir. I was trying to make up for what I did before. I swear."

Jacob laughed at me. I'm sure I looked like a child trying to cover his own ass, but this man had just started liking me.

Finally, Bella came back into the room carrying a pan of food. It smelled delicious. Unfortunately, she had to lean down to place it on the table, and her shirt opened just a little in Jacob's direction. He fucking looked down her shirt, too.

The words came out before I could stop myself, "Eyes up, Jake."

Charlie and Billy were looking between us with a mixture of concern and humor. We were two guys that were obviously in love with the same girl, and now we were stuck having dinner together. How very cliché.

"I'll look wherever I want, _Ed_." I felt my fists clench at my sides as Bella sat beside me. She moved one hand over my knee and traced a path to my upper thigh under that table.

That little touch calmed me immensely.

The light brush of her fingers over my leg said, "_I'm yours."_ It was what I needed in that moment.

We ate in silence for awhile with Charlie looking between the three of us.

"This is really great, Bells. I haven't had you cooking in a long time." Jacob's dad smiled at her.

"Thanks, Billy. I've been trying out some new recipes at home. Maybe next time I'm down you can come over, and I can make some of those for you and Dad." Her eyes were bright and happy as she extended the offer.

"She makes really awesome stir-fry. It's spicy. I'm addicted to it." I felt the need to add in for some reason.

Jacob snorted, but didn't speak.

"Yeah, Edward and Emmett are really enjoying all the extra cooking."

"Emmett can put away food. You have enough for yourself, Bells?" Charlie laughed.

"Yes, Dad. We all pitch in for the dinners I make because I have to make so much."

"But the leftovers are heaven, Charlie." I nodded my head as I took a big bit of lasagna.

Right as I started chewing, Jacob fucking Black ruined my weekend, and possibly my life.

"You don't mind them living together, Charlie?"

* * *

Oh no! Jacob fucking Black to ruin the day. Let me know what you think!


	19. Chapter 19

Ch. 19: Watch as it Slips Away

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

Have you ever witnessed a train wreck?

Maybe not a literal one, but something equally disastrous, something you couldn't look away from?

That was what had just happened.

The words left Jacob's mouth and all hell broke loose.

Bella's face paled, and I choked on my food. I was coughing and gagging while Bella fidgeted with her fork.

Charlie looked irate, and Jacob took that as a clue that he hadn't been told of the current living situation, so he chose to rub it in more.

"You didn't know? They didn't tell you? Shit, this is priceless. He's been living with her since June, Charlie!" That motherfucker pointed an accusing finger at me.

"No, they didn't" the Chief said calmly, but I knew he was anything but calm.

I was trying to catch my breath and form a response.

Bella spoke up before I had a chance, "Edward only moved in yesterday, Jacob. Whenever you met him, he was just trying to push your buttons. Edward hasn't lived with me for two months. He just started yesterday." She sounded surprisingly calm for what had just happened.

"That's not any better, Bella! What are you thinking? You just met him for Christ's sake!" Charlie finally exploded.

Jacob started in again, "Well, he might not have moved in until yesterday, but that night he was talking about toothbrushes and bring his own pajamas. So I'm assuming that sleepovers happened before yesterday."

I was about to come out of my seat and kill that son of a bitch. There was only one other person I hated this much.

I tried to speak, "Charlie, it's not like that. He's making it sound wrong. It wasn't sordid."

"Wasn't sordid? Fuck that, _Edward_." He spit my name out, before continuing, "So that wasn't a big fucking hicky I saw on her neck Monday night?"

My eyes went wide, and I looked at Bella. I knew how she got the hicky; I knew when I was sucking on her neck that it would leave a mark. What I didn't know was that she saw Jacob. I could care less if her dad was about two seconds away from shooting me; I wanted to know why the hell she saw Jacob and didn't tell me.

"You didn't tell me you saw him. Were you meeting him there?" I whispered.

"Hicky? Hicky?" I could have sworn Charlie's head was going to pop off.

"Not now." Bella said lowly. I sure as shit would be bringing up the Jacob visit later though.

"Dad, calm down. It's not that bad. Jacob is exaggerating." Bella tried to reason with him, but Jacob continued.

"Not that bad? Bells, I heard you talking to Rose about you having a bruise of your back from him pressing you against a wall."

Charlie was purple now, Billy was staring at his plate, and Bella was blushing a shade I had never seen before and her fists were clenched on top of the table. She was about to slap him.

Then he went in for the kill. "Maybe you like it rough, though."

I did the only thing I could think of.

"Motherfucker!" I threw myself across the table, taking half the food with me as I landed a fist against Jacob fucking Black's face.

* * *

I was supposed to spend this weekend meeting and impressing Bella's dad.

Instead, I have ice on my hand, my ribs are sore, and I'm currently sitting on the back porch of his home.

He kicked me out.

Well, he kicked Jacob out, too, so it wasn't like he was just taking it out on me. Although, I think he was a little more physical when he grabbed me. I'm pretty sure my side hurts because Charlie kicked me while I was beating the shit out of Jacob. I couldn't fucking blame him though.

I heard the door knob turn and opened my eyes.

Charlie Swan was standing in front of me.

"Chief." I nodded my head towards him.

"Edward, we need to talk before you get out of here." His voice was low.

"I figured as much." I knew I was in for it. There was no way in hell I would ever be on Charlie's good side now.

He moved to sit on the bench beside me and took a deep breath.

"Bella's a mess." He sounded so tired.

"I'm sorry. I wanted this weekend to be perfect for her, but I prove, once again, that I can't even attempt being normal."

He stayed quiet and I just started rambling.

"She's going to tell me to pack my shit and get out. I'm going to lose her because of that loud mouthed motherfucker. Maybe I shouldn't have hit him. I could have tried to talk him down, but I'm not that guy, Charlie. He was disrespectful to Bella. He made her sound like…like a…" I gripped by hair tightly and flinched from the pain in my hand. "He made it sound dirty. It's not like that. It's…"

He held a hand up.

"I don't need to hear any of the rest of that sentence, Edward. I don't want to know anything personal about your relationship with my _daughter_. I have enough images in my head now, so please, just shut the hell up."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "If there is one thing I know about Bella, it's that she's very responsible. She wouldn't have asked you to move in or be in a serious relationship with you if she didn't love you and know that you are a good guy. I just need some time to adjust is all. My baby girl is growing up and that's not easy for a man to accept."

I didn't say anything so he spoke again.

"I like you, Edward. I know that I might not want to be around you right now, but I do like you. I see that you and Bella are good for each other. I can hear her happiness when I talk to her on the phone, and I saw how carefree she looked when you got here yesterday. I can't object to your relationship, but I just need to be alone to process things.

"You're going to leave in a few minutes and start back to Seattle. The truck is packed and Bella's waiting for you." He stood up and I followed. "I don't blame you for hitting him. I would have done it if you hadn't beaten me to it. Tell Bells I'll call her tomorrow night, like always."

Then he walked away, and I followed him through the house. He went up the stairs to his room, and I found Bella sitting on the couch with her face in her hands.

I sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into me.

"Let's go home, love. I'll drive."

We walked out of the house and got into the truck. Bella was still quiet.

I could see her watery eyes and red face, and it broke my heart.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I fucked this up."

She scooted across the seat and laid her head on my shoulder. We were on the road leaving Forks before she said anything.

"It's not your fault. We should have just told him, and then Jacob wouldn't have had anything to say." She shrugged.

We were quiet for a long time.

"Bella?"

"Yeah." She asked sleepily.

"Did you meet Jacob?"

That caught her attention and she sat up.

"Not intentionally. You know I had to cover for Jessica on Monday. He came in with those same friends, and they had some drinks."

"Did he say something to you then, about my mark on your neck?" I was getting possessive again, saying it was _my_ mark, and I knew it.

Bella snorted and said, "Yes, he did caveman. I think I said that you got carried away. Maybe that's why he was so pissed to see you." She laughed a little.

I shook my head, "That's not funny. Your dad didn't really laugh, did he?"

We both tensed up a little at my tone, and neither of us spoke for a few minutes.

I was still pissed at Jacob for making tonight so fucking awkward. I was also caught up on the bruise remark.

"Did I hurt you Sunday? I'm sorry if I hurt you, it won't happen again."

She knew immediately what I was talking about.

"It wasn't even a real bruise. It was a red line across my back. The only reason I mentioned it is because Rose was picking at me for being a prude. I got defensive and decided that I needed to set the record straight. I guess Jacob was standing beside me or something." Her brows furrowed together. "I wasn't near his table when I said it, so I'm not too sure how he heard."

I just nodded my head and she snuggled back into my shoulder.

"No matter how we do it, if it's up against the wall or slow and tangled up in bed, I want you to know that every movement has love in it."

She kissed my jaw. "Edward, even if I bruise, which will probably happen, I know you aren't trying to hurt me. It's your passion, and I don't think I mind those marks."

I hugged her to me, and soon she was asleep.

I drove in the silence back to our apartment.

It was a little after two in the morning when I pulled into the parking garage. My eyes were heavy, and my legs were cramping up.

Bella was sound asleep, so instead of waking her, I just slid her into my lap and carefully climbed out of the truck. I would never try that again with sore legs because I almost crashed into the fucking pavement.

She never woke up though. I would have been impressed if I wasn't so tired myself.

I finally made it up to the apartment and got inside. After I laid her down on the bed, I pulled her jeans off and placed the covers over her. I really wanted to climb in beside her, but I needed to do a few things first.

I went into the kitchen and on the dry erase board that Bella had on the fridge I wrote:

"_Charlie said he'd call today."_

He had told me to remind her, and I sure as fuck wasn't going to let him down now.

Next, I went back downstairs and pulled our bags out of the truck. When I reached the apartment again, I locked the doors, and got out Bella's phone.

I took a deep breath before pushing the call button.

It rang a few times before I heard his voice fill the speaker. He didn't sound like he'd been asleep at all.

"Bella?"

"No, Charlie. It's Edward. Bella fell asleep on the way back. Umm, I just wanted to call and let you know we got here safe."

There was silence on the other end, and, for a moment, I thought he might have hung up.

"Good. Thank you for calling, Edward. I really appreciate it."

I nodded my head as if he could see me before saying, "That was all I wanted. I'll let you get to sleep then."

"Bye, Edward."

I hung up the phone feeling slightly better about things.

Before I knew it, I was putting my arms around Bella and pulling her against me.

* * *

The next morning I woke up alone, and my heart immediately constricted at the thought of Bella having left the bed.

I found her was sitting on the couch clutching a cup of coffee. When I entered to the room, she looked up at me and smiled slightly. It felt off though, not like her usual morning smiles.

"I didn't think that you would be awake for awhile," She said quietly before sipping her drink.

"Honestly, I can't believe I fell asleep in the first place." I sat down beside her, and she leaned into me.

"I'm sorry about last night, and my dad, and Jake." Her voice sounded strained.

"Well, it definitely sucks, but I think you're dad will be ok."

She nodded before saying, "I saw the note. I'm glad that he's not too upset."

"I think he's plenty upset, Ballerina. I just think he doesn't want this to come between you and him. He said that he still likes me, if that helps at all."

She never said anything back to me, and we sat in silence for awhile. I wanted to say something to make things better, or less tense, but I couldn't form the words. I wanted to apologize for how I had behaved, but I really wasn't sorry for what I did. I wanted to know what was really bothering her, but was too afraid to ask.

Finally she spoke, and her words brought me no comfort at all. "I'm going to go to Alice's. I just need some time to decompress."

I reluctantly let her go, and she went to the bedroom. I'm not sure how long I sat there before she came back out. Bella kissed my cheek softly before leaving.

The door clicked shut, and I wanted to run after her. I wanted to know that we were okay. She hadn't told me she loved me since yesterday afternoon, she didn't even fucking kiss me on the lips just then.

I wanted to cry. Everything was slipping away.

The feeling in my chest was strangling me. It almost felt similar to the panic attack I had in the same position days after I met Bella.

What if I wasn't cut out for this? What if Bella came back and decided that I wasn't worth the trouble? What if she told me to leave?

If she would have just said the words…

Maybe I needed a break, too.

* * *

What's Edward going to do? Thanks for reading. Review if you'd like.


	20. Chapter 20

Ch. 20: Empty

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

I didn't go home that night.

After I left the apartment, I just started walking.

By the time night rolled around, I had no idea where I was. I still wasn't very familiar with Seattle. I just knew the area where we lived and were we worked. A neon sign alerted me to a bar up the street, so I decided it would be better to sit than walk. When I walked in, I spotted an empty stool and took a seat.

I knew that I probably jumped the gun by walking out, but I was terrified she would come back and say that we needed to break-up. I couldn't deal with that so I just ran.

_Typical Edward behavior. _

As I watched the people around me, I realized that this was how my life used to be. I didn't know anyone; there were no friends to joke with or a girlfriend to hug.

I was alone, and I really fucking hated it. I was accustomed to being around friends now. Would Bella really tell me to fuck off after what happened this weekend?

I loved her. I should fight for her, but I was too scared to go back right now.

About an hour after I first sat down, a woman come over to me. She was too processed. Her hair was fried and her makeup was caked on.

"All alone?" I knew her tone, the breathy whisper that would sway me to follow her to a dark corner. When Bella talked like that it was seductive, not with this lady though.

I stopped to think about how easy it would be to accept the invitation, to go with her somewhere, to forget about everything, to forget about Bella, but I wasn't _that_ guy.

No matter how confused I was, I knew one thing for certain. Bella would always be last woman who touched me.

"No, I'm not alone. Just about to leave, actually."

She just smiled and turned to walk away. There were other guys in the bar; she wouldn't have to work too hard to find someone.

That night, I slept in an alley on a fucking flattened cardboard box. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and if I kept acting like this it wouldn't be the last.

I dreamed of Bella and my mom that night and woke up shaking.

* * *

The next day I went to a park. I don't know how I found it, I just stumbled upon it.

I was sitting on a bench looking out over a playground when I heard a familiar voice.

"Edward? What are you doing here?"

I rolled my eyes, "I'm hiding, Carlisle. What are you doing?"

He sat beside me. "I come here every Monday. There's a church near here that serves food in the afternoons. It's usually very good, and they have a lot." He shrugged. "I can save some for later in the week."

I knew his life wasn't easy, but at that moment I didn't care.

"You know, I wish that my life was like yours. It would be nice to disappear. I'm not good at this normal shit."

Carlisle's head snapped up.

"Don't say things you don't mean, Edward. You don't want this life. What happened?"

I gave him the run down of the weekend, and how I had left the apartment after Bella went to Alice's.

"Well, you should head back. If you got this far then you've been gone for a while. She'll be worried when she notices you've left." He smiled gently and patted my shoulder. "She loves you, Edward. It's just a lot to comprehend. Everyone needs a little time to calm down. Someone that wasn't there, witnessing it, to talk to."

I snorted. "I left yesterday, Carlisle. I haven't seen Bella since _yesterday_ afternoon."

He sucked in a sharp breath.

"Have you called her?"

"No."

"Why the hell not, Edward? You say you love her, but you are doing the exact thing she asked you not to do!"

I looked up at him and saw just how angry he was. His normal pale complexion was splotched with red and his eyes were wide.

"I do love her, but maybe she'd be better without me. I like to be on my own too much. If I left right now, she'd get over it. I just don't do well with others." I knew I sounded way too casual about this, and I had no clue where it was coming from. I loved her, but in my head it made complete sense to leave.

"That is a horrible excuse for what you're doing. I expected so much more from you."

"Yeah, well, I disappoint frequently. If I was like you I wouldn't have anyone that depended on me, and I wouldn't be worried about how I might hurt people."

I felt his fist connect with my jaw. I wasn't expecting it and fell off the bench. He towered over me.

"You have no clue what you're asking for Edward. Do you think I chose this life? Do you think that I want to be alone?"

I didn't say anything. I just stared at him.

"Tell me this, Edward. Do you have a woman who loves you?"

I was silent, and then I realized he was waiting on an answer.

"Yeah. She says she does."

"Don't downplay her feelings. If she says it, she means it. Now, is your_ home_ where she lives? Does she cook for you, and tease you when you mess up dinner? Does she let you touch her and make love to her? When you're angry and upset does she calm you? Has she put up with your shit on a regular basis and still let you into her life?"

He looked to be on the verge of tears as he finished. I couldn't look at him anymore so I turned and faced the small playground ahead of us.

I finally whispered, "Yes."

"Then why would you trade that for _this_?" His voice was strained as he continued, "There's not a day that goes by that I don't wish she was here. Not a fucking minute goes by that I don't grieve, so I feel no pity for you. What you have is right down the damn road and you're _here_."

I faced him again, and pulled myself off the ground to sit back on the bench.

"What do you mean?" He had never said much about his past, and I was starting to put the dots together.

I saw the tears silently running down his cheeks as he sat back down. He didn't brush them away.

"What would you do if she was no longer waiting for you? What if something happened to her before you got back?"

My chest clenched, and my breathing picked up.

"I wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be me anymore."

"That's exactly what happens. Imagine if she was taken from you before you could tell her how much you truly loved her. It's unbearable, Edward." He paused before adding, "You need to go home. You don't deserve this life, and Bella loves you."

He started to walk away.

"Can I come with you? For the food, I mean?"

"Sure."

We walked in silence for a little while before I asked, "Why do you walk so far for food? I mean surely there are places near the bar."

He stopped and turned to me.

"I don't have a home so the walk isn't bad. The food is good, too." He took a deep breath and whispered the last part. "It's right across the street from the cemetery. I visit on Mondays."

I saw the complete despair in his eyes.

"What's her name?"

He smiled slightly and for a split second he looked young again.

"Her name is Esme."

In that moment, I saw myself years from now in his position. I would lose her if I kept this up. She might not be gone permanently, but she wouldn't be _mine_ anymore either. I couldn't be without her.

"I need to go, Carlisle."

"I know. I'll see you around." He turned then and made his way down the sidewalk. I ran in the other direction.

I had to stop for a cab after a few minutes because I wasn't sure how to get home. After a twenty-five minute cab ride I was in front of the apartment complex.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I finally got home, but I never expected to find it empty.

When I walked down the hall and into the living room, I could only think about how quiet it was. There was no television, no laughter, no music. For a brief moment, I thought about what Carlisle said, _"What would you do if she was no longer waiting for you?"_

What if I came back, but it was too late?

I knew that it probably wasn't the case, but I knew that my life would be this silent if she was no longer in it. Everything I had come to love would be gone.

I avoided running out the apartment and going in search of her. She was probably out with Alice or Rose. Maybe she was looking for me.

It was a little past two in the afternoon, so I decided to wait at the apartment. I knew she would have to come back sometime.

While I waited, I cleaned the kitchen, I folded laundry, I made up the bed, and I took a shower. By the time I was redressed, she still wasn't back. My chest continued to ache, and I knew it would until I held her again. I did the only thing I could do until then; I curled up on her side of the bed and breathed in her scent.

The tears started then.

I couldn't stop thinking about Carlisle or Bella. I knew that if I lost her…I couldn't think about it.

I didn't want this to end. I needed to go out and find her and apologize. If this weekend taught me one thing it was that I needed Bella, and I would do anything for her. One thing I knew for sure, I would never walk out again. I needed her too much to do that, and she deserved so much more than that.

The clock read five-thirty, and I couldn't wait any longer. There was only one place that Bella went with any regularity and that was work. I pulled myself away from her pillow, and went to the bar.

I heard the yelling before I opened the door.

* * *

BPOV

My weekend could have been the poster child of fail.

I honestly didn't think it could get any worse then I returned from Alice's apartment. I had only been gone thirty minutes. I just needed to ask her opinion; I needed an unbiased point of view. I was in the middle of my rant when I realized, I needed to speak with Edward about this. It was our problem, and it should have been discussed between us, not someone else.

Alice was strangely silent through the whole ordeal, and as I left she hugged me tightly before telling me to call her if I needed anything.

Needless to say, when I got back to our apartment and found him gone, I thought he must have stepped out for a bit. All of his things were still in the bedroom, and if he had really left he would have taken his guitar with him. Also, I figured Alice would tell me if he had left for good.

As the afternoon wore on I got more and more anxious. I tried to call his cell phone only to find it was still in its place by the bed. I was tempted to go out and look for him, but I knew he would come back.

I felt so guilty. I should have talked to him.

When I lay down in bed, I grabbed his pillow and hoped he would come back during the night. I tossed and turned. I couldn't sleep. I got up and made pancakes at three in the morning. I watched infomercials.

At first light, I got dressed and went out. I walked all around and still couldn't find him. I got back to the apartment at eleven that morning, and took a quick shower before going to Alice and Jasper's.

She didn't deserve my anger, but I yelled at her. I cried, and yelled, and cried so more.

"It's going to be alright. He hasn't really made any decisions. He's just walking."

"I'm so sick of people thinking they can just do things to me, and I won't get mad. Jacob talks to me like he didn't ditch me for two years, and Edward just walks away whenever things get uncomfortable."

Alice squeezed me tighter. "Bella, they aren't the only ones at fault…"

I laughed sarcastically.

"I know I caused this, Alice. I allow Jacob to come and go as he pleases. I wanted to still be friends with him, and I never tell him to fuck off when he's rude. I know I've let Edward get away with running. I just wanted him to know that I would still be here, that if he needed to go that I would wait. I'm a huge, fucking doormat when it comes to them, aren't I?"

"No. You just need to let them know it's not going to work anymore. Honestly, I think Edward hasn't come back yet because he's worried. He knows he fucked up and he's scared you'll tell him to leave."

I sighed. "If I had just talked to him then we wouldn't be here now."

"This was necessary Bella. If this hadn't happened I think that Edward might have left later, but for a longer period of time. He needs to understand that he needs you. Today's going to be a good day for him. He will finally see what he has."

I rolled my eyes before speaking again. "That's comforting, Alice."

She got up and walked me to the door.

"I can't tell you what he's going to do. You guys will work this out together."

I went back to the apartment and grabbed my bag before leaving for the bar.

My shift didn't start until four but I really couldn't be at home any longer. It was too empty. I spent the afternoon cleaning the bar and listening to Bowling for Soup. It didn't matter though; no amount of happy music could cure me today.

When four rolled around, I turned off the iPod and waited for customers. It might be hard to believe but Mondays aren't that busy for us. I spent most of my time avoiding conversations with Emmett. He and Rose still didn't know that Edward was gone, and I really didn't want Rose to find out…ever.

My night was passing by so slowly, and then I heard the one voice I could really do without hearing for a long, long time.

"Bells? We need to talk."

I turned and came face-to-face with Jacob Black. I closed my eyes and took two very deep breaths before trying to speak.

"I don't have anything to say to you. I really think you should just leave."

Before I could turn around he caught my arm and forced me to stay in place.

"Listen, I realize that you are mad at me, but Edward started it. If he had just backed off when I first met him then everything would have worked out. I waited for you to see that we could be a couple, and when I finally make my move you're with someone else. That's not fair, Bells."

I yanked my arm away from him. I really couldn't stop my anger this time. Jacob and I had been such great friends, and we still could have been, but he didn't really love me. He just wanted to say I was his. It was like a kid playing with a toy or something.

My voice was louder than I intended when I spoke again.

"Not fair? You know what's not fair? My best friend ignored me for two years because he didn't get his way! I told you then and I'm telling you now…I don't see you as anything more than a friend. To be completely honest, I don't even consider you a friend right now. How could you treat someone you care about like that?"

"If this is about this weekend, Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it in front of Charlie. I just saw how close you two had gotten and I needed to stop it."

My rage boiled over and two years of pent up frustration finally leaked out.

"You have no right to come in here pretending to be my friend, and you sure as hell aren't sorry. All you wanted to do was make Edward look bad! You wanted my dad to freak out, and to force me to lie about my relationship. Friends don't do that shit, Jacob."

We had the full attention of everyone in the bar. Emmett looked ready to step in at any moment. I took a minute to thank God that Rose wasn't here right now.

"You need to leave." I tried to walk away again and he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. I saw him leaning down and realized what was happening. _He was trying to kiss me_. I took my free hand and swung.

As my hand my contact her released me and doubled over, grabbing his jaw.

I yelled, "Do you have a hearing problem? I just told you to leave, and that I didn't think we could be friends! You try and kiss me? Are you delusional?"

I was breathing hard and clenching my fists when I heard his voice.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

I was on a roll right now, and he really picked a bad time to show up. My anger turned to him in that moment.

"Really, Edward? You want to ask what's going on? Why don't you tell me where you've been? Is it normal for you to walk out then try and come back like nothing happened?"

He stopped walking completely as I continued yelling at him.

"I'm so damn tired of all you thinking you can just walk all over Bella. He thinks I harbor some secret love that I know isn't there, and you think that I will keep forgiving you when you do something completely ridiculous. I know I'm not perfect, but shit guys, how is it possible to be this dense?"

I was fuming and both of them just stared at me.

"It was a legitimate question for you two! Answer me! Why do you think you can act like this to me!"

"Ballerina, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I left. I just started walking, and I couldn't come back…I was too scared to come home."

"Wow. Well, thanks for being too scared to call or write a fucking note, Edward! I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you."

He started shaking his head and started to say something else when Jacob spoke up.

"See he runs off at the first sign of trouble! I would have stayed."

Edward took off towards Jacob, and I stepped in between them.

"Edward, go sit down somewhere. Jacob leave."

"But Bells-"

"No, buts. You ended our friendship a long time ago. I hope you have a great life, but me being a part of that isn't going to happen now, if ever."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but ending up shaking his head and walking out. I watched him exit then I went to find Edward. He was in a corner booth furthest from the door.

I took a calming breath before sitting opposite of him. I couldn't be angry when we had this conversation.

He reached across the table and took my hand.

"I'll never do that again. I'm so very sorry. It was a horrible choice, alright? I can't lose you now. I love you so much, and I will make it right. I won't ever do that again, I promise."

I let go of his hand.

"It's not okay. I know I should have talked to you yesterday, and it's partly my fault that you left, but you can't do that to me."

We sat in silence for a little while and he started talking again.

"I've never had anyone depend on me. I was by myself for so long that I tend to forget that other people will be affected by my decisions. I left yesterday before thinking it through, and when it finally hit me it was too late to go home. I just couldn't face you. I don't feel like I can come and go as I please, I know I can't do that to you. If I learned one thing from this, it's that when I came home to an empty apartment, I hurt so badly. I love you, and I don't want a life that you aren't a part of."

"I know how you feel." I started to stand up and Edward moved quickly out of the seat.

"Are you leaving me? I won't…I just can't let you leave." He looked so heartbroken.

"I have to finish working. You can go home and wait for me if you want to or you can help Emmett. I think we should finish this at home though." I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I love you, Edward. We'll be fine."

He closed his eyes and nodded.

"I'll help Emmett."

I dropped his hand and turned for the bar. As I was stepping away from him he said quietly, "I love you too, Bella. I will for the rest of my life."

The sincerity in his words was obvious. For the first time in our relationship, I knew that Edward wouldn't be leaving. He was here for good.

* * *

I'm nervous about this one so please tell me what you think. Thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

Ch. 21: Reconnect

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

!Citrus Warning!

* * *

EPOV

"Does it seem like all our important conversations take place either walking to your apartment or inside it?"

I could help but point this out to Bella as we made our way into the elevator in the lobby. We hadn't really said much since her shift ended, but I didn't think that was a terrible thing. Maybe she just wanted to wait for privacy before she yelled at me for being a moron. I was all for being in her apartment for that.

"I think that's where we feel comfortable. Its home and important conversations usually happen there." She shrugged then continued. "Besides, it's not just mine. It's our apartment, Edward. I mean, you still want to stay here, right?"

She spoke the last sentence quietly as if she was expecting me to say no.

"Bella, I plan on living with you for the rest of my life." I grabbed her hand and brought it to my lips. I savored the feel of her skin against me and immediately questioned by own sanity for leaving yesterday. I could not live without this.

She remained quiet the rest of the way up to _our_ apartment. Once we were inside, she threw her bag on the couch and continued on towards the bedroom. I was unsure if I should follow her or not, so I stood in the living room for a few minutes before she ended my inner debate and softly called my name from inside our room.

I found her dressed in one of my shirts facing the window. Bella turned then and started piling her hair up, just like she always did before bed.

"Are you going to sleep in that, Edward?" She pointed to my clothes.

"No. Are you sure you want me in here? I can sleep on the couch. That's what boyfriends do when they fuck up, right?"

She giggled for the first time all night.

"I think that after last night, I really just want you beside me." She started turning down the covers without looking at me.

It felt like my chest cracked wide open when she said that. I started towards her before I even knew what I was doing and wrapped my arms around her. When I leaned down to kiss her neck, I noticed that she was shaking lightly and soon after I felt a small, cold drop land on my forearm.

I made her cry. Again.

My arms tightened around her and Bella didn't try and muffle her sobs anymore. She shook in my arms, and I felt more of my failure fall onto my arms.

I whispered how sorry I was, how much I loved her, how I would never leave. She didn't respond at first, but finally she turned and faced me.

Her hands were in my hair and her lips were pressed tightly to mine. When she started moving her lips the kiss was rough and needy.

I brought one hand to the back of neck to keep her lips on mine, and the other held her hip tightly. I let my tongue slide over her bottom lip and she took this opportunity to slip her tongue against mine.

Bella pulled the shirt she was wearing over her head quickly and sat back on the bed. I was so shocked by everything that was happening. Surely, she wouldn't want me like this? By the time I came to my senses my jeans were on the ground.

"Bella. We need to talk." I squeaked out as she ran her fingers around the waistband on my boxers.

She stood up on her knees at the edge of the bed and kissed me quickly before whispering, "I need you now. Show me that you won't leave."

That was all it took. I grabbed my shirt and pulled it off before guiding her to the middle of the bed. I leaned over and kissed her deeply.

In no time the last remaining barriers between us were removed. I started to guide myself between her legs when she pushed my shoulder and breathlessly said, "Lay behind me."

I almost said no, but then she rolled onto her side, and motioned for me to lay behind her. I slide into position, like I did every night when we went to sleep, except right now, instead of spooning, her left leg was now hooked back around my hip leaving her completely open to me.

She pushed back against my cock, and I felt her heat and wetness slide along my shaft. My hands tried to still her movements. It was too much.

"Stop or this is going to be over a lot quicker than I would like, Ballerina."

She giggled, but it turned into a moan as I brought my fingers to her center.

"None of that. Just you." Then she pushed back again.

I stopped fighting it and wrapped my bottom arm around her and palmed one of her breasts as I took my other hand and placed myself right at her entrance. I slowly pushed into her and felt her all around me.

My face rarely left its place between her neck and shoulder. I would suck on the skin behind her ear and bring my hips to meet her harder. Her hands were gripping the forearm that was around her stomach, and occasionally she'd tilt her head back and bring her mouth to mine. The whole experience was surreal, and almost like a dream. When we released it was within moments of each other; her climax triggered my own.

For several minutes we laid tangled together, I was still breathing heavily into her hair when she spoke.

"I love you, Edward. Don't do that again. It won't be easy next time. I think it will ruin us if it you leave…"

I kissed her neck softly. "I will never walk away from you. If there's one thing I learned because of this it's that I can't be without you. I need you so much."

She rolled around to face me and moved some hair out of my eyes.

"Where did you go?" Her voice was quiet, but had no sign of sleep to it. She wanted to be close when we talked, like the first time we opened up about our pasts in this bed.

"Really, I just walked around for a long time. When it got dark, I found a bar and sat in there for awhile." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I looked around and realized that my old life was like this. An unfamiliar place filled with strangers. I was completely alone and I hated that feeling. When I was about to leave a woman came up to me."

I felt her whole body tense and she stopped breathing.

"She asked if was alone. God, Bella. I was _so_ alone. It was like she was voicing my thoughts."

My forehead rested against hers.

"Did you stay with her?"

"Never. That will _never_ happen, Bella. I told her that I wasn't alone and left. That life was never for me. I would have never gone with her. It was just that when she asked…I only thought of you. You are the only woman I've ever wanted this way. There will never be anyone else for me, Bella."

She shook her head. "But, you didn't come home."

"No. I slept in an alley. I was too scared to come home."

I started explain more but Bella cut me off. "Never do that again."

I agreed and finished telling her about my time away. She was concerned for Carlisle, but said that she figured he had lost someone close to him.

"He has that look in his eyes, Edward. He misses someone. I always knew that."

Of course she would notice, because if Bella was good at one thing, it was reading people. She was just too kind to call us out on our shit when we acted ridiculous.

We talked about Jacob, and Bella told me that she wasn't going to try to build a friendship with him anymore. She said that he ended their relationship a long time ago, and she wasn't going to worry with it.

She told me that only Alice and Jasper knew that I had left, but with the show at the bar tonight, Emmett figured it out, so Rose would know soon enough.

I would face all of them and say I was wrong. Even if they were mad, I could deal with it. All that mattered was Bella forgave me.

I started drifting in and out of sleep while Bella spoke. I hadn't slept well last night and being in bed, being warm, and being next to Bella was a wonderful combination.

I'm not exactly sure when I fell asleep, but I woke up the next morning to bright sunshine coming through the window.

Bella groaned next to me and pushed her face into my shoulder. I pushed her hair back and smiled when I saw that she was awake. I leaned into her and kissed her softly.

"I love you." I ran my fingers across her check.

"Umm. I love you, too."

This time she kissed me. It turned passionate quickly and Bella pulled back and laughed.

"As much as I want to continue this, you have somewhere to be." She glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven-thirty.

"I don't either. I just need to be with you." It was cheesy, but I really had no idea where I needed to go. So I kissed her again.

"Do you not remember anything that Emmett told you before we left last night?" Bella whispered against my lips.

"Ballerina, I could have agreed to give him our first-born last night and not remember it today. I was completely distracted last night."

Bella propped herself up on her elbow then looked down at me with a strange expression on her face. She bit her bottom lip before she looked away.

"What? What did I say?"

She was smiling when she looked back at me.

"That's the first time you've ever mentioned a definite future with me. You know the possibility of kids…one day, with me." She shook her head. "I'm being silly, sorry."

I closed my eyes for a moment and understood what a big deal this was. I was moving forward. I touched her chin and turned her to face me.

"It's not silly. I want everything with you, Bella. One day, we'll get married and have kids…or kid. I'm not too sure if I want to commit to several until I try out one first." She laughed at me and leaned in for another quick peck.

Her voice was breathless as she finally explained my plans for the day.

"You are meeting Emmett and Jasper downstairs at noon. It's tux day." Then she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

"Fuck me." I slammed my head back down on the pillow.

* * *

Today I was getting fitted for the tux I would wear to Jasper and Alice's wedding next weekend. I hated the thought of wearing one, but looked forward to seeing Bella in her dress. I was told that it was a dark blue and strapless. I was more excited for that dress than the whole wedding.

Somehow I managed to get out of the apartment and to the lobby on time. I really don't know how I did it; I spent at least twenty minutes trying to talk Bella into taking a shower with me.

The guys were waiting by the door looking as equally as excited as I was. They didn't mention anything to me about leaving, so I figured I was in the clear for today. We were almost to the Jeep before Emmett punched the shit out of my shoulder.

"Son of a bitch!" I stumbled into the side of the vehicle and groaned as Jasper slapped the back of my head really fucking hard. _Guess they weren't letting it slide._

They left me leaning there in pain as they climbed into the Jeep. After I had gotten myself together, I managed to pull myself into the backseat. They were both laughing at me as I tried to roll my shoulder and winced.

"Don't do that shit again, Ed. It will hurt worse next time." Emmett shrugged then backed up the truck.

Jasper turned and gave me a small smile. "Don't worry. Em fucks up a lot. You'll get him back in no time. I bet before the wedding."

Em flipped him off and continued driving to the tux store. I'm sure it had a name, but I couldn't remember it. The only thing that I knew was that some old guy was probably going to measure my inseam and get really close to a part of me that only Bella should touch.

When we arrived, an older lady showed us to the fitting rooms to try on the suits that Alice had ordered. Mine fit pretty well, and I was kind of surprised by how nice it looked on me. If I was excited about Bella in her dress then maybe she'd like me in my suit? I could only hope.

Truthfully, the whole process was over very quickly, and thankfully there was no inseam work. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined.

On the way back to the apartment, the guys were talking about the bachelor party. Jasper wanted quiet and calm; Emmett wanted strippers because that is what bachelor parties always have, according to him. I was with Jasper. There was no way in hell I was coming home to Bella smelling like a hooker.

"No, Em. Just forget about every movie you've ever watched that had a bachelor party in it, okay? I will go out, but I just don't want to go to someplace like that. It's not me, man." He shrugged and looked out the window.

I couldn't help but add in, "Rose would have both your heads if she found out you saw strippers."

We all laughed at the truth of that statement. Hopefully, it would keep us away from whatever Emmett had planned.

I spent the rest of the ride thinking about Bella. She would be home waiting for me. I wanted to cuddle with her again. Last night had been amazing, and honestly, so intimate. I loved feeling her against me like that.

I tried to calm my thoughts as we walked into the building. After telling the guys we'd see them at the bar later, I got off the elevator and made my way to our apartment. I opened the door and started kicking off my shoes. I had some plans to fulfill, and could hear the television so I knew she was home.

As I made my way down the hall, I started speaking and removing my shirt. "Ballerina, take a shower with me? Then let's nap!"

As I reached the entryway into the living room, I was struck by several things at once.

A baseball game was on T.V.

Bella wasn't sitting in her chair.

And probably the most important thing, the person sitting on my couch was Charlie Swan.

"Fuck!" I gripped my shirt to cover my chest and backed into the wall, knocking down a picture of Rose and Emmett. "Shit, sorry, Chief. I was just…I had no idea you were going to be here."

He closed his eyes and turned back to the game.

"Put your shirt on, Edward. Then go get me another beer." I immediately went to the kitchen to retrieve whatever he wanted.

When I got back and handed him the drink he spoke again. "I don't normally have this many so early in the afternoon, but I'm going to give myself a little treat for having to look at you half naked."

He raised his bottle up and took a long drag.

I didn't know how to begin, so I asked the obvious questions first.

"Um, where's Bella?"

He snorted and looked me right in the eyes. "The shower."

I swear I turned bright red and my eyes focused completely on the baseball game. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"I came up here to take you two to dinner. I was planning on apologizing correctly. However, I never thought you would run into the apartment like you did, so now I need some calm time."

My back was rod straight, and I was taking the smallest breathes. Only I would have Charlie Swan come to say he's sorry and ruin it by insinuating shower sex. I heard a small coughing sound and looked at the Chief, when we made eye contact he began laughing hysterically.

I was mute. I had no idea what was so funny. When Bella walked in a second later she looked between us and cocked an eyebrow at me. I answered her unasked question.

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he's laughing at me."

He stopped and took a deep breath.

"Edward, this is why I like you so much. Any other guy who came in here like you did a second ago, I would have been boiling mad over, but you…"

"How did you come home?" Bella whispered and looked at me with wide eyes.

Charlie started laughing again.

"Both of you make the same face. You look like you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Your eyes get really big and you start blushing. That's probably the only reason I remain sane while dealing with this situation." Charlie stood up and looked at us, shaking his head. In that one movement he went from Charlie back to the Chief. "Well, let's go and eat. I'm starving."

There was a steakhouse about twenty minutes away that Charlie really wanted to eat at so he drove us in Bella's truck.

We managed to have a very nice dinner. The Chief never addressed this weekend or the fact that I lived with Bella, but he made me feel included. He would ask my opinion on baseball or agree with me about the troubles of wearing a suit to an outside wedding. Bella watched us talk and would add comments occasionally. It was nice. It was the dinner I wished I had with Charlie this weekend.

I appreciated this second chance more than he would ever know.

After we ate and went back to the apartment, Charlie left to go home. He said he'd call Bella later and he would see me in my monkey suit at the wedding. I was more than happy for the way this afternoon turned out, even if I didn't get my shower or nap.

Bella and I changed quickly before having to go to work. I was playing tonight so I was excited, but I knew that I would probably be singing the equivalent of a mixed tape for Bella. My feelings were too raw right now and it would definitely carry over.

I kissed her lightly before making my way to the stage.

That night I avoided Rose all together, and when I did meet her eyes finally, she just shook her head.

Carlisle wasn't there, but I didn't think he'd come back around for a couple of days. We all need space sometimes.

The biggest surprise happened at the end of the night.

As I was packing up my guitar, I saw small feet out of the corner of my eye. I looked up at Alice and smiled. She looked a little nervous and was wringing her hands together.

"Is everything alright, Ali?" I stood up and grabbed the handle of my case.

"Yes. I just wanted to ask you something."

I nodded my head for her to continue, and she bit her lip.

"Will you play at our wedding?"

* * *

A/N:

So Edward and Bella are back on track.

Charlie really does like Edward and thinks

he's good for Bella. After all, they have the same "guilty face".

What are your thoughts on the bachelor party? Next up is that, plus a little wedding detail!

Let me know what you think of this chapter. It gave me a hard time for some reason.

See you next Tuesday!


	22. Chapter 22

Ch. 22: Muse

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

Alice and Jasper's wedding was really wearing on everyone.

The week after my return was full of activity. I rarely saw Bella at home. Normally, she would be gone before I woke up, and wouldn't come home until after our shifts at the bar.

While I was alone, I had been spending a great deal of my time trying to perfect the song Alice wanted me to play, and the one Jasper was secretly trying to get me to play instead. I had never been more nervous in my life. I couldn't believe that I had agreed to do this.

What if I ruined the song? I would be responsible for the ruination of their wedding!

Bella told me to calm down, and I happily reminded her of a wonderful way she could help me relax. Those nights were the best, and our activities managed to keep me, at least, partly sane.

It was Thursday, two days before the wedding, and Emmett decided that tonight should be the bachelor part. He said that we didn't want to be "hung over at the wedding, especially if we're going to be dressed in suits."

So there I was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching Bella get dressed to leave with the girls for Alice's bachelorette party.

"That's completely not fair. I don't get to see you all night, and you're going to wear _that_?"

The black dress hit mid-thigh and the zipper that kept the whole thing together ran slightly diagonal across the front of the dress. It was sleeveless with some silver beading on one shoulder and the other shoulder was covered two layers of black ruffles that went diagonal across the back of the dress.

My eyes went to the zipper again. _It would be so easy to get her out of that._ I thought to myself.

"Yeah, so not fair." She giggled. "You look like you stepped out of GQ. Let's agree that we will dress ourselves from now on, alright? Alice's choices are always way too much."

I didn't see what was so great about my clothes. Bella had made me go shopping for new jeans the other day, and I ended up adding a few more shirts to my collection and really nice black leather jacket. Tonight, I was dressed in some dark jeans and a black button down. I was planning on bringing my jacket, as well.

"Whatever." I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. "Let's just stay here, Ballerina. We've been to bars before, and I can guarantee a good time if you stay." I met her eyes in the mirror and gave her my best smile and started to unzip the front of her dress.

She swatted my hand away and walked to the closet. When she came back out she had on a pair of black and purple heels that made her legs look…_lickable_.

Bella turned to me with wide eyes. "Did you just say that I'm lickable?"

"Absolutely."

She rolled her eyes. "That look's not going to keep us here tonight."

It didn't either.

I was in Emmett's Jeep ten minutes later listening to the agenda for our night.

"Okay, we're going to eat at this place that is supposed to serve really great wings." Emmett looked at Jasper. "You like that, right? I mean Southerners like chicken wings, so we'll be alright eating there?"

"I can't speak for all Texans, but yes, I do like wings. You've known me for years, and you don't know what kind of food I like? I'm deeply shocked, Em." He placed his hand over his heart and pretended to wipe away a tear.

"Anyway, after we eat we're going to this bar that specializes in different types of beer. Like all they have is beer and it's from all over."

He looked at each of us for approval. I guess what he saw pleased him because he continued explaining our night.

"Last, we are going to this new bar." Jasper groaned. "Listen up, asshat. I planned this shit and you're going to have a good time. Now I agreed to no titty bars, so suck it up."

I laughed in the backseat and Emmett turned on me. "You." I looked up at him in the rearview mirror. "Yeah, the goofy fucker in the back. I don't want to see a fucking cell phone tonight, got it? I know technology is new to you, but I'll break it if I see it."

I stared at him and slowly put my phone back in my pocket. He was serious, and I had a feeling if we acted liked we didn't have fun tonight then he would be highly upset.

"On a side note, we are here to have fun. That being said I will not tolerate moping, talking about the girls, and neither of you fuckers better ever mention this." I looked at what he was pointing at and realized where we were going.

Hooters.

Jasper's head hit the headrest and he sighed.

I smiled widely and laughed before saying, "Emmett, I completely underestimated you. I think I'm going to buy you a drink."

I could see his reflection in the mirror and his dimples were on full display.

It was in that moment that I realized that even though Emmett was tough and a bit loud that he loved his friends like none other. I continued to smile and shake my head.

One day Emmett would be in charge of my bachelor party. I honestly couldn't wait to see what he came up with.

We spent a good two hours in that restaurant. The wings were good, but not just outstanding. I'm pretty sure that most of the people came here for the view, not the food.

I was tempted so many times to text Bella, but Emmett noticed every time my hand went to my pocket. I really wanted to know what they were doing, but decided against chancing my new phone.

We were laughing and finishing up our food, when a loud noise and clapping startled us. Soon we were surrounded by barely clothed women, who were attempting to sing a song to Jasper.

He was sandwiched between to girls whose breasts were ever so slightly rubbing against his arms, while another put a hat on him.

I saw a flash and looked across the table at Emmett who was snapping pictures at the scene before him. I couldn't stop laughing. Jasper looked like a deer caught in headlights, and I'm sure I looked equally as shocked when one of the ladies leaned over my shoulder with her chest brushing against my back. My eyes went wide and there was another flash.

The whole debacle last maybe two minutes, but Emmett had taken at least thirty pictures. There was a lot of incriminating evidence there as Jasper pointed out in the car.

"I was boob raped, Emmett! You have the evidence." He pointed to the camera lying on the console.

"I second that. My back is traumatized by the steel nipples of that waitress." I added diligently.

Em rolled his eyes. "The pictures are staying on the camera and when I get home, I'm loading them on Facebook or some shit like that."

I wasn't really worried and neither was Jasper, but we still bugged Emmett about it until we reached the brewery.

Emmett was right there was an outrageous amount of beer. From all different countries, different ales, different hops. It was _amazing._

We had been talking for a long time and drinking way too much. Our conversations had been mostly about video games and sports until I asked Jasper the only question I really cared about.

"So, are you nervous?"

He took a long drag from his bottle then shook his head.

"Naw. I love Alice. Nothing's gonna change just because we make it official, so I'm just excited. I mean…we'll really be permanent. Not that we aren't now…I'm not making any sense."

"I get what you mean." Emmett added. "I think that when I marry Rosie things will be sorta complete, you know? Like we finally crossed a line and made it."

Jasper snorted. "Who knew you would make the most sense when drunk? I sure as hell didn't." He looked back at me. "That's what I meant, Edward. I'll be complete."

Conversation turned to wedding plans and suits then briefly to the honeymoon before Jasper cut off all speculation on our parts.

"Now, you know where we're going and what we plan on seeing when we're there. Surely you two can piece the rest of it together, I mean you're grown men in relationships, and I'm not talking to you about sex with my wife. It's not how I was raised." The whole rant was slurred with a distinct Southern twang. Apparently, Jasper's accent made an appearance when he was really buzzed.

Emmett looked up at me. "What about you?"

I felt my brow furrow as I tried to decipher the question.

"I mean you were traveling a lot. Tell us about your wild women groupies." He snickered a little.

Normally, Emmett wouldn't be this invasive, but when given the choice of unlimited beer he less than tactful. Unfortunately, so was I.

"There were a lot of girls I'll tell you that, but I never messed with any of them. They were a little on the desperate side, and some of them were way too old for me."

Both of them laughed and Emmett continued with his questions.

"So we'll live vicariously through you for a minute, alright? I mean, in all honesty, I've only been with Rosie, and Jasper with Alice, we don't have any history so tonight we'll have fun with yours."

My eyes went wide, and I knew immediately that I didn't want to discuss this with them. Only Bella knew about me, and she was the only one who needed to know. I will admit that it hurt me more than I could ever say that I would never be able to tell someone that I had only been with Bella. I hated that they had that and I didn't.

"There's nothing to tell. I kept to myself. You seem to think I was a huge manwhore or something, but I wasn't. I just didn't like being around people. You know that you guys are my first real friends, and Bella's my first real relationship. There was never anyone who could hold a candle to her."

Emmett looked at me with wide eyes. "You were a virgin? Oh my God, that's just perfect!"

Obviously, he had forgotten my vague answer about this when we first met.

Jasper chuckled a little, but didn't say anything out loud. I wasn't sure if he thought Emmett was right or not.

"Um, no. I wasn't."

I looked down and pealed the label.

"Oh. Well, you just said that you were alone and didn't like people. Your hand isn't a girl, Eddie."

I decided then that drunk Emmett was not my friend and that I didn't particularly enjoy him.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business, but I was with two people before Bella." He looked at strangely before I added, "They didn't matter and I'm done talking about this, so shut the hell up. Bella is what counts."

Em laughed and pushed his beer away.

"I'm sorry. I just talk too much. If you would have let me go to see strippers I wouldn't have been talking at all. You live, you learn."

"That's a diaper commercial." Jasper giggled. _Fucking giggled!_

That was when I realized that Jasper wasn't just buzzed he was kind of drunk.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know, 'You live, you learn, you get Luvs'." Jasper stared at him with glassy eyes.

"I most definitely don't know."

Emmett picked up his cell phone and dialed a number before leaning back in the booth. He called for us a cab to take us to the club that was next. I had to admit that even though he was filter-less tonight that he was smarter than me. I wouldn't have thought about the cab.

Soon we were in a place with bright strobe lights and loud music. I hated this place already, and I secretly wished that Bella were here to make fun of it with me. I reached for my pocket, but saw Em glare at my hand.

We met some of the Emmett and Jasper's other friends at the club. There were a couple of guys from Jasper's history classes and then another kid they went to high school with. It was interesting, but I was really ready to go home.

I started rubbing my eyes and Jasper walked over to me at the edge of the bar.

"You ready to go? Emmett's calling a cab for us."

I nodded and followed him out of the club. When I got outside, I was so glad to breathe fresh air. It was cool, and definitely better than the cramped space inside.

A hand clapped down on my back and I felt Emmett weight as he leaned against my shoulder.

"I want to thank you two for coming tonight and being such good sports."

"Yeah, well, we had a good time, right Edward?" Jasper asked me. His eyes were closed and he was leaning against building.

I slung my arm around Em's shoulder and said, "Very fun. Definitely do it again sometime."

When we got into the cab, I looked at the guys. Emmett was surprisingly sober, and then I remembered he hadn't drunk anything at the club. At least he knew his limit. Jasper was passed out with his head against the window, so I assumed he had kept drinking after the brewery. Alice would have to take care of him in the morning.

I was pretty good. I had a very decent buzz going on and was fairly certain that I was going to feel like shit in the morning.

When we arrived at the apartment complex, Emmett picked up Jasper and practically dragged him inside, but gave up when we got to the elevator and just threw him over his shoulder. I got off a floor before them and Emmett was swaying Jasper back and forth while Jazz was groaning.

I wouldn't be surprised if he threw up all over Em's back. I was really glad that I got out of there before I saw the chunks fly.

The apartment was quiet when I opened the door. I didn't think Bella would be home yet, it was a little after midnight. I laughed out loud when I realized what a loser I was. We just went out for a bachelor party and we were all in before the bars closed.

I got a beer out of the refrigerator and sat on the couch. I didn't think it would hurt too much to get a little wasted. I was home and the only woman coming to see me tonight was Bella. No mistakes would be made.

Not long after I sat down, my phone rang. There was giggling in the background and loud music.

"Eddie boy! Are you there?" She was yelling into the phone, and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, Ballerina. I'm sitting at home, right now. I missed you."

A chorus of "awwws" alerted me to the fact that I was on speakerphone.

"What are you ladies doing?"

Bella snorted. "We came to a men's dancing club thingy! Eddie they're dancing in banana hammocks! It's creepy."

I couldn't believe that we had opted out of the strip club, but Rose had gone through with their original plans.

"Really now?" I knew I probably sounded upset, but I think it was more of the double standard that the girls had set for our parties.

She laughed louder this time.

"I'm lying!" She was giggling louder and the girls around her were joining in. Between them and the music it was hard to tell what was going on. "I didn't go there, silly Edward. I'm downstairs in the car!"

"What?"

"I said," She started talking really slow, "I…am…down…stairs."

"Why are you down there and what's with the noise?"

"Rose and Ali went to their places and left me with the other girls. I'm in the car! Come get me?"

I started to stand and make my way to the door. I knew that Bella was small and probably very close to passing out. She didn't handle alcohol well at all.

"Oh and Eddie…"

"Yes, ballerina." I barely stopped the laugh that was building. I found her adorable when she was drunk.

"I'm not wearing panties!"

I heard the loud giggles and then a click that meant she had hung up.

I banged my head against the front door before opening it. There was not a chance in hell we would be able to act of that development. I was willing to bet she would be fast asleep before we got back to the apartment.

Sure enough, I laid her down in bed as soon as we got in.

I watched her lying there and was suddenly hit with a song. Bella had caused a lot of music to float around in my head, but this was the first time I actually heard something that I could put together.

This woman had given me a reason to change, she had made my life better, she could call me drunk and tease me about her whereabouts, and she could run her fingers through my hair and calm me down.

She gave me the strength to be a better man.

All I had known before her was miles of highway, crowded bars, superficial friends, and opportunistic girls, but she blew that all away.

I smiled as she whispered my name and rolled toward my side of the bed.

I sat down on the floor beside the bed and pulled my notepad and pen out of the drawer. I finally had Bella a birthday present, or part of it.

I fell asleep on the floor, and woke up in the early morning to find that Bella had migrated from the bed to sleep beside me. I kissed her hair softly and smiled at her. She was cuddled close to me, and I could only guess that when she decided to sleep on the floor she had removed her dress and found a shirt of mine.

I ran a hand through her hair and pulled back quickly when I heard a loud banging that caused my head to pound slightly. I was little hung over, but not nearly as bad as Bella would be. She groaned and rolled over when I got up to the answer the front door.

I pulled it back and was greeted with the smiling face of Charlie Swan.

"You look like shit, Ed." He thrust a coffee at me and walked into the living room. "Put a shirt for Christ's sake, you have one, don't you?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Today was going to be just great.

* * *

Did you like the bachelor party? Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

Ch. 23 Feet Don't Touch the Ground

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

* * *

Bella woke up thirty minutes after Charlie walked into our apartment.

We could hear her groan from the bedroom, and then a whiny, "Edddwwwaardd. I'm dying."

Charlie chuckled softly while I dropped my head to the armrest of the couch. He must think I'm a horrible influence on his daughter. I had no idea why he hadn't punched me yet. I mean I thought about all the shit that had happened since I'd met him, and couldn't come up with a reason he hadn't just beat the shit out of me.

I got up off the couch as Bella came in the living room. She was still in my shirt, but had put on pajama pants as well. _Thank you, Jesus._ Charlie might have hated seeing me without a shirt, but he would really hate to see Bella wearing _only_ my shirt.

"Why are you here, Dad? You aren't supposed to be here until one or so." She walked toward me with her brow furrowed then she pushed me down on the couch. Before I could scoot over she landed in my lap and put her head on my shoulder.

Charlie rolled his eyes and started watching the television. "It's almost two, Bells."

She hummed in response and then whispered quietly to me, "I don't feel good, Edward, and I don't want to go today."

I tried to be as quiet, but I knew Charlie could hear us anyway. We were sitting on the same couch after all.

"I know. I'm sorry, but you know Alice is going to be here soon." I squeezed her a little tighter. "Just think, after tomorrow this will all be over, and we won't have to run around anymore."

She pushed off of me and stood up. Bella took a deep breath and shook her head a little before addressing the Chief.

"I'm sorry that you saw me like this, Dad." She waved her hand in front of her. "Blame Alice, it's all her fault."

She left the room then and I heard the shower turn on soon after.

"I bet she was a mess last night." He laughed lightly. "Her mom couldn't hold her alcohol either."

I smiled and thought about a young Charlie having to carry his drunken girlfriend home after a night out with friends.

I watched him for a minute as he watched the game. I knew that Charlie Swan was an intimidating man, but I could tell that he was a really _great_ guy underneath the gun-toting exterior.

If I was lucky, one day, I would be half the man he was.

* * *

Before I even had time to get rid of my headache Alice was banging on our door. She and Bella were going to make sure all the flowers were ready for delivery tomorrow and that the cake was on schedule. After that we would all be meeting at the gardens at five for rehearsal.

This left me in a very awkward position. I was going with Charlie to a bar near the gardens and we would meet Jasper and Emmett there, along with Emmett's dad, Jasper's dad, Alice's dad, and Rose's dad.

Apparently the guys thought it would be nice to have a get together of sorts while the girls did wedding stuff. I was alerted by Charlie as we drove to the bar that the mother's would be with Bella, Rose and Alice today, too.

I couldn't believe how nervous I was as we entered the bar. There were other people there so it wasn't like we were alone, but how busy is a bar on a Friday afternoon? Not busy, I'll tell you that much.

I spotted Jasper at the head of a large table with Emmett sitting to his right. There was a chair to Jasper's left that was empty and another chair next to that one that was vacant as well.

The talking stopped as we approached the table, and all eyes turned to us.

"Well, who'd you drag in, Charlie?" A dark haired man across the table asked. He was smiling and I assumed from his dimples that this was Mr. McCarty.

"This is Bella's boyfriend, Edward." Charlie pointed at me.

"He looks harmless enough. I don't know why you were planning on killing him, Chief." A blonde man nodded in my direction. "Does he live with your daughter or something?"

Charlie smiled a little. "He does. That was part of the reason; the other part was he walks around half naked all the time."

I'm pretty sure that I was blushing and I had started running a hand through my hair while the other was stuffed deep in my pocket. Emmett and Jasper were snickering quietly together.

"I told you this would happen one day, and you never listened! Said that our kids were the only ones living in sin!" Another man said.

At this I outright choked on my breath and I looked at Charlie with wide eyes. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me. I attempted to voice a response, "Charlie…Sir…I mean, Chief Swan…"

With my bumbling words the whole table burst out laughing including Charlie.

Finally, the big man with dimples stood up, "I'm Jack McCarty and you are just as easy to rile up as Charlie said. Welcome to the family, kid." He stuck out his hand for me to shake. I reached for it and looked over at Charlie who smiled at me and nodded. I was soon introduced to everyone at the table, and we had a round while the dads told embarrassing stories about their kids.

I sat and listened to each story and saw how everyone interacted with each other. They were close friends, and it seemed that it was their children that brought them together. I didn't have a dad to add to the mix or a mother to help Bella when we got married, but I realized that I completed this circle. I was Bella's match.

I glanced back at the Chief and couldn't help but think, again, of all the stupid shit I'd done since I'd met him. Still I knew, without a doubt, that he definitely liked me.

We all stood to leave after a couple of hours and Jasper leaned over on me as we walked.

"Emmett's a genius, you know that, right?" He whispered as the other men walked to the exit. I gave him a questioning look and he continued, "I'm dying here, and if we would have waited to go until tonight…Alice would have had my balls after the wedding."

I laughed quietly as he pushed off my shoulder and started for the door. I looked at Emmett, who was a little ahead of me, and he just shrugged and nodded his head before saying, "You all think I'm clueless, but I know what I'm talking about. Go ahead, thank me."

I walked past him and hit his shoulder. I didn't think it was best to say Em was right about anything. If I did, I knew I would never hear the end of it.

As we all got into our cars and drove to the gardens, I thought about how lucky I was to be a part of this. I had friends and a sort-of extended family.

When we parked Charlie stopped me from getting out by placing a hand on my arm.

"I'm glad to have you here for this Edward. From what Bella told me, it seems like you don't have family around so I'm glad that you have them…us. I know what it's like to only have friends." He let me go and started getting out of the car. "They're great, but they'll give you hell if you kept acting skittish, that's for damn sure."

I couldn't help but feel gratitude toward Charlie. I didn't know why, but he seemed to really have a soft spot for me. Maybe he saw me as Renee and was deathly afraid that I would walk out on Bella one day. He didn't want to see his baby girl hurt, so this could be his way of showing me what all I could have by staying around.

I knew it was Bella's biggest fear, me leaving, and I knew that she probably hadn't really told Charlie details of our most recent heart-to-hearts, so he didn't know I'd resolved my own conflicts about staying in Seattle.

He knew the devastation that came with losing your other half, and he was trying to prevent it. He just didn't go about it the usual "If you hurt her, you'll pay" way, although I'm sure that he'll tell me that eventually, Charlie made me see what I would be missing if I left.

A family.

I made my way toward the wedding venue and looked at the mock-up of everything. Alice didn't want to the chairs sitting out overnight so movers would fix them in the morning. All that was up was an archway covered in ivy and roses.

I saw Bella standing off to the side and smiled. She was looking at Alice and shaking her head. Soon she was digging through her purse and typing quickly on her phone.

I noticed that the men started to hang back, and Alice began stomping her foot while Bella tried to calm her down. I almost took a step forward, before Mr. Brandon grabbed my shoulder.

"Don't do it, kid. This could be bad."

I then noticed how all the men had a look of terror on their faces right before Alice turned at wailed, "Daddddyyy! They've lost my shoes!"

I felt Mr. Brandon tense as Bella said loudly, "Not 'lost' Mr. B, just misplaced. Everything will be fine!"

I couldn't help, but laugh.

"What's so funny, Edward? This is a major problem! This could ruin my wedding!"

Everyone looked at me as I stuttered out an apology. Alice didn't even glance back at me as I spoke.

I felt someone move to my left, and turned to see Charlie standing beside me. "Just thank God, that Bella hates dressing up. You won't have to deal with a crisis like this." Charlie walked past me as he finished talking and moved toward the girls.

I didn't hear the rest of that conversation because I was too caught up in the fact that the Chief had basically said I would marry his daughter one day.

I couldn't help but smile.

* * *

The dinner afterward was more bearable. Bella had finally talked to a manager who had found Alice's shoes so all was right in the world.

I still didn't get why she needed her shoes dyed a different shade of white, but apparently, I was "such a guy" so I didn't get an explanation.

Bella was curled into my side most of the night, and I noticed after a couple of hours how tired she looked. I suggested we leave, and she agreed right away. I knew that Bella was completely run down from all this wedding stuff.

As she talked to Charlie someone asked, "So Charlie, you staying at a hotel?"

"Naw, why would I pay a couple hundred dollars when I have my daughter's apartment to sleep in? That doesn't make sense at all, Jack." Charlie furrowed his brow.

"Well, where's the boy staying?" I felt myself flush a little then he continued, "Where are you staying, Edward?"

I saw Charlie roll his eyes, and remember his "skittish" remark from earlier. I did my best to straighten up and look Emmett's dad in the eyes as I said, "I'm staying home, Mr. McCarty. We have a nice couch that the Chief can sleep on." I gave them my best smile, the one usually reserved for charming Bella, and they all laughed.

Charlie passed by me and clapped my shoulder then whispered, "Way to hang in there, Ed." He turned to everyone else and said, "I might have the couch, but I know who'll be sleeping on the floor in the living room."

The room erupted in laughter again as we walked out.

When we reached the car, Bella spoke, "You two are going to be awful together. I just know it."

I hugged her tightly to me and kissed her head, "Better than the alternative, right?"

She just shook her head and got in the car. In my book, this was way better than what I had imaged Charlie to be like.

* * *

Bella and I were curled together in bed that night talking about our respective parties the night before. I found out that she went to a couple of dive bars before hitting up a club that Alice heard was great. She laughed when I asked about the guys that probably hit on her.

"Edward, I believe I woke up with you this morning. Besides, you have nothing to worry about. I'm sold on you." She leaned up on her elbow. "It seems my dad is pretty sold on you too. How'd that happen?"

I pulled her back down and kissed the tip of her nose. "I'm a likable guy, Ballerina. Of course he likes me." I was silent of a moment then added, "I like your dad, Bella. The fact that he approves of me makes me so happy. I want him to see that I'm good enough for you."

"You are good enough for me, Edward. You don't need Charlie's go ahead on that."

I nodded into her shoulder then whispered to her, "He's the kind of dad I wished I'd had. I'm thankful to have that now, even if it's in the form of my in-laws."

She snorted, but didn't add anything.

We cuddled closer after that and fell asleep completely content.

* * *

Wedding days are stressful, hectic, and all together torture.

Bella was up and gone by nine then I was practically dragged by Charlie to Emmett's apartment where I was forced to sit and wait for _hours_.

All I had to do was put on a suit, and remember to bring my guitar. I used the time sitting around Emmett's living room to practice the song I was singing.

The other men sat and listened to me sing. They critiqued and they praised.

Finally, the practicing was put to an end when Jasper's dad, Thomas, made a very inappropriate remark about how musicians always get laid. Charlie muttered _"Jesus Christ"_ before leaving the room, and I immediately put away my guitar and hoped he would forget I could play at all. Then I hoped no one asked if the stereotype was true. Thankfully, everyone let the subject drop and Mr. Whitlock looked a little regretful for mentioning it.

Eventually the time came to go the venue. I was nervous for singing, but really excited to see Bella in her dress. Everything happened quickly once we got to the garden.

Before I knew it was standing up front beside Emmett and Jasper staring as Rose made her way up the aisle. She looked beautiful, as usual, but she didn't really hold my interest.

My eyes were focused on the beautiful brunette standing at the head of the aisle. She was dressed in dark blue. The dress was strapless and ended a little above the knee. It was simple, but absolutely gorgeous on her. Bella smiled at me as she took her place beside Rose. I smiled back as the music changed, and then looked back up to see Alice standing beside her father at the beginning of the walkway.

She was stunning. The dress wasn't poufy, but it wasn't completely straight either. It fit her perfectly, and I finally understood why this was such an important outfit. My mind went to seeing Bella walk towards me in a white gown glowing with the same happiness that was coming from Alice.

Alice glanced at me and winked before staring straight at Jasper again.

I was no longer nervous; I knew that I wouldn't mess this up.

The preacher said a few words, and then said a long list of things that both Alice and Jasper said "I will" to. Next was me.

I grabbed my guitar that I had leaned up against a chair in front and stood at the lone microphone stand that Alice had made sure was available to me.

I had talked with Jasper about the song, and he wanted to make this special for Alice. He wanted me to sing something that _he_ dedicated to her. So instead of Alice's chosen wedding song I was singer a secret song. It took a lot of practice, to perfect two songs; one for Alice to hear and another for Jasper to listen to, and that was part of the reason for my nervousness.

I stood to the mike and smiled at Jasper before saying, "Alice, this is for you. You're a wonderful woman, and Jasper's lucky to have you."

_I remember when I met you, big city boy small town blues  
This town seems so small to me well I was used to the boulevard  
When I saw you I fell so hard, now I never want to leave  
Girl I'm here forever_

_We got moon light, all night  
Lord I pray on the next star I see tonight, we never lose this thing we found  
You by my side, I can do without the city lights  
I fly so high when you're around, yeah my feet don't touch the ground_

_Things I've done, the places I've been, just don't compare to the love I'm in  
Its beats all I've ever seen  
If you'd have told me a few years back that I'd still be living in the place I'm at  
Oh I'd say you're living in a dream,  
Girl I'm here forever_

_We got moon light, all night  
Lord I pray on the next star I see tonight never lose this thing we found  
Your by my side, I can do without the city lights  
I fly so high when you're around yeah my feet don't touch the ground_

After I finished, I saw that Alice was wearing a teary smile and at first I was afraid, but then she said loudly, "Thank you for listening to Jazz. That was much better than my choice."

I laughed lowly before making my way to stand up front again.

They exchanged the normal vows that all couples make, according to Bella, Alice said that if they said their own vows it would be _too_ personal. Some things were only meant for each other to hear. I agreed completely.

I kept my eyes on Bella, and really thought about our wedding. I still wasn't ready to take that step now, but I figured it would be sooner than I thought originally. Her last year of school was starting in a couple of weeks, and I wanted to wait until that was over before getting married, so at least a year.

I was snapped out of my thoughts as the preacher said, "I know present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Whitlock."

I clapped and cheered along with everyone else, before taking Bella's arm and leading her back down the aisle.

"That was beautiful!" Bella whispered excitedly.

"It was."

She gripped my arm a little tighter. "I love you, Edward."

I saw the look in her eye and knew how true that statement was. We reached the end of the chairs and I pulled her out of the way before kissing her softly.

"I love you, too, Bella. You are the most important person in my life. I know that I would be completely lost without you."

Bella couldn't respond because we were overrun with guests who were trying to get to the reception tents set-up. She kissed my cheek softly before walking to greet Charlie inside the tent.

Of course, now it decided to drizzle.

I saw Alice and Jasper walking toward me and decided to wait for them.

I heard Alice laugh then say, "The first time I saw you, you were standing in the rain."

Jasper looked at her, and smiled, "The first time I saw you, the sun was shining.

She giggled. "It's not my fault you were late!"

I was hit with a sudden, sharp thought. The way they met was _different_ from how Alice had seen it.

She had made remarks when she first met me of how it had taken me "so long to get here" and how it was "about time" for me to show up.

Had Alice seen me coming? Was I supposed to have been here sooner?

By now they were both right next to me. Alice's laugh stopped abruptly and she looked at me with wide eyes.

"Was I?" I barely whispered.

It felt like minutes before Alice slowly nodded and breathed out, "Yes."

* * *

There it is the massive secret that has been lingering around the edges of the story. How will Edward and Bella react?

The last couple of chapters have been light on the E/B interaction, but I can promise that will change in the next few chapters. I miss their banter.

Leave me a review and let me know what you think! See you next Tuesday!

Oh, and enjoy Eclipse! I'll be seeing it tonight at midnight!

Also, the song this chapter is "Feet Don't Touch the Ground" covered by Stoney LaRue, original by Brandon Jenkins.


	24. Chapter 24

Ch. 24: Nothing Changes Us

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

Alice had hugged me tightly after she told me the truth, and promised that tomorrow, before her and Jasper left for the airport, she would sit down with Bella and me to tell us about our past.

I knew that Bella could tell that I was antsy and asked me several times if I didn't feel well or if we needed to leave. When Charlie came up to me and asked the same thing, that's when I knew I was doing a shitty job of acting normal.

I excused myself to the little bathroom off of the tents; it was small, and looked kind of like the ones you see at a rest stop or park. Once I was inside I locked myself in a stall. As I sat down in my expensive suit on a toilet lid, I started to cry.

It wasn't a loud sobbing cry, in fact, I didn't make any noise. Tears fell silently down my cheeks as I thought about my life.

Had I ever decided to go to Washington then change my mind?

Was I near her in a different state? Maybe she was visiting her mom, and we almost crossed paths?

I had no idea how we would have met before I came to Seattle.

The tears fell harder when I remembered what I had told her as we lay in each others arms one night, "_I think that if I would have met you at seventeen then we would be married by now."_

_My God. _

All of it hit me so hard in that moment.

I would have never been alone. I would have never had empty relationships. I would have never been closed off.

I would have always had her support and love. I would have been for her what she had been for me the first night made love. We would have been a couple, and Jacob wouldn't have been able to think he had a chance. They might still be friends…

I had a feeling that Alice knew what was happening to me and was kind of expecting Jasper to come in the restroom, but no one came for me.

After several minutes, I knew I needed to pull myself together. If Bella saw me like this when I returned to the reception and there was no way she would let me get away with saying nothing was wrong.

The fact that I was meant to have met Bella before made me sad, but it also showed me just how much I valued her. I loved Bella, and this revelation allowed me to see just how much I had to lose.

I stood at the small sink and washed my face off then took a few deep breaths before walking out the door.

I felt her close to me before I actually saw her. She was so warm and the energy she gave off always calmed me down.

Her hand ran up my arm as she moved to stand beside me.

"Are you alright? I know I keep asking, but you just look really out of it." She bit her lip. "We can leave now. Alice and Jasper would understand."

I nodded and said, "I'm really fine. I just needed to sit down for minute. We'll leave when it's over."

True to my word, we left two hours later right after Alice and Jasper took off.

It was late by the time we got back to the apartment, so Charlie went and changed before heading to the couch, and Bella and I went into the bedroom.

I seriously think I could hear his snoring before we closed the door.

I was lost in my own thoughts, like I had been most of the night, when I registered that Bella was standing in front her closet unzipping her dress. I hadn't even thought about how beautiful she looked today because of what I had found out.

I never told her how stunning she looked or how when she walked down the aisle and smiled at Jasper she had never seemed happier for her friend.

I walked behind her and took over unzipping the dress. I let my fingers trail over the skin of her back as it became visible.

"You were so gorgeous tonight, Ballerina. I'm sorry that I made the reception so awful."

She smiled in the mirror at me. "It wasn't awful, Edward. I was just worried about you." Her eyes looked over my face before she said, "You seem a little better. Sleep will help out a lot too."

Bella moved away from me, and the dress fell to the floor. I couldn't help, but stare. She was really _mine._ When she started getting ready for bed, I took that as a sign that I should do the same.

Honestly, I was excited to hold her soon. I needed her to ground me because if she didn't I knew that my mind would be working too fast to ever fall asleep.

As we lay curled in bed, Bella snuggled further into me before saying, "Today was so wonderful. I'm really happy that you got to be a part of it, but don't think that this is something we have to do soon or ever if you don't want to."

I didn't say anything because I didn't understand why she was saying this. When she continued she laid it out for me.

"I love you, Edward. If you were a little fidgety because the wedding made you think about us doing the same thing then I just want you to know that you don't have to be worried. Things are fine like they are for us."

I laughed a little before saying, "Bella, if there is one thing I want to do one day it's marry you. Tonight…I was just a little off."

I debated whether or not to tell her about Alice's vision. I mean Alice was coming to talk to us tomorrow, and she had never told me not to say anything to Bella.

If it was me in Bella's place and I was blindsided by news like this whenever she knew and didn't tell me, even if she didn't know the details, I would probably be a little upset. God, this was confusing.

I was firm in my decision to tell her when she said, "What happened? You were fine when we were walking…"

"Can we sit like we always do when we have important talks?" I tried to laugh, but it ended up getting stuck in my throat.

That was when Bella rolled towards me with wide eyes and a look of panic on her face.

"Of course. Sit up."

She had already started moving and moved to lean back on the headboard as Bella straddled my hips. There was nothing sexual about our position; it was just comfort. Her face was nestled in the crook of my shoulder while one hand played with the hair on the back of my neck. It calmed me enough to begin speaking.

"How did Alice and Jasper meet?"

Bella looked up at me with a confused expression.

"They met outside the high school before classes started one morning. Why?"

"Did Alice ever mention anything about her vision being different from the way it really happened?"

She shrugged and said, "She always said that he was supposed to come the day earlier when it was raining, but he showed up later."

I took a shaky breath. "He was supposed to meet her for the first time in the rain like her vision, but she was wrong. The first time they met there was no rain."

"Okay. What's this have to do with anything?" She asked after placing a light kiss on my jaw.

"When I first got here Alice said things to me about being here sooner. It just hit me when I heard them talking about their own introduction."

She stilled against me and looked up. Her eyes grew wide as I continued, "I asked her, Bella. We were supposed to have met before."

She jerked back suddenly, "No."

"Alice said so. She's coming by tomorrow before leaving to talk to us. I didn't want to you be surprised when she showed up." I choked out the last part as I started to tear up.

Her eyes grew wet and she whispered, "She would have told me, Edward. This can't be right."

I wrapped my arms tighter around her.

"It is. I know it. I just don't know when it was supposed to have happened."

Bella didn't speak again, but I could feel her shoulders gently shake with her tears.

I knew that she needed time to process things just like I had needed that alone time earlier. There was so much to think about, so much to come to terms with. I mean how are you supposed to react when you find out that the love of your life missed meeting you because someone's mind changed?

In our case, it could have been as simple as deciding to walk a different way on the street, or maybe even taking a different bus.

After a few minutes she leaned back, "I'm mad at her."

"Don't be. She was just trying to do what was right. If you would have known Bella, you wouldn't be who you are."

She hugged me and weaved her fingers in my hair before saying, "I would have been devastated, and the longer it took for you to show up…I think I would have become bitter and resentful. I think I would have hated Alice for not knowing where you were."

I didn't say anything. That is exactly how I would have reacted, too. I probably would have demanded Alice look for Bella constantly, and would have grown more and more frustrated when she said there was nothing to see. I couldn't fault Bella for this, and I knew that Alice wouldn't either.

I started to scoot down the bed, and Bella moved to my side. I was on my back with her arm wrapped around me and her head on my chest.

We didn't speak for a long time; just holding each other close and trying desperately not to think about what _could_ have happened.

Bella leaned up slightly and kissed my jaw before moving her lips to mine. The kiss was slow and deliberate. It was appreciative.

I felt her hand move up my chest to caress my jaw and I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her on top of me.

She stopped then and leaned her forehead against mine. "I knew you were out there. I would have found you had I known. I think I would have searched for you."

I kissed her lightly before pulling back. "That what I was doing, Ballerina, I was looking for you. Every place I went was just a step closer to finding you."

Our kisses grew heated and my hand inched its way under her shirt.

"We'll have to be quiet." I said in a breathless voice.

Bella only nodded before sitting up a little a pulling her shirt over her head.

I poured every ounce of emotion into touching and kissing her. I wanted her to understand that _this_ is what I was missing from life, and that I would never go with out it again.

The room filled with soft moans as we worked our way out of our clothes. Neither one of us was willing to let go for too long, so my hands were always somewhere on her body, and hers would run up and down my chest and shoulders.

Bella was still laying on me, but had moved to straddle my hips.

Her face was buried into my neck as she sank down on me. I didn't see her face, but the sound she made sounded so…relieved.

"I love you." She whispered quietly as she started to shift her hips; it was slow and smooth. Soon I placed my hands on her waist as I started to push up into her.

Afterward, we lay together, wrapped tightly around one another. She would lightly kiss my chest or run her hand over my stomach.

"I love you , too." I said into the darkness.

This was all that mattered to me. Ever.

* * *

The next morning Charlie left early. I didn't think he had heard anything from the night before, but I was still paranoid as we sat around the table eating the pancakes that Bella had made. He never said anything though, but I seriously doubt he would have brought it up if he did.

When we left he said that he would call when he got home, and hugged Bella tightly before shaking my hand.

As soon as the door closed, I could tell Bella was finally starting to crack. She was tense like I had been yesterday during the reception, and very quiet. I wanted to tell her that everything would be fine, but I knew that whatever Alice would say would be traumatic for us.

We sat together in silence until we heard the knock on our door around noon. Bella took a deep breath before walking to the door.

I stood and greeted Alice and Jasper before sitting back on the couch. There were really no words. I nodded in their direction and Bella was looking everywhere, but Alice.

I couldn't help but think that this wasn't how we were supposed to act around each other. Everything was so tense and sad. I hated it. I almost wished that I hadn't have heard what Alice had said yesterday.

"So when was it?" Bella broke the silence that had settled over us. She was curled into my side. When I looked down at her I could see that her eyes were closed.

"You know how my visions work, right? How I can only see us, and how I knew when each of you would arrive in Forks?"

Bella nodded against me, but didn't speak, so I said, "We know, Ali."

"I had seen the same thing happening for so long. I knew that in our junior year of high school that Jasper would arrive first, then Edward in October, and finally, Bella would transfer in after Christmas."

I felt my eyes tear up and I closed them.

Bella let out a sob before holding me tighter.

I swallowed loudly and asked, "What changed?" Although I was quite certain what had happened, I just needed her to say it.

Alice wiped away her tears before saying, "I saw a car wreck." She paused for a moment and I let my tears flow down my cheeks as I looked at her. "You have her hair. More so now, than before."

Bella looked up at me suddenly when she understood the meaning behind Alice's words. I just nodded and motioned for Alice to continue.

"The next thing I know, I saw you walking down the street and then you disappeared. I had no idea where you were from, or even your last name. The next time I saw you was a day before you got to Seattle."

The room was quiet again for a beat before Bella asked in a harsh voice, "Why didn't you tell me! I thought I was going to be alone forever and you knew! I would have looked for him!" Bella was sitting up now and staring hard at Alice.

"Bella, it wouldn't have worked. We had nothing to go on. I didn't want you to go crazy because you knew he was out there with no way to contact him. This was best."

Jasper wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. Bella started crying harder and I could barely hear her when she said, "He needed me, and I wasn't there."

At this point Jasper and Alice stood up.

"That's everything. Call me when you're ready, alright?" Alice looked so broken and I felt so guilty for making her deal with this before leaving.

"Yeah. Have a nice time." I choked out before pulling Bella into my lap.

I heard the door shut, and realized that in a total of fifteen minutes my world was completely different. I had _never_ imagined that this was what had happened.

I knew my mom was trying to leave Chicago, but she never talked about where she wanted to move to.

All those years completed wasted now. I had seriously banked on it just being a difference of a couple of years, not high school.

I held Bella for a long time as she finally got all her tears out.

She smiled slightly when she looked at me.

"I'm so glad that you're here now. I wish that we could have met in Forks though. I think school would have been so great with you there. I think the biggest reason I wish things would have worked out like Alice's vision is because I would have known your mom. I think she would have been wonderful."

"She was." I kissed her forehead. "I'll say it again, she would have loved you."

"Yeah well, I've said it before, but she would be so proud of you, Edward. You're such a great man."

I just shook my head, and thought about all my shortcomings when it came to Bella, but then remembered how many changes I'd made. I thought about all the things I wanted to accomplish.

Bella gripped my hand tightly. "This changes nothing. I love you. I wish that it wouldn't have happened this way but it changes nothing, Edward. It only means that I'll appreciate our time together more."

I leaned down and kissed her, lingering for a moment, savoring the feel of her mouth against mine.

"Nothing will ever change how I feel about you."

* * *

A/N: Sorry this is a couple of days late. The time I was planning on using in during vacation was non-existent. This chapter almost feels like filler, but it needed to be dealt with. The next couple of chapters will pick up and soon we'll see how E deals with Bella at school and then her birthday!

Thanks for reading, and leave a review if you liked it!


	25. Chapter 25

Ch. 25: Get Prepared to Enter…

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight…at all.

* * *

EPOV

The next couple of weeks after Alice's revelation were fairly quiet. Bella and I would spend most of our days off just laying around the apartment in various states of undress. It was almost like we were making up for lost time, and it was…_great_.

Unfortunately, the time came when Bella left the apartment to start her senior year of college.

It was only her second week of class and I was getting antsy having so much time to myself. During the day, I had nothing to do. I worked Tuesday through Saturday night and I usually didn't have to be in until four on those days; I was lost. Bella worked Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday nights, so on those days I would barely see her. I really hated this new schedule.

That day when Bella came home from her classes, we immediately had to go to the bar since it was Thursday. She walked in to the aparement, kissed my cheek, and then started stripping as she walked down the hall. I wanted to follow her, but knew that nothing would come of it. We were already running late.

"What's wrong with you, Eddie?" She teased as we shut the door to the apartment. I'm pretty sure I looked like a kicked puppy.

"Nothing, really. I just haven't seen you much this week." I shrugged and tried to act like it wasn't a big deal.

She just laughed lowly as we walked toward the elevator.

"It's just a few hours a day. Surely I can't be _that_ interesting that you are bored without me."

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to seem too clingy. Really I wanted to say, _"Bella, I've been alone for a long time, and now that I have you, I don't want to be alone anymore. I know what it's like to be loved and to have company."_ This however would make me seem like a girl, and since Bella was already in firm possession of by balls, I kept it to myself.

Standing in the elevator, she grabbed my hand and looked up at me.

"Tomorrow's Friday, so that means that I have no afternoon classes! I'll be home around lunch and we'll go on a date. What do you think?"

"That sounds great. I need alone time with you." I pulled her close to me and we rode down to the lobby.

On the sidewalk, Bella picked up conversation again.

"So, I was thinking." She slid her arm through mine. "How do you feel about trying to get your GED now? I mean, you don't have to make a decision right now, but it could fill your days. "

"How so?" I was intrigued by the idea, but…what if I failed?

"You could study. They have practice books that we could buy and even online tutoring aids. If you really wanted to we could find you a class that helps you prepare for the test. I could help you!" Her voice got more and more excited as she continued to describe the ways I could study and learn.

I was comforted completely how none of this was _you_ can do this, it was all about _we._ Bella was aware that I needed her support if I did this. The question was, did I want this?

Yes.

I wanted to get my GED then I wanted to go to college. Probably not UW, but I could go to a community college and take some basic courses; from there I could decide what to do later. This GED test was my gateway to being an equal provider in our relationship. I wanted that.

"I would really like that." I stopped us on the sidewalk, and turned her to face me. I leaned down to kiss her quickly before saying, "You'll help me?"

When I leaned back, her eyes were still closed. I watched as they fluttered open before she said, "Of course."

The rest of the walk to work, Bella talked nonstop about the books we could get, and how she would help all she could with the reading and writing portion, but Emmett would have to help with the math.

The bar was open, but empty when we got there. Bella immediately went to the office to get her half apron she always wore, and I got behind the bar to make sure everything was stocked so I wouldn't have to make a trip downstairs later.

I started putting out glasses on the little shelf under the bar, not really paying attention, when I heard the front door slam. I dropped both glasses I was stacking and sucked in a quick breath.

"Fucking shit!" I yelled as the glasses shattered on the floor.

Emmett was pacing in front of the bar, not paying any attention my outburst or mess I'd made. At that moment, Bella came back out to the main room.

"What happened?"

Emmett still wouldn't speak so I started in.

"That motherfucker comes in here, slamming doors and shit, and I dropped the glasses. Damn it!" I kicked some of the glass at my feet.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Have you noticed that you only cuss when you're mad now? You used to swear like every other word."

I snapped my head up and saw that she was trying not to smile.

"Very funny. I gotta clean this up." I walked to the end of the bar for the broom.

We both hadn't spoken to Em and he was still pacing the floor. After I finished sweeping the glass, I looked up and he was hunched over a chair, breathing hard. Bella was standing off to the side, straightening up the chairs at another table.

I knew he would talk when he organized his thoughts, so I just started stacking more glasses.

It hadn't been two minutes when he grunted loudly and I heard a chair scrapping, then Bella screamed. I looked up to see the chair that Emmett had been leaning against fly right by Bella.

I cleared the bar and ran over to Bella. She was fine, but that was really fucking scary.

"What the fuck, Emmett? You can't just throw shit like that! What's wrong with you?" I yelled.

He looked up at us, and his face still looked livid, but when he saw Bella they softened and he took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry, Bells." He walked to hug her.

Normally, I would have told him to stay the fuck away from her, but Emmett never acted like this, and I had a feeling that something really bad had happened.

She held him tightly and said, "Tell us what's wrong, Em."

He sat down and let out a loud breath.

"I saw Rose with some guy." Bella and I looked at each other curiously before looking at Emmett again. "He had his arm around her and she was laughing, and leaning into him."

"Em, you know that Rose wouldn't _cheat_ right?" Bella said in a sincere voice. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

Even if Rose wasn't messing around, seeing her like that with another guy would be really upsetting. I would be upset seeing Bella like that.

"Yeah. I seem to remember her saying that several times, but it doesn't change what I just saw. He _kissed_ her fucking hair."

Bella and I stepped back, and she looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Emmett," I said sternly. "Did you talk with her or just run away?"

He was tracing circles on the table with his forefinger.

"No. I saw and left."

"So you don't know what's going on? You're just assuming?" Bella prodded.

"I fucking guess. You didn't see."

At that moment the front door opened and Rosalie walked in. None of us greeted her as she walked to us.

"Why are you guys acting all morose? What did you do this time Edward?" She smirked at me.

"Em was just telling us about something he saw today." Bella started pulling my arm toward the office, but I resisted. I sure as shit didn't want to leave before this went down.

Luckily, Emmett started talking, "Yeah. Saw someone really important to me getting hugged and kissed by some random guy I've never even met. Definitely enlightening." He sneered.

Rose's brow furrowed and then her eyes went wide when she realized what he was talking about.

"You were at the engineering building, I take it?"

Emmett just nodded.

"That guy is the grant coordinator for the Graduate school. He's annoying and touchy feely. Tell me what the last thing you saw was?"

"He kissed you."

"Where?"

"Hair."

"And that was the _last_ thing you saw?"

Emmett stood up. "Well I didn't exactly want to sit around and watch another guy kiss you, so yeah, I left."

I stood completely silent as I watched all of this go down. I mean if Emmett was insecure in his relationship with Rose, and they had been together for years, then I think I was handling my relationship for Bella fairly well. Bella and I always talked about our problems, and even though it wasn't his first instinct, just like it wasn't mine, Em was talking to Rose about theirs.

I realized then that even though I might do some stupid shit, Bella would always pull me back. I didn't know how I did it, but I had found one tough girl. She would always set me straight, just like Rose was doing with Emmett now.

"If you would have stayed you would have seen that I pushed him away. Then you would have seen the epic junk punch that followed because he tried to kiss my lips." She said this in a hard, annoyed voice. "I've had enough douchebags for today. Bella, can you call Lauren or Jessica, I'm going home." Then she turned and walked out as Emmett collapsed into his chair again.

Bella walked the rest of the way to the office to call another waitress, and I stayed with Em. It was quiet and I didn't like it, so I moved to sit beside him.

"I fucked up, huh?"

I shrugged then said, "I think we underestimate them a lot, you know? I think you were more worried that that guy would try something than you were that Rose was reciprocating his feelings. We don't want to lose them, and I think we put too much pressure on them. Does that make sense?"

Em looked up at me. "Explain that better."

I shook my head before continuing, "I think that we, me and you, might underestimate Bella and Rose. Maybe we're really insecure or something, I don't know, but we expect them to do something wrong. It's almost like we feel like they should have better, so we make shit bigger than it really is. The other day I just assumed that Bella was going to leave me, so I went and did it first, you know? I expected the worst, because I don't think I deserve her, but she surprises me constantly."

"I know I don't deserve, Rose. She's so smart. What the fuck is she doing with me? It's not that I'm not smart, it's just…I'm me. I'm never going to be rich, shit, I'm going to become a fucking coach, I'm going to be poor, but she's always supporting me. That guy she was with today, he _looked_ rich, you know what I mean? He looked like someone she should be with. That really scared me."

I threw my arm around his shoulder. "You should tell Rose that. She'll understand." I squeezed his should then released him. "Just think…there's make-up sex." I laughed trying to make things less heavy around us.

He nodded and stood up. "You're right. Who knew you'd be so philosophical, Ed?" He added quietly before he left, "Thank you, and you completely deserve Bella. You're just what she needed." He got halfway to the door and said, "I won't be back tonight, but I'll work alone tomorrow for you, alright?"

"Sure thing."

Honestly, that made me really excited. That meant that I got to spend all day and night with Bella tomorrow.

I'm sure that during the day we would look for GED books and study material, probably go to a testing center to see what all I needed to do in order to take the test. Afterward, we could go window shopping or out to dinner. Maybe go and look out over the Sound. I was rapidly thinking of ways for me and Bella to have a great date day. At night, well, we would be very busy: movie night followed by cuddle time.

I was pretty happy with my ideas when Bella walked back out.

"Apparently, they both are busy _studying._ When I asked where this study group was they both said, keep in mind that I called them separately, so this just shows how clueless they are, that they are studying at Sig House."

She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"I have no idea what a Sig House is." I said not really understanding why she was upset.

"It's a fraternity and they are having some huge back to school party tonight. So it's just me."

I hugged her to me and told her my good news, "Well, Emmett is covering tomorrow all by himself because he's not helping tonight. You and I will have all tomorrow to ourselves." I punctuated that sentence by kissing her softly.

We got a little carried away though, and when a throat cleared causing us to break away, my hands were gripping Bella's hips tightly and her hands were tangled in my hair.

Alice huffed and said, "You two really need to tone it down. I could have been a customer!" Her face was still sun-kissed and it made her eyes sparkle more than normal.

Alice and Jasper went on a weeklong honeymoon to Corpus Christie, Texas, where some of Jasper's family owned a beach house. They both came back slightly tan and very relaxed. Jasper said it was a "perfect way" to start school because he wasn't going to be stressed out from the beginning. Sounded like a great thing to me.

"Yeah, well, you weren't. Will you help me wait tables tonight if we get busy? Rose—"

"I know about Rose and Emmett. I'm here to help, and Jasper will help Edward."

"Thank you so much!" Bella hugged her tightly before going and getting the chair that Emmett threw.

"I need to speak with you!" Alice chimed in and grabbed my arm.

We walked toward the bar and away from Bella.

Alice whispered, "So I have an idea for Bella's birthday."

"Alright."

"You've written her a song, right, and you plan on giving it to her for her birthday?"

I blushed a little and Alice laughed. "Yes."

"Great. Is there any way that you can learn like three of Bella's favorite songs, so that when we have her birthday weekend you can sing those to her then give her your present?"

I smiled, "Most definitely. What are the songs?"

She slipped me a piece of notebook paper that was folded in half.

I stole a quick glance at the songs chosen.

"This one is going to be a karaoke. I can't do this acoustically and have it sound good. The other two I already know, but I definitely need to go over."

"The karaoke one is going to be great. She's going to love this!"

The rest of the night passed quickly. We were really busy so I didn't have much time to talk to Bella or anyone else. Apparently this "Sig" party flooded over, and we got to see what Jessica and Lauren looked like when they are wasted. I think Bella's head came close to exploding when they snapped their fingers at her.

When it came time to close, Bella was dead on her feet, and Alice wasn't much better. Jasper, Alice, Bella, and I started to walk home, but with a little over a block left, I carried Bella piggy back.

I knew without a doubt that without Jasper and Alice tonight would have been terrible. We would have been too busy, and people would have been pissed.

By the time we got to the apartment, Bella was waking up a little. I'm pretty sure she took a nap on my back as we walked.

"So what do you want to do tomorrow?" She asked as she changed clothes.

"I just want to walk around and be with you."

I pulled my sweat pants on and got under the covers, Bella followed suit and slide in beside me.

"I want to go to bookstores, out to eat, and just explore." Bella yawned as she finished speaking.

"Then we'll do that."

* * *

I sincerely regretted agreeing to "exploring" as Bella put it by lunch time the next day.

She told me after I took a shower this morning that she was skipping her one morning class so we could have the whole day together. I was initially excited, but now I was just tired.

We'd been all over Seattle. To obscure, little bookstores that I was sure no one had visited in years. We went to this bakery that Bella swore had the best cinnamon rolls she'd ever tasted. I had to agree they were good, but, even I was ready to get a cab to go to our next destination, and I never wanted to waste money on a cab.

"Ballerina, we've been walking for hours. Let's eat, get a cab, and go to the next place, okay?" I basically pleaded.

"Edward, the restaurant and the testing center are right across the street. From there will decide whether or not to get books for you to study with." She smiled and led me into the Mexican restaurant to our left.

Of course, we get the only male waiter in the entire place. He's had a very _bad_ habit of staring.

"I really don't like that guy. He looks like a boy band reject." I huffed as I opened my menu.

I could practically hear Bella roll her eyes as she looked down at the table.

"Aren't you going to look and see what you want?" I asked. I knew I was kind of crazy when it came to my menu, but this was a new place and completely acceptable that I look through it; however, Bella had never been here with me, so I was unsure if she had been here before without me or just mad at my comment.

"I want an order of queso and the chicken fajita nachos with extra sour cream." She said with absolute certainty.

"I take it you've been here before then?" I laughed and smiled at her.

When she finally looked up, she smiled at me too.

"Yes, I've been here with Alice and Rose. They have great margaritas, but it's a bit early for that." She wrinkled her nose.

I covered the little distance between us and kissed the adorable little creases that had formed on the bridge of her nose.

"Here's your waters. Can I take your order now?" His voice was strained, and he almost got water all of me when I moved back to my chair.

I ignored it though because Bella started speaking, "I think we need some more time—"

"No. We can order, love. I want you to order for me. You've been here before, and I think it's time that I let you get me out of my obsessive menu looking tendencies."

"Are you serious?" She sounded unconvinced.

"Well, I'm definitely not going to do this all the time, but today is our date day, so yes, pick for me."

Her smile was huge as she turned to our waiter, who seemed over his fascination with Bella and now he just looked annoyed.

"We'll have a large order of queso. I want the chicken fajita nachos with extra sour cream, and he'll have the camarón asado with corn tortillas and a side of guacamole." She nodded and bit her lip while handing over our menus.

"You know that what you ordered me wasn't in English, so I have no idea what I'm eating." I said a little wary of what I had gotten myself in to.

"It's shrimp. It's made like fajitas. Really yummy."

It sounded good to me. I didn't question her at all when the food was brought out. It tasted fucking awesome, and I told her so.

Halfway through eating Bella started talking again.

"So, my mom called."

* * *

A/N: I do realize that UW starts the end of September, but I took liberties and had them start at the end of August like the college I graduated from. It worked better for the storyline this way. For the story classes started August 26, 2009, which is a Wednesday. Alice gives Edward the list of songs of Sept 3, so he has a little over a week to prefect these songs.

The next chapter will be up Tuesday, but I'm kind of on a roll so it might be sooner.

Review!


	26. Chapter 26

Ch. 26: …The Twilight Zone

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

A twist of lemon ahead…be warned!

* * *

When Bella had told me her mom called, I choked on a shrimp, and the waiter, who I hated, had to perform the Heimlich. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life.

Of course, Bella kept it all inside until we left the restaurant. Then she proceeded to laugh at me until we reached the steps of the community college testing center.

"I'm so sorry! My God, that was the funniest thing I've ever seen!" She tried to hide her smile, and even though I was mortified and trying to be angry at her, I cracked a smile of my own because she looked so beautiful.

"I was just trying to take your mind off your mom. Did it work?" I asked jokingly.

She immediately sobered up and cleared her throat.

"Let's talk about that when we get done here."

I nodded and followed Bella inside.

Turned out that I could have taken that test that day, but I didn't have a Washington State driver's license. That was on my to-do list Monday, while Bella was in class.

Before we left we bought a couple of study books for the test so I would know what I needed to refresh my memory on.

The test consultant didn't seem too worried about my passing, she treated it like it no big deal, so that eased my mind a little for the test in general.

We walked out of the building and my mind immediately went to my next big problem: Bella's mom.

Like all our big conversations this one took place on the way back home. The downside was I knew we were _really_ far away from the apartment, so I dreaded walking that far.

Quickly, walking became the least of my problems when Bella started talking.

"My mom's coming to visit."

I was walking, and looking at Bella with my mouth hanging open. I didn't choke this time, but I managed to run into the crosswalk sign.

"Oh my God! We need to stop talking about my mom because you keep getting hurt!" She wasn't laughing this time as I shrugged my shoulder a little trying to get the sting out.

"I'm fine. No assistance needed." I shook my head. "Like next week or something?"

She looked at her watch and then back at me. Instinctively, I looked at my watch too, it was just after three.

"No, like four hours."

I turned and stared her down. I had four hours until her mom got here? _Here_. I had no time to get used to the idea of meeting her. What was I going to do? Was she going to stay with us? Oh God, I needed to go home _now_! The sudden stress was too much and I snapped.

"When the were you going to tell me this? Were you going to let me find out when I opened the damn door and have her standing there?" I ran a hand through my hair and started walking faster than before. I decided fast that I was not spending another forty-five fucking minutes walking home, when I had no time at all to prepare for Renee.

I mean was our apartment clean enough? I sure as hell didn't want her seeing my dirty boxers or God forbid she look in the bathroom trash and see a fucking condom wrapper. See this wasn't shit I would normally worry about, the condom stuff, but Bella saw a commercial for some Fire & Ice condoms that she just couldn't wait to try.

I hated the things. They made me all tingly, but I preferred nothing to those tingles.

I huffed and stuck my hand out at a passing cab. I needed to stop thinking about sex because it was pretty clear that it was off the menu for tonight. When a cab pulled over, I opened the door and stood aside to let Bella in first, except Bella wasn't there. I looked around, and saw her standing in the same place several feet behind me.

"C'mon, Bella. We've got a lot of shit to do."

She closed her eyes, and started walking towards me. When she got close enough she whispered angrily at me, "I'm walking. Take a fucking cab, Edward."

I let out a huge breath, and I got in the cab and told him our address.

We got a few blocks away when I realized what huge fucking mistake I'd just made. Not only had a bitched at Bella, I did it in public, and then I left her to walk home by herself.

I was a huge loser.

I should have taken the advice I gave Emmett, and talked to her about it, but I was more nervous from the impending visit of Renee than I had been to meet Charlie.

This was the woman who had basically abandoned her daughter. How was I supposed to act around her?

The thing that made me really mad was that Bella _knew_. She knew that Renee was coming. Maybe she just found out this morning, but she should have given me a heads up!

When we pulled up to the apartment complex, I got out quickly and ran to the elevator. I scoured every inch of that fucking apartment, and nothing was out of place, and that made me feel like a bigger asshole than before for yelling at Bella on the street.

I was trying to calm down, but my mind kept wondering back to Renee. Bella hadn't seen her in years, why was she coming around now? What was she really like?

Before I knew what I was doing the phone was up to my ear, and I was listening to the ring, waiting for someone to answer.

Finally, after _five_ rings he picked up.

"What do you need, Edward? I'm at work. You know some of us have regular day jobs." He snickered a little.

"Chief…" I cleared my throat before I spit out the rest. "Swan."

"Oh, God. What did you do? Do you need bail money because you sound like you've done something wrong." He was completely serious.

"No. No, sir. I need to tell you something. I don't know what to do."

I heard him suck in a quick breath before he ground out, "Did you get my daughter pregnant, Masen?"

I stared at the phone for a split second before I yelled loudly, "Fuck no, Chief. It's just…I found out that Renee is spending the weekend with us, and I'm nervous because of how she's treated Bella, and she just sprung this on us today, and I'm going crazy thinking about how this could turn out."

He scoffed.

"You're worried about Renee, so you call me? She left me, Edward. I obviously didn't know her that well, or I would have figured it out before she took off. All you need to know is that she's quirky. Who the hell knows what she'll be into this time. Might be Buddhism or she might be a vegan, I can't tell you." He took a breath, and I knew he was rolling his eyes. "She's harmless. Turn on that charm, and she'll melt."

I let out a sigh of relief before speaking, "Thank you, Charlie. I was really freaking out."

"Yeah, I didn't notice at all." He stopped for a moment then said, "I gotta get back to work, next time you call just come right out with why you called me. I don't need another heart attack thinking I was going to leave my grandchild fatherless."

Then he hung up. There was no good-bye or good luck. However, I was a little frightened at the prospect of death, but I knew deep down that Charlie wouldn't kill me. He might knock the shit out of me, but never kill. At least, that's what I was going with for now.

I was sitting on the couch, about five minutes after my conversation with Charlie, when Bella walked through the door. I started to speak, but she cut me off.

"I know I should have told you, but I was nervous. I'm sorry about that, but if you yell at me again, I'm taking a note from Rose and you will holding you nuts when I'm done, alright?"

I nodded.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm just really nervous, and it came out wrong. I'm so sorry for saying using those words to you, and I'm even sorrier for leaving you alone."

She sat down beside me on the couch.

"I know. We'll be alright." She kissed my cheek. "My mom will be here two hours, what are we going to do with her?"

"I'm still not sure, but I did call your dad."

"What?" She looked up at me like was crazy.

"I called and he told me that your mom's harmless, and that if I called him again sounding all nervous and making him think you're pregnant, he'd kill me." I smiled at the end.

"You told him I was pregnant?" She asked incredulously.

"Shit, no. I paused a lot and stuttered, and he just assumed."

She shook her head, but didn't say anything else, so I took that opportunity to ask my own question.

"What did your mom say exactly when she called, and where was I?"

"She called this morning while you were in the shower, and said she would be here this evening. I asked what time, and she said around six, then she asked if I had a couch to crash on. Yes, she said crash. I told her that my boyfriend lived with me, but we'd be happy to have her for the weekend. Apparently, Phil is playing in Portland, and she wanted to visit because of my birthday." She shook her head. "She's really excited to meet you; in fact, her exact words were 'That's great news Izzy! I thought you were a lesbian.' So there's that to look forward to."

I was in shock. Renee was so far removed from who Bella was it was unreal. What kind of mom doesn't call their child for two years then just decide to drop by practically unannounced?

I guess, Renee.

"We'll make the best of it. Should we make dinner or go out tonight? What about Alice and the rest of them, should we call?" I asked.

"No. I mean, I'll call and ask for tomorrow off for both of us because my mom will be here, but they don't really know her or care for her, so it will just be us. Umm, I think we should order in? Or make pizzas? I don't know." She shook her head and started wringing her hands together.

In that moment, I knew that I had put way to much pressure on her when I freaked out. I mean Bella was already so nervous, and I just made it worse. It wasn't _my_ mom who left me, and was dropping by like nothing had ever happened between us.

I pulled her close and started kissing her neck. There were two ways it could have went, she would have either pushed me away because she was still freaking out or let it happen. I hoped for the second option because my plans for tonight were ruined because of Renee's unexpected visit.

"Wh…what are you doing?" Her breathing was heavy as I made my way up to her ear.

"You need to relax, Ballerina."

"I do." She nodded and gripped my shoulders.

Looked like option two was mine!

I moved my hand to her waist and tugged her shirt. Bella pushed me away, and pulled it the rest of the way over her head. I kissed her deeply, all the while tugging on the button and zipper of her jeans.

I trailed kisses from her jaw down to her chest before swiping my tongue along the edge of her bra. She arched into me, but I backed away. She made noise in protest, but when I pulled her jeans over her hips, the whining sound turned into a moan.

She was clad in a purple bra and black panties. I smiled as I ran my hands up her sides.

"I love how you don't have all matching under things."

She blushed as I toyed the cup of her bra. My fingers moved under the wire and stroked the underside of her breast as I said, "You're natural, and beautiful Bella. You don't need lingerie to make me crazy. Not at all." I pushed my hand under her bra completely and let my fingers brush her nipple.

At that moment, Bella sat up unexpectedly, forcing me to remove my hand as she tried to unbutton my shirt.

As much as I would have liked this to end with making love, I knew we didn't have the much time.

"Not yet." I said as I reached behind her to unclasp her bra. I watched as the straps fell off her shoulders and the rest of the material dip until her breasts were exposed fully. Bella tossed it beside the couch, and leaned back again.

My kisses were soft as I trailed them between her breasts. When I took her nipple in my mouth she arched into me, and I moved one hand to the inside of her thigh. Her hands were wound into my hair forcing me to stay where I was as I swirled my tongue around her oversensitive peak.

I moved the hand on her thigh higher until I pushed aside the silky material of her panties to feel her soft wetness. I groaned as my fingers met her center and I moved my mouth to her lips again, and brought her to a searing kiss.

"I want you there." She breathed against my mouth.

"Where. What do you want?" I asked shakily.

"I want your kisses where your fingers are." She moaned as I dipped my index finger inside her.

"Me too."

I moved back and settled between her legs before I started pulling her panties off. When she was completely bare, I smiled up at her. She had one arm lying against the arm of the couch and one moving slowly over her stomach; her eyes were closed and she had a small smile on her lips.

I never in my life wanted a picture more than in that moment. She was fucking stunning; all flushed and excited.

I leaned down, and started out with kisses from her knee to where her leg and hip met. I let me tongue slid in the crease there before moving to the other side. I had made it halfway up her other leg, when she tugged on my hair.

"Don't tease me. We don't have time for that today."

I smiled and leaned down again. In one quick motion, I licked from her opening to her clit, stopping and sucking it into my mouth when I reached it. Her hands stopped their motions and she tensed suddenly with a gasp.

"Sorry." I smirked knowing she couldn't see me.

I continued to kiss and lick her soft, wet skin, and soon brought my fingers to join my mouth. I circled my tongue higher as she whimpered and brought her hands to side of my head.

There no place I would rather be that right here.

I pushed two fingers in and curled them back as I suck hard on clit. It didn't take very long before she was trembling around me. I was hit with a sudden thought, and removed my fingers and gripped her hips lifting her to my mouth. When I had her settled, I laid my tongue flat against her swollen bundle of nerves.

I started moving her hips, up and down, and soon Bella started shifting them herself into my tongue. She was losing control fast so I pushed my tongue against her clit harder.

I looked up from under my eyelashes and watched her let go completely.

That's when it really occurred to me: she was riding my mouth, and it was the most arousing thing I'd seen to date_._ God, I wanted another picture.

Bella tensed, and called my name out; it echoed in the empty apartment as I watched her bow up. I kissed and licked softly as she came down. Finally, I sat her bottom back on the couch as I tenderly placed kisses on her still-clenching sex.

She was breathing heavy and smiling widely when I looked back up at her. I surprised both of us by speaking first.

"That was fucking amazing, Bella."

She quickly looked down at me and a confused expression crossed her features.

"I want to do that again, but the next time I want you on top of me holding on to the headboard. I might need to set-up a camera."

I was completely serious, but she started to giggle at me. She had no idea how much I loved seeing her like this, especially knowing that it was my mouth and hands that caused it.

I smiled and turned to wipe my face on sleeve before kissing her.

"Feel better?"

"So much, Edward. I don't think I want to get dressed. We still have time, let's go to bed." She gave me her best sexy, lip biting smile, and she started to stand.

"Not tonight. Right now, you are going to put some clothes on, and then we are going to make pizza for your mom."

"What about you?" She pointed to the obvious bulge in my pants.

"I'll let it die down, Ballerina. Consider this my apology for being such an ass today."

I stood up quickly, and hurried into the kitchen before I could change my mind. I knew without a single doubt, that if my dick got out of my jeans then Bella and I would miss dinner, her mom, and probably some of tomorrow morning.

As I got the chicken out of the refrigerator, I thought about how we'd managed to have sex when Charlie was here then I shook my head because that was slow, sweet love making. If we had sex tonight, then Renee would definitely know what was going on.

Bella returned a few minutes later dressed in the same jeans, but had put on a dressier shirt. When I cocked an eyebrow at her she just shrugged and said, "Renee thinks I dress down, and that it makes boys think I'm not interested. At least, that what she thought last time I saw her."

We started working on dinner in a charged silence. I didn't know about Bella, but my mind was running non-stop.

I wasn't too sold on Renee right now. She wasn't a bad person, according to Bella, just not a good mom. I just didn't see how that could work. I mean my dad was a shit person and a shit dad, so in my mind those two things went hand in hand.

Still, I told myself that I would give her a chance. I would test Bella's theory of good person/bad parent. Even if I didn't think it was possible.

While the pizzas were cooking I leaned against the counter, and held Bella against me, and smelled the sweet scent of her hair. I came to a realization as I hugged her to me, I wasn't really nervous as much as I was really _scared_ of Bella's mom. I mean what if she said something rude about Bella? Was I supposed to sit there and not say anything?

The timer went off, breaking me out of my trance.

Bella moved from me, and pulled both pizzas out of the oven, and I got the salad out of the refrigerator, when we heard a knock at the door.

Bella stepped away from the counter and straightened the invisible wrinkles from her clothes; she eyed me and made sure I was presentable before moving into the hall.

"Here goes nothing." She whispered.

I heard the creak of the door, and took a moment to gather my courage before stepping into the hall.

"Oh! Izzy, you look so grown up! I love that shirt!" Renee said full of enthusiasm.

She had Bella engulfed in a hug, so I couldn't make out her facial features, but I could tell she was a little taller than Bella, and she had very light hair; it wasn't blonde, but it was no where near the color of Bella's. When she finally looked up, I noticed that here eyes were a pale blue color. I laughed a little internally as I realized that Bella was most certainly her father's daughter.

"You must be Edward. I'm Renee. It's such a wonderful surprise to meet you! I was starting to think Izzy might be…you know…" She narrowed her eyes and whispered, "gay."

I stuck out my hand as my mouth dropped open and Bella flushed.

"It's good to meet you, too, Renee, and I can assure you that Bella is very much straight."

I looked over Renee's shoulder, and saw Bella close her eyes, and lean against the wall. She wasn't going to last if we kept talking about her, so I changed the subject abruptly as Renee let go of my hand.

"We made pizza. It's just got finished." I shuffled away toward the kitchen.

I heard Renee say, "He's a good looking man, Izzy. How'd you meet him? You're normally so shy, it's a wonder that you talked to him in the first place."

She didn't say this maliciously. Renee asked this in a genuinely, curious tone.

I huffed out a breath.

Renee might have been fun and nice at times, but she lacked tact, and for that I didn't like her very much. The question was condescending and rude, no matter who asked it.

"We bumped into each other while walking down the sidewalk. Then he ended up taking a job at the bar, so I saw him more, and things just sort of progressed." She finished as they both walked into the kitchen.

I had already taken out three plates and glasses. I needed to set the record straight; in no way was I a catch for Bella. _I _was lucky to have her.

"What Bella means to say is she put up with a ton of my shit, and had the good grace to let me take her on a date." I smiled, and tried to use the "charm" that Charlie had suggested.

"Aren't you sweet?" She nudged Bella and smiled.

Soon we had sat down and started eating. The entire time Renee was telling us about her life with Phil, and being on the road. How she was so busy, and they were just having the best time.

"Of course, this will be his last season. His knees are just too worn down." She shook her head. "I was thinking that maybe you could move down to Florida with us, Izzy. I don't see you near enough, and you could finish school there." She took another bit of pizza.

Bella looked very confused, and I just stared at Renee.

"That's a nice offer, but I graduate in May so I don't need to move right now. Besides, I like Seattle. I mean all of my friends are here, Edward's here, Charlie's just a couple hours away; I still visit him once a month and usually cook for him. Once you settle down, Edward and I will visit though."

She answered as diplomatically as possible, but Renee just rolled her eyes before speaking, "Izzy, you need to branch out! You can still talk with your friends, but don't you think it would be fun to start a new adventure? Meet new people, have relationships. You're dad will be fine by himself."

I looked down at my plate, and closed my eyes. She had basically just told Bella to leave me, and her life behind. Bella wouldn't want this right. I finally glanced up at her, and saw her take a deep breath.

"Mom, I love my life here. My friends are really great, and my relationship with Edward is very serious. I love him. And Charlie needs me too, even if he doesn't outwardly admit it. You get along great anywhere, and you have Phil. You don't need me."

I started to wonder when this dinner went from friendly catching up to Renee and Bella talking about the merits of drifting around and ignoring the fact that I was in the room. A few months ago, I would have said that a person needed to get out and see the world, but now, I was firmly in the camp of settling down. I wandered until I found Bella, then I had a home. Maybe Renee still hadn't found a home yet.

"It's not about me needing you, Izzy. I just want your company. We haven't spent much time together recently and I miss that. Besides, I know you and Edward are happy, but Izzy you're too young for that level of commitment. You need to live a little before you decide that for certain." She glanced at me for the first time since the conversation turned. "You're a good boy, Edward. Don't you think this is too soon to be so serious?"

It was like she was pleading for me to be the stereotypical male and have a phobia of being in a serious, committed relationship. Those fears were long gone. I knew without a doubt that Bella and I were meant for each other.

I cleared my throat, and saw Bella give me a nervous glance. She didn't need to worry about me agreeing with Renee. _Ever._

"Actually, I'm very happy with Bella. I know we haven't been together long, but I know what my intentions are for us. I love her, and if she wants to move someplace then I'll follow. I don't think we're too young for this."

She huffed and shook her head.

"You both sound like Charlie. I think you two are great, but I mean, it probably won't work. It's statistics."

Bella and I were both quiet as Renee started eating again. I didn't know what to say, and I really didn't feel like defending myself to Renee so I picked up my pizza again. Like Charlie said, she's harmless, and like I figured out, filterless.

She didn't sound like a mom; she sounded like a friend that you meet occasionally, but sometimes avoided because you didn't want to deal with their opinions. I ignored Renee.

"You're right." Renee and I both looked up at Bella. "I am like Charlie. I'm grounded, I like the comfort of home, and I don't have a need to run all over the place. I love completely, and I know it won't change. So that's why I'm so sure this will work, Mom, because I'm just like Charlie."

She didn't say it in a rude way. It was calm and collected, and so true.

Renee smiled a little and let out a humorless chuckle.

"There are worse people you could take after, I guess."

I knew then, that that was the best compliment we would ever get out of Renee. She would always think that Bella had settled for this life, for me, but at least she would know that Bella loved what she chose.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks for reading!

I know this is just a snap shot of Renee, but really that's all that she is in Bella's life. She doesn't stay

for long,and her opinions are usually basedon her own experiences rather than the person Bella is.

The story is winding down and we have about three chapters left including the epilogue.

I'm so excited that I've gotten over 100 reviews for this story, it really means so much to

hear your thoughts on the story, so leave a review if you'd like, and let me know what you think!


	27. Chapter 27

Ch. 27: Reasons

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

EPOV

Bella and Renee had "girls day" planned.

All I knew was that at 7:30, Renee started banging on our door like she was Alice on crack. Bella left me in bed, and went after her mom trying to convince her that a day out was not needed.

Admittedly, I was glad that I hadn't been included in their activities. I didn't like to be around Renee, and I had really needed to practice my songs for Bella's birthday the next weekend.

I had no idea what had snapped in me from last night until then, but I was so aggravated at Renee. I hated how she disregarded Bella's feelings and goals. I hate how she doubted her daughter's choices for her own life. Probably the statement I despised most was that she didn't consider Charlie a good guy.

That condescending remark made me want to punch a fucking wall. That man was better to Bella than Renee would ever be. I would be lucky if I was even remotely like him one day.

Since, I assumed, God thought it would be funny; I didn't get out of interaction with Renee all together. After Bella jumped out of bed chasing her mom down the hall, she came back to drag me out of bed, too.

I followed Bella into the kitchen and sat at the bar. I dropped my head into my hands when I heard Renee coming into the room.

"I'm so glad you're up, Edward. I made a tofu and cheese omelet that I knew you would just love!"

I raised my head up and looked over at her. I must not have looked too amused because she pursed her lips, and said, "Don't look so upset, it's not like I feeding you dog food. It's good, promise."

When she turned her back, I rolled my eyes.

Of course, Bella saw this and shook her head at me before she mouthed, "Be good."

I knew she expected more out of me than Renee. I was supposed to be nice and accommodating because she was my girlfriend's mom.

_Yeah, right._

Soon, there was a plate full of eggs sitting before me. I noticed that Bella's plate was a lot smaller, and figured Renee might be using this against me. Then I thought, _"How can she use eggs against me?"_

I ate in silence, while Renee and Bella talked about their plans for that day. They were going shopping. I snorted when I thought how excited Bella must be about that.

The omelet wasn't terrible. I didn't really like the tofu, but it wasn't too bad. Kind of tasteless.

I had a few bites left on my plate, when I stood to go to the sink. I grabbed Bella's plate on the way, but left Renee's because she was still eating.

"What are you doing, Edward?" Renee asked.

"I'm washing our dishes?" It sounded like a question as I said it.

"You had food still on your plate though. You should finish it." She took another bite of her eggs and looked straight at me.

"I was full. I don't really have a big appetite in the mornings, so it's usually a small meal for us. I appreciate you making breakfast though." I added that last part just to make it sound friendlier. In reality, I could have cared less, probably not the best way to feel around your girlfriend's mom.

"I can understand that, I guess." She sat down her fork. "But why did you take Bella's plate without asking? Are you normally this controlling?" She cocked an eyebrow as she said it.

She was goading me. What was her angle? She started to really make me twitchy, and I had known I wouldn't be able to hold it in for long.

That's when it hit me. Bella's mom was trying to piss me off. She wanted me to yell, and make an ass out of myself, and she thought that it would push Bella to move or get rid of me.

"I don't think that's really healthy in a relationship, Izzy. These are things you should think about." Renee got up and walked towards me with her plate.

I moved out of her way, and mumbled, "I don't think you should be talking about healthy relationships."

She smirked a little before looking at me with sad eyes.

"What did you say to me?" I looked up at Bella and saw her close her eyes as Renee continued, "Are you going to let him talk to me like that, Izzy?"

Bella let out a deep breath.

"Edward…" She barely whispered.

I looked up at her with wide eyes. Was she really taking Renee's side?

_What the fuck?_

Then, much like yesterday on the sidewalk, I snapped.

"Fuck that. I'm taking shower. I don't have to sit around here while I get bad mouthed by a woman that doesn't even have a healthy relationship with her daughter." They both sucked in a quick breath as I continued, "I don't control Bella, if you were around you'd know that she owns _me_. Not the other way around. You're too busy trying to get Bella to do what _you_ think is right to pay attention to what she wants." I said it all calmly as I looked at Renee.

"When was the last time you saw her, fuck, when was the last time you talked to her before yesterday? What was it, _Bella_? Two years?" I had to through in the name jab because surely her mother knew how much she hated _Izzy_. I couldn't be in that room anymore so I took a deep breath and finished, "Anyway, I gotta get out of here. Nice to meet you, Renee. I hope you have a safe trip back to Phil, and wherever else you go this season."

I thought I ended my rant very maturely. I hadn't screamed, or cussed…much. I was kind of growing up. I was tensed up about Bella making me apologize, but we'd talk about that later.

I turned to walk away, giving Renee a quick glance, she looked confused, and Bella shot me a panicked glance as I walked toward the hallway. I wanted to reassure her I would be back, but I sure as shit didn't want to deal with Renee anymore, so as I walked away I said, "I gotta get you a birthday present anyway, Bella. A day alone will help that out a lot."

By the time I got out of the shower, they were gone. I was happy to see this, but also kind of pissed that Bella would leave with her mom after everything that had just happened.

We were going to have a serious talk later. Bella needed to stand up for herself, even if Renee was her mother. You shouldn't have to take that shit from anyone, especially parents.

I didn't want to be home when they returned, so I got dressed and picked up my guitar and newly found tabs before heading to the bar. I needed to practice the songs, and I needed a comfortable place to do it.

It was early, and I knew no one would be there, but that's what I wanted. Emmett had given me a key the previous week, since Bella wasn't always around to let me in all the time now. I got to the bar, and set up my sheet music and guitar, then started to work.

There were three songs that Alice had given me. Luckily, I knew the two I would have to play, and the other was going to be karaoke. I figured Bella would like that change of pace, but I was a little worried that it would mess with the flow of the other two.

I sat on the stage as I worked one song over and over again. These were some of Bella's very favorite songs, so I wanted to get them just right for her. I started to think of an order to sing them in, and I figured I could do acoustic, karaoke, acoustic, then my song. This way I would keep her guessing as to what was coming next, since the karaoke song was completely different from the rest.

I began strumming the first song again, and let myself get caught up in the verse. How heartbreaking it was to feel the emotions that this song evoked. It was my life when I was alone, before Bella, before love.

_Orange sky don't go  
Manhattan looks like someplace else  
Cloudy with a low fog shelf  
Into the crowded streets I go  
Eventually they lead me back home where we used to live  
I live alone  
And into bed I go_

_I wish I could tell you just how I felt  
I don't pray I shower and say goodnight to myself  
And when I close my eyes  
I feel like a page..  
..with a crossed-out name.  
with a crossed-out name…_

I was completely lost in the chorus when I heard a chair scrap back against the floor. My head shot up, and I saw Carlisle sitting there watching me.

"Where have you been?" I asked as the last of the notes were fading into silence.

"Around." He shrugged. "After our little talk, I stayed towards that end of town. It made me sad to be so far away from her."

I nodded my head. "How'd you get in?"

"You left it unlocked." He pointed at the door. "The only reason I even tried the door is because I heard the guitar. What are you playing? Did you write it?"

I laughed lightly. "No. It's a song I'm going to sing for Bella this weekend. It's her birthday, and Saturday we're going to come here, and I'm going to sing three songs for her and one I wrote."

He smiled and waved his hand at me.

"Keep practicing, Edward. I just want to listen. It makes me less heavy knowing that things are working out for you and Bella."

I didn't know what to say so I started strumming again, and finished the first song. I had it down well, and moved to the second acoustic song. Carlisle moved to a booth and lay down staring at the ceiling as I played.

_I don't know you  
But I want you  
All the more for that  
Words fall through me  
And always fool me  
And I can't react  
And games that never amount  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out…_

I finished the second song, and paused as I looked at the third song that Alice's had written down.

These songs told the progression of our relationship. They were my beginning with 'Crossed Out Name', my revelation of loving Bella with 'Falling Slowly', and the last song, I smiled as I thought about the night I told Bella about my past, 'Secrets' was my opening up to Bella.

Alice was good, but then I realized she must have seen this, I must have picked these songs myself, and she probably just gave me the names to speed up the process.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out then flipped it open.

_You're not wrong __ -Alice_

I smirked before turning on the karaoke machine. This caused Carlisle to move and look at me strangely.

"What?" I asked.

"You went from playing really beautiful songs to a game?" He pointed at the screen.

"I can't play this song acoustically; I don't think it would sound right." I shook my head and started keying everything up.

Carlisle was watching me intensely as I sang through the song, trying to soften it to fit with the flow of the other two, and my final song after it.

As the song, died down I knew he was right. Of course, he told me before I could say anything.

"That sounded like shit. Do you have the music for this? We can work out a new arrangement because that's will mess up the feel your going for."

"Umm, yeah, I got the music for it. You read music then?" I tried to through it in there conversationally, but Carlisle rolled his eyes at me.

"No, I haven't a clue. I just thought it would be fun to give it go."

He looked serious, but he had just rolled his eyes so I was completely confused.

"It's called sarcasm, Edward. I can read music. I told you we weren't that different from one another."

We worked a little while getting the song to fit my voice, and when we finished working with everything I put it together the best I could. The notes weren't different so I knew I could play it, but we took it down to match my tone.

"Here goes nothing." I stopped short as I remembered Bella's words from the previous night. I needed to get home to her soon, we needed to talk, and hug, and be okay again.

I began the song as Carlisle looked on.

_I need another story  
Something to get off my chest  
My life gets kinda boring  
Need something that I can confess  
'Til all my sleeves are stained red_

_From all the truth that I've said  
Come by it honestly I swear  
Thought you saw me wink, no  
I've been on the brink, so_

_Tell me what you want to hear  
Something that will light those ears  
Sick of all the insinceres  
I'm gonna give all my secrets away…_

When I'd finished, I looked up at Carlisle.

"I can safely say that that version was much better." Carlisle nodded. "Work on it a little more, and it will be great. I think the other two are great. There's one more, right?"

"Yeah. I wrote it."

"Let's hear it then."

This would be the first time I had played it for anyone. This song was the end of my journey to Bella. It was my acceptance of a past that was just a pathway to her. It was everything that I wanted when I was wandering, and thought was so far away from me that I would never have it.

I started to play the first cords when the front door opened again. This time when I looked up I saw Bella.

She looked a little flustered as she came through the door, but immediately relaxed when she saw me.

"I was worried. You've been gone a long time."

I looked at my watch a realized that it was close to four, and soon Emmett would be here to open up.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I lost track of time." Then I realized that there was an undercurrent to her words that even Carlisle recognized because I saw him flinch when she spoke. "You know I was coming home, right?"

"Yeah. I was just worried." She closed her eyes then turned to Carlisle. "It's nice to see you. I've missed having you around." Bella walked over and hugged him tightly.

She sat down in a chair close to the stage and gave me a playful smile.

"Sing for me. I've had a trying day, and you should be sweet, and sing me a song, Edward." She pouted her bottom lip out. I laughed and nodded.

The whole time Carlisle was watching us interact, and I saw his eyes begin to glisten before he cleared his throat.

"I'll see you both later. Edward, work on that song. Bella, try to keep him in line." He winked and walked toward the door.

Without a doubt, I knew seeing us brought up memories for him, and I had a feeling if I wanted to find him all I needed to do was take a cab to the park he found me at then walk the short distance to the cemetery.

My eyes felt a little wet, but I shook it off.

"Play for me." Bella said before laying her head on her arms. "When we go home and talk…it's going to annoying, and confusing." She looked up at me with tired eyes, and I knew that today had been terrible for her. "You'll always be with me, right?"

I swallowed heavily. "Always. You are in every thought, every action."

I began a song that I hadn't sung in a long time, something that made me think of my mom, but now it made me think of Bella, too. It was a reminder tohold all our moments as precious even the less than happy ones.

When I got to the last verse, I looked up and caught Bella's intent stare. I wanted her to know that I loved her, and everything really was for her, so as I sang the last part of the song I locked my eyes with hers and poured everything into it.

_Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead  
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly  
But with you I can spread my wings  
to see me over everything that life may send me  
When I am hoping it won't pass me by_

_And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me  
there you are to show me_

_Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me  
And you make everything alright  
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me  
And I can always find my way when you are here_

As soon as I was finished, I took my guitar strap off my shoulders, and gently set it in the case before hopping of the stage, and taking Bella in my arms.

I don't know how long we stood like that, but we were broke apart when the front door opened again, and Emmett came in.

He gave us a concerned looked, but I shook my head discreetly, and moved to get my things. We waved to him as we left the bar, but none of us spoke.

Bella stayed close to my side the entire way back to our apartment; always touching me.

After we got inside, and I put my guitar away I went to sit by her on the couch. She immediately curled into my lap.

"What happened?" I asked as I played with a piece of her hair.

"We went shopping."

I waited for a few seconds and when she didn't continue I spoke, "And…"

"That's it really. We didn't talk about what you said at all. It's like she just forgot about it or ignored it. Thank you for standing up for me, but it wasn't necessary. I know how she is." She started playing with the collar of my shirt.

"You might expect her to act that way, Bella, but it doesn't mean you should take it."

Bella shrugged and began again.

"She asked questions about you, if you were from here, things about your parents. I told her basics, but nothing else. Then we went for lunch, and she said she was sorry for causing a scene this morning, but she just wanted me to see how you really were."

Her brow furrowed as she continued, "After that, things went downhill. She kept asking me to move with her to Florida, and I kept saying no. Then she said…God…I can't even." She stopped and shifted her face into my neck before pulling back. There was a fire in her eyes I had never seen before, and it kind of scared me.

"She said that you were like her; that you wouldn't want to be tied down to a girl who never wanted to experience life, and go places. She said you weren't the settling type, and she could tell because you had that same restlessness about you that she has. She told me that if I really loved you, and wanted to make you happy that I would give you excitement. She said if I stayed here, that you would leave me like she had to leave Charlie. She said that you would resent me for keeping you when you could be free like before."

I was shocked and pissed. Who the fuck was she to say that stuff to Bella?

"Then she told me that she only wanted the best for me, and she was just looking out for my well-being." She huffed out a breath.

"I couldn't even defend myself at first. Then it all came rushing to me, Edward. I told her I didn't need her advice, and that I had done pretty well taking care of myself the last few years, and even before when I lived with her. I told her that if she even spent time with me or called then she would know that you aren't that guy, and instead of making judgments and causing problems she would welcome you, and be happy for me."

"And then what happened?"

Bella leaned back against my shoulder.

"She said, 'I guess you're right. Just be careful.' Then she got a call from Phil right after we finished eating. Turns out his game tonight got canceled, and she needed to be back earlier. She dropped me off at the apartment then said that she'd call me later."

"Is it that obvious that I was a fucking bum the last few years?" I was trying to lighten the mood, but Bella just snorted before speaking.

"I can only assume that she used what I told her before lunch to form her argument." She kissed my jaw. "You're not a bum either."

We were silent again. I hated the silence.

"Are you alright, Ballerina? Truthfully." I asked pleadingly.

"She's always been like that. She thinks that she's my best friend, and tries to give me advice. I'll be fine. I'm sure she'll forget about it the next time she calls." We just held each other for a long time then Bella looked back at me and spoke, "You're staying. You aren't like her. You didn't move to have fun; you were looking for your family. I know that."

It was the simple truth, and I knew we all had our reasons for the lives we'd chosen, even Renee.

"It just took a little longer than it was supposed to."

After our heart-to-heart, we got up and started to make something for dinner. We still had the night off, and we decided to stay in and just take some time to relax.

It was close to nine at night when Bella's phone rang.

"Hey, Mom."

There was a pause before Bella said, "Uh, yeah...It's alright, Mom…Sure, that'll be fine….okay, Mom, I'll tell him…Christmas then…love you, too…bye."

I looked at her and she turned to me with a surprised expression.

"My mom's visiting for Christmas. She also said she was sorry about today, and last night. Then she told me to tell you that she's expecting you to prove her wrong."

I smiled, and took in her mom's backhanded apology.

"That shouldn't be a problem, but for Christmas she's getting a hotel room."

Bella laughed softly before she said, "I'll make reservations now."

* * *

A/N:

Thanks so much for reading!

Here are the songs for Bella's birthday:

1. Crossed out Name—Ryan Adams (This is not Ryan Adams singing, but it's a good acoustic of it)

2. Falling Slowly—Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

3. Secrets—OneRepublic (Acoustic)

4. TBA

Last song that Edward sings for Bella is: When I Look to the Sky—Train

Bella's birthday party will be next chapter so we'll finally get to see Edward in action

Thank you for the reviews last chapter, and I hope you like this one just as much.


	28. Chapter 28

Ch. 28: Home

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Thank you to Jennde who beta'd this chapter. She really came through for me!

* * *

The week of Bella's birthday passed uneventfully.

Bella went to class, worked or studied during the day, while I studied for the GED, practiced the songs for her birthday, and worked.

At night we would cuddled up in bed, and talk about our days. I would leave out the part about her birthday songs, of course. It was nice to talk and touch after being away from each other.

Of course, there was the occasionally deviation.

On Tuesday, I went, and bought Bella a tangible birthday gift. I figured she'd appreciate something she could hold, as well as my songs.

On Wednesday, Bella missed her morning classes, and I didn't practice the songs or study. We spent a very productive morning between the bed and shower.

I smiled as I remembered that particular shower excursion, but I was brought out of it just as quickly by a smack on my head.

"You're supposed to be helping me, you know this, right?" Emmett asked sarcastically as he motioned to the crates of beer on the floor.

I rolled my eyes, and stood up. I did not want to be here. It was Thursday night, well, that was wrong, it was actually early Friday morning. Apparently, we had to take care of some things before we all took the weekend off for Bella's birthday.

My thoughts were still in the shower, and my body was rebelling against me, when we heard a soft knock on the front door.

Emmett went to answered it as I lugged some boxes behind the bar, and started filling the coolers under it.

"Are you sure you don't mind, Emmett?" I heard his voice before I saw him. Carlisle was drenched, and walked sluggishly behind Em.

"Yeah, man. We're just cleaning up and stocking. You can sit in here."

"Thank you. I wouldn't normally ask, but it's raining really hard, and I saw the light on."

Emmett shrugged. "It's really not a problem, Carlisle."

Emmett had started speaking with Carlisle a lot the last week. I found it odd that he had never tried to talk to him before, but I knew Carlisle probably kept to himself, and hoped that Em wouldn't kick him out the bar.

Carlisle sat in one of the chairs and took off his shoes, as Emmett walked behind the bar and started helping me load the beer.

"Did I tell you that I have to quit next semester?" he asked quietly.

"Umm, no. Why do you have to do that?"

He laughed sarcastically and said, "Apparently, since I'm student-teaching, I can't keep a job. I have to focus solely on that. I will be teaching classes all day, staying after school to coach, then coming home and planning for the next day." He sounded agitated. "Basically, I'll have a job, but I won't be getting paid."

"That's stupid. How are you going to pay rent or buy groceries?" I moved to the next set of boxes.

"Rosie is still working, so we have that, but I'm going to have to take out a loan to finish paying for next semester. Whatever doesn't get put toward school, I'll use that for the semester's living expenses."

We worked in silence for a while, each of us thinking about the changes that were about to take place when Em spoke again.

"I knew I couldn't do this forever. I graduate in May, and then I'll try and find a coaching job. It's just….," He paused. "I'll miss it. I've worked here for four years, and I guess I'm a little afraid of growing up. You know, getting a real job."

I smiled at him. "I know what you mean. It's sad to think I came in at the tail-end of all of this. I would have loved to have spent that time with you guys here."

They were growing up and moving on, and so was I. I might not have been at this bar for that long, but I had been in too many bars over the years. It was time for me to grow up too.

"Well, know that we've had our Oprah time, I guess we should start putting out ads for bartenders. You'll be starting classes after we graduate so you won't be able to work as much. I guess it's time."

I nodded. I was planning on taking my GED soon, and enrolling next fall, at the latest, for in college. I had finally decided to major in music. I knew that I would love to reach kids like me, those students who didn't have a great home life, and give them an outlet. To show them they were worth something. I wanted that.

Plus, Bella and I would have summers off together. That was a big perk.

"I could do it." Our heads shot up to look at Carlisle, who was sitting straight up in his chair. "I know all about mixing drinks, and bartending. I actually worked at a bar for a few years. I would like the opportunity to apply," he finished softly.

Emmett cocked his eyebrow at Carlisle. "You want to take over for me, old man? Do you have a place to stay?"

"I think it's a great idea," I said before Carlisle responded. "I think that's a really great idea." I stressed to Emmett.

It was just time for us to mature, face our futures, and for Carlisle it was time to accept his past, and attempt to move forward.

"Emmett, I can understand that you wouldn't want to hire me, but I'd appreciate the chance. I won't be able to afford a place to stay until after that first paycheck, then I'll be living someplace."

I started back to my job as I waited for Emmett to make a decision. I knew it was all his choice, but if he was on board with Carlisle getting this job, then Jasper would agree, too.

"Why not?" Emmett finally broke the silence finally. "You can start tomorrow night, if you want to. I won't be here to watch you, but it's pretty hard to mess this up." Carlisle let out a stuttered breath as

Em continued, "The office in the back has a couch, you can sleep there, and I'm sure Alice will have some clean clothes for tomorrow."

"Thank you." Carlisle's shoulders slumped as he put his head on the table.

"Sure, man. When I finish here I'll show you where everything is at."

I didn't say anything.

There was no telling how long he'd lived on the street, or how long he'd been without work. I'd never asked, and honestly, I didn't know if he'd tell me. Maybe one day, but certainly not now.

We finished cleaning, and stocking about forty-five minutes later. Emmett explained the tab system, the cash register, and where all the extra liquor was if he ran out, then he led Carlisle into the office, and showed him where he'd be staying for the next month.

It was still pouring outside, and we were drenched by the time we got to the apartment complex.

When we got into the elevator, I turned to Em.

"You really think you'll hire Carlisle?"

He just smiled. "I've watched that man for years, and I've always wanted to help him. He just didn't want my help yet. Honestly, I think he's gotten better since you've been around. I don't really know why."

The doors slid open, and I gave Em a quick wave before stepping out, and walking to the apartment.

To my surprise, Bella was sitting up on the couch. I noticed quickly that she was hunched over her computer with books scattered all around her. It was kind of cute.

"All nighter?" I asked as I started stripping out of my clothes.

She never turned to look at me as I walked down the hall. It just proved that she was in a groove, and I knew I wouldn't be able to shake her out it.

I came back a couple of minutes later in my pajama pants, and sat beside her on the couch.

"It's my own fault. I should have had this done a week ago, but I kept putting it off." She brushed her hair back and looked at me. "Can you make me coffee? I need to finish this tonight if we're going to have a nice weekend."

I leaned in and kissed her. It was meant to be short and sweet, but deepened quickly. Soon she was pushing my shoulders, and trying to move from underneath me.

"Coffee. You are not helping."

I stood up, and went into the kitchen, laughing.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but you and I both know that is a complete lie."

I got everything started for the coffee, and walked back to the living room.

"You know, when you're suffering from procrastinating on an assignment next year, like I am right now, I'm going to parade around in lingerie. That will show you."

I blinked a few times as I tried to get the image out my mind.

"That will definitely show me. In fact, I think if that's your idea of punishment, then go the bedroom now, and change. I've been completely naughty today," I said as seriously as possible.

"You are such a pervert." She giggled, and started to type again.

"Absolutely, if it's concerning you and sexy, see through, lacey things I am. My intentions are completely dishonorable." I gave her a big grin.

Bella snorted the said, "Don't let the Chief hear you say that. He'll string you up by the boys."

I shook my head, and went into the kitchen to fix Bella her sugary coffee, and coming back to sit by her again. The rest of the night was a blur. I was pretty sure that I fell asleep a few times, but I'd always wake up if Bella went to the bathroom or kitchen.

Somehow we ended up cuddled together on the couch the next morning.

We had decided earlier that week that Bella and I were spending the day together, and that night we would start her birthday celebration.

Night one, we were all going to a class on making sushi.

I thought this was really awesome, and much more welcome than a trip to a club.

Bella was brushing her teeth before we started the day when I came up behind her.

"So, did Emmett tell you he has to quit the bar next semester?"

She looked confused, and then said, "So do I. It's my student-teaching semester, too. I completely forgot."

"So it'll just be me then." I was disappointed by the thought of not having Bella around.

"How could I forget that? Oh, God, I won't have money for rent! Or utilities, or food!" she huffed.

"Stupid fucking rules," she muttered as the wiped her mouth off. "I'll have to take out a loan."

I wrapped my arms around her and whispered, "I'll be working." I cleared my throat and spoke louder, "I'll support us next semester."

"I can't let you do that, Edward. This is my apartment." Her eyes met mine the mirror.

I was a little hurt, but pressed on.

"No, this is our apartment." She looked slightly annoyed by my statement, but I continued. "One day, I'll be in school, and not able to work, and you'll support me all by yourself. Let me do this now."

Bella turned in my arms, and placed a small kiss on my neck.

"Okay. We'll do it. I still might have to take out a small one. We'll see how it goes."

She kissed my neck again, and walked out.

Our day was filled with odd shops and laughter. It reminded me of our time together when we were just starting out, before I ran, before I met Charlie or Renee, before I realized that staying was the only real option for me.

As we walked back home, I told Bella about Carlisle's new job.

"That's awesome. I think this will definitely turn things around for him."

"Me too."

"You know, I think he really likes being around us. It'll be nice to have him there."

I smiled. It would be nice. I figured that he needed us more than anyone could imagine.

That night we stood with our friends and attempted to make sushi.

First, we were introduced the materials: sticky, white rice and nori sheets to roll the sushi with. That was fun, but the night took an unexpected turn when the actually fish was brought out.

The only one of us who'd never eaten sushi before was Emmett, and as the teacher started slicing pieces of fish, and explaining technique, Emmett threw up. All of us gapped at him, as he, loudly , threw up his dinner. A mortified Rose helped him out of the classroom, and one of the assistant teachers carefully placed the trashcan in a closet.

I laughed so hard that I had to excuse myself to the hall.

After the class, Alice, Jasper, Bella, and I went out to a bar. We talked; thankfully none of them got drunk.

I was planning on tomorrow being very special, and I really didn't want to wake up to a hung-over Bella.

As we walked into our apartment, Bella leaned against me, and whispered a very delicious proposition into my ear.

I wanted to be well rested, but with that one sentence, I ran for the bedroom with Bella tossed over my shoulder.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with Bella wrapped around me.

I chuckled lowly as I sat up, and saw my "punishment" strewn across the floor. Lingerie was a very, very good punishment. I had started to make plans to misbehave later, when Bella mumbled, "Good morning."

"Happy Birthday, Ballerina." I kissed her forehead. "I've got a special present for the birthday girl."

I heard Bella groan as I slid out of bed.

"Tell me you didn't spend a lot. All I got you for your birthday was a cheesecake." Her face was still planted firmly in her pillow.

"It wasn't that much, I promise." I jumped, and landed back on the bed. "I love your cheesecake, by the way. It was a wonderful birthday present."

Bella scooted up, and rested against the headboard. She smiled at me as she took the present from my hand.

"I don't normally like my birthday, but it's really great this year." She started to tear the paper. "Did I ever tell you have much I love to tear open presents?"

I just watched quietly as she destroyed the brightly colored purple paper. I was so nervous about this gift.

As she lifted the lid off the small square box, I held my breath.

"It's so pretty," she breathed. That little exhale of breath from her filled my lungs back up.

"Really, you like it?"

She held it in front of us.

It was a delicate, silver multi-chain necklace. There were three separate strands of silver, and attached to each one was a different charm. The top chain had a music note, the middle chain held a feather quill, and the third chain held a crystal heart.

I cleared my throat. "The top charm is me, obviously, and the middle is you. I know you want to write one day, plus I'm sure all your favorite books were written with that type of pen, and the last charm is us. I tried to get something I knew you'd wear." I let myself trail off as I watched the emotions play across her face.

"I love it. I think this is really the best gift I've ever gotten. I mean, this trumps the one year Charlie got me a fish." My smile really couldn't be contained at this point. "You laugh, but that was a good year for me."

"Let me put it on you," I said excitedly.

She nodded, and handed it to me.

As I clasped the necklace at the back of her neck, I was taken aback at how surreal this was. If one year ago someone had told me that I would be here, with someone I loved, celebrating a birthday, I would have flipped them off.

I smoothed a hand down Bella's back, and she turned to face me.

Her hand was soft against my jaw as she leaned down to kiss me.

"I love you, Bella," I gasped as she pulled back.

"I love you. I think this is really the best birthday ever. I like waking up with you."

"I like that, too."

I got out of bed again, and started for the door. Bella rose up too, and I turned quickly, and said,

"Not a chance, I've got something else."

She fell back against the sheets, and that's when it really hit me that we were both still naked.

I shook off my embarrassment as I remembered I_ jumped_ on the bed, and I ran into the kitchen.

There, sitting on the counter, was the one thing Alice had been in charge of this morning.

Birthday cake.

It was small and circular, just enough for two people.

I grabbed it, and lit the two candles on top. When the twenty-two was burning, I got found two forks and headed back into the bedroom.

Bella had moved under the covers again, and she smiled as she saw what I was holding.

"Now that is a sight to see, Edward. Are you sure the necklace was my gift?"

I walked towards the bed. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, there's a very attractive naked man in my bedroom holding a birthday cake. This is kind of what women dream about for the birthday celebrations." She smirked.

"Now who's the pervert, Ballerina?" I set the cake down on the side table and scooted under the covers with her. When I was situated, I reached for the cake, and started singing happy birthday to her. Once the candles were blown out, I sat them on the table and gave her a fork.

Bella moaned loudly as she took the first bite. "So good. Where did you get it?"

I cleared my throat, "Umm, Alice was in charge."

We ate in relative silence after that, and when we finished the small cake, Bella turned to me.

"You totally beat the birthday with the fish." She leaned against my shoulder and placed a sweet kiss on my neck. "I can't imagine life without you. Will you play something for me?"

I leaned down, and breathed in her scent.

"You'll never have to be without me. As for playing, I can't right now. We've got to meet the rest of the group soon. Shower time."

Bella huffed, but got up, and walked to the bathroom. When I heard the door click shut, I ran my hand through my hair.

I was nervous, and slightly frightened about tonight.

I kept repeating to myself as I got dressed that tonight would be great.

It would be perfect.

* * *

The afternoon passed quickly.

We went to an art studio for a photography exhibit. Apparently, Bella and Rose could use attendance to the event as a bonus for one of the classes they were in. It was a quiet place, and it helped me calm my nerves.

I walked around, and looked at all the pictures. There were lots of landscapes, and photos of the Sound. My favorite was a picture of the water when the sun was setting, and the sky was so many different shades of pinks and reds. It was beautiful. There was a lookout point that it was taken from, and I briefly played with the idea of getting married there one day, when the sky looked just like that.

Afterward, we went and ate at the Mexican restaurant that Bella and I had eaten at the previous weekend. This time Bella did have a margarita, but I passed.

Sober. I needed to be one-hundred percent sober for this evening.

As we started our walk toward the apartment complex, Emmett put our plan in motion.

"Hey, you guys want to stop by the bar? I want to make sure that Carlisle is all right."

Everyone agreed, and we decided to catch a cab to the bar. When we arrived, the place was pretty full, but Carlisle was managing fine. I gave him a small wave, and moved with Bella into the crowd.

Emmett went to talk to him, while we all grabbed a table close to the stage. There was a band playing tonight, but they weren't well known, so the usual college crowd was absent. This made things a little easier for me.

Finally, Emmett joined us a few minutes later, and I took that as my cue to leave.

"I'll be right back." I pointed to the restroom sign, and Bella nodded before continuing her conversation with Alice.

I walked into the office, and took a few deep breaths before I grabbed my guitar.

"We're going to take a short break, but we'll be back," the lead singer told his barely attentive crowd. Shit, I knew how that felt, but he was doing what he loved, so it didn't matter if half of them weren't paying attention.

I looked, and saw Bella deep in conversation with Rose this time, and walked on stage. I had managed to adjust the microphone, and get the chair in place with Bella still not noticing.

I cleared my throat and spoke, "Today is a very special day." Bella's head snapped up, and she looked up at me, her eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Today is my Ballerina's birthday."

I saw Bella put her hand to her mouth.

"The band has been kind enough to indulge me for a few minutes, and to let me give Bella her other gifts." I started strumming quietly as I finished my speech. "Before you, there was nothing. I mean that. I had no friends or family. I was a person people met a few times, but then forgot. I was never the guy that someone would choose."

That led me into my first song. I closed my eyes through most of it, but on the last part I opened them and looked at Bella.

Her eyes were watery as I sang to her.

_I wish I could tell you just how I'm hurt_  
_Pinpoint the location it's in another universe_  
_when I close my eyes_  
_I see a fire so plain_  
_..and my crossed-out name_  
_I see a crossed-out name_  
_I see a crossed-out name_

I finished, and the crowd clapped and cheered, but I just stared my Bella. She wasn't crying, but she looked close to it.

"Then I met you, and it was scary, and amazing, and made me feel like I was drowning. I wanted you to love me. I wanted to be good enough for you. The whole time I was with you I wanted to be closer to you, and be a part of your story, a part of you life."

I began the second song, and I saw Bella smile at me as I started. I knew she had wanted me to play this song for her for the longest time. She loved it.

The last verse was my whole message to her.

_Take this sinking boat and point it home_  
_We've still got time_  
_Raise your hopeful voice you had the choice_  
_You've made it now_  
_Falling slowly sing your melody_  
_I'll sing along_

The chords died out, and that time the applause was quieter. I'm sure everyone had gotten the impression that I wasn't finished yet.

I didn't notice any of them; I only had eyes for Bella. Her cheeks were tinged pink, and her eyes were still shining with tears, but she looked happy.

"I told you things that no one else will ever know. I laid everything that I was out to you, and you took it. You held me, and loved me for it."

The third song started out really well considering that I had only been practicing it a week. I glanced at the bar, and saw Carlisle smiling widely at me.

_He was proud of me._

I turned, and looked back at Bella.

_Oh, got no reason, got not shame_  
_Got no family I can blame_  
_Just don't let me disappear_  
_I'm 'a tell you everything_

_So tell me what you want to hear_  
_Something that will light those ears_  
_Sick of all the insinceres_  
_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_

I took a deep breath as I finished, and prepared for the most difficult song of the evening, and the most heartfelt intro I was going to give.

"You loved what I was, Bella, but this next song is…" I gripped the neck of the guitar and stared at her. "I was lost, and alone, and before you that was enough. I was sure that it was who I was supposed to be. In one day, though, I changed. I ran into you, and I got a job here." I noticed that Bella had started to brush her cheeks lightly with her hand.

"I made a decision the night that I met you that I was going to change. I was in my motel room, and I knew that who I had been was nowhere near who I could be. I wrote this for you. It's not a real love song, I don't guess, but I realize now that probably the biggest act of love is understanding that the 'before yous' are what led me to you. You gave me a reason to fight to be different from the guy I was. I love you, Bella."

_He never knew their names and never really cared_  
_Lying to himself, he was never just a young kid scared_  
_Living on his own with no one to hold on to_  
_Nowhere to go and nothing to do_  
_But lie awake and pray that one-day_  
_Someone will come his way_

_All He knows are_  
_Highways and broken hearts, late nights and old guitars_  
_Wondering where you are, you're so far away_

_Staring through the walls of that motel room_  
_Reflecting on his days, the route he's seemed to choose_  
_Will good outshine bad, can he turn this thing around_  
_Should he drop to his knees, just give up now_  
_Begging for release in the night_  
_Has he gone too far to fight?_

I locked eyes with Bella, and she was smiling. Sure, she still had tears running down her checks, but she didn't look sad.

I stood up, as Bella got up, and walked to the stage. I had barely put my guitar down, when she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me.

My hands were on the small of her back, pushing her to me, as I leaned deeper into the kiss. After

I heard Emmett whistling, I pulled back and gave Bella a big smile.

"That was wonderful. You are amazing," she whispered.

I put my guitar up, and Bella led me off the stage, and out of the bar. We didn't say goodbye to our friends or even wave. It was just us tonight.

I held her hand in mine as we walked down the sidewalk.

It was so familiar, and comforting. We'd done this before, and I let myself finally come to terms with the fact that we would do this again. We would walk home together. We would share our stories from the day with each other, we would hug, we would kiss, and we would make love.

Sometimes we would cry, be mad at each other, or even go to separate rooms to cool off from a fight.

One thing was certain, though, I would never leave. I would never walk out, and stay gone. I would love her for my entire life.

I stopped, and pulled her to me, gently brushing her hair back from her face.

"I met you right here."

Bella bit her lip and nodded.

"I fell in love with you, right here."

I saw her eyes well up again.

"One day, I'm going to marry you, and that's all going to happen because I met you right here."

She had tears again, and I wiped them away. Her hands were on my face then, softly brushing my own tears.

I brought my lips to hers, and kissed her with all the passion I had.

Bella leaned back from me and smiled.

"One day, I'll say yes."

* * *

A/N:

This is it. Thank you all for reading, and staying with me. This story has meant so much to me, and those of you that enjoyed it, and reviewed have been wonderful.

There will be an epilogue, and I already have it planned out in my mind, so it will be up, hopefully, in the next couple of days.

I hope that you liked this ending. I know it seems like their story is just starting, and it is, but this story was about Edward and him finding his way, and accepting a future he didn't think he could have. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter. Even if you've never reviewed before, I'd really enjoy seeing if you liked the ending.

Thank you again.

Songs from this chapter are:

Crossed out Name—Ryan Adams

Falling Slowly—Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

Secrets—OneRepublic (Acoustic)

Highways & Broken Hearts—The Eli Young Band


	29. Epilogue

Epilogue: Freeze Frame Time

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

****Five years later****

**EPOV**

** May 2014**

I had been trying to pack as much as possible as quietly as possible.

We had three days left to move out of our apartment, and sadly, we couldn't get much done during daylight hours. Our nighttime hours were cut into as well.

Right now, I knew that Bella was passed out in a pile of clothes in our bedroom. She had been trying to pack up quietly, too and was only using the closet light to guide herself by. I went in our room to ask a question and saw her lying among our things.

She was still as beautiful as the first time I saw her.

It had been a rough few years. I had gotten my GED a few months after Bella's birthday and got to start college a semester early, though I mostly took online classes through that spring, so I could continue to work at the bar. Then when the fall rolled around, I was a full-time student.

It took me four years of over scheduling, but I graduated, two weeks ago to be exact.

I started to take the pictures off the wall, and as I stared at the first one, I stopped and smiled.

* * *

**2 years earlier- May 26, 2012**

I was nervous. I couldn't breathe. My mind was racing.

Bella gripped my hand tighter. "Are you okay, Edward? You look sick." She sounded concerned.

"I'm good, just a little light-headed. I think I'll be fine after we eat." I tried to sound convincing, but I knew I failed. Bella didn't say anything though.

She had been looking forward to this date for weeks.

I had been studying so much, and she had been planning classes, and grading papers, so most days we saw each other only for a brief moment.

"Where are we going exactly?" Bella asked as I turned her truck up a dirt road, and through the trees.

"It's a surprise. We've been together for three years, let me surprise you."

"Very well, Mr. Masen." She purred as she slipped her hand up my thigh.

I almost jerked the wheel; this was not helping my nerves.

"Let's keep our hands to ourselves, class." I smirked at her.

Thankfully, we came into a small clearing a couple of minutes after that incident.

I hopped out of the truck, and went to Bella's side to help her out. Then we walked, hand-in-hand, down a narrow path.

"Thank God, Alice didn't dress me in heels! I don't think I could have made it this far." Her other hand gripped my bicep tightly. "This had better be good."

Almost immediately after she said that, we walked straight through an opening and onto a grass-covered ledge. There was about forty feet from the opening in the trees to the edge of the cliff. However, our table was set up a few feet from where we had been standing.

When we had scouted the location, I finally became aware that I was terrified of heights, and I was even more scared of Bella around cliffs. She was clumsy as hell, so I made them promise to put the table as far from the edge as possible.

I mentally thanked Alice and Rose for sitting this up tonight, then I looked at Bella, "Is this good, Ballerina?"

The sun was just starting to set, and the sky was full of the familiar reds and pinks from the photo I had seen years ago on Bella's birthday weekend.

"It's gorgeous." She said as she stepped toward the table.

"Have a seat. I have this all planned for you."

We sat down, and I removed the silver lids off our plates.

Bella laughed when she realized it was her favorite Mexican food. "You're trying to butter me up, aren't you? What did you do, Edward?"

"Nothing yet." I whispered as I poured her glass of water.

As we finished desert, I started fumbling with the box in my pocket. Bella was looking off in the distance at the sunset and didn't notice the small panic attack that was starting.

_She was so beautiful._

The tints in the sky managed to make her look ethereal. It was completely unnerving since I was about to propose because looking at her, when she looked like this, made realize how amazing she was and that she was _mine_.

With that thought I reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

"Bella?"

"Yeah." She turned to me with a wide smile.

I got out of my chair and walked in front of her with my back to ledge. As I started speaking, I dropped down to my knee.

Bella gasped, and I pulled the ring box out of my pocket.

"Bella. I've been thinking of ways to do this. I've been trying to find the words to tell you how much I love you and how special you are to me, but everything kept falling short. Nothing I wrote down even covered it. Ballerina, when I met you my life changed. All of a sudden, I wasn't alone. I wanted to be a different man. It was the possibility that one day I could call you mine that kept me going, and now it's the possibility of us that gives me so much hope for our future. I promise that I will love you forever." I swallowed loudly and finally asked her, "Bella, will you marry me? Be my wife, please?"

I could tell that our hands were shaking together, and Bella had her other hand over her mouth. After a few seconds, she started nodding frantically.

"Yes! Oh my God, yes!" She continued nodding and crying as I slipped the ring on her finger.

"Thank you." I kissed her hand gently and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you so much."

* * *

The picture was of us hugging in the sunset. I never asked Alice how she'd set up the camera, but looking at this picture. I was thankful that she did. I wrapped the picture up and placed it in the box.

I moved to one and laughed quietly as I remembered the breakdown that had happened the day before it was taken.

* * *

**Late Jan. 2013**

Bella and I had decided to wait a year and get married on the date of our engagement. So while we waited for May 26, 2013 to get here, I tried to take as many classes as possible, and Bella planned our wedding.

It was December, we still had close to six months left until the date, and Bella had already gotten her dress. It was hanging in our closet.

That day when I came home from class, I was so tired. Bella was off for Christmas break, so I figured we could nap the rest of the day away. I was going to be perfect.

It's safe to say, I was completely unprepared for what was happening inside my apartment at that moment.

I had just closed the door and started to walk down the hall, when I heard sobs coming from the living room. I sprinted the rest of the way down the hall, and saw the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

Bella was wearing her wedding dress. It was off-white and fitted all the way down to her knees where it flared out. There was no train, and it had subtle beading all over it.

"You look stunning," I breathed out.

Bella turned, saw me, and started crying louder. I had completely forgotten she was upset.

"Shit, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't see it." I covered my face up.

"No! Stop being an idiot, Edward. I can't do this. I just can't do this anymore."

My head snapped up, and my heart threatened to explode.

"You don't want to marry me?" I fell onto the couch. "Oh God."

I heard Bella sob louder, and say, "No. I can't wear this dress anymore! I loved this dress, and now I won't be able to wear it in May!"

"Ballerina, you can wear it. I swear I won't tell anyone I saw." I sat up and rubbed her shoulder.

She turned towards me and whispered, "It won't fit in May."

"Bella, you're tiny. It'll fit." I tried to console her.

"Edward, I'm pregnant."

I felt my eyes go wide and possibly take up my whole face as I shuffled back and collapsed onto the couch.

"Holy shit." I looked up and her. "Really?" It felt like a dream and a little like I was suffocating.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I just found out. I'm so sorry. I know you didn't want this." She waved a hand over her stomach.

"Bella, no." I walked over to her and promptly dropped to my knees. I ran my hands over her covered stomach. I looked up at her and couldn't help but smile. "I definitely want this. It's…you're going to be gorgeous."

She ran her hands through my hair. "I don't want to push the date sooner; I want to get married in May, but I'll be so big then. What are we going to do?"

I stood up, and kissed her.

"We'll get married in May."

* * *

I gently wrapped the picture of Bella in her first wedding dress up. After we told the group, Alice insisted on taking some pictures of Bella in it.

I told her if we had a daughter, then she could wear it when she got married.

Bella love that idea.

I reached for the next photo and another chuckle escaped.

* * *

**Feb. 2013**

I busted through the back door and ran for the tree line. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do once I got there, but I was afraid for my life. I heard his footsteps behind me and tried to run faster.

_I should have taken Emmett up on the work outs_.

I felt hands grab my shoulder, and I fell to the ground. Those same hands rolled me over, and before I had time to process a fist connected with my jaw.

"Fuck!" I yelled.

"You're lucky that's all you're getting." Charlie panted as he helped me up.

I stood there for a minute and rubbed my face.

"We good, Chief?" I asked breathlessly, holding my jaw.

He slung his arm around my shoulders. "We're good, Ed."

As we walked back to the house, I saw Bella standing on the porch shaking her head at us.

"I'm happy for you, Edward. I want to see that grandbaby, so don't get any ideas about moving away, alright?"

I smiled at him.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Charlie."

* * *

I placed the picture of me, with a bruised jaw, and Charlie in the box. He had insisted we wait until it was showing before the picture was taken.

_Ass._

He was a great man and an even better grandfather.

The next picture that I grabbed was just..._spectacular._

_

* * *

_

**May 26, 2013**

I was nervous again. Wringing my hands in front of me and trying to breathe. I felt Emmett tap my shoulder and point. I hadn't even noticed that the music had started.

We were in her father's backyard. There were white chairs lined up and filled with friends and family, but all I focused on was my Bella walking to _me._

She was glowing.

Bella had definitely grown over the last few months, and her belly was covered by the softest silk. There was beading right above her bump, and then the dress just cascading around her. She was a vision.

The actual wedding was a blur, and I was thankful that someone was recording it because I just stared at her. I mouthed 'I love you' so many times that Bella started to giggle.

I would place my hand on her stomach and feel our baby kick against me.

I did manage to get the words out correctly and at the right time, but for the rest of it, I was lost.

Before I knew it, I was turned to the crowd, and we were walking back down the aisle. That's when I noticed our family. Charlie was trying to hide his tears, and Renee was waving 'positive energy' crystals at us. Our friends were smiling and hugging us.

It was one of the best days of my life.

For our honeymoon, we went to Chicago.

I spent days showing Bella around to my favorite places as a child. I showed her where I used to live with my mom and where my mom worked. I took her to Navy Pier.

Then the day before we left we visited my mom.

"Mom, I'm sorry it's been so long." I ran my hand over the stone. "I wanted you to meet my wife, Bella." I took a breath to keep my emotions in check. "She's everything that you said I would find. I wanted you to know that she takes care of me, and she's everything to me." I took another deep breath and felt Bella squeeze my shoulder. "I wanted to tell you that you're going to be a grandma. Bella's due the end of September."

I got quiet, and Bella spoke softly, "You're son is an amazing man. I think he's going to a really great dad. I know he worries about that, but I know he will be. Thank you for making him who he is."

Bella turned and walked to the car, leaving me to say my private goodbyes.

"I love you. I won't wait so long to come and see you again. I know you're looking out for us."

* * *

I didn't notice the tears on my cheeks until one hit the picture in my hand.

Our wedding was one of the happiest days of my life, and the trip to Chicago was the best closure I'd ever get.

I sat it down and moved to the final picture on our wall. It was the most recent, and our first family portrait.

_That_ was the happiest day of my life.

* * *

**Sept. 25, 2013**

"Alright, Bella, it looks like you're ready to push." The doctor adjusted the stirrups, and placed Bella's feet in them. Her toes were painted pink and blue. She thought it would be funny, since we didn't know the sex. This way she'd be covered either way.

The last few months had been nice. We'd both been on break, and Bella and I spent a lot of time straightening our apartment. We realized shortly after the wedding that we wouldn't be able to move until I graduated the following May, so we spent a lot of time making space in our bedroom for a crib.

We'd definitely be crowded for a few months, but I couldn't wait.

"Okay, Edward when I say 'push' I want you to start counting to ten, just like in the birthing class, alright? Bella you are going to push through ten."

The doctor spoke so calmly, but I was losing my mind.

"Push, Bella."

I started counting, and Bella gripped my hand tighter and leaned forward.

"Alright. Stop. Wait until I say to 'push' again."

"I want to push now." Bella said. "I need to push now." She was starting to sound really angry.

"Ballerina, it's going to be over soon." I tried to sound positive.

"Don't even, Edward." She closed her eyes, and I knew she was hurting. Finally the doctor said, "Push again."

I counted and Bella held on to my hand and pushed.

This went on for twenty minutes or so, and in between pushes I would whisper to Bella or push her hair out of her face.

"I love you, Bella. You're so strong."

"Push, now, Bella," the doctor said.

I had put my arm behind her back and helped her crunch forward for the push.

"Alright, you're crowning. Would you like to see, Daddy?"

Just like that, my world stopped. I was about to be someone's daddy.

"I don't know." I looked at Bella.

She nodded and looked close to tears. "Tell me."

I took the two steps to the end of the bed and looked. I expected to be disgusted, but all I could see was the top part of our child's head.

My hand went to my mouth as I gasped.

"Oh God, Bella. The baby has my hair. A head full of red hair, Ballerina."

She let out a choked sob, and the doctor told her to push again.

I resumed my position with one arm behind her back and clutching her hand.

She pushed twice more, and the doctor announced, "Congratulations, you have a son."

_A son_.

I had a son.

I kissed Bella and rested my forehead against hers.

"Thank you. I love you. Thank you."

"Go see him!" She gave me a watery, excited smile.

I walked over to where they were cleaning him off and looked at my son. He was squirming around and crying loudly. I stuck out my finger, and he grabbed it, squeezing lightly.

Everything seemed to speed up after that.

The nurse handed me him, and I was across the floor by Bella before I could comprehend I had walked to her.

I thought I would have been scared, but this, this was natural.

"Say 'Hi' to momma, Eli."

Bella reached out for him, and I placed him in her arms.

"Hey baby boy. You're so handsome." She laughed after she spoke.

It was a giddy feeling I will never forget.

We sat and held our son, in our own little world. He had stopped crying and was looking up at us intently. He looked like me, but his eyes were all Bella. Even then I could tell they were going to be brown. They were just _so dark_.

A few minutes later the nurses took him away, and they started to get ready to move Bella to a private room.

"Tell our family." She squeezed my hand before pulling me toward her and kissing me sweetly.

"Alright." I gave her one last kiss and walked to the waiting area. I knew that they had been waiting for almost a day and were probably very anxious by now.

I pushed the door open and saw them all there.

_My family._

Charlie sat up first, noticing my tears, and the others stood up right along with him.

"Is everything alright?" He asked in a rushed voice.

I nodded, trying to get a handle on myself.

"We have a son." I couldn't stop smiling as everyone came to hug me. I started to cry a little again, and finally managed out, "His name is Eli Charles Masen, and he was born at 7:06 p.m., and weighed 7 lbs 4oz. He's twenty inches long."

I pointed behind me, "He's in the nursery. He has my hair." I added as Alice and Rose headed toward the door.

Jasper and Emmett slapped my shoulder and offered quick "Congrats" before following the girls. The only people left in the waiting room were Charlie, Carlisle, and I.

Carlisle smiled. "Congratulations. Give Bella my love and I'll visit tomorrow, alright?" I nodded and watched him leave. He had come a long way in five years. He had an apartment, he ran the bar; he was doing great.

I turned back to Charlie, who had tears in his eyes. He reached out and hugged me tightly before backing away.

"I'm so glad Bella has you. I think that you are going to be the best father that I could want for my grandson. You're a good man, Edward." He wiped his eyes and said, "I'm going to see that boy now. God, help him if he's got your hair. I'm going to have to do something about that." He marched out of the room.

* * *

I heard Bella shuffling down the hall as I put the picture in the box.

She turned the corner and smiled at me.

"I fell asleep," she muttered.

"I know. I saw." I walked towards her and pulled her in for a kiss.

"He's starting to sleep through the night. I like this." I whispered.

"So do I." She pointed to the boxes. "What all did you pack?"

"Memories."

"Aww, are you reminiscing?" She asked playfully.

"I was." I smiled at her. She looked adorably rumpled. "I was just thinking of how Renee burst into your hospital room with two sets of balloons."

"Oh no!" Bella groaned and put her face in her hands. "One blue, one pink."

I smiled. "Then, when she found out it was a boy, she took the pink ones to the nurse's station and asked which room had a little girl in it."

"They thought she was a kidnapper. I've never seen security respond so quickly," she said as I moved us to the couch and sat down.

"Well, if anyone can cause a scene its Renee." I said jokingly. Bella nodded, and I took the opportunity to change the subject. "Are you excited?" I toyed with a piece of her hair.

"Absolutely. I mean it's the perfect size for us, and the rent isn't outrageous." She kissed me cheek. "What do you think?"

I paused for a moment. It was a duplex. We were on the first floor, and an older couple lived above us. Our floor had two bedrooms, and I couldn't help but think that in a couple of years we might have to move, but it was perfect for us at this point in time.

"It'll do for now."

* * *

**A/N:**

This is the end. Thank you so much for reading. If you reviewed, too then you should know that I loved reading every one of them.

If you are interested, I was thinking of writing a Carlisle outtake about his life before he became homeless. His life with Esme and what happened there. If you think you'd like to read something like that then let me know.

Also, I'm certain that there will be an outtake of the first Christmas that Edward and Bella have together. If you remember correctly there will be a Renee visit, and I think Charlie will be there as well. Just saying…fun times are happening there.

Thanks again for reading my story. Hugs to all of you.

**Here's the timeline for the story:**

May 2009—Bella and Edward meet

Sept 2009—Last chapter of story

Dec 2009—Christmas with Renee and Charlie (outtake)

Jan 2010—Edward starts classes online

August 2010—Edward starts school on campus

May 2012—Edward proposes

Jan 2013—Bella and Edward find out they're pregnant

Feb 2013—Tell Charlie

May 2013—Edward and Bella get married

Sept 2013—Baby Masen is born

May 2014—Edward graduates

May 2014—Move out of apartment


	30. Outtake 1

Christmas Outtake (Dec. 19, 2009)

This outtake is from Charlie's POV and I honestly have to say that TD69 gave me the idea in a review. I hope you like this look into how Charlie works :)

* * *

Charlie POV

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror attempting a Windsor Knot in a tie that I'm sure Bella had gotten my as a Father's Day gift when she was eight. It was paisley and really awful, but it was the only tie that I owned without a gun on it, so it would have to work.

After several tries and more than several peaks down at the instructions I had printed off the internet at work, I had a decent looking tie. I walked back into my bedroom and very carefully took it off and placed it in my overnight bag.

I made sure that I had everything I would need for the next two days and walked down the stairs and into the living room.

In one corner was the damaged, fake Christmas tree I had purchased for Bella's first Christmas. She never got to appreciate it when she was a child because I never saw her on Christmas until she moved back to Forks when she was a teenager.

She loved it then. She even stopped me from getting a better one; she said that this one had character and meaning.

I couldn't stop smiling as I picked up her presents from under that decrepit thing. She had a soft spot of fixer uppers, be it a Christmas tree or a rambling, blushing boy.

I shook my head as Edward popped into my mind and reached for the last three gifts under the tree.

One of was for Renee. It was an "I love Forks" t-shirt. I snorted to myself as I picked it up.

_She'll love this_.

Over the years, I'd come to realize that while I did love Renee, I always knew she didn't love me in the same way, and I was certain that one day she would leave. I was prepared for that.

I had never added in a child to the mix though.

When Renee left, I'd missed her, but what tore my life apart was the fact that my daughter was gone. I missed Bella, and when Renee took her away, my heart collapsed. I figured that Bella believed that I still loved her mom because of the pictures on the mantle and wall, but I didn't keep those up because of Renee. They all had Bella in them or when Renee was pregnant with her.

I may not have been a vocal man about my feelings, but Bella always knew I loved her, and those pictures showcased her from the very beginning.

I placed Renee's gift on top of Bella's and grabbed the last two before stacking them on top.

_Edward's going to have a fit._

I picked up the tall column of presents and my overnight bag, and headed for the door. After I made sure that everything was secure in the backseat of the cruiser, I went back to the porch and locked the front door.

I would be spending the night on Bella's couch while Renee and Phil were staying at a hotel.

_Renee the cougar._

I shuddered a little at the thought. Whoever Phil was, he must have had the attention span of a goldfish to have kept Renee company for the last several years. That woman could change hobbies, styles, and religions at the drop of a hat. I felt like I was living with Cybil when we were married.

However, I had promised Bella I would be on my best behavior, so I knew I wouldn't get away with poking fun at Renee…_much._

_There was always Edward though. _

_

* * *

_

I got to Bella's apartment, and saw a small note on the door saying that they had run to the store and would be back shortly. It even had the time on it.

I banged my forehead against the door.

_Have I taught her nothing about safety?_

At the bottom, in smaller print, it said, "Get a phone, Charlie! I'm going to have to change the locks now."

It was scribbled and messy, like he did it quickly while Bella wasn't paying attention.

_Thank God for Edward. _

Now, _that_ was something I never thought I'd think about a boyfriend of Bella's, not that she had a lot of them, or any, for that matter.

I really did like Edward though.

He was a good guy and he was easy to mess with.

He was also honest with me. I admired that.

I leaned against the wall and waited for them to get back. A few minutes later, I heard the elevator chime and then out walked Edward with two bags hanging from each arm and Bella perched on his back.

"Dad!" She sat up quickly and pulled Edward's head back. His eyes went wide as he started to stumble. "Oh, sorry!" Bella lay down flat again and kissed his cheek.

I rolled my eyes. It was habit around them now.

"S'okay." Edward cleared his throat a little. "Hey, Charlie. Have you been waiting long?"

I scooted out of his way as he moved in front of the door. He transferred the bags over to one hand, and Bella passed him the keys. After the door was unlocked, we all walked down the hall.

Edward walked them into the kitchen and sat Bella down on the counter then the food.

"Not long. Why were you carrying her?"

They both blushed slightly as he unpacked the food. "Long story," he muttered and turned redder.

"Never mind. You only turn that color when it's something that I don't ever need to know, so I'm going to imagine that Bella fell and twisted her ankle and that you're just a nice guy and carried her home." I nodded as if to punctuate my newly imagined scenario.

Edward smiled. "That's exactly what happened, Chief." Bella giggled and slapped his shoulder. He just continued smiling and putting stuff on the counter.

_Yeah. I definitely didn't want to know. _

"So when's your mom getting here."

Bella huffed a little, "Tonight at seven. We have to get dinner fixed now though because she said she's bringing an Asian dish that is supposed to bring luck and fortune for the New Year."

I scratched my head. "It's Christmas."

"I don't have a clue, Dad. I just know that I don't want to touch it or eat it."

Bella took the vegetables and started chopping them up.

"Do you need me to do anything, Bella?"

She looked around at the ingredients and back to Edward.

"No." She scrunched up her nose. "I want something edible since Renee's bringing food."

"You suck." He laughed.

"Why don't you and dad go watch TV. I'll handle this."

I followed Edward out of the kitchen and into the living room, still carrying my bags with me.

"You can put the presents under the tree if you want, and I can put your clothes in the hall closet."

I just nodded and handed him my bag.

I placed all my gifts around the tree then sat down on the couch.

Edward came back and sat at the other end of the couch. He was quiet, which wasn't completely unusual when he was around me. I liked the fact that he was scared of me. It meant that he took me seriously.

"So, Ed, I hear you passed your GED. What are you going to do now?"

He gave me a small smile before speaking, "I start online classes in January. I need to work next semester because Bella's doing her student-teaching so she can't have a job, but next fall I'll start classes on campus."

I patted his shoulder. "That's great. Know what you want to do?"

"I want to teach music. Umm, it will probably be younger kids though. I don't want to be a band director." He shook his head furiously. "Never that."

"Well, if you think it will make you happy then do it. You don't want to be stuck in a job you hate for the rest of your life, Edward."

We were quiet then Edward spoke up, "Are you nervous? You know, about seeing Renee."

It was my turn to smile. "No. I've missed the opportunity to give Renee a hard time for years."

H e moved closer to me and whispered in case Bella was listening, "Bella's afraid it will it be hard for you because Phil's around."

I looked toward the kitchen before speaking, "I'll be fine. I've been over Renee for a long time."

Edward scooted back and nodded.

"I missed Bella the most when Renee left." I clarified for him. Maybe he'd tell Bella and she'd stop worrying about me.

"I'm going to check on the food," he said after a few minutes of watching Sportscenter.

I let him go and tried not to pay attention to the giggling or clattering utensils.

I had always expected this to happen one day, and I was slowly coming to terms with the type of relationship they had. I was even preparing myself for the day that Edward would call or show up at my house to stutter out a speech about marrying Bella.

_I think I'll tell him 'No' at first._

The kitchen had been silent for too long, so I took that as an opportunity to mess with Edward.

"Edward! Get your hands off my daughter and get back in here." I yelled from the couch.

I heard bump and a then slightly high pitched whispering.

_Too easy._

_

* * *

_

Renee breezed into the place like she was the Queen of England. I mean that literally because she had on a tiara and was carrying a rhinestone scepter. Phil was no where to be seen.

"Mom." Bella reached out and hugged her. "What's with this?" She touched the crown.

"Oh, isn't it great! It kind looks like snow, and since not everyone believes in the religious nature of the holiday, I thought it would bring a nice secular ring to our Christmas."

I noticed that Edward and I rolled our eyes at the same time.

_Yeah. I liked him. _

"Well, hello, Edward. I guess it's nice to see you here. I take it that things are going well then. Still at the bar?" She was so sweet, but everyone in the room could hear the condescension in her voice.

Edward tightened his jaw, and Bella wrapped an arm around him. I was never rude to the boy, even when I was screwing with him.

He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off, "Well, shit, Renee. Not everyone can be a _minor_ league baseball player."

Her eyes went wide when she turned to me and I saw Edward's mouth drop open.

"Charlie Swan. It's been years." I wasn't prepared for her hug, at all.

I patted her back awkwardly.

"Yeah. It's been a long time, Renee." I stepped back.

"So you approve of this?" She gestured at Edward.

If I answered that question correctly, Edward would always know that I was alright with him being with Bella. If I answered how Renee wanted then I knew Edward wouldn't realize it was a joke.

"Of course I do. Bella's big girl and she says that Edward's a good guy. He's a hard worker." I paused and then said, "I don't think you should talk about jobs either. I believe you waitressed in a bar once."

Her smile fell and another knock at the door alerted us to Phil. He was loaded down with gifts.

"Mom, did you bring food?"

Renee huffed, "They wouldn't let me bring it on the plane! Can you believe that?"

Phil just smiled and walked to the living room.

_Must have been dropped on his head as a baby. Poor guy._

We all gathered around the table and Renee insisted that we tell what we were thankful for. I was sitting next to Edward so I leaned over and said, "You should be thankful that Bella's more like me than her mom."

He choked on whatever he was eating and Bella hit him on the back.

"I'll go first." Renee said excitedly. "I'm thankful that I've spent the last few years of my life living my own little adventure. I hope that Bella can do this one day."

Edward took a long drag from the beer in front of him.

_I feel for you._

Phil was next. "I'm thankful for Renee. She makes life fun. And for baseball." He was all starry-eyed.

_Maybe it was lead paint on his crib?_

It was my turn and I said the first thing that came to mind, "I'm thankful for my family and friends. They make my life better."

_Sentimental old man._

I was critiquing myself now, great.

Edward cleared his throat. "Well, I'm thankful for my friends. They're really great. Most of all, I'm thankful for Bella for including me in her adventure."

Renee gaped at him and couldn't help but smile.

_Good for you, Ed._

Bella blushed. "I'm thankful for my friends and family and being all together tonight. I'm thankful that Edward and I have are starting our own adventure."

_I always hope she'd have this. _

We all dug in and didn't speak much. Renee was stewing over their 'adventure' comments, and I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if she mouthed off again. It didn't happen during dinner though.

* * *

We gathered in Bella's living room to open gifts. Renee insisted that we do it then because it wouldn't force us into a holiday designed for a specific religious sect.

"Renee, I don't mean to burst your bubble, but you know all of us, and you know that Christmas doesn't offend us. So let's stop with the tolerance for all cultures stuff, okay?"

She bristled a little, but just started handing out presents.

I got one big gift from Edward and Bella. It was a fish finder.

"Yeah. Figured it would come in handy for you." Edward said then cleared his throat. "Thought you might want to teach me how to fish, you know?"

I smiled and nudged the wrapped gift on his lap. He opened it and inside was a fishing vest along with a few lures.

"We're on the same page, Ed."

He looked over at Bella, who smiled and nodded, and mouthed, "He likes me."

_If I roll my eyes again, they're going to fall out._

"Okay, Bella, this is from me and Phil." Renee handed Bella thin rectangular box.

Bella smiled, unwrapped the gift, and then pulled the lid off.

She paused for a moment and gingerly touched the contents. Edward leaned over and looked before leaning back into the couch.

Edward took a deep breath and stood up.

"I need to run to Emmett's and get Bella's gift. I'll be back soon. "

Bella just nodded and looked at the box.

"Well, what do you think?" Renee asked with a small smirk on her lips.

"Mom, this is really nice of you."

I got up and walked to sit down beside Bella. When I peaked in the box I saw one plane ticket to Jacksonville.

"This way you can see what Florida's like, baby. I want you to make sure that this kind of life is what you want. I don't want you to settle for _him._"

Bella looked flustered and like she was about to cry when she said, "Mom, thank you for your gift. We'll have to come down after graduation."

"There's only one ticket, Bella." Renee pointed out.

"I know." Bella placed the lid back on the box.

I broke in, "Bells, why don't you go find Edward."

She looked up at me. "Alright. We'll be back soon."

When I heard the door click, I turned to Phil.

"Phil, why don't you go for a walk? Just a few minutes."

He smiled. "Sure thing, Charlie."

The door snapped shut again, and I couldn't keep my inner observations in my head any longer.

"Shit, Renee. Did he get his with a baseball bat or something? He's not all there."

She pouted and blew out a long breath.

"What do you want, Charlie."

I scooted forward and placed my elbows on my hands.

"Bella's not you." I paused letting that sink in. "She doesn't want the same things you do, and she's not going to change her mind. The quicker you realize that the better things will be."

"Charlie, I know that Bella isn't like me, but I don't think she should limit herself when she's so young." She waved her hands around.

"No. You don't get it Renee. She isn't limiting herself, this is what she wants. If it ends badly then that's what happens, but you butting in and upsetting her isn't going to accomplish anything. It's just going to make her avoid you. Now I know that you haven't been around much, and you just showed back up, so you really don't have much of say as far as I'm concerned."

"I think I—" She started in.

"No. You don't know what she's been through the last couple of years, and you don't know what her life with Edward is like. I've met him a few times, and he's a good guy, Renee. I mean, he's a little jumpy and he can't lie for shit, but those aren't bad things. I know that they live together and as much as I don't _want_ to know that, I don't complain…any more."

We were both quiet and I spoke again, "Just be a mom. Show you love her and that you're going to support her. Stop this 'adventure' shit. She's living her life like she wants."

Renee didn't respond to me and the front door opened and Edward and Bella walked back in with Phil trailing them.

"Alright, let's finishing opening presents!" Phil said happily, oblivious to the tension in the room.

Things went back to normal, well, as normal as can be, and Renee opened Bella and Edward's gift. It was a book on different spiritual locations in Florida. Then she opened mine, and she laughed out loud.

"Thank you. It will make a perfect rag when I cut it up."

She held up the logo for everyone to see.

_I can be funny._

Bella opened my gift next.

"Wow. Dad this is _too much._" She breathed out the last part. The laid her hand and the top of the box with the Apple logo on top.

"Well, you've had that desktop for years, and I figured this would help you next semester. You can take it to school with you. It's supposed to be really good." I cleared my throat as she handed Edward the box and hugged me tightly.

"It's great, Dad. I'm really excited about it." She was smiling so hard.

_Time for fun._

"Well, I'm glad you like it. Now give Edward his last gift."

Edward smiled at me and ripped the paper off. He probably thought it was something else about fishing.

I felt myself smile as I took in his face.

His smile fell, his face redden, his eyes widened, and he swallowed loudly. His fingers fidgeted with the paper inside the box before he pulled out a small silver ring, the card, and a piece of paper.

Bella looked confused, Renee was thumbing through her book, and Phil was staring at the Christmas tree.

_Definitely hit with a bat._

Edward unfolded the paper and turned sheet white before looking at me.

I managed to rein in my smile just as he caught my eyes.

"That's a chastity ring, Edward. It shows you respect your relationship." He just nodded like he agreed. "That piece of paper is for a lesson at the gun range with me. A man should know that his in-laws can shoot if necessary." I added.

"Umm." He kept opening and closing his mouth.

"Dad." Bella sighed.

I smiled and turned back to my fish finder.

* * *

Renee and Phil left after the gifts, and I heard Renee apologize to Bella and promise to send the other ticket as soon as they got back to Florida.

_About time she grew up_.

Edward straightened my pillows on the couch and brought me a blanket.

No one was around, and I took the opportunity to explain.

"Now, Edward, I know you're a little embarrassed by that gift, but I really want you to learn to shoot, especially with Bella leaving a sign-in sheet on her door." He nodded. "That ring is a bit of joke. There are some things that I don't care to think about, but that ring is to remind you that I'm here, and that these walls are very thin, and you're not as quiet as you think you are." Edward turned a shade of red I'd never seen before. "So that is for you to have as a little memo that I'm on this couch and your bed if situated against that wall."

"Yes, sir. I understand completely, Chief. Thank you for your gift." He rushed out then turned and practically sprinted down the hall.

"What's wrong with him?" Bella asked.

I just smiled up at her. "Upset stomach."

"I hope he's alright. We still going to brunch in the morning?"

"Of course, Bells. I even brought a tie."

She hugged me tightly. "I love you."

"Love you, too, Bells."

She pulled away and started for the hall, "Goodnight, Dad."

Edward stepped out of the bathroom a little while later, looking a bit more composed, and said, "Goodnight, Charlie." He gripped the door handle and then let go before walking toward me. When he got close enough to whisper he said, "Bella never hears of this. Deal?"

I laughed lowly, "That is a conversation I never plan on having."

Edward nodded and went into the bedroom.

The vent into their room allowed me to hear their conversation.

"I'm sorry about tonight. It's supposed to a family Christmas and fun, but Renee was rude and Charlie gave you that horrible gag gift." Bella sounded like she was trying to hold in a smile.

Edward just laughed.

"I can handle Renee not liking me, but you're Dad gets nothing but my respect. Besides, Christmas isn't until Friday. We can have a redo, just me and you."

I settled back into the couch and tuned out the rest of the conversation.

My daughter was happy, and honestly, that was all that mattered to me.

* * *

A/N:

Thanks so much for all the reviews on the epilogue! I'm so glad that you all loved this story. This outtake was first because it is the easiest to write.

Carlisle's outtake is emotional, and it's proving to be difficult to capture. I hope that you will like what I do with his background. That outtake should post next Monday. If there is anything else you'd like to see with these guys then let me know.

I'd love to write for you.

Thanks for reading! Now tell, how much do you love Charlie?


	31. Carlisle Outtake 1

Part I: How he met her

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

_Your fine charisma  
My charm and twisted energy  
And how they meet  
Is so perfect  
But the portrait is dangerous…_

_My damned soul needs fire  
My damsel breaths fire  
In a whisper and she cries…_

**_-_ Evans Blue: My Damsel: A Confession to An Adversary**

**.com/watch?v=HnIox8IQv40**

* * *

The bar was crowded, the music was loud, and the women were all gathered around _me_.

This was how I liked to spend my weekends.

During the week, I was nobody. I worked at a menial job, taking orders from higher-ups, and pushing paper. I didn't have family or friends. I was _forgettable_.

_I hated weekdays._

On the weekends, I was a God.

Women lined up around the stage and screamed _for me._ To them, I was Car, and I played my music or whatever they wanted me to sing.

Afterward, I would grab one girl and we would find a dark corner or empty stall, and I would be a very happy man.

_I loved the weekends. _

Tonight would be no different. I had just arrived and walked up to the bar, when I noticed a new girl standing there filling up a pitcher of beer.

She looked up and said, "One second, and I'll be right with you."

I nodded and looked her more closely.

She wasn't my type at all. She was shorter than what I was used to and little on the skinny side. She had brown hair, too. I didn't normally like brunettes, but she was really pretty.

_I might have to make an exception for her._

In my mind, I planned how to step out of my comfort zone and nail my first brunette. I smiled as I thought about it, and didn't notice when she returned to the bar.

"What can I get you?"

I looked up and all I saw was big, brown eyes. The kind you get lost in, the kind that I had never even paid attention to before.

She cleared her throat and gave me a curious look.

"Beer."

She nodded. "What kind. We've got a lot of beer."

"Bud?" It came out like a question.

The girl turned and went after my beer. I sat there dumbfounded.

_She was so beautiful. _

I started to wonder if I even had a shot of getting her after my show. I never wondered about getting the girl, they always came to me.

The girl brought me my beer, and I grabbed her wrist before she turned to go.

"So, what's your name, beautiful? I've never seen you here before."

She raised an eyebrow at me and pulled her arm away from my grasp.

"Well, _Car_, I've seen you, and I can most definitely tell you that I am not your type. Best if you go trolling through the blonde horde over there." She pointed to the group of girls nearest the stage.

I felt my cheeks heat up and was shocked that I even knew how to do that anymore.

"I want to talk to you, and I'd love to know what your name is. Do you think I've ever asked one of them that? That I was ever that interested?"

She gaped at me.

"That's why I'm not telling you my name." She shook her head. "Are you stupid? You don't tell a woman something like that, not if you're really interested. It might work on one of those girls, but I have brain cells, and you telling me that you've never asked for a girl's name before you've fucked them isn't a winning point with me. That just makes me think you have diseases."

She turned and walked quickly away from me.

I sat on my bar stool and felt completely ridiculous. The man sitting next to me just shook his head. I couldn't blame him.

For all the experience I had, I obviously had no experience when it came to talking to a woman.

I downed my beer and took the stage.

After my set, I walked down and into the mass of girls. I smiled and laughed and touched.

When I'd decided on the girl, I took her arm and lead her to the back of the bar. She was pretty, lots of make-up, and a shirt that was barely there.

We passed the brunette angel from before as we walked to the back.

All she did was smirk and shake her head.

That was the first night I actually thought about the consequences for my actions. It was the first night I asked a girl her name before I kissed her.

_Kate. _

* * *

The next two weekends were the same. I would see the waitress and she would shake her head. I didn't like how she treated me. It was like she thought she was better than me, and that just pissed me off.

That second Saturday night, I took two girls with me.

The following Thursday was just a really bad day.

My boss was on my back, and I had to come in on Saturday morning to finish up shit he was supposed to do.

I decided that I needed a beer, and I needed to start my weekend early.

The bar was quiet. There were no girls or crowds, but _she_ was there.

I walked up to the bar without her noticing. As my chair scrapped back, she looked up and smiled at me.

"The party doesn't start until tomorrow night, Car. Want to get a head start?" She filled a glass from the tap and sat it in front of me.

"No." I lied. "I just needed a break."

She didn't answer and went back to scrubbing glasses and arranging things behind the bar.

"Why won't you tell me your name?"

She glanced up and let out a breath.

"Honestly, I just didn't want you to try and hit on me. I've heard all about you, and I have no interest in seeing the inside of the men's restroom with you. Not all women fawn over the super cool rocker."

"So you won't tell me your name then?" I asked frustrated.

She rolled her eyes. "My name's Esme." She wiped off a glass. "Now you can die a happy man, you know the waitresses name that doesn't give you the time of day."

I just stared at her.

All brown hair and eyes, pretty tan skin, her modest t-shirt and jeans.

Then I thought about weekend me.

Tattered jeans, leather jacket, drunk, and whoring around.

No, she wouldn't want weekend me, but maybe, maybe she'd like _weekday_ me.

I brushed off my hand and reached it out.

"I'm Carlisle. It's very nice to meet you, Esme."

She smiled and shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you, too."

* * *

The next night was exactly the same as all the other weekends. I got drunk, I played, I grabbed a girl from the masses, and Esme watched.

The only thing that was different was I started to feel guilt and embarrassment as I walked out that night. I avoided Esme's eyes because, for some reason, what I had just done felt wrong.

* * *

Monday afternoon I went to the bar after work.

Esme was there just like I was expecting.

"So why do you work here?" I asked as I sipped on my beer.

She leaned against the bar and spoke, "Pays for school. And the hours aren't awful."

"You're in college?"

"Yep, just started my senior year." She looked at me. "What about you?"

I snorted. "I didn't finish college. I flunked out after my freshman year. Now I work at this ad agency, filling out paperwork all day."

Esme was quiet for a long time then asked, "How old are you, Carlisle?"

I cleared my throat. "I'm thirty."

She looked down at the bar and I held my beer tighter, but she didn't say anything.

She didn't tell me that I needed to grow up, she didn't tell me that I was useless, she didn't tell me all the things I already knew about myself.

* * *

I went back to the bar every afternoon after work.

I found out that she'd lived her whole life in Seattle, and that her dad was a mechanic and her mom had a little sewing business that she operated from home.

She was an only child and love brussel sprouts when she was a toddler. Her father told her she was always different growing up because of that. Not a bad different, but a good different. He taught her not to be like everyone else, and her mother told her to never get involved with a man who didn't know himself first.

The weekend after my afternoon chats with Esme was…_different._

I kept looking at her and smiling, but she'd only give me a tight lipped grin in return. She was nowhere near as friendly.

When I walked beside her to the back, with the typical blonde hanging off my arm, she sighed and looked defeated.

My breath caught and my chest ached.

_Why was I feeling this way? Esme was just a friend._

After the crowds had gone that night, I tried to talk to her, but she just shrugged me off.

That weekend I felt more guilt and confusion than ever before.

_Maybe she wasn't just a friend, after all._

* * *

I stopped in on Monday, but Esme wouldn't speak to me. I downed my beer and stomped out. I had too many emotions running through me, and I didn't know what to do.

Tuesday, she asked me about my day, and we talked about overbearing bosses. Esme was still tense and not nearly as snarky. I wanted the old Esme back.

By Wednesday, things were like normal, and I realized that I really liked Esme. She was funny. Against, my better judgment, I decided to act on my feelings. I wanted to keep Esme with me, even if I wasn't completely ready. I could try.

"So there's a movie thing happening tomorrow night," I said quietly. "Its old, black and white movies, I didn't know if that was your kind of thing, but I wanted to ask you to go with me."

She stared at me for a minute then said, "Alright. I'll go."

I felt my stomach clench, and I didn't know if it was because I was excited she said yes or the fact that I was scared of what it would mean to be with _only_ her.

* * *

I picked her up at her apartment the next night. I was dressed in my work clothes, so I looked like an adult.

I honestly didn't know what I was doing. Was this a date? Did I _want_ it to be a date? I started to get a little jittery as we drove to the cinema.

_Why did I ask her to go anywhere?_

"So what are they playing?" Her voice brought me back to present.

"Umm, 'The African Queen.'" I mumbled.

We were quiet again, as I pulled into a parking space. I knew my knuckles were white because of my grip on the wheel.

_Was I ready to give up my life for a girl?_

Her voice was resigned as she spoke, "Listen, Carlisle, we don't have to do this. I mean I don't expect anything of you, and if you don't want this to be a date then just take me home. I'm not going to be your little experiment in monogamy, okay?"

I jerked my head to look at her as the continued.

"In fact, I'm just going to get a cab. This was a really bad idea on my part."

She got out and walked to the curb, as she hailed a cab I ran over to her.

"I'm sorry." I breathed.

Esme just smiled, "It's just like momma said Carlisle. You need to find yourself then if you want, find me."

* * *

The weekend after our horrible first date was worse I'd ever been.

I couldn't even finish my set on Saturday night because my words were too slurred. The girls that night were identical. When I thought more about it the next day, I realized I had just been seeing double.

I didn't like the feeling in my chest. It hurt and felt like a constant pressure pushing against my lungs.

I was torn. I wanted to see where things would go with Esme, but at the same time, I really didn't think I was the type to settle down.

The following two weeks and weekends were just repeats of the others. I was in a cycle of self-destruction and I was about to lose. I didn't even go to the bar during the week to visit Esme after work. I couldn't make myself see her.

I had been lying on the cold tile of my bathroom when I heard a knock at my door. It wasn't a knock, it was a loud banging. I shook my head and tried to remember the day.

I was certain it was a Sunday.

As I stumbled down the hall to the door, I wondered who could be here. I never had any friends over or girls.

_I was alone. _

When I pulled back the door, I came face-to-face with a sad looking Esme. She pushed past me and into my apartment.

"How'd you know where I lived?" I asked as I stumbled into the living room.

"Bars keep records of their employees, Carlisle. I wanted to make sure you weren't dead. After all you drank last night, I was curious." Her tone was sharp.

I didn't like it, so I fired back. "I'm just finding myself, Esme. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

She hopped up from the couch then and said, "Well, I can guaren-fucking-tee you that he's not in the bottom of those glasses because I poured them myself. You need to stop this self-pitying shit, _Car._"

"You don't know a fucking thing about my life." I said petulantly as I sank into my recliner.

She shook her head, "I know that you're thirty years old and hate yourself. That you party your way through the weekend because you hate who you have to be during the week. I know you that you think it's so cool that you fuck around, but really it's disgusting. How do you think you're going to feel when you fall for someone then have to tell them that you spent a good ten years of your like fucking anything that walked next to you in a bar?"

She threw her hands up and choked out, "You seem like a decent guy, Carlisle, but I _hate_ Car. I won't sit around and watch this happen, and I'm not going to be your attempt at normal. I will not be a weekday girlfriend for you, and be invisible on the weekends.

"I know you've been avoiding me and that's fine. You're not ready for a relationship, but if you keep this shit up, then you can fucking forget it when you decided to be real boy, alright?"

Then she walked out of my apartment.

She didn't even slam the door.

* * *

A/N:

This is part I of III.

Part II will post tomorrow.

So tell me, was Carlisle who you thought he was?


	32. Carlisle Outtake 2

Part II: How he found himself

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

* * *

_Like Voices In The Rain  
Like A Song Without A Name  
Like Angel's Wings  
And Whisperings  
Of Love We Lost  
And Found Along The Way_

_-_Staind: Lost Along the Way

www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=1WYDw2lakRo

* * *

The week that followed Esme intervention, I stopped by the bar every afternoon to see her.

We talked.

We laughed.

Esme told me so much about herself and I was quiet, taking in everything she had to offer. In return, I spoke about my parents and told her that they'd died several years before, and that neither of them expected much from me. And even though my dad always tried to spend time with me, I'd pushed him away.

She never judged me.

When I arrived the bar Friday night, I walked straight to Esme. Something had happened to me over the past few days, and I wasn't sure what it was, but I saw only Esme now. I knew there were others around, but she was the person I was giving my attention to.

She was allowing me to have her attention, was more like it.

She glanced up at me and poured me a beer.

I held it and asked, "How was class today? Get your paper back yet?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. I got a B+. He's a real bastard."

I scratched the back of my head, and smiled. "I could take care of him for you. I've been known to make a mean spitball."

Esme shrugged and leaned against the bar. "I seriously doubt it would do me any good to piss off, Dick."

I nearly choked on my beer when I laughed at her.

"What? In my mind, his name's Dick. I called him Car for awhile, but it just didn't have the same ring." She quirked an eyebrow at me and smirked.

I sat down my beer and grabbed my guitar. "So what you're really saying is I'm not at the top of your shit list anymore?"

"Exactly." She nodded.

"Alright, I'll be worried when you start calling your teacher Car then."

That night I didn't speak to any of the "blonde horde" as Esme so affectionately called them. I finished my songs and then went to the bar and attempted to flirt with Esme until the place closed.

I walked her home that night with my arm around her shoulder.

The next night, I did the same thing.

* * *

The next two months passed in this fashion.

I went to the bar every afternoon after work and sat with Esme for a couple of hours then on the weekends I would play and only spend time with her, after the place closed I would walk her home, pulling her to my side.

I asked for her number after the first month, and called her and make sure she got home on weeknights and on Sundays we would have afternoon talk time.

I learned so much about her, and I realized that the ache in my chest was growing, but I didn't really know what it meant.

I finally found the courage to ask her out on a Wednesday afternoon, almost three months, after that disastrous first date attempt.

I took a deep breath and pulled the bar door open. Esme was up on stage trying to fix the wiring for the mics.

"Hey there, Es." I walked toward her and sat at the edge of the stage.

"Carlisle, fix this. I don't know what you do to these cords, but it makes my days hell trying to get them switched." She stood up and motioned to the wires.

After a few minutes of twining wires and re-plugging things in, I was finished.

"Thank you. I would have been here for hours and still probably would have messed it up." Esme leaned against my arm.

We didn't really have a lot of physical contact, other than after work when I'd walk her home. Sometimes she would touch my arm or hold my hand at the bar, but it never went further than friendly. I had been without any type of sexual contact from a woman in two months, and surprisingly it wasn't hard resisting the groupies.

I didn't want them anymore.

"So you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?" I cleared my throat.

"Yeah, I really do." She hadn't moved her head from my shoulder. "Will this work, Carlisle? I don't want you to get tired of this and have things go back to how they were."

I started to speak, but her whispered words stopped me.

"Am I enough for you?"

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer then leaned my forehead against her hair.

"You are," I spoke quietly.

In my mind, I was screaming. I knew that she was enough for me. I knew this because I couldn't even think of another woman, but what about my life before her. My weekend life minus the women.

_Could I still be Car and keep Esme?_

I wanted to play and have fun, but I wanted her, too.

I needed to balance the two.

I realized later just how much I was risking by not telling her my doubts.

I would lose her for good if I didn't figure it out.

* * *

Our date was simple.

Dinner and a movie.

Even I couldn't fuck this up, but I had never accounted for _other_ people.

Esme was dressed in a beautiful blue dress that fell to her knees and showed just a hint of cleavage. She also wore small black heels.

It was modest and sexy at the same time.

I dressed in slacks and nice button down. I didn't want to look like I was going out with a girl from the bar so the leather jacket got left at home in favor of a sharp, black blazer.

I helped her out of the cab, and walked to the restaurant doors. I had never eaten here before, but everyone at work said that it was delicious and perfect for a date.

Yes, I had branched out and asked a couple of married co-workers for date ideas. They must have done something right, they were married after all, or so that was my thinking.

"This is really great, Carlisle. I've always wanted to eat here, but it's a bit of a couples place. I didn't want to come here by myself, you know?"

I reached across the table for her hand and squeezed. "I'm glad I could bring you here."

We looked over our menu and a waitress had come over and asked for our drinks. I didn't look up as I asked for water.

_I would not be getting wasted tonight._

Esme asked quietly for the same. Her voice lacked the typical fire I was used to hearing.

I looked up and noticed she shook her head slightly before picking up her menu.

"Is everything all right?" I asked concerned.

She took a deep breath and forced a smile. "Yeah. It's nothing."

I nodded and watched as she picked the menu up and covered her face.

After a few minutes, the server was back and my water was placed in front of me.

"Would you like to start things off with an appetizer tonight, Car?"

My head snapped up as I took in the pretty, blonde girl in front of me.

For the life of me, I couldn't remember her.

I glanced as Esme and noticed she had her eyes locked on the menu, refusing to look up. My head turned back to the waitress.

"Um, no, thank you. I think we're ready to order though, right Esme?"

"Yes." Her voice was still soft, but clipped.

I quickly rattled off what I wanted and Esme followed. The blonde girl took our menus and leaned a little too close and touched my hand a little too long while doing it.

"If you need anything, Car, just ask for Emma." She winked and walked away with a distinct swing in her hips.

I fisted my hands under the table and tried desperately to think of something to say, but really, what could I say.

Esme had told me a long time ago I would regret the last few years, and she was right.

Still I felt like I should say something.

"I'm sorry about that." I looked back up at her, and though she looked a little sad, she seemed determined too.

"I know." She smiled a little more. "You're here with me, after all."

I reached for her hand again and looked into her eyes.

"I am. Only you."

The rest of dinner was uneventful. The waitress returned and would make small comments, but I never played along and by desert she realized it wasn't working.

We stepped out of the restaurant and on the sidewalk.

Without really thinking about it, I turned towards her and brought my free hand to cup her jaw, and then I leaned in slowly.

The kiss was soft and sweet. Her tongue ran along my bottom lip and I pulled her closer, deepening the kiss.

When we pulled back, Esme was smiling slightly and I was breathing a bit heavier.

It wasn't like any other kiss I'd had before.

_That's because you've never tried with anyone else_.

* * *

The next week, I walked Esme home from the bar every night. It was late when she got done at the bar, and I was tired at work, but I loved to spend time with her.

She was completely different from any other woman I'd met.

Esme was sweet and so smart. I knew without a doubt that she was going to do big things after she graduated.

It was Saturday night, and I had to work, play I mean, and I planned on inviting Esme back to my apartment after the show. Even though we'd limited our physical contact to chaste kisses, I didn't count out finally having that brunette on my list.

_Not that I still needed the list._

We walked away from the bar that night and Esme immediately agreed to come home with me. When we got into my apartment, I pushed her back against the door right as I heard the click of a lock.

Between kisses Esme managed to speak, "So this is what you wanted."

I broke away and leaned my forehead against hers. "No, I want you."

She brought her hand to me cheek and looked me in the eyes before she spoke, "Is there a difference?"

I thought about it, and even though I wasn't completely sure that I would always want _this_ type of relationship, I knew that Esme would always be different. She would never be like the others.

"You are the only one that's been different." I say truthfully and claim her lips again.

She didn't speak, just wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

Soon I'd picked her up, and she tangled her legs around my waist. I carried her toward the bedroom, and I realized just how different this was.

I've never brought anyone here, I've never shared my bed with anyone, I've leaned into a kiss this much.

_This is the first time you've tried_.

The voice taunted in the back of my mind, causing me to doubt the significance of this moment.

Still, I managed to lay her back on the bed without her noticing my hesitation.

I trailed my hands up her side and under her shirt, lifting it as I went. We broke the kiss as I pulled the cotton over her head.

I gazed down at her and she blushed, causing me to chuckle softly.

She wore a simple, white cotton bra. Nothing sexy, like most of the blonde horde wore, but on Esme this was…_alluring_.

I bent down and kissed the center of her chest and her breathing sped up again. I kissed from side to side and dragged my tongue along the top of her breasts.

Without asking, I slipped my hand behind her and unclasped the bra then flung it off the side of bed once it was loosened.

She hadn't spoken and I didn't make conversation.

_I never make conversation._

I took her in my hands and felt how soft and small she was. I brushed over her nipples and she gasped, before arching up into me.

_Not the type I usually go for, but this is an exception._

Leaning down, I licked and sucked on the sensitive flesh that was exposed to me and cupped her breasts in my hands. Her fingers were running through my hair and her breathy moans were urging me on.

I bit down lightly and she cried out.

"Carlisle."

My head snapped up at the name. It was the first time I'd been called that, in a moment of passion, in years. My eyes focused and my mind stopped, then I saw her face for the first time. I remembered the thoughts I'd be having since we'd started.

_She's not like them. _I thought as I leaned back toward her face. I took her lips with mine again, and paused briefly when she didn't return the kiss.

I leaned back and asked, "What's wrong, Es?" I hoped she hadn't noticed the slight reversal to Car.

"Do you want to do this, Carlisle? You seem like you're not with me at all." She covered up her chest with her arms.

I had made her feel embarrassed, I knew it. She was probably comparing what we'd been doing to the countless times she'd seen me led some girl to the back of the bar or outside. She wasn't like them and I knew it, but I also didn't know how to do this, so I told her so.

"I'm not sure…how to do it_, like this_. I've never been with a girl here or cared about one like I do for you. I'm nervous, and afraid I won't get it right."

She sat up, her arms still crossed over her breasts.

"Carlisle."

I looked up and she was biting her lip. "What do I do?" I asked, sounding desperate.

She dropped her arms and leaned forward.

"Kiss me."

Our lips met and this time, my mind was only on her.

Her skin that smelled and tasted like honeysuckle. Her small gasps and whimpered words.

I laid her back on the bed after we'd shed the rest of our clothes.

I would never forget how her brown hair had fanned out over my pillows or the flush of her cheeks.

"You're beautiful." I whispered as my eyes took her all in.

Esme smiled and pulled me down for another kiss.

My hands roamed over her body and I felt her grip on my hair tighten as I brought my hand to curve of her hip.

I continued kissing her as I moved my hand to touch the slick skin of her sex. I couldn't stop the groan that escaped me as I pushed a finger inside her.

"Don't tease me now, Carlisle. Get up here, I want you." She breathed and tugged on my shoulders. I pumped into her twice more before I pulled my hand back and moved up her body.

When I was positioned at her entrance, I leaned down and kissed her.

"You're sure?" I gasped as I felt the heat from her body against me.

She didn't answer, just wrapped her legs around my waist and lifted her hips up to mine. I slipped in a little and I dropped to my forearms, barely keeping my weight off of her.

"God. Give me a little warning." I laughed lowly, as I slid the rest of the way in.

Our moans matched as I held steady and took in the feeling of having her completely wrapped around me.

Warm. Wet. Her body molded to fit mine. It was amazing.

I pulled back and Esme gripped my shoulders and arch her body into me, trying to keep me close. I pushed into her harder and was rewarded with a sharp gasp.

It had been a long, long time since I'd had a woman in a bed. This wasn't how I usually did things, but I preferred this, I preferred Esme.

She was natural, and I could tell more than anything that she was enjoying herself. Her cries weren't exaggerated or forced. She wasn't trying to be sexy; she just was.

The way her eyes would scrunch when I hit a spot she really liked. The tilt of her chin when she leaned her head back. How she drug her tongue over her bottom lip, then bit down on it when I moved her legs to my shoulders. I especially loved how she gripped my wrist and tensed as I traced circles around her clit with my thumb.

The slow burn that I'd been feeling for months was starting to get too big to hold inside, and I wasn't going to last much longer.

"Oh God! Carlisle…" Esme threw her arms over her head and went completely still. I saw, I watched as her mouth opened and no sound came out, as her throat and the top of her chest flushed a light pink over her tan skin, and then I felt her muscles clamp down around me.

I was caught off guard by her climax and my thrusts became erratic as twitching of her walls brought that burning to a blaze.

I collapsed on top of her, breathing into her neck. She ran her fingers through my hair and let out a small giggle.

I tilted my head back to look at her.

"What's funny?" I breathed out.

Her eyes were twinkling and she had a very big smile on her face.

"You look amazed."

I rolled to her side and propped my head up on my hand. I thought about what she said.

I was amazed, I was relaxed, but I was also worried. I really liked Esme, on the verge of it might be love, but I didn't know if I wanted to change completely.

At that moment, all I knew was I wanted Esme and the rest of it would just fall into place…hopefully.

I pulled her to me.

"I feel stunned. That was the best experience of my life." I told her honestly.

She snuggled into my chest.

I was sure of one thing, Esme Platt was the only woman who would ever have me like this. If we could work then that was even better, if not…

I pulled her closer.

There were no 'if nots' tonight.

* * *

Okay, so that's Part II.

They are together, they are happy. More happy together time next chapter, before the end.

How do you like Carlisle now?


	33. Carlisle Outtake 3

Part III: How he lost it all

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

This is the end guys. You might not need the warning, but HF ahead.

* * *

_Missed my chance, lost my turn,  
My ship sank, I crashed and burned  
Broke your heart then I let my self  
down, Lost the fight, I lost the game,  
Now there's only me to blame,  
If you wander where I am check the  
lost and found_

_-_Randy Rogers Band: Lost & Found

www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=30UtwNrDXtE

* * *

_Our lives were simple and great. _

This was my first thought as Esme used her key to open the door to my apartment and walked in before me.

"Carlisle, you really should keep more here than beer and pretzels. It's like a bar, but convenient for passing out."

I snorted and walked behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"I like it. It's comforting. Besides, I can't cook."

She turned and brought her arms around my neck.

"Your comfort food is pretzels?" Esme rolled her eyes. "Even college students think that's sad."

I lips grazed her cheek gently. It had been two months since we'd made love, and there wasn't a moment that I didn't want to kiss her.

"Need I remind you that you have food here, too?" I asked, my chest clenched a little, and I moved on to a safer topic, "What's your comfort food then, college student?" I pulled her closer to me.

Esme lay her head on my chest and took a deep breath. _She was smelling me_. Last week, she'd let it slip that she thought I smelled good, and now she didn't even bother hiding her sniffs.

"If we're talking about a meal, my dad makes me best chicken and dumplings. If we are talking snack food, then I would say mint chocolate chip ice cream."

"The ice cream I can get. The other one, you'll have to call your dad about, sweetheart."

She turned from me and grabbed the bag of pretzels and went into my living room.

"Turn on the movie, Carlisle."

We had rented a VHS on the way back from dinner, and while I was glad to have Esme over, I really didn't plan on watching the movie. I mostly watched her.

It was quiet as the movie started, but Esme leaned into my side and I wrapped my arm around her. I didn't admit it, but I loved her smell too.

We must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, light was shining through the window and Esme lay on my chest.

I pushed some of her hair back and looked at her sleeping.

I was scared. I was so happy. I was nervous, but I was so sure of her.

I had never felt so conflicted in my life.

Right then her eyes opened, and I smiled.

"Morning," she muttered.

I placed my finger under her chin and raised her head to look at me.

"Good morning, Es."

She closed her eyes and smile slightly.

Without thinking, I leaned in and kissed her.

Soft, sweet, perfect. _Like always._

When we pulled back, her smile was so much bigger and she bit her bottom lip. Esme lay against me again, and I looked around.

My apartment wasn't my own anymore.

On one chair was Esme's backpack, her sweater was tossed over the side of the recliner. If you went into the kitchen, her favorite cereal would be beside mine. I knew that her toothbrush was in the cup in my bathroom.

I thought my chest was going to crack open with all the emotions going through me.

I cared for her, but I wasn't ready for this.

I knew that when I gave her a key two weeks ago, still I handed it over.

Esme brought my thoughts back to the present when she rubbed her cheek against my chest.

I knew that if I stopped now, it would hurt her, and I really didn't want to hurt her.

* * *

We had been dating, exclusively, for six months, and while I still felt anxiety when I saw her things scattered around my apartment, I was getting very good at pushing those feelings back.

She was also extremely good at reading me. Esme wouldn't push for things, and when she saw I was getting close to snapping she'd kiss my cheek and make an excuse to go back to her place.

I knew that the only reason I hadn't run sooner was because she could read me so well. It wasn't that I wanted to weekend Car back, but I just missed that freedom. Now my time was spent with Esme. I liked it, and we did have fun, but in the back of my mind, I was turning into the weekday guy that I'd always hated.

I wanted to be as adventurous as Car, but still keep Esme, and I had no idea how to do that.

I sat on my couch playing my guitar and trying to come up with a solution.

The past couple of weeks, I'd started to think that I loved Esme. I hadn't said it to her, and she hadn't spoken those words to me either, but mostly I thought it was because she knew I would freak out and break things off with her.

My past habits weren't the cause for this hesitation.

I had no desire for any of the groupies on the weekends. All my body wanted was Esme, and she gave me everything I asked for, so my motivation for being Car wasn't the endless supply of sex. With Esme, everything was heightened, and I knew that sex wouldn't be the same with any of those other girls anymore.

Still, Esme deserved a man that would know, without a doubt, that he loved her and that he wouldn't skip out on her.

I strummed a few notes and tried to calm down.

I needed balance, and I was so worried I wouldn't find it.

* * *

She came into my apartment in a tizzy. She was throwing her pull-over on the floor and her back pack against the wall.

She hadn't officially moved in, but she stayed at my apartment every night, and her things were all over the place. The feeling that I had at the beginning was still present, but I'd learned to ignore it. Esme was happy, and I didn't want to hurt her.

It wasn't like I didn't care about her, I was just afraid that I wouldn't want this forever.

"Carlisle, I need to tell you –slash—ask you something." She fell down beside me on the couch. "My dad and mom want to have dinner tomorrow night, and they'd like it if you came." When I didn't respond she added, "It's just that we've been together almost nine months, and they haven't even seen you. It's this or graduation next month."

I cleared my throat and tried to think of something to say. I didn't want to meet them, but how do you tell the one person you think you might love that you don't want to meet her parents? That you don't want to take that step?

"I'd love to." I answered, sounding as happy as I could manage.

Esme's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Absolutely, Es."

She jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly.

"I love you." She whispered.

I tried my best not to tense up, but I knew I'd failed when she pulled back.

"You don't have to say it back." She rushed out. "Meeting the parents is a big deal, and I know you might not love me right now, but you're trying, right?"

My chest constricted and just nodded.

* * *

"Carlisle, is okay if we just meet at the restaurant?" She walked out of my bedroom the next afternoon. "The dress I want to wear is at my apartment, so I'm going to get ready over there, alright?"

She must have noticed my tense disposition and decided to give me some time to myself because I knew for a fact that she'd planned on wearing slacks to dinner. She'd put her outfit together last night.

I didn't say that though, I just nodded before I walked over to her. I brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and kissed her sweetly. Savoring the feel of her lips and her taste.

"I'll meet you there." I gave her a hug, and she squeezed me tight and inhaled deeply.

Esme kissed me again and then turned to leave, before she got to the door I pulled her into my arms again and memorized everything I could, her smell, her taste, the feel of her body against mine.

"I'll see you soon, Esme."

She smiled and left.

I stood in the hall for a few minutes and rubbed the spot above my heart. Then I went to the bedroom.

Instead of picking out clothes for the dinner, I grabbed the suitcase from the top shelf and began to pack my clothes.

After Esme had fallen asleep last night, I came to the conclusion that I needed to leave. I needed to make sure that this is what I wanted, that this life would be enough for me.

I didn't tell her because I couldn't bear to see her cry, and even though it was selfish of me, I didn't want to say goodbye to her like that.

I shook my head and finished packing my things. I was going to Portland and stay in my parents home. It was the only thing I'd had from them, and I figured I would use it now.

Take some time, start over, and make sure this is what my life should be like.

I walked the bedside table and wrote a small note to Esme.

My eyes started to water a little, as I stared at the sheet of paper.

_What do you tell someone when you know you'll break their heart?_

I'm sorry. I tried.

I just need some time.

-Carlisle

I left her three sentences and my name. No promise of coming home or calling her. I didn't tell her where I was going.

I lay the paper on her pillow, grabbed my suitcase, and left my life behind.

* * *

I had been in Portland for a month before I went out to a bar to find work.

I quit my office job in Seattle, and I had enough money to pay for the utilities on the house without working right away. The money ran out though, so I started my second month in Portland working nights either playing or bartending.

It was just the same.

Loud music, crowded bar, lots of woman.

_I_ wasn't the same though.

It didn't hold the same appeal at all. None of the girls were that attractive and for every pair of blue or green eyes I saw, my mind flashed dark brown eyes and tan skin in my mind.

After my sets, I'd walk among them and talk briefly before I went to the bar to have a drink. As I lay in bed at night, the ache that had been present in my chest since I'd left Seattle, since I'd left Esme, burned.

This wasn't how I remembered things. I had fun before, I enjoyed my life. Now, there was something missing, and I was too stubborn to admit that it was her.

I hadn't been gone that long.

I needed more time. I needed to make sure.

The next month was just the same. It just didn't make me happy anymore.

I loved playing, but I didn't like being alone. I missed how Esme would make dinner for us or make fun of me for being cocky. These women that hit on me, they only complimented me, even when I was rude, and I seriously doubted that they could cook.

Esme was mysterious and modest. I missed modesty; I missed getting a little playful peak of cleavage, instead of the blatant display of breasts that I saw nightly.

It had been three months since I'd left, and I decided to go home.

In this time away, I realized three important things. The first was that Seattle was my home. The last two revolved around the girl, the beautiful, bashful, spitfire that had invited me into her life and changed me completely.

I was in love with Esme Platt, and I wanted to share a life with her.

* * *

I got into Seattle on a Monday morning. It was nice outside and the sun was shining.

I was nervous; I was excited, I was so sure of my feelings for her.

I only realized then that when I'd felt this earlier, when I'd first held her, it was love, _not_ indecision. I read it wrong because I didn't know what it was.

Now, I knew, and I needed to tell her. I would beg if I had to.

I walked up the steps to her apartment, and knocked lightly.

I waited for a minute, and then knocked again. It was fairly early, so I figured she could have been sleeping in.

I had been waiting for thirty minutes, when I had decided that she must have been at her parents or somewhere else…

_She wouldn't have found someone so soon, right?_

As I walked into the lobby, I noticed a woman standing in front of the building. She had dark brown hair and when she turned toward the door, I knew immediately that this was Esme's mom. I had seen her picture on Esme's walls.

Not really knowing how to find Esme, I walked toward her. I had no idea what to say or how to act, but I knew that she could tell me where to find Esme, and that's all I cared about.

She looked up at me with those same brown eyes when I got in her path.

"Excuse me." She tried to walk around me, but I moved.

"You're Esme's mom, right?" I tried to smile. I knew she didn't know who I was. How could she? I ran before I met her.

"Um, yes." She looked stricken for a moment then asked, "How did you know Esme?"

I opened my mouth and closed it twice. I really didn't know what to call myself or how to explain what Esme and I were to each other. I finally just said, "I'm Carlisle."

Mrs. Platt's eyes went wide and then she bit her bottom lip, _hard._

"We should go up to Mae's apartment and talk."

"I don't think she's home." I replied, but she just walked past me to the stairs.

I followed her silently, and she took out keys to open the door.

I walked into Esme's home for the first time in over three months.

"Have a seat, please."

I was thinking too hard to notice my surroundings, but I got to the couch and took a seat.

I started in immediately. "I know that I didn't make a good impression before, but I love Esme, and I want to make this up to her. I shouldn't have left like I did, and I should have called and talked to her. I handled it all wrong, and I'm sorry. I'm hoping that you'll tell me where she's at."

I looked at Esme's mom for the first time since I sat down. She had tears streaking down her cheeks.

A sense of dread worked its way up my spine, and I let out a shuttering breath as she spoke.

"While you were gone, there was an accident."

My jaw tightened, and I clenched my fists as she continued, "Esme and her father were on their way from Tacoma. They were visiting her grandmother. I had to stay for work, so I wasn't with them. I'm not completely sure what happened, but the police seem to think it was the rain. A car hydroplaned into their lane…"

I watched her mouth move. I heard noises, I'm sure they were words and supposed to make sense, but they didn't.

My chest collapsed, and I fought for breath. I looked at her mother and knew she was still speaking, "It was quick. They were both gone before the ambulances got there…"

There were more noises, but this time it sounded horrifying and loud, and I realized that I had started sobbing.

My body shook, and I wrapped my arms around myself.

Gone.

Gone.

_Gone._

"No. No." I repeated it over and over like it would reverse what had happened, like it would change what she was telling me.

She was crying silently, and I spoke before I knew what I was saying, "When?" Mrs. Platt was too calm; it must have been a weeks since Esme had…

I couldn't think the word.

"The accident was three weeks ago." She was trying to pull herself together.

I jumped off the couch.

I wanted to come home then. I should have come home. I made myself stay there. I told myself I needed more time.

I paced for a long time, and when I couldn't stand, I walked myself to Esme's room and planned to lie on the bed, but the room was empty.

That's when I really looked around. Everything was gone, everything but the couch and the TV. There were a few boxes lining the hall.

I talked with Mrs. Platt long enough to find out where Esme was and turned to leave.

"Carlisle." I stopped and turned towards her. I was still crying, but I reined in my noises. I have a feeling that I would be crying for a long time. "I found this on her desk." She reached in her purse and held out an envelope. "It has your name on it."

I took it and held it tightly to my chest.

"I'm sorry." I choked out.

She nodded and I left.

I walked through a park, across a street, and beside a church before I found where she was.

As I traced her name on the granite, I remembered her letter. I opened it and read.

**Carlisle-**

**You're gone. I'm not sure when you'll come back or even if you will, but I want you to know that it's okay.**

**I never expected you to stay for long, and I never wanted to force you into something you didn't want. I didn't push you because I knew you would leave sooner. I guess it was selfish of me, but I really do love you, and any time was better than no time at all. Still, I hope you find what you are missing, even if it's not me.**

**The last few months were wonderful, and I'll always hold them close to my heart. Even if you never come back, you'll still be the first man I ever really loved. **

**Despite everything, how we met, how you were before, how you left, I think I should tell you that I've never thought you weren't good inside.**

**You are a good man. You're conceited as hell, but you are truly good. I'm happy that I had the time with you that I did, and I'm not bitter about it. I hope you come back though.**

**If you do come home to me, I'll probably slap you or try and kick you in the balls because you shouldn't have left how you did, but when you come back I will welcome you with open arms.**

**I know this is stupid, writing you a letter that you'll never read, but it kind of feels like you are hearing me when I write, even if you're not here. Like I'm getting my piece out.**

**So I'll tell you this again, find yourself then please, find me.**

**All my love, **

**Esme**

I choked back a sob and leaned my head against the cool stone.

"I found me, but without you, it doesn't matter."

I trailed my hand over the grooves and I lay on the ground beside her.

"I found you." I whispered again as I closed my eyes. The pain took over then, but before I was finally granted with blackness, I realized that I'd never told her I loved her and I'd never get the chance.

* * *

19 years later

I made sure the letter was tucked safely in the water tight baggy before zipping into my inside jacket pocket. I was tremendously careful with it. I only opened it to look at the words once a year the rest of the time it was hidden away, so it wouldn't tear or rip. I had it memorized anyway, so looking at the words wasn't necessary. Seeing _her_ handwriting was.

A gust of cold air made me wrap my arms tightly around my stomach. It was getting colder and Seattle was harsh, but I stayed outside.

_The only person that ever made me feel at home was placed outside, so why shouldn't I be there as well?_

I noticed a neon sign up ahead, and decided to duck in for a few minutes. I'd probably get kicked out within the hour, but it would be worth it to get warm again.

I chose a corner booth that was partially hidden in shadows. The less noticeable I was, the smaller the chance I'd get kicked out.

I started to nod off when a soft voice brought me back.

"Can I get you anything?"

I looked up and all I saw were brown eyes. For a moment, I'd thought I'd died and was seeing Esme again, but when I really looked at this girl, I saw the differences.

Still, they were comforting, those brown eyes.

"No, thank you." I shook my head and looked at the table.

"Alright, but if you need anything just call me over. I'm Bella." She turned and walked away.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat as my thoughts took me back in time to place where I was happy.

A few minutes went by and I heard something get placed on the table. When I looked up, I saw the girl from before, Bella.

"It's just water and some peanuts. You're here so you might as well look busy, you know? Hiding like this just makes you seem really obvious."

I laughed. For the first time in years, I laughed.

She was kind and had a big heart. She was also so beautiful, and I thought that if I'd stayed with Esme, that if she were alive, Bella could have been our daughter. I would have wanted our children to look like Esme.

I shook my head and took a sip of my water.

"Thank you, Bella."

She smiled and before she turned to leave I stuck out my hand.

"I'm Carlisle."

* * *

So how'd you like the look at how Car became Carlisle? I'd love to hear your thoughts. As of right now, I don't have any other outtakes planned, but if there was something you'd like to see them feel to free to ask.

Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I never thought I'd have as many reviews as I have, so it really means a lot that you enjoyed the story enough to tell me your favorite parts or that it was a good chapter.

Thank you to Ebalways who rec'd me on the last chapter of The Hostage. It's a great fic and she's a really wonderful writer and friend. If you're not reading, you should go check it out!

Thank you again!


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